Author's Note: Well, no action in this one, just angst. Personally, I think this fic is much better than my other one, Twin Dragon Arc, I like depressing stories more for some reason. Anyway, let's just get on with the show.
Chapter 5: My Lover, My Brother
A few hours later, we held a tiny funeral for Shinji, it would be the first of many that I would attend. In the very spot where he died, we all stood in a circle, around his body as it lay inside a large pine crate. The corpse was engulfed by the pine thankfully, preventing tears from escaping from my eyes if I were to see his face again. I was in the front row of the mourners, I chose to stand there, he died for my sake, it was the least I could do. To my side, Kenshin stood, a stern look on his face. I knew he wanted to cry, I saw it in his eyes, the clear liquid just couldn't escape. I offered him my right hand, he took it into his left, gripping it tightly, very firm, you couldn't pull the two of us apart even if you had all the people on the world tugging at us from both ends. The grip must have prevented the tears from falling, it did for me. Katsura took to the front and begun a small prayer, a prayer I could not hear for I was recalling the event over and over again.
"Mina-chan, run!" his words continued running through my mind.
"I didn't run," I told myself, "I couldn't run, I can never run. I had to fight," I spoke to the crate that held Shinji, "if I had not fought, you would not have been avenged. You died because of me, Shinji-san," my grip on Kenshin's hand tightened, "if only we had not succumbed to hunger, you would not have ended up like this, but you're gone now, because of my stupid suggestion!" the tears suddenly broke out of their invisible seal, streaking down my cheeks.
"Mina-dono," Kenshin turned to me, wiping the tears from my face with his free hand, "crying doesn't befit a woman such as yourself, that it doesn't, so smile. I'm sure Shinji-dono would have wanted to see your smile instead of your tears in an occasion like this."
"How would you know?" I sniffled as I gazed back into my own pitiful reflection from Kenshin's lavender eyes.
"When I brought you here the other night," Kenshin turned back to Shinji's coffin, "Shinji-dono had stopped me after I placed your bowl into the kitchen sink. He asked me in these exact words, 'Who's that beautiful girl you brought with you, Himura-san?', and I answered, 'That beautiful girl is tracing down the one on the other end of the Red String.' Mina-dono, I believe Shinji-dono had fallen in love with you at first sight, that I do. In fact, yesterday before you awakened, he asked if he could help with your training. After you defeated me, I don't think you noticed the way he looked at you as you left the area, I could see those calf eyes staring directly at you, those eyes left unblinking. I chose Shinji-dono to guard you earlier so that you two may get closer together, and if my actions lead to this incident, I apologize."
Shinji cared for me, that kind of explained why he left me his tobacco pipe. It looked somewhat expensive, a nice smooth black tube with gold laced on the thin and thick parts of the pipe. To be honest, I really didn't feeling anything for Shinji, maybe a feeling of friendship, but nothing more. Kenshin had brought up the Red String when he spoke with Shinji, and he was right, I was tracing down the one on the other end, and it wasn't Shinji, much to his dismay.
"Kenshin, why can't you see that you're the one on the other end of the string?" I tried to ask, but the words just never came.
There was no doubt in my mind back then that Kenshin was the one who shares the Red String with me. I guess he just couldn't see that, he just couldn't see the love I had for him. I can't blame him, in a time such as then, who couldn't think about the violence that occurred everyday.
The ceremony was over before I knew it, the crowd slowly began to break as Kenshin and I remained still, standing in the same spot when the funeral took place.
"Mina-dono," Kenshin suddenly blurted, "in honor of Shinji-dono's death, I will be the one to protect you in his place."
"Kenshin, I...," I stood there, my arm now wrapped around his, "I would be proud to have you as my new guardian, although...," my voice began to trail away.
"Although what?" Kenshin asked, his eyes peered back into mine.
"Can you stop calling me 'Mina-dono'," I asked, my arm scratching an itch around my arm that never existed, "it makes me seem like I'm an old woman."
"Oh, gomen," Kenshin broke out one of his trademark smiles, "I'll do that, Mina."
Those words weren't the ones I really wanted to say, they just came out from the back of my mind. What I really wanted to say was something like "Kenshin, I love you" or "although you are my guardian, could you also be the one who will spend the rest of your life with me?" The words never came, I just don't know why. Perhaps it was because I was shy, or maybe I was scared of rejection, I was just killing myself, little by little by not telling him how I felt, and it still kills me in the present.
The rest of the day was slow just as the last. I had to work in the inn again, despite the events that had happened. Everyone had returned to their duties as if Shinji's death never occurred. I couldn't see how everyone could just forget about another within seconds, I just didn't comprehend that back then. As I swept the floors, arranged the flowers, and scrubbed the walls, I still saw Shinji's death play in my mind. The memory just wouldn't erase itself as it did with everyone else. I continued to blame myself for his death each time I saw the re-enactment. The blaming first began with a cry inside my head, then a whisper, and finally, a scream.
"IT'S MY FAULT!" I screamed, bringing all the activities in the area to a halt.
Again I had become the center of attention, all those blank eyes staring into mine. The tears came once more, I just couldn't deal with it. I broke down again, only this time, my cries were widely heard as I sunk to the hard wood floor.
"Mina, are you okay?" Kenshin had come to my aid again, his hand perched atop my shoulder.
"Himura-kun, take her back to her room," I heard Katsura order.
"Hai," I heard before I found myself being carried back to my room.
"Kenshin, it's all my fault," I repeated as we went up the steps, "it's because of my stupid suggestion that Shinji was killed."
"Mina, stop blaming yourself," Kenshin tried to soothe me with his words, sliding the sakura blossom door to our room as he did so, "I'm sure that..."
"Sure of what?!" I pushed myself out of his arms, causing another eruption of tears to fall. "How would you be sure of how he would have felt, how he would have reacted?! You don't know anything, Kenshin, all you can do is make stupid predications that you think that person felt, you base it all on how they acted when they were alive, but even that doesn't give enough basis on your goddamn predictions!"
It hurt me when I yelled at him, but it hurt me even more that he still didn't know how I felt. It felt nice when he said he would be my guardian earlier that day, but it still didn't make up for the fact he had basically nothing to base his predictions on. Kenshin, that moron, what did he know? I thought that his predictions were nothing but things to make others feel better, yet later in life, I would learn their true meaning.
Kenshin was silent after I had said those words. His violet eyes turned to the floor as a frown fell onto his face. I can tell he was saddened by my words, yet I still stood there, still angry. My fingers balled into fists, my chest heaving back and forth due to my yelling, the tears were there again, locked away inside my eyes, or perhaps locked due to my teeth being bared. I was very angry at him, and at myself. After a few seconds of trying to regain my breath, I broke the silence with a stomp, breaking him out of his sorry state.
"What are you doing?" Kenshin asked after as I took to the side of our room, collecting all my belongings and stuffing them into my bag.
"What does it look like," I growled as I stuffed one of my kimonos into the bag, "I'm packing my stuff so I can get the hell outta here!"
"Where are you going?" Kenshin asked, giving me a worried look on his face. "You're not serious, are you?"
"I'm afraid so," I took up my bags, still angered, "although I don't exactly know where I'm going. Maybe Shanghai, they're not feeling the effects of this war," I spat as I walked toward the door.
"You can't go," Kenshin tried to stop me, following my path as I tried to leave the door, "please reconsider."
"I've overstayed my welcome, have I not?" I explained, a little cooled down, but still answering with a growl. "Well I guess this is good-bye. Thanks for everything, Kenshin!" I grunted, continuing to head out the door.
"Mina, wait!" Kenshin planted himself in front of the door, creating a barrier with his arms. "I can't let my little sister go anywhere, you belong here with me."
"A sister, is that all I meant to him?" I asked myself, my words coming from my mind instead of my mouth.
"But I've just been a burden to you these past days," I calmed down a little more, but I had not lost that feeling of leaving.
"No, you haven't," Kenshin shook his head, "you've just been getting settled in. This is your home, Mina."
"My home...," the words raced through my head, "how can this be my home if I've only lived here for only three days, I don't even know half the people who also live in this 'home', and yet..."
"...Do you mean that?" I began to reconsider.
"Weeks before I met you, I lost someone dear to me," Kenshin admitted, liquid suddenly dripping from his usually cheerful eyes, "and I don't want that to happen again. You are Himura Mina, my younger sister, and as your older brother, I can't allow you to leave."
Himura Mina, that was the first time I would be called that name. My older brother was to be Kenshin, the man I loved. I asked myself if I would be able to live with him only to be loved as a sister and nothing more.
"Could I live with that?" I asked myself under my own breath. "Could I live being his sister and nothing more? Can I only love him as a sister would her brother? What choice do I have?"
"...Brother," I dropped my bags, wrapping my arms around my new family.
"Welcome home, Sister," Kenshin wrapped his arms around me.
To love me as sister, and to love him as a brother, I could live with that, yet in relationships such as this, this sibling love may even evolve into true love. Fate always has an odd way of coming up top, and no matter how long it takes, Fate will catch up with us, Fate will keep us bounded together.
"Brother Kenshin...," I cried, my face planted on his shoulder, "I...I love you...," I said under my breath.
Chapter 5 Liner Notes
(There's nothing to explain, so let's just get on with the story.)
(Next time: "Despite what I feel, she continues to bite deeper into the crimson fruit, drenching her soul with the bitter nectar. She bites again, her body becoming suddenly paralyzed into stone. I cannot help her, only she can break free from this curse..." -Himura Kenshin)
Author's Note: And this is how Mina adopts the Himura name, I couldn't really expand on it in 'Twin Dragon Arc', but 'Crimson String' allows me to fill all the holes and stuff. Anyway, be so kind an leave me a review, not a flame please. Oh, and I'll gladly take recommendations for future story events, as long as it doesn't change what I have planned for later chapters. And if there's any questions that were left in 'Twin Dragon Arc', ask the questions here, I'll answer them via e-mail or during later chapters.