'I wish I knew how to land this thing...' Severus was thinking as he
almost crashed into a taxicab. After moments of looking aimlessly for some
kind of 'off' button, he decided he was going to do what he REALLY wanted
to... crash landing.
Severus skimmed the city for a nice, open place to crash. 'That big tree looks pretty cozy.' Severus though as he turned around the helicopter and flew towards the tree. The anticipation grew unbearable: finally, Severus would be able to cause some mischief! But then, the helicopter just landed.
It was really bizarre, and really unexpected, but whatever Severus did, he did it right, and he was now resting on the ice skating rink, surrounded by confused tourists.
"DAMN IT!" Severus yelled. "WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?"
Severus began pulling out his hair, when a familiar voice called out his name.
"Snape?" Sirius came running down the rink, miraculously not falling or sliding into anything or anyone.
"What do you want, Black?" Severus asked. "Can't you see I'm mourning the perfect landing of my heci-lopter?"
"Um..." Black tried to think of something in response. "Right. Anyway- Have you found Annie?"
"Obviously not." Snape snapped. "And I take it neither have you. You wasn't at a single airport?"
"Nope."
"Did you check them all?"
"Yep."
"Black," Snape said suspiciously, "Empty your pockets."
Reluctantly, Sirius emptied the contents of his one center pocket: a bunch of squished up Galleons.
"You tried to put them into a vending machine again, didn't you?"
~*~
"Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, dirty little birdie feet-..." Gilderoy sang at the top of his lungs.
By now, everyone in the bus had moved as far away from Gilderoy and Remus as humanly possible, and even the bus driver was starting to look like he was going to go into conniptions.
"French fried eye balls, floating in a bowl of snot-..."
The bus came to a screeching halt. Gilderoy's face flew up against the seat in front of him. His crushing nose made a "squeak" sound.
"THAT'S IT!" The bus driver yelled, opened the bus doors. "GET OUT BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!"
"But I haven't finished the song yet!" Gilderoy whined.
"You can finish it outside, Gilderoy." Remus replied, pushing Gilderoy out of the bus. As the bus drove away, Remus could vaguely hear the sound of cheering bus occupants.
"Now what?" Remus asked himself.
"Ooh!" Gilderoy said, pointing up at a giant Christmas tree. "Just like the one in that movie about that guy who tried to steal that holiday."
"How The Grinch Stole Christmas?" Remus asked.
"No..." Gilderoy replied. "The one with the muffins."
Remus decided not to kindle the flame of Gilderoy's 'muffin' story, mostly because it was not a real thing: only the spawn of an idiot who sat in front of the microwave one too many times.
"MOONY!" Sirius's voice called to Remus. Remus turned in time to see Sirius standing next to a helicopter, complete with Snape in the cockpit trying to steer the thing into a wall.
"Any luck?" Remus asked as he walked towards them, dragging Gilderoy behind him.
"Nope." Sirius replied. "I broke every vending machine in every airport in New York, though!"
"Kudos." Remus said sarcastically. "I'm glad you're so absorbed in your mission."
"I hate you all so much." Severus was muttering silently as he banged his head against the helicopter stick. "I wonder if this helicopter could go in reverse and- Is that Andromeda?"
Remus and Sirius swung around and saw Andromeda and Ramar Raven standing up above the skating rink.
"I reckon she's not about to come willingly." Sirius said.
"Oh, I have everything figured out." Snape said, pulling out a potato sack with the words 'potatoes' crossed out and replaced with the crudely written legend, 'kidnapping bag.'
~*~
As Sirius, Severus, Remus and Gilderoy ran back to the hotel, carting along the kidnapping bag, muffled screams could be heard blocks away.
"You know this is illegal, don't you?" Andromeda's muffled voice yelled.
"What?" Severus asked.
"KIDNAPPING!" Andromeda replied, kicking the inside of the bag. "And WAND PROOFING IT!" She added, as the spell she just tried bounced off the bag.
Severus smirked.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO ARE LETTING HIM DO THIS!" She yelled, directing the comment to Sirius and Remus, who bit their lips nervously, anticipating the havoc that would break loose when Andromeda was released.
"I'll let you go under one condition." Severus replied, holding the bag away from him so Andromeda's flaying arms wouldn't hit him. "You have to help me deal with the SSS."
~*~
The SSS was a rowdy group. From all over the world, the girls sat in great huddles and anticipated ever subject of the meeting, such as Top Ten lists and various encounters with Professor Snape himself.
"So, anyway," The SSS girl named Jackie was going on, "During a potions class, I could have sworn I saw in his desk-..."
The main doors of the room swung open with a clunk, and in walked Severus Snape, accompanied by a roughed-up looking Andromeda Stone, and a sheepish Remus and Sirius.
"I want to be a sheep too!" Gilderoy told the author.
Ok. Gilderoy is a sheep too.
"Thank you." Said Gilderoy.
The screaming in the room was that of which only dogs could hear.
"Professor Snape, can I have your autograph?" "Professor Snape, are you single?"
They were all rumbling towards him, holding out pens and papers, throwing under-things at him and one of them was breaking out into show-tunes. (There's one in every family.) But with a calm flick of his wrist, and an uttered "Ricusemptrum", all the girls flew across the room and into an unconscious heap.
"Good." Severus said. "That wasn't so hard. No we'll just erase their memories, and-..."
"Not so fast!" A familiar woman's voice echoed through the hall. Everyone turned to see someone no one thought had anything to do with this mess.
~*~ COMMERCIAL BREAK! ~*~
"Gloria?" Remus exclaimed.
The voice was indeed Gloria's and the body that produced it soon apperated to the area right in front of our heroes.
"Yes, Gloria!" Gloria exclaimed. "I am the leader of all the SSS!"
(Insert thunder and lightning here)
"Wait, wait, wait..." Andromeda began. "I thought you loved Remus, but dumped him for Gilderoy."
"I do love Gilderoy." Gloria admitted. "Actually, I loved Snape until I met Gilderoy."
"So if you don't love Snape anymore, why stand in our way?" Sirius asked.
"Because..." Gloria stuttered. "Oh, just shut up, and prepare to die, etceteras."
"This is just stupid." Andromeda whispered. "On three, ricusemptra. One, two..."
"RICUSEMPTRA!" Everyone yelled.
"PIGGLY WIGGLY!" Gilderoy yelled.
Gloria flew back and landed on the pile of unconscious SSS members.
"That was pointless." Sirius commented.
After Remus had completed a proper memory eraser charm, the group made their way back into the lobby.
"I'm sorry I lied to you about who I was." Andromeda told Severus when they were back in their room. "Even though I don't blame you if you hate me."
"Don't be silly, Andromeda." Severus replied. "I've ALWAYS hated you."
~*~
Life at Hogwarts was back to normal again. Severus and Andromeda returned realizing that they hadn't left a sub for their classes, and everyone was searching for them under the belief that Voldemort kidnaped them. Oops.
"I'm glad we're back." Andromeda said, after a particularly ignorant potions class.
"And no more SSS to deal with." Severus added. "What's that?"
Severus pointed to a pink slip of paper that was left by a student in the last class. He walked over and picked it up. "Oh no." he muttered.
"What?" Andromeda asked, a bit worried.
"It says AAA." Severus said. "The Andromeda Assault Association."
THE END
~*~
Yay! I hoped you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Special thanks to the people that have stuck with me since day one of fic one. If you like the Andromeda and Snape stories, there's a sequel to this one entitled "Snape's Stupefying Sequence" (I like S's) in which Snape and Stone are hired to keep Gilderoy away from the war against Voldemort so he won't screw anything up. It's the usual psycho-humour. Thanks! -Jerri
Severus skimmed the city for a nice, open place to crash. 'That big tree looks pretty cozy.' Severus though as he turned around the helicopter and flew towards the tree. The anticipation grew unbearable: finally, Severus would be able to cause some mischief! But then, the helicopter just landed.
It was really bizarre, and really unexpected, but whatever Severus did, he did it right, and he was now resting on the ice skating rink, surrounded by confused tourists.
"DAMN IT!" Severus yelled. "WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?"
Severus began pulling out his hair, when a familiar voice called out his name.
"Snape?" Sirius came running down the rink, miraculously not falling or sliding into anything or anyone.
"What do you want, Black?" Severus asked. "Can't you see I'm mourning the perfect landing of my heci-lopter?"
"Um..." Black tried to think of something in response. "Right. Anyway- Have you found Annie?"
"Obviously not." Snape snapped. "And I take it neither have you. You wasn't at a single airport?"
"Nope."
"Did you check them all?"
"Yep."
"Black," Snape said suspiciously, "Empty your pockets."
Reluctantly, Sirius emptied the contents of his one center pocket: a bunch of squished up Galleons.
"You tried to put them into a vending machine again, didn't you?"
~*~
"Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, dirty little birdie feet-..." Gilderoy sang at the top of his lungs.
By now, everyone in the bus had moved as far away from Gilderoy and Remus as humanly possible, and even the bus driver was starting to look like he was going to go into conniptions.
"French fried eye balls, floating in a bowl of snot-..."
The bus came to a screeching halt. Gilderoy's face flew up against the seat in front of him. His crushing nose made a "squeak" sound.
"THAT'S IT!" The bus driver yelled, opened the bus doors. "GET OUT BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!"
"But I haven't finished the song yet!" Gilderoy whined.
"You can finish it outside, Gilderoy." Remus replied, pushing Gilderoy out of the bus. As the bus drove away, Remus could vaguely hear the sound of cheering bus occupants.
"Now what?" Remus asked himself.
"Ooh!" Gilderoy said, pointing up at a giant Christmas tree. "Just like the one in that movie about that guy who tried to steal that holiday."
"How The Grinch Stole Christmas?" Remus asked.
"No..." Gilderoy replied. "The one with the muffins."
Remus decided not to kindle the flame of Gilderoy's 'muffin' story, mostly because it was not a real thing: only the spawn of an idiot who sat in front of the microwave one too many times.
"MOONY!" Sirius's voice called to Remus. Remus turned in time to see Sirius standing next to a helicopter, complete with Snape in the cockpit trying to steer the thing into a wall.
"Any luck?" Remus asked as he walked towards them, dragging Gilderoy behind him.
"Nope." Sirius replied. "I broke every vending machine in every airport in New York, though!"
"Kudos." Remus said sarcastically. "I'm glad you're so absorbed in your mission."
"I hate you all so much." Severus was muttering silently as he banged his head against the helicopter stick. "I wonder if this helicopter could go in reverse and- Is that Andromeda?"
Remus and Sirius swung around and saw Andromeda and Ramar Raven standing up above the skating rink.
"I reckon she's not about to come willingly." Sirius said.
"Oh, I have everything figured out." Snape said, pulling out a potato sack with the words 'potatoes' crossed out and replaced with the crudely written legend, 'kidnapping bag.'
~*~
As Sirius, Severus, Remus and Gilderoy ran back to the hotel, carting along the kidnapping bag, muffled screams could be heard blocks away.
"You know this is illegal, don't you?" Andromeda's muffled voice yelled.
"What?" Severus asked.
"KIDNAPPING!" Andromeda replied, kicking the inside of the bag. "And WAND PROOFING IT!" She added, as the spell she just tried bounced off the bag.
Severus smirked.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO ARE LETTING HIM DO THIS!" She yelled, directing the comment to Sirius and Remus, who bit their lips nervously, anticipating the havoc that would break loose when Andromeda was released.
"I'll let you go under one condition." Severus replied, holding the bag away from him so Andromeda's flaying arms wouldn't hit him. "You have to help me deal with the SSS."
~*~
The SSS was a rowdy group. From all over the world, the girls sat in great huddles and anticipated ever subject of the meeting, such as Top Ten lists and various encounters with Professor Snape himself.
"So, anyway," The SSS girl named Jackie was going on, "During a potions class, I could have sworn I saw in his desk-..."
The main doors of the room swung open with a clunk, and in walked Severus Snape, accompanied by a roughed-up looking Andromeda Stone, and a sheepish Remus and Sirius.
"I want to be a sheep too!" Gilderoy told the author.
Ok. Gilderoy is a sheep too.
"Thank you." Said Gilderoy.
The screaming in the room was that of which only dogs could hear.
"Professor Snape, can I have your autograph?" "Professor Snape, are you single?"
They were all rumbling towards him, holding out pens and papers, throwing under-things at him and one of them was breaking out into show-tunes. (There's one in every family.) But with a calm flick of his wrist, and an uttered "Ricusemptrum", all the girls flew across the room and into an unconscious heap.
"Good." Severus said. "That wasn't so hard. No we'll just erase their memories, and-..."
"Not so fast!" A familiar woman's voice echoed through the hall. Everyone turned to see someone no one thought had anything to do with this mess.
~*~ COMMERCIAL BREAK! ~*~
"Gloria?" Remus exclaimed.
The voice was indeed Gloria's and the body that produced it soon apperated to the area right in front of our heroes.
"Yes, Gloria!" Gloria exclaimed. "I am the leader of all the SSS!"
(Insert thunder and lightning here)
"Wait, wait, wait..." Andromeda began. "I thought you loved Remus, but dumped him for Gilderoy."
"I do love Gilderoy." Gloria admitted. "Actually, I loved Snape until I met Gilderoy."
"So if you don't love Snape anymore, why stand in our way?" Sirius asked.
"Because..." Gloria stuttered. "Oh, just shut up, and prepare to die, etceteras."
"This is just stupid." Andromeda whispered. "On three, ricusemptra. One, two..."
"RICUSEMPTRA!" Everyone yelled.
"PIGGLY WIGGLY!" Gilderoy yelled.
Gloria flew back and landed on the pile of unconscious SSS members.
"That was pointless." Sirius commented.
After Remus had completed a proper memory eraser charm, the group made their way back into the lobby.
"I'm sorry I lied to you about who I was." Andromeda told Severus when they were back in their room. "Even though I don't blame you if you hate me."
"Don't be silly, Andromeda." Severus replied. "I've ALWAYS hated you."
~*~
Life at Hogwarts was back to normal again. Severus and Andromeda returned realizing that they hadn't left a sub for their classes, and everyone was searching for them under the belief that Voldemort kidnaped them. Oops.
"I'm glad we're back." Andromeda said, after a particularly ignorant potions class.
"And no more SSS to deal with." Severus added. "What's that?"
Severus pointed to a pink slip of paper that was left by a student in the last class. He walked over and picked it up. "Oh no." he muttered.
"What?" Andromeda asked, a bit worried.
"It says AAA." Severus said. "The Andromeda Assault Association."
THE END
~*~
Yay! I hoped you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Special thanks to the people that have stuck with me since day one of fic one. If you like the Andromeda and Snape stories, there's a sequel to this one entitled "Snape's Stupefying Sequence" (I like S's) in which Snape and Stone are hired to keep Gilderoy away from the war against Voldemort so he won't screw anything up. It's the usual psycho-humour. Thanks! -Jerri