Jowell started his questioning politely, even sympathetically. But it was obvious Dr. Jackson didn't buy this, and as the line of questioning headed towards Jowell's objective, Jackson's gaze became harder.
Jowell finally asked the question.
"Did you have romantic feelings for Dr. Carter?"
"No, never. And she preferred Major to Dr."
"We've been told the two of you were close.".
"But not in the way you're implying. We were close friends, yes. I considered her a sister, and she felt the same way.".
I leaned forward, ready to add my contribution.
"Dr. Jackson," I said quietly, "by all reports, Major Carter was an intelligent, beautiful woman. From what we hear, half the base was a little in love with her. Are you saying you never felt that way about her, being so close to her day after day?"
He was quiet for a moment, obviously playing back moments in their relationship in his mind. Then he sighed heavily, removed his glasses, and told me,
"I can't really deny it, if I'm completely truthful. There were times, the occasional moment, when I thought...imagined. You have to understand that there were times in my life when she was the only bright thing in my life. And I know that there have been times, one of them not so long ago, when I know she leaned on me, depended on me to support through the bad times. And I did. How can I have not loved her at those times?
But I would never....I know she would never feel that way towards me. And our friendship is so precious that I would not risk it.".
I was silent for a moment, moved by his declaration. Then Jowell said, "How did you know she didn't feel that way about you?"
Daniel Jackson smiled gently.
"Because from the moment she walked onto this base, it was always her and Jack.".
****
JACK
"From the moment she walked onto this base, it was always her and Jack.".
Those were the words I heard as I opened the door to the interrogation room. I was ...stilled...for a moment. Not by the truth in the statement, I'd admitted that to myself a long time ago, but by the fact that Daniel knew it. I'd never realised that he'd seen it, that he knew me so well.
I wish he'd told me before.
The room they're using to question us is SG1's rec. room, which makes me uneasy. There's a guy sitting at the desk where Sam used to sit, straight-backed as she surfed the web, while I played Nintendo. Occasionally I'd swear at the game, and she smile, amused. Once she found a site dedicated to all the shortcuts on my games, and printed them all out for me, without a word. I didn't thank her. I didn't think I needed to. I thought she knew. I should have thanked her.
I drag myself away from memories, and turn to the NID guys. NID. The very name conjures up loathing. If I hadn't had to go undercover to flush Maybourne out, I'd have been here for her. If NID had never contacted Makepeace, I'd never have lost a friend.
"I suppose Maybourne sent you."
They glanced at each other quickly, then Muller, the one behind Sam's desk, said,
"Colonel Maybourne no longer has anything to do with the SGC.".
Well, that was something anyway. I took a deep breath, looked straight at them, and said,
"Let's get on with it.".
MULLER
I'd read up on Jack O'Neill before I got here, every report that wasn't classified top-secret (and there weren't many of those.) He didn't seem to me like a man who would crack under pressure, and he didn't. We questioned him for hours. Jowell wouldn't let him go, just kept at him, like a dog with a bone. But the more forceful he got, the more stubborn O'Neill became. It was obvious O'Neill neither liked or trusted Jowell from the moment he saw him. Can't say I blame him. Jowell obviously believed he'd done it, and O'Neill was angry that he wasn't even trying to find another killer. And he was good at messing with Jowell's mind. In different circumstances, I'd have respected him. Hell, in different circumstances I'd have made this man my friend.
But this was murder, and he was our chief suspect.
Finally Jowell pulled out his ace.
"I have a medical report, dated just after you returned from Iraq.".
O'Neill's eyes narrowed a little, but he said nothing.
"It says you suffered from blackouts." Jowell continued. "Hours, even whole days where you could not remember what you did. You were known to behave aggressively, even violently during these attacks, even with close friends.".
O'Neill's hand, that had been fiddling with his pen, stilled suddenly.
"I haven't had those in a very long time." he said, an undercurrent of anger running through his voice.
"But we checked your recent medical files. You've been getting headaches, haven't you? Would you even know if you had a blackout? What would you be capable of doing in a blackout? Could you kill in a blackout, and not know? Could you have killed Samantha Carter during one of these blackouts you supposedly don't have any more?" Jowell insisted, his voice rising.
The hand that held the pen suddenly tightened, and the pen snapped loudly.
"I could never have hurt her." O'Neill said forcefully, almost shouting. He started to rise from the table. "I don't have blackouts and I could never have harmed her! Now why don't you quit looking for the easy answer and find the bastard who murdered her, or God help me, I'll....!".
"You'll what, Colonel?" Jowell asked calmly, impassive in the face of this man's anger. O'Neill sat down again, the anger fading, suddenly aware he'd gone too far.
Jowell and he merely stared at each other for a while, then Jowell opened another line of questioning.
"I took a statement from Colonel Makepeace before we came here." he said.
"Son of a bitch!" O'Neill snapped, but more to himself than to us.
"He seemed to be under the impression that you and Carter had a ...relationship.".
"We did." O'Neill stated calmly. "I was her commanding officer, she was my second-in-command. The best I ever had, if you're interested.".
"Nothing else?"
"We were friends. We went drinking together, occasionally to the movies. I used to go with Daniel and Teal'c, and even Makepeace once in a while too. What's your point?"
"Colonel Makepeace believed it was more than that. He believed you had a ..physical relationship with her."
O'Neill started to get angry again, I could see it in the darkening of his eyes, but he kept it under control.
"You know as well as I do that that is against regulations.".
Jowell said nothing, merely looked disbelieving.
"For crying out loud, whose word are you going to trust, a traitor's or mine!"
"In fact," Jowell continued, "he said it was a romantic relationship, not just physical. He said the two of you were extremely close, until you came back from some place called Adorra, whereupon relationships became extreme strained between the two of you.".
O'Neill blinked rapidly, but said nothing.
"So, how about it Jack? Were you and Samantha 'together'? All those planets, you a divorced man, she a bright young girl, eager for promotion, alone together - are you telling me nothing ever happened?"
I made a decision there and then that if O'Neill started to attack Jowell, I wouldn't stop him. I don't think I could have. But he kept his self-control.
"Daniel and Teal'c were always there. Ask them.".
"We will. So tell me, confidentially, did you love her?"
O'Neill said nothing. But the look in his eyes ....he looked lost, adrift, like he had no anchor to hold him in this world anymore.
He loved her.
"Can I go now?" he asked, getting up to leave.
"One more thing," said Jowell. "You do know that all the cameras mysteriously went out that night?".
O'Neill nodded.
"So the only account we have of people's movements is the eyewitness reports. You were seen charging out of Sam's laboratory about an hour before her body was discovered. Apparently you were angry, very angry. Would you care to explain yourself?"
"Not really." he said, abruptly.
I'd had enough of this. Jowell was being too clever. The only way to get the truth out of this man was too ask him direct.
"Colonel O'Neill," I asked, leaning forward. He was startled, I think he'd forgotten I was there. "All we are trying to do is discover the truth. We need to know everything so we can work out the the truth. Help us.".
He sighed, sat down again, and started to talk
.
"We had been a little...unfriendly with each other lately. That day, Janet took me to one side and told me....told me Sam had said, while I was gone, that she missed me. I know that doesn't sound like much, but coming from Sam, that was a lot. It was the first time she'd ever admitted any kind of feelings for me.
So, I went to talk to Sam. But after Lara, and the whole Makepeace thing, it was too late. She'd retreated back into her shell. She refused to talk, she just closed herself off. It was like she wasn't even in the same room as me.
I lost my temper. I stormed out. I went to my quarters for an hour or so. I guess I fell asleep. When I woke up, I decided to try and make it up with her, so I went back to her lab."
His voice broke as he remembered finding her body, and I saw him surreptitiously reach up and wipe his eyes. He would never get a chance to tell her he was sorry now. They''d played a game with each other for too long, and now they'd both lost.
"Could you have had a blackout while you were asleep?" I asked.
"I couldn't have hurt her. I'd have given my life to protect her..I have done in the past.".
"That's not what I asked. Theoretically, could you have had a blackout?"
He said nothing. But he nodded slowly, and I saw something -understanding? -dawning in his eyes.
He got up to leave, but turned to Jowell and said harshly,
"You do not call her Sam, or Samantha, or Carter any more. She is...was a Major. She worked damn hard to get that title. I pinned those pips on her myself. She deserved your full respect and from now on, you use her title. To you, she is Major Carter. Is that clear?"
He left.
JACK
Could they be right? Could the blackouts have returned? Could I have killed her?
In the darkest places of my soul, was I capable of killing someone I loved so much?
I didn't have an answer
MULLER
"He's our man." Jowell said. "I'd bet anything you liked on him.".
Jowell finally asked the question.
"Did you have romantic feelings for Dr. Carter?"
"No, never. And she preferred Major to Dr."
"We've been told the two of you were close.".
"But not in the way you're implying. We were close friends, yes. I considered her a sister, and she felt the same way.".
I leaned forward, ready to add my contribution.
"Dr. Jackson," I said quietly, "by all reports, Major Carter was an intelligent, beautiful woman. From what we hear, half the base was a little in love with her. Are you saying you never felt that way about her, being so close to her day after day?"
He was quiet for a moment, obviously playing back moments in their relationship in his mind. Then he sighed heavily, removed his glasses, and told me,
"I can't really deny it, if I'm completely truthful. There were times, the occasional moment, when I thought...imagined. You have to understand that there were times in my life when she was the only bright thing in my life. And I know that there have been times, one of them not so long ago, when I know she leaned on me, depended on me to support through the bad times. And I did. How can I have not loved her at those times?
But I would never....I know she would never feel that way towards me. And our friendship is so precious that I would not risk it.".
I was silent for a moment, moved by his declaration. Then Jowell said, "How did you know she didn't feel that way about you?"
Daniel Jackson smiled gently.
"Because from the moment she walked onto this base, it was always her and Jack.".
****
JACK
"From the moment she walked onto this base, it was always her and Jack.".
Those were the words I heard as I opened the door to the interrogation room. I was ...stilled...for a moment. Not by the truth in the statement, I'd admitted that to myself a long time ago, but by the fact that Daniel knew it. I'd never realised that he'd seen it, that he knew me so well.
I wish he'd told me before.
The room they're using to question us is SG1's rec. room, which makes me uneasy. There's a guy sitting at the desk where Sam used to sit, straight-backed as she surfed the web, while I played Nintendo. Occasionally I'd swear at the game, and she smile, amused. Once she found a site dedicated to all the shortcuts on my games, and printed them all out for me, without a word. I didn't thank her. I didn't think I needed to. I thought she knew. I should have thanked her.
I drag myself away from memories, and turn to the NID guys. NID. The very name conjures up loathing. If I hadn't had to go undercover to flush Maybourne out, I'd have been here for her. If NID had never contacted Makepeace, I'd never have lost a friend.
"I suppose Maybourne sent you."
They glanced at each other quickly, then Muller, the one behind Sam's desk, said,
"Colonel Maybourne no longer has anything to do with the SGC.".
Well, that was something anyway. I took a deep breath, looked straight at them, and said,
"Let's get on with it.".
MULLER
I'd read up on Jack O'Neill before I got here, every report that wasn't classified top-secret (and there weren't many of those.) He didn't seem to me like a man who would crack under pressure, and he didn't. We questioned him for hours. Jowell wouldn't let him go, just kept at him, like a dog with a bone. But the more forceful he got, the more stubborn O'Neill became. It was obvious O'Neill neither liked or trusted Jowell from the moment he saw him. Can't say I blame him. Jowell obviously believed he'd done it, and O'Neill was angry that he wasn't even trying to find another killer. And he was good at messing with Jowell's mind. In different circumstances, I'd have respected him. Hell, in different circumstances I'd have made this man my friend.
But this was murder, and he was our chief suspect.
Finally Jowell pulled out his ace.
"I have a medical report, dated just after you returned from Iraq.".
O'Neill's eyes narrowed a little, but he said nothing.
"It says you suffered from blackouts." Jowell continued. "Hours, even whole days where you could not remember what you did. You were known to behave aggressively, even violently during these attacks, even with close friends.".
O'Neill's hand, that had been fiddling with his pen, stilled suddenly.
"I haven't had those in a very long time." he said, an undercurrent of anger running through his voice.
"But we checked your recent medical files. You've been getting headaches, haven't you? Would you even know if you had a blackout? What would you be capable of doing in a blackout? Could you kill in a blackout, and not know? Could you have killed Samantha Carter during one of these blackouts you supposedly don't have any more?" Jowell insisted, his voice rising.
The hand that held the pen suddenly tightened, and the pen snapped loudly.
"I could never have hurt her." O'Neill said forcefully, almost shouting. He started to rise from the table. "I don't have blackouts and I could never have harmed her! Now why don't you quit looking for the easy answer and find the bastard who murdered her, or God help me, I'll....!".
"You'll what, Colonel?" Jowell asked calmly, impassive in the face of this man's anger. O'Neill sat down again, the anger fading, suddenly aware he'd gone too far.
Jowell and he merely stared at each other for a while, then Jowell opened another line of questioning.
"I took a statement from Colonel Makepeace before we came here." he said.
"Son of a bitch!" O'Neill snapped, but more to himself than to us.
"He seemed to be under the impression that you and Carter had a ...relationship.".
"We did." O'Neill stated calmly. "I was her commanding officer, she was my second-in-command. The best I ever had, if you're interested.".
"Nothing else?"
"We were friends. We went drinking together, occasionally to the movies. I used to go with Daniel and Teal'c, and even Makepeace once in a while too. What's your point?"
"Colonel Makepeace believed it was more than that. He believed you had a ..physical relationship with her."
O'Neill started to get angry again, I could see it in the darkening of his eyes, but he kept it under control.
"You know as well as I do that that is against regulations.".
Jowell said nothing, merely looked disbelieving.
"For crying out loud, whose word are you going to trust, a traitor's or mine!"
"In fact," Jowell continued, "he said it was a romantic relationship, not just physical. He said the two of you were extremely close, until you came back from some place called Adorra, whereupon relationships became extreme strained between the two of you.".
O'Neill blinked rapidly, but said nothing.
"So, how about it Jack? Were you and Samantha 'together'? All those planets, you a divorced man, she a bright young girl, eager for promotion, alone together - are you telling me nothing ever happened?"
I made a decision there and then that if O'Neill started to attack Jowell, I wouldn't stop him. I don't think I could have. But he kept his self-control.
"Daniel and Teal'c were always there. Ask them.".
"We will. So tell me, confidentially, did you love her?"
O'Neill said nothing. But the look in his eyes ....he looked lost, adrift, like he had no anchor to hold him in this world anymore.
He loved her.
"Can I go now?" he asked, getting up to leave.
"One more thing," said Jowell. "You do know that all the cameras mysteriously went out that night?".
O'Neill nodded.
"So the only account we have of people's movements is the eyewitness reports. You were seen charging out of Sam's laboratory about an hour before her body was discovered. Apparently you were angry, very angry. Would you care to explain yourself?"
"Not really." he said, abruptly.
I'd had enough of this. Jowell was being too clever. The only way to get the truth out of this man was too ask him direct.
"Colonel O'Neill," I asked, leaning forward. He was startled, I think he'd forgotten I was there. "All we are trying to do is discover the truth. We need to know everything so we can work out the the truth. Help us.".
He sighed, sat down again, and started to talk
.
"We had been a little...unfriendly with each other lately. That day, Janet took me to one side and told me....told me Sam had said, while I was gone, that she missed me. I know that doesn't sound like much, but coming from Sam, that was a lot. It was the first time she'd ever admitted any kind of feelings for me.
So, I went to talk to Sam. But after Lara, and the whole Makepeace thing, it was too late. She'd retreated back into her shell. She refused to talk, she just closed herself off. It was like she wasn't even in the same room as me.
I lost my temper. I stormed out. I went to my quarters for an hour or so. I guess I fell asleep. When I woke up, I decided to try and make it up with her, so I went back to her lab."
His voice broke as he remembered finding her body, and I saw him surreptitiously reach up and wipe his eyes. He would never get a chance to tell her he was sorry now. They''d played a game with each other for too long, and now they'd both lost.
"Could you have had a blackout while you were asleep?" I asked.
"I couldn't have hurt her. I'd have given my life to protect her..I have done in the past.".
"That's not what I asked. Theoretically, could you have had a blackout?"
He said nothing. But he nodded slowly, and I saw something -understanding? -dawning in his eyes.
He got up to leave, but turned to Jowell and said harshly,
"You do not call her Sam, or Samantha, or Carter any more. She is...was a Major. She worked damn hard to get that title. I pinned those pips on her myself. She deserved your full respect and from now on, you use her title. To you, she is Major Carter. Is that clear?"
He left.
JACK
Could they be right? Could the blackouts have returned? Could I have killed her?
In the darkest places of my soul, was I capable of killing someone I loved so much?
I didn't have an answer
MULLER
"He's our man." Jowell said. "I'd bet anything you liked on him.".