Not on Your Life!
A Took's Tale
Disclaimer: The Hobbits belong to J. R.R. Tolkien and are not of my creation and I make no money from this or other stories involving them, this is purely a non-profit fiction of my creation in honor of the book & movies. However this storyline is mine.
Warning: There is a slight reference to slash here, but only to show that Sam is quite a fruity hobbit sometimes. Nothing against Sam, he's a very loyal and dedicated friend. This is only meant to be humorous. It stems from a personal joke.
Thanks for the reviews: Cherryblossom: Thank you! I hope you enjoy this next chapter.
Storm Elf: I fear for their sanity as well, we will have to see what happens. Thanks for reading.
Author Babble:
Red Demon: (Knawing on Titanium bars on cage) Stupid Hobbit lover. Puts me in cage again. (Stops knawing) When I get out of here I'm gonna stuff you in this thing and see how you like it.
Kara J: Right. How many teeth have you broken so far? Never mind, continue knawing.
Red Demon: (flips bird to older friend before starting to sing little rhyme) When I gets a fidgeting then I just takes me Ritalin.
Kara J: Time to get you more medication.
Chapter 2 A Scarlet Pimpernel
Frodo drove up to the gate with Merry and Pippin in the back of the wagon.
"Mr. Frodo! I was getting worried where have you been?"
"Nowhere, Sam."
"What's in the back of the wagon, Mr. Frodo?"
"If you don't mind Sam, I'd like to get in the house."
"Oh, right! Of course Mr. Frodo."
The rain was falling harder now and the sky was black.
Merry whispered to Pippin. "He's not going to leave us here, is he?"
"He better not. I'm getting cold." Pippin whispered back.
The two hobbits heard Frodo and Sam go up the step and close the door.
"What? He's leaving us here?" Pippin was getting scared now.
"He wouldn't, I'm sure he's just trying to get rid of Sam or something."
Ten minutes later, and the two were still in the wagon. Suddenly the tarp was ripped off them.
"Ahhhhh!" Both hobbits screamed.
"Shh. Get into the house before anyone sees you!"
Frodo shut the green door and lit a candle.
"I'm sorry, Sam wouldn't leave. Something about wanting to give me a bath, it didn't make any sense."
Merry and Pippin looked at each other and started laughing.
"Come get some tea."
The three hobbits went into the kitchen. There was a knock at the door.
"Quick, hide!" Frodo whispered.
The other two hobbits went running. Their feet were loud on the wood floor. Pippin ran into the parlor and hid under a chair and Merry ran into Frodo's room and slid under the bed. Frodo rolled his eyes, and went to the door.
"Frodo! Pippin and Merry are here. Don't lie to me I heard something in there. I can recognize Pip's running anywhere! They need to go home now!" Pippin's sister Pimpernel pushed her way inside.
"Wait, Pimpernel! They're not here."
"Peregrin Took! I know you're here! You need to come home with me now!" Pimpernel walked into the parlor shouting. She stopped and listened Frodo followed. Pippin held his breath as her feet passed in front of his face.
"Pimpernel! Please just go home. They're safe I promise."
"I don't really care how safe they are! I'm not allowed to come back home without him with me. Please just show me where they are."
"I don't know where they are."
"Well then. I'm staying. I can't go home unless Pippin comes with me. I hope you have room for three of us Frodo, I know Merry's here as well. I'd swear they're attached at the hip!"
Pimpernel sat down on the chair. Pippin's face was turning blue.
"Pimpernel, go home and tell your parents he'll be home soon."
"Honestly Frodo! Why are you protecting them. They need to learn to be home on time! Pippin lets GO!"
Just as Pimpernel was getting up, Pippin grabbed her ankles causing to fall face first. Pimpernel let out a shriek. Still on the floor, she spun around coming nose to nose with her little brother. She pulled his nose and shouted.
"Peregrin Took! Why I otta.!
Pippin slid out and torn his sister's hand off his nose. "Pimpernel! Fancy meeting you here, oh and by the way you fell like a sack of potatoes. You might consider getting something to clear up that weight problem."
Pimpernel's face turned red. "WEIGHT PROBLEM! You're one to talk Mr. I-have- to-eat-every-three-seconds! Enough of these games, you're coming home NOW!" Pippin suddenly regretted insulting his sister. "Please can we stay.really now what is there at home? Nothing. Besides Frodo's going to make a fresh pot of tea and there's a Cherry Pie."
"Well, you have a point there. Mother would just put me to work anyway."
"And it is a bit wet out." Merry said walking into the room. *I want pie!*
"Well I guess so, as long as it's ok with Frodo." Pimpernel cast a glance Frodo's way.
"Certainly!" *Will I never get rid of these two?*
Frodo led the way into the kitchen and put the pot on the stove. Merry, Pippin and Pimpernel sat down at the table. Pimpernel took off her wet cloak and took it out to the hall tree. Merry waited until the girl was out of earshot and whispered.
"That's it, Pip. You lose!"
"No I don't. I technically haven't done anything wrong until I'm caught by the person that I did it to."
"Well, you're as good as dead in my books." Merry replied.
"Bananas!" Pippin said as her heard his sister returning.
Pimpernel sat down again.
"Pippin doesn't want to go home, because he'll get in trouble!" Merry blurted out.
"No Fair! Cheater! You can't do that you, turkey!"
"Do what?" Pimpernel asked confused "Why don't you want to go home, Pip?" She said in a quiet voice.
"Pippin I'm sorry but she was going to find out sooner or later. Pimpernel, Merry and Pippin made a bet that Pippin was mature enough to stay out of trouble for a week. If he lost, he would have to buy Merry beer for a month. If he won Merry would have to buy him beer." Frodo said. *Now she'll take them home and I can get back to my book.*
"I would have preferred later." Pippin muttered
"Pippin, are you crazy! How did you expect to do that! You're always in trouble, and over beer at that!"
"I wanted to prove that I'm not the immature prankster that everyone thinks I am."
"But you wouldn't be you if you didn't pull pranks and always get into trouble."
"That's what Frodo said."
"Is he in trouble? Is he in trouble?" Merry couldn't hold back his excitement.
"If he is, he's not the only one. Seems to me Meriadoc, you spend a lot of you're time pulling pranks or doing punishment, too."
Merry face turned red. "So what now? You're going to take us home and let us get into more trouble?"
"I should, but quite honestly I can't let my brother lose to a Brandybuck. Frodo, can they stay here for the week?"
"Might as well, Bilbo's gone." *Crap, I'm stuck with them for a whole WEEK!*
Pippin let out a hoot. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Merry scowled.
"But you have to promise me you won't leave this house once. No one is to know you're here."
"I promise." Pippin said quickly.
"Wait a minute; you can't go home either Pimpernel. You said you weren't allowed to go home without him." Merry said pointing a thumb out at Pip.
"Hmmm. That's right, oh well. I'll just go and stay with Rosie for a while." *They won't be here long if I know Merry. He can't go two days without beer.* "Merry?"
"I promise." He said quietly.
The tea kettle whistle blew. Frodo brought it over to the table and poured the hot water into the tea pot. "At least stay for some tea and pie before you head back out there, Pimpernel."
"Thank you. I think I will."
Disclaimer: The Hobbits belong to J. R.R. Tolkien and are not of my creation and I make no money from this or other stories involving them, this is purely a non-profit fiction of my creation in honor of the book & movies. However this storyline is mine.
Warning: There is a slight reference to slash here, but only to show that Sam is quite a fruity hobbit sometimes. Nothing against Sam, he's a very loyal and dedicated friend. This is only meant to be humorous. It stems from a personal joke.
Thanks for the reviews: Cherryblossom: Thank you! I hope you enjoy this next chapter.
Storm Elf: I fear for their sanity as well, we will have to see what happens. Thanks for reading.
Author Babble:
Red Demon: (Knawing on Titanium bars on cage) Stupid Hobbit lover. Puts me in cage again. (Stops knawing) When I get out of here I'm gonna stuff you in this thing and see how you like it.
Kara J: Right. How many teeth have you broken so far? Never mind, continue knawing.
Red Demon: (flips bird to older friend before starting to sing little rhyme) When I gets a fidgeting then I just takes me Ritalin.
Kara J: Time to get you more medication.
Chapter 2 A Scarlet Pimpernel
Frodo drove up to the gate with Merry and Pippin in the back of the wagon.
"Mr. Frodo! I was getting worried where have you been?"
"Nowhere, Sam."
"What's in the back of the wagon, Mr. Frodo?"
"If you don't mind Sam, I'd like to get in the house."
"Oh, right! Of course Mr. Frodo."
The rain was falling harder now and the sky was black.
Merry whispered to Pippin. "He's not going to leave us here, is he?"
"He better not. I'm getting cold." Pippin whispered back.
The two hobbits heard Frodo and Sam go up the step and close the door.
"What? He's leaving us here?" Pippin was getting scared now.
"He wouldn't, I'm sure he's just trying to get rid of Sam or something."
Ten minutes later, and the two were still in the wagon. Suddenly the tarp was ripped off them.
"Ahhhhh!" Both hobbits screamed.
"Shh. Get into the house before anyone sees you!"
Frodo shut the green door and lit a candle.
"I'm sorry, Sam wouldn't leave. Something about wanting to give me a bath, it didn't make any sense."
Merry and Pippin looked at each other and started laughing.
"Come get some tea."
The three hobbits went into the kitchen. There was a knock at the door.
"Quick, hide!" Frodo whispered.
The other two hobbits went running. Their feet were loud on the wood floor. Pippin ran into the parlor and hid under a chair and Merry ran into Frodo's room and slid under the bed. Frodo rolled his eyes, and went to the door.
"Frodo! Pippin and Merry are here. Don't lie to me I heard something in there. I can recognize Pip's running anywhere! They need to go home now!" Pippin's sister Pimpernel pushed her way inside.
"Wait, Pimpernel! They're not here."
"Peregrin Took! I know you're here! You need to come home with me now!" Pimpernel walked into the parlor shouting. She stopped and listened Frodo followed. Pippin held his breath as her feet passed in front of his face.
"Pimpernel! Please just go home. They're safe I promise."
"I don't really care how safe they are! I'm not allowed to come back home without him with me. Please just show me where they are."
"I don't know where they are."
"Well then. I'm staying. I can't go home unless Pippin comes with me. I hope you have room for three of us Frodo, I know Merry's here as well. I'd swear they're attached at the hip!"
Pimpernel sat down on the chair. Pippin's face was turning blue.
"Pimpernel, go home and tell your parents he'll be home soon."
"Honestly Frodo! Why are you protecting them. They need to learn to be home on time! Pippin lets GO!"
Just as Pimpernel was getting up, Pippin grabbed her ankles causing to fall face first. Pimpernel let out a shriek. Still on the floor, she spun around coming nose to nose with her little brother. She pulled his nose and shouted.
"Peregrin Took! Why I otta.!
Pippin slid out and torn his sister's hand off his nose. "Pimpernel! Fancy meeting you here, oh and by the way you fell like a sack of potatoes. You might consider getting something to clear up that weight problem."
Pimpernel's face turned red. "WEIGHT PROBLEM! You're one to talk Mr. I-have- to-eat-every-three-seconds! Enough of these games, you're coming home NOW!" Pippin suddenly regretted insulting his sister. "Please can we stay.really now what is there at home? Nothing. Besides Frodo's going to make a fresh pot of tea and there's a Cherry Pie."
"Well, you have a point there. Mother would just put me to work anyway."
"And it is a bit wet out." Merry said walking into the room. *I want pie!*
"Well I guess so, as long as it's ok with Frodo." Pimpernel cast a glance Frodo's way.
"Certainly!" *Will I never get rid of these two?*
Frodo led the way into the kitchen and put the pot on the stove. Merry, Pippin and Pimpernel sat down at the table. Pimpernel took off her wet cloak and took it out to the hall tree. Merry waited until the girl was out of earshot and whispered.
"That's it, Pip. You lose!"
"No I don't. I technically haven't done anything wrong until I'm caught by the person that I did it to."
"Well, you're as good as dead in my books." Merry replied.
"Bananas!" Pippin said as her heard his sister returning.
Pimpernel sat down again.
"Pippin doesn't want to go home, because he'll get in trouble!" Merry blurted out.
"No Fair! Cheater! You can't do that you, turkey!"
"Do what?" Pimpernel asked confused "Why don't you want to go home, Pip?" She said in a quiet voice.
"Pippin I'm sorry but she was going to find out sooner or later. Pimpernel, Merry and Pippin made a bet that Pippin was mature enough to stay out of trouble for a week. If he lost, he would have to buy Merry beer for a month. If he won Merry would have to buy him beer." Frodo said. *Now she'll take them home and I can get back to my book.*
"I would have preferred later." Pippin muttered
"Pippin, are you crazy! How did you expect to do that! You're always in trouble, and over beer at that!"
"I wanted to prove that I'm not the immature prankster that everyone thinks I am."
"But you wouldn't be you if you didn't pull pranks and always get into trouble."
"That's what Frodo said."
"Is he in trouble? Is he in trouble?" Merry couldn't hold back his excitement.
"If he is, he's not the only one. Seems to me Meriadoc, you spend a lot of you're time pulling pranks or doing punishment, too."
Merry face turned red. "So what now? You're going to take us home and let us get into more trouble?"
"I should, but quite honestly I can't let my brother lose to a Brandybuck. Frodo, can they stay here for the week?"
"Might as well, Bilbo's gone." *Crap, I'm stuck with them for a whole WEEK!*
Pippin let out a hoot. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Merry scowled.
"But you have to promise me you won't leave this house once. No one is to know you're here."
"I promise." Pippin said quickly.
"Wait a minute; you can't go home either Pimpernel. You said you weren't allowed to go home without him." Merry said pointing a thumb out at Pip.
"Hmmm. That's right, oh well. I'll just go and stay with Rosie for a while." *They won't be here long if I know Merry. He can't go two days without beer.* "Merry?"
"I promise." He said quietly.
The tea kettle whistle blew. Frodo brought it over to the table and poured the hot water into the tea pot. "At least stay for some tea and pie before you head back out there, Pimpernel."
"Thank you. I think I will."