I don't know what to say to her and I just want to get up and leave, more
and more tears are falling down my face and I'm beginning to feel
embarrassed. Claire's hand is still resting on mine I look down at our
hands and I entwine my fingers with hers then I look up at her. She isn't
showing much emotion and for once in my life I don't have a clue about what
she is feeling.
Claire: Ian, why are you crying?
I don't know.
Claire: I don't want to do this on my own come with me to take the test.
No Claire I don't want to.
Now tears start to fill her eyes and she moves her hand away from mine. She gets some money out of her bag and puts it on the table before getting up and walking away. I watch her until she's out of sight then I run my hands through my hair, I've upset her now and I didn't mean to but I guess she'll never know why I acted the way I did. I pay for the food and then walk towards our dressing room, the toilet area is closed so I walk towards it and knock quietly.
Claire hunny are you in there?
Claire: Go away.
Claire please, I 'm sorry about before. I just needed time to think.
Claire: I don't care. You said you didn't want to be here so go away.
JUST OPEN THE DOOR WILL YOU.
I immediately regret the shouting, I hear Claire crying more and moving further away from the door. I've scared her and I hope she won't do anything stupid. I try the door but it's still firmly locked.
Claire, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to shout like that.
Claire slowly opens the door, she is sitting down on a chair looking at the pregnancy test in her hand.
Claire: You scared me. I thought you were going to hit me.
Hit you? I'd never do that. What made you think I would?
Claire: You just sounded so angry that's all.
Come on come here.
I pull her into a hug and rub her back, I'm still confused about why she thought I would hit her but that doesn't matter now.
Have you done the test?
Claire: No. I can't do it, I just can't.
Your be alright Claire, come on just do the test.
Claire: I'd rather do it later.
Ok then.
I sit holding her for a while longer then she says she better go home, I offer to take her home but she reminds me that I can't drive so that would be literally impossible. I laugh at her joke and walk with her to her car, she then offers me the lift but I also turn her down, saying I'd rather walk. This isn't the truth, the truth is that I think I'm going to start crying again and I don't want her to have to see me. I stand in the car park the rain gently falling down onto my pale skin watching her drive away. After a few minutes I turn and walk away.
When I get home there's a handwritten envelope sticking out of the door, I recognise the writing straight away and walk into the house with it. The envelope simply just says H, I open it and pull out a long letter in her handwriting. I start to read it and tears fill my eyes, it is such a sweet letter and has a lot of feeling in it. I fight back the tears and pick up my phone, I dial her number and wait. Eventually she answers but I can't bring myself to talk to her, I listen to her breathing for a short while then put down the phone and now is when I can't hold back my tears any longer. This is not like me at all I never normally let my emotions show but today was different. Today I had lost someone.
Claire: Ian, why are you crying?
I don't know.
Claire: I don't want to do this on my own come with me to take the test.
No Claire I don't want to.
Now tears start to fill her eyes and she moves her hand away from mine. She gets some money out of her bag and puts it on the table before getting up and walking away. I watch her until she's out of sight then I run my hands through my hair, I've upset her now and I didn't mean to but I guess she'll never know why I acted the way I did. I pay for the food and then walk towards our dressing room, the toilet area is closed so I walk towards it and knock quietly.
Claire hunny are you in there?
Claire: Go away.
Claire please, I 'm sorry about before. I just needed time to think.
Claire: I don't care. You said you didn't want to be here so go away.
JUST OPEN THE DOOR WILL YOU.
I immediately regret the shouting, I hear Claire crying more and moving further away from the door. I've scared her and I hope she won't do anything stupid. I try the door but it's still firmly locked.
Claire, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to shout like that.
Claire slowly opens the door, she is sitting down on a chair looking at the pregnancy test in her hand.
Claire: You scared me. I thought you were going to hit me.
Hit you? I'd never do that. What made you think I would?
Claire: You just sounded so angry that's all.
Come on come here.
I pull her into a hug and rub her back, I'm still confused about why she thought I would hit her but that doesn't matter now.
Have you done the test?
Claire: No. I can't do it, I just can't.
Your be alright Claire, come on just do the test.
Claire: I'd rather do it later.
Ok then.
I sit holding her for a while longer then she says she better go home, I offer to take her home but she reminds me that I can't drive so that would be literally impossible. I laugh at her joke and walk with her to her car, she then offers me the lift but I also turn her down, saying I'd rather walk. This isn't the truth, the truth is that I think I'm going to start crying again and I don't want her to have to see me. I stand in the car park the rain gently falling down onto my pale skin watching her drive away. After a few minutes I turn and walk away.
When I get home there's a handwritten envelope sticking out of the door, I recognise the writing straight away and walk into the house with it. The envelope simply just says H, I open it and pull out a long letter in her handwriting. I start to read it and tears fill my eyes, it is such a sweet letter and has a lot of feeling in it. I fight back the tears and pick up my phone, I dial her number and wait. Eventually she answers but I can't bring myself to talk to her, I listen to her breathing for a short while then put down the phone and now is when I can't hold back my tears any longer. This is not like me at all I never normally let my emotions show but today was different. Today I had lost someone.