I'm feeling rather lonely at the moment, I think it must be because I
haven't seen Claire for three months. I hadn't been in Wales a day when I
got a phone call from Claire saying that she'd changed her mind and wanted
to move in with me. I was so happy that I drove straight back to my place
and when I got there Claire was waiting for me. She's in Ireland at the
moment because a family member is very ill and she's had to go with her mum
to help out but she's coming home today. I can't wait. I've been sitting
here watching the clock for the past three hours and I'm getting more and
more excited as the day goes on, she should be here any minute. I hear the
door open and run straight to it to find Claire standing there struggling
with an enormous bag, I take it from her and bring her into a tight
embrace.
Cold in Ireland was it?
Claire: What?
Well you're wearing that fleece so I just thought in might have been cold in Ireland!
Claire: Yeah it was bloody freezing and I didn't want the press to find out before you did.
H: Find out what?
As I turn round Claire takes her fleece off and I'm shocked, I can't believe what I'm seeing. I sit down on the bed and start to cry, I think I may have scared Claire a bit when I started to cry. She comes and sits down on the bed next to me and places her arm around me. I should be the one that's being strong but instead I ball my eyes out.
Claire: I know it's come at a bit of a bad moment but we can cope, well that's if you want to?
Of course I do. I'm so happy.
Claire: I thought you weren't happy about it!
How far gone are you?
Claire: Four months. Ian do you mind if I go for a lie down? I'm really tired.
Of course I don't mind.
I watch as Claire lays down on the bed and starts to drift off to sleep. I go out for a walk to clear my head and think about the baby that's going to be entering our lives in six months time. I'm so happy about it, I mean I can't use words to express what I feel it's just too hard to find the words which really show it. I don't go for long walk but still I manage to end up chatting to some fans who are wanting autographs. By the time I get back to the house I've been gone two hours but Claire is still asleep. I sit on the bed next to her and gently kiss her on the cheek.
I'm sorry I made you think I didn't want the baby earlier but the thing is I want this baby more than I've ever wanted anything before in my life well except for wanting you that is. I really should be telling you this when you're actually awake but I find it much easier this way! I wonder what our parents are going to say about this, I don't care if they're not happy though because this is our bit of happiness not theirs. God I love you so much and I know I'm going to love this baby just as much. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to be a good dad though but I'll try my best.
As Claire starts to move I realise what a fool I've been. She was awake the whole time and probably just heard what I've just said. I should learn from my mistakes really because I've done this before and felt such an idiot afterwards. She turns over and snuggles up close to me, touching my face with her hand to let me know that she heard me and understands. I hold her in my arms again and we just stare into each others eyes. Eventually she breaks the silence.
Claire: I know you're going to a brilliant dad. You're going to be a dad that everyone else wants!
I don't think so some how.
Claire: Believe me you're going to be great.
Lets hope so.
As she falls asleep in my arms later on that night I'm still thinking about being a good father. What if I'm not and my own son or daughter ends up hating me? I know I'm being stupid but the prospect of it all just scares me. I know I'll get over it in time well I'll have to for Claire's and the baby's sake.
Cold in Ireland was it?
Claire: What?
Well you're wearing that fleece so I just thought in might have been cold in Ireland!
Claire: Yeah it was bloody freezing and I didn't want the press to find out before you did.
H: Find out what?
As I turn round Claire takes her fleece off and I'm shocked, I can't believe what I'm seeing. I sit down on the bed and start to cry, I think I may have scared Claire a bit when I started to cry. She comes and sits down on the bed next to me and places her arm around me. I should be the one that's being strong but instead I ball my eyes out.
Claire: I know it's come at a bit of a bad moment but we can cope, well that's if you want to?
Of course I do. I'm so happy.
Claire: I thought you weren't happy about it!
How far gone are you?
Claire: Four months. Ian do you mind if I go for a lie down? I'm really tired.
Of course I don't mind.
I watch as Claire lays down on the bed and starts to drift off to sleep. I go out for a walk to clear my head and think about the baby that's going to be entering our lives in six months time. I'm so happy about it, I mean I can't use words to express what I feel it's just too hard to find the words which really show it. I don't go for long walk but still I manage to end up chatting to some fans who are wanting autographs. By the time I get back to the house I've been gone two hours but Claire is still asleep. I sit on the bed next to her and gently kiss her on the cheek.
I'm sorry I made you think I didn't want the baby earlier but the thing is I want this baby more than I've ever wanted anything before in my life well except for wanting you that is. I really should be telling you this when you're actually awake but I find it much easier this way! I wonder what our parents are going to say about this, I don't care if they're not happy though because this is our bit of happiness not theirs. God I love you so much and I know I'm going to love this baby just as much. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to be a good dad though but I'll try my best.
As Claire starts to move I realise what a fool I've been. She was awake the whole time and probably just heard what I've just said. I should learn from my mistakes really because I've done this before and felt such an idiot afterwards. She turns over and snuggles up close to me, touching my face with her hand to let me know that she heard me and understands. I hold her in my arms again and we just stare into each others eyes. Eventually she breaks the silence.
Claire: I know you're going to a brilliant dad. You're going to be a dad that everyone else wants!
I don't think so some how.
Claire: Believe me you're going to be great.
Lets hope so.
As she falls asleep in my arms later on that night I'm still thinking about being a good father. What if I'm not and my own son or daughter ends up hating me? I know I'm being stupid but the prospect of it all just scares me. I know I'll get over it in time well I'll have to for Claire's and the baby's sake.