Disclaimer: Don't own a thing.
A/N: I'm glad you all want this. I have a decent story line up my sleeve so now I can write and not worry about nobody reading it. Oh, yeah. This new song is Motivation Proclamation by Good Charlotte. Enjoy!
Now for some thank yous!
Vix: Thanks for being my first reviewer! I tried to bring out some good in him, but you will soon see in this chapter he still can't get rid of certain feelings…. You'll see!
Necrosia: Cheese o' peas! I'm not that brilliant! Stop confusing yourself! It was the song that brought it out of me. But, thankye all the same.
Zeynel: Yes, I will write more to it. In fact… here it is! *coughs* Yes, well… I try.
Endovu: Yes, sir… er… ma'am? Yes, well, here it is!!!
Katriana- Thanks for the review!!! I love that song too! (dude, I just rhymed)
The Almighty Benji - You're awesome! Thanks for the song idea! I'm using it now!
A/A/N: For chapter three, I might need some song ideas…. So please feel free to suggest some!
Chapter Two: Inside my Head…
Spend your lazy, endless crazy days inside my head,
You're so selfish, you're not the only on who thinks he's dead,
I'm paid to smile, now I'm on trial for what you think I said,
BRIDGE
'Cause I never said that everything would be ok,
And I never said that we would live to see another day,
Somehow I made it to Hogwarts. How can that be? I don't know how to disapparate… I don't have time to worry about that. I'm away from my father. I'm away from the followers, and right now I'm away from Voldemort.
But you can never escape me…
No! How can he be doing this? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
I scramble to my feet and stagger inside Hogwarts gates. It's so surreal. I don't want to be here. I was scared before. I can't face Dumbledore! He'll throw me out. He'll send me to the Dementors! But I can't go back to the Death Eaters or Voldemort. Voldemort would order me dead, and my father's wand would be the tool…
I don't know how I did it, but I manage to stumble into the castle. No where is safe, but this castle. Maybe if I hide, and Dumbledore doesn't find me, then I will be safe from both worlds. Yes, that is what I will do. I'll hide from this cursed world forever in… Hogwarts? Great plan, you idiot. Dumbledore will find you no matter what you do!
And so will I….
Get out of my head!
Before I know what I'm doing, I clutch my head and slide down a cold, hard wall. My father, though still back in the Muggle-born village, is still haunting me. He won't leave me alone! Father, I hate you!
I have to get out of here. Find a different place to hide. Hogwarts is the enemy. I can't trust anyone. Got to leave.. Got to find a different place. A place everyone would think me dead… where I can be a different person… finally change my last name and be rid of my father and his stupid Mark forever…
I get up, prepared to sprint out of the castle, when I am stopped by a voice.
"Malfoy," it growls behind me. "What are you doing here?"
Potter. The famous Harry Potter… Anger and spite rage through my stomach. What is he doing here? Shouldn't he be back with his muggles doing whatever mudblood raised children do over their holiday? He's always turning up when he's least wanted… always sticking his big nose where it doesn't belong. If I am an ounce like my wretched father I would take out my wand and give Potter another scar ripped across his face… but I try to contain myself and turn slowly around.
"What do you want, Potter?"
"I asked first," he says, crossing his arms. "What are you doing at Hogwarts?"
"Visiting," I say shortly. Like I would answer to a Potter. I may not be evil, but I do have some pride left in my veins, and I'm damn proud of it!
"You're father around?" He asks, eyeing me coldly.
I return the stare. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I sneer. "Where's Dumbledore?"
Potter's mouth slowly quirks up. "Wouldn't you like to know?" The Potty boy thinks he's funny. My hand twitches towards my wand. If only I could just aim a simple spell, one that would only hurt him a bit…. No! I can't. Now that Potter has found me, I have to go to Dumbledore, and cursing Potter's head off won't help me on my defense.
"I need to see Dumbledore," I say, slowly.
"What for?" Potter asks. "You want to take an aim at him, while you're here? Your beloved father couldn't do it himself, so he sent little Malfoy to do his dirty work? Listen, Draco, nobody wants you or your stupid Pure-blood name around here. Do you have any idea of what is going on right now? And you have the nerve to show your face here after all that your father has done?!"
"Shut up, Potter! You don't think I know? Oh, never mind, I don't need to tell you anything. You're just some stupid, lame excuse for a hero who got rid of Voldemort! Ooh, I'm very impressed. Pity it didn't work, huh? He's back, and all you did was make him angrier. Now, get out of the way!"
I storm pass Potter and up the stairs leading to the stone gargoyle outside of Dumbledore's office. I hope he's here. A village is inflamed of human flesh, so wouldn't the only man Voldemort has feared be informed?
I begin to lose hope. Dumbledore is not here… he's there where I had fled like a coward! Dumbledore will save them, then he'll find out my father was the ring leader, and I won't have any chance.
I stop at the gargoyle, who seems to be laughing in my face. He knows where Dumbledore is, and he'll never tell me. I pull out my wand and point it at it's head.
"Open up!" I yell. "Or I'll blast you to smithereens!"
It doesn't move.
"Open now!" I try again…
It still only laughs.
"Fine then," I growl, shoving my wand back into my stained robes. "Phoenix feather." Maybe if I guessed the correct password, then I could save the destruction of one of Dumbledore's pitiful safety measures.
The gargoyle doesn't move.
"What does that man like? Er… Gryffindor - Ravenclaw - Hufflepuff - Well, it wouldn't be Slytherin, would it? Come on! Open up!"
It doesn't budge.
"Quidditch - Quidditch world cup - Firebolt - er…. Transfiguration - transfiguration teacher - Professor McGonagall!"
It still doesn't move. "Merlin's beard! White magic - good magic -"
"You'll get no where with those passwords, Draco," a voice chuckled behind me, causing me to spin around. Dumbledore stands only a yard away from me, smiling slightly. He had been watching the whole time. "None on them has an degree of flavoring!"
I stand immobilized. Every word, every speech that I had made up in my head, disappeared. I am standing in front of the only man who can choose my destiny… and somehow I forget every reasoning as to why I am even here. I want to run. Get away from Dumbledore the enemy. He'll call the Dementors soon… if I don't hurry. I have to get away…
"What's wrong, Draco?" Dumbledore asks. I squirm even more.
"I can't - " I choke. Come on, pull yourself together! This is it… this is judgment day. "I couldn't stay - my father… I hate him. I need help. I couldn't stay - they're at that village. Didn't want to be there. Help me. I couldn't stay."
I'm not making any sense. What's wrong with me?
Somehow, Dumbledore seems to understand. "It's okay, Draco. It's being taken care of right now. You need rest. Go to your common room for the night. No one will disturb you there. I will be back in the morning and we can talk then."
I numbly nod. "Yes, sir."
Then he is gone.
He had believed me… just like that. What kind of man is he, to just believe the son of a death eater? He's made me suspicious. He's a little too forgiving, and that scares me.
I made it to Slytherin common room and I collapse on my dormitory bed. I am home here. I can sleep with no fear of danger… or my father having midnight dueling urges. I'm so tired, but all I keep thinking is about that little girl screaming for her mother. She was so small. I don't even know if she's alive. When I become less of a coward, I will find that little girl. I will find her and put her into a good home if her parents are dead. And if she is dead, I will see to a proper funeral. Her screaming once again echoes in my skull. It reminds me… even if she is alive, I can't promise her or anyone that any of us will live to see another day…
For Voldemort is back.
X.X
Motivate me,
I wanna get myself out of this bed,
Captivate me,
I want good thoughts inside of my head,
When I fall down would you come around and pick me right up off the ground,
I'm un-artistic, unrealistic, you say I'm selfish and absurd,
You try to change me, you try to save, you say I'm gonna learn,
I'm so blind,
I'm out of time you're so unkind sometimes,
I never lied,
I never lied …
Dumbledore promised to help me. He sent me an owl soon after he left saying that he would. I don't see how he can. My mind is all ready so warped in odd directions, that I can't imagine there is any room for pleasant thoughts in it.
Maybe he is lying. What if he only told me he would help me is to make me stay so I can be easily captured? There is nothing I can do. I have to believe him, I have no other choice. Dumbledore wouldn't be that evil. He's forgiving. He can see through people, so he'll know that I had never really wanted any of this!
But, what if he remembers that time in my third year where Crabbe, Goyle, and I dressed like Dementors for the Quidditch match? I was only a kid, then! I didn't know what I was doing! He wouldn't hold that against me, would he? I made a mental note to apologize for that first thing in the morning. I have to have a clean slate.
What if he thinks I'm lying?
Stop this right now! I can't have these thoughts in my head. Tomorrow when I talk to Dumbledore I will apologize for everything that I had done, and for all that my father has made me. I will try to change, and Dumbledore will believe me… he said he would help me and I believe him…
He won't help you…. He'll send you back to me and then I'll kill you, Son…
I roll over and shove the pillow over my head.
You're wrong, father… you may be an evil adherent to the darkest man alive, but I have Dumbledore on my side! And then when I'm strong enough, I'll hunt you down! I'll kill you, just like you killed that little girl! I'll burn your limbs off one by one and scatter your ashes over Voldemort's burning body! You will be out done, father…
My father's voice chuckles venomously in my head. We anxiously wait for your return…
A/N This was a little harder to write…. Ideas are greatly welcomed!!! I do have a bit of a surprised in store for you, but ideas to get there are greatly appreciated… plus song ideas!!! Those are always a plus!!!!