Yup, I just realized that this is a little hard to interpret. You have to look at every detail towards the end really carefully, and think about what it means. Which is a little difficult. lol. It probably would've helped if I'd written this in a third person POV, but I didn't want to lose the dramatic effect of using a first-person POV. So I was kind of torn…but this should be suffiecient, so here's a breakdown:
The "wasting time" bit: Ephram realizes that he wasn't wasting his time writing the essay, which represents that, subconsciously, he also realizes he wasn't wasting his time on Amy (as he wants to believe). When he says he gives in on Wendell's theory that he's wasted his time, he's lying to himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realizes that a part of him saw past Amy's behavior and wants to still love her.
Thoughts of how he treated his dad: This represents that he realizes that all people react differently to situations. He treated his dad like shit after his mom died, because he didn't realize that he needed him. He didn't want to admit that he needed his dad, because he never did when his mom was alive. When things were normal. And in admit that he needed his dad, he would have also admitted that things were no longer normal. His mind is making a connection between this and Amy's current situation, and in the back of his mind, he knows this isn't any different. Amy never would have never needed Ephram if the whole thing hadn't happened to Colin, and if she admits to herself that she needs Ephram, it's like saying that things aren't normal anymore, nor are they the same. Most people don't give in to change unless they have to.
"You don't even want to know what you're thinking right now…because if you figure it out, you're going to regret it.": Ephram's subconscious is telling him that he doesn't hate Amy, because he sees why she's treating him that way, and realizes he has made the same mistake in his past. But he wants to hate her, because he is a proud person, and doesn't want to admit that he's the kind of weak person who could still love someone after all that. He's trying to ignore it.
Why he goes back to the first song: The first time he listened to the song, it upset him because it reminded him of his current situation with Amy. It made him think that he might still love her. Wanting to try to prove to himself that he doesn't, he tries listening to the song again, to prove to himself that he doesn't love Amy anymore.
The song: The song represents EVERYTHING Ephram doesn't want to admit to himself, about himself.
"All I need to know…is that I'm something you'll be missing…": If Ephram knew that Amy still needed him, he'd be okay with himself still loving her (even though he can no longer act upon it, because Colin's back). If he knew she'd be missing him, then he might be able to keep some of his dignity while admitting he still did love her.
"Maybe I should hate you for this…never really did ever get quite that far…": As he listens to the song, he realizes that it does still upset him. Which means he doesn't hate her, as he wants to. He knows he should hate her, but finally consciously realizes he doesn't. He never got that far.
"If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar…": I loved this line! As he listens on to the song, he gets to a part he didn't get up to before. This is the part that's really supposed to make you think, and that's why I ended the story there. But while I'm at it, I might as well explain the line. After this, one should assume that Ephram finally figures something else out. Amy is making Ephram into "bad news". She's making it seem as though not only does she not need Ephram, but she's making it seem as though she hates him as well, for the reason explained in "Thoughts of how he treated his dad". But Ephram finally realizes that if she makes him out to be "bad news", or tries to make herself believe she doesn't need him…then she's lying to herself. He realizes she does need him, and he is something she'll be missing. This is kind of like a turning point, and that's why I stopped here, because he finally realizes that everything he has thought is wrong.
The title: In all honesty, it doesn't refer to the last line of Ephram's essay. It refers to the last line of the whole story. The truth about Amy isn't what Ephram wants to be—the truth is that she still needs him.
So how's that? I was hoping that people would figure it out on their own, but honestly, you'd have to be 1) the person who wrote it or 2) a literary genius to figure it out. That was a mistake on my part, to assume that everyone could interpret this. My apologies. lol. Please review!
P.S. –To Ditey, who listened to the whole song: the part about apologizing for bleeding on your shirt…that kind of represents how Amy could do almost anything to him, and he would probably still love her.