Split Into Two
By: Neko-chan
A/N: Just to let you know--there will eventually be dialogue in this story, but it's going to be mainly first person Yukito POV. I hope you like it, anyway. ^_^;; Once again, thank you to all who reviewed the first chapter and many, many thanks to all who reviewed "Hello, Mirror." And now, on with the second chapter!
Disclaimer: Neko-chan does not own Card Captor Sakura. NOW LEAVE HER ALONE! ;-p
Chapter Two
Me.
That's an interesting word, don't you think? Me. M. E. It's a very simple word--after all, it is composed of only two letters--but it can lead to so many things. I. Myself. Mine. My. Though these things don't seem to have a common ground (after all, these are pronouns, adjectives, possessives, reflexives, and such...), but they actually do. They all point back to one source. You. ...how many times have you heard this one saying: "Me, myself, and I"? Too many times to count, am I right? But, once again, it all leads back to _you._
People always seem to be obsessed with themselves. If you take only one day and sit on a park bench, listening to the different murmurs of conversations, you'll quickly lose track on how many sentences start with a first person singular subject. In fact, you'll probably lose count after two hours or so. It may take a little bit longer, it may take a little bit shorter--but you _will_ eventually lose count.
Another thing that I've noticed--people in general are very obsessive on how much control they have. They like order and they like knowing the fact that everything is in its proper place. It just seems completely strange to me. Why worry about it? You're going to move it again eventually. It is where it is.
Sometimes I just sit on a park bench and watch as people walk on by. Sometimes I wonder to myself--'What would it be like for them to switch place with me? How would they like it if they had to go through life, day in and day out, wondering if the other them that lived deep inside their body would suddenly burst out and take over completely?' Dark thoughts, I know. But don't I have a right to at least _sometimes_ think these dark thoughts?
I think I do.
After all, why can't I be at least somewhat bitter? A completely nonhuman being lives inside of me. He can emerge at any point of time and take over my body. It's frightening to sometimes think about the control that he has over my body. He can make me do whatever he wishes--and I wouldn't be able to stop it. That, more than anything else, is the scariest part. I wouldn't be able to stop him.
What if he decides to kill himself one night? I wouldn't know what he has planned and I wouldn't be able to stop him. When he dies...I die, also. I don't like to think these thoughts--after all, why would anyone like to think these thoughts? But I wake up in the morning sometimes and I see bruises covering my body. I shudder every single time I discover a new bruise that _I_ don't remember making. I shudder every single time I think of how much more damage Yue-me received in order to get me bruised. If he dies, I _will_ die along with him. He takes risks sometimes...and they're scary ones. There is only one body that has to be shared by two people. When something happens to one of us, it DOES happen to both of us. Yue-me doesn't really want to admit to this fact, but he is aware of this fact. And he tries to ignore this knowledge with the best of his capabilities. He can't ignore it for much longer.
Following down this path logically, another thought comes to mind. It's a terrifying one, but one that I will have to face eventually. (In a way, everyone has to eventually face this, too. It may come in different ways and different forms, but this thought _will_ have to be faced.) Who is the real me? Which one of us is the real me? Which one of us is the reality? Is either of us a dream? ...what _is_ reality anyway, but the very substance of a dream? What _is_ real? Am I dreaming?
Don't you think that this is disturbing--questioning your very existence? All people eventually question, but not all do it as I do. After all, how could they? In the end, they all realize that they _are_ real. That their reality _is_ reality. But how can I possibly question things as they do? Because--the truth of the matter is--I DON'T know what is reality. It may be this one. Or, it may be Yue-me's reality...and I'm only his shadow.
It'd be suiting, though, wouldn't it? To be his shadow, I mean. When compared to him, I _am_ found lacking. He's so much stronger and smarter than I am. He can fight, while I can't. If worse comes to worse, he would be able to defend my friends. But I? I would have to stand by on the sidelines, watching as they all die.
I would rather die than have to go through that.
In a way, it's intriguing, though. How so?, you ask. I'm not in the mood to explain it fully, so I'll just leave that until another day. It's too complicated and it'll take a long, long time to explain it until it can be explained no more. How long? Maybe until all of eternity...
When I hear about the others talking about Yue, I sometimes just drift in and out of thought, just allowing my mind to wander. But, for some reason, it always returns to one single strand of thought: Maybe... What if Yue-me _isn't_ a completely different person? Yin and yang, in a way. What if he's just everything that dark about me. An alter ego, a person might think. He's everything I want to be; maybe the feeling is returned. What if I'm everything that he wants to be? Interesting... I'm probably just deluding myself, but what would happen if I was right? Light and darkness. Yin and yang. Everything has an opposite and somehow they do manage to fit together. Like two pieces of the same puzzle.
In a way, it's like having multiple personalities. Which personality is real? Which reality is real? Which reality is the real one and which one is the dream? Which puzzle fits in with which piece? How can yin and yang exists as they do? Honestly, I don't know. In fact, I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm still trying to figure _everything_ out.
For some reason, I don't think that I ever _will_ figure it out.
A/N: Eh. Chapter two done. Hopefully, it was at least _somewhat_ good. (AND it was longer than last chapter, too! Whoohoo!) Anyway, possibly...if you have time, would like to go and read my other stories? I have a ton to chose from--poems, haikus, originals, original anime/manga, miscellaneous, books, crossovers, and anime. (And, in the anime, I have CCS, GW, DBZ, Video Girl Ai, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and a TON more.)
Yami: My, don't you seem a little pathetic, ne?
...go back to your fanfiction! *points and stamps foot* Anyway, see you in chapter three! ^_~
~Neko-chan