Split Into Two

By: Neko-chan



A/N: I know that a couple of people have asked me about when I would eventually bring in the actual story plot line and dialogue and I finally have an answer for them: I'll be starting the actual story not next chapter, but the one after. I just needed to have the introspective (POV) chapters to set up the base and structure of the story. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying it so far. Ja ne and see you next chapter! ^_~

DISCLAIMER: Neko-chan does not own Card Captor Sakura. Now put away those lawyers!





Chapter Four

I like going to the park and just sit on the bench by the lake for hours on end. Listening to the water lap against the shore is probably the most relaxing thing I have ever heard. On some days, I even bring bread to feed to the ducks and swans that live in the lake.

But they eventually end up fighting over the bread pieces and so I don't really like to bring the food nowadays. All I want to do is just sit there, quiet all around me, just the gentle lapping of the water surrounding me. It's peaceful and it's restful. Gentle and quiet. How I so wish my own life was like that. I fall asleep sometimes, just sitting there.

Sometimes I just doze for several minutes, other times I sleep for hours, waking up only to find that time has passed me swiftly on by while I had slept. I love those days--the days where all the world seems muted and subdued. The days that pass slowly on by and you live through it in a half-dream. You don't know whether you're awake or if you're sleeping. The edges of your vision is misted, fading slowly--ever so slowly. A dreamscape, pale and unreal. Surreal.

I don't know if I'm awake anymore.

All I know if that things are starting to fade for me. Am I awake or am I sleeping now? I just don't know. I don't think I'll _ever_ know. My vision is fading. Everything in my sight is subdued. Nothing seems real anymore. Will it _ever seem_ real--even when it's not?

My life has seemed like a dream--surreal and unreal. But it's NOT real. It was all just a dream. _I_ am just a dream--fading around the edges and falling from memory over time. After all, all dreams slowly and eventually fade. All it will take is time. And then I'll be gone. I'll be gone forever; for, after all, dreams fade and do not last. They cannot stand the test of time. Thing die and things fade. Eventually you lose all. Everything goes eventually...

...except things that are immortal.

Is Yue immortal? I'm scared to ask and see how he answers. I guess, in a way, I'm a coward. I'm not just scared of how he'll answer, I'm terrified. What would happen if he told me yes? I know that I would be shocked--and perhaps I would also be curious. After all, how would he be able to live each day, knowing full well that he would live to see another day, another year, another century, another...millennium. I know that I would be unbelievably weary. Tired. So very, very tired.

I wake up sometimes in the morning and I _do_ feel so very tired. I know that it's what Yue is feeling. He won't ever admit it to me, but he is wearied. He is mourning. He will tell no one. And yet...I still know. I do not know what to do with this knowledge, but I still know. I do not pity him--for how can you pity someone who others describe so majestically?--but I do feel sorry for him. I can imagine how wearied he must feel and I can imagine what the pain of loss must feel for him because I _can_ feel these things. Yue and I are linked in ways that no one else can understand. And, once again, this is my own secret that I will reveal to no one. Not even Yue.

At times like these, I don't hate him. I can never hate him. When I try to explain this to the others, they can't understand why. But how can I possibly hate someone who is a part of me? (Or that I'm a part of him...) It isn't possible and they just can't seem to understand that. Yes, in the beginning, I hated him and what he stood for. Everything real--everything that I wasn't. But that was before I began to understand who I am and what I meant to him. That hate faded away. It was like a poison in my body, but I was able to draw it out.

And yet..._I_ don't understand all this sometimes. But you feel what you feel. Nothing can change it and it can rarely be explained properly. But you still feel.

I'm sitting on the bench again.

The sun is slowly setting on the horizon and the stars are coming out in the sky high above me. I've sat here all day, unmoving and in a half-dream. All day the waves have gently lapped up against the shore and then slowly receded. Crashing and then slowly joining the main body once again. It's happened all day--never-ending and never-ceasing. I love hearing it, wandering deep in a dream. But wait...

Silence.

There is no more sound. Silence fills the night, making a black abyss of the park and the bench on which I'm sitting on. No sound. Even the sound of my own breath...gone. Am I still even breathing? I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Darkness ascends and it seems to fill me up, swallowing me whole. Is there an end to this darkness? I wait and I wait and I wait. Will it _ever_ end? And it finally does. A pale, luminous light fills the air around me. I feel refreshed. I can almost soak it in; I can almost touch it.

The moon has finally risen.

I know that means that Yue's power has awakened. But will he, himself, awake also? I don't know tonight. I never know. He never asks and he never tells me; and I never ask, either. All I can do is wait here on my bench. All I want to do is just listen to the gentle lapping of the water on the lake shore. All I just want is solitude to think.

But I wouldn't get my wish.



Darkness came up upon me. It wasn't the same darkness as before. This darkness I knew. This darkness I was familiar with. Yue had awoken. I don't know what he wanted and I don't know what he did while I floated in the oblivion of nothingness...just thoughts and emotions keeping me company. It always happened like this. Come morning, I know that I would wake up either in my own bed...or somewhere else. I just hope that Yue would leave me in place that I knew. But, then again, he always did. I think that it was the one sign that he gives me that tells me that he thinks about me. At least, I _think_ that's what he's trying to tell me. I'm probably wrong, though.

Everyone thinks that I'm usually wrong.

I don't normally feel resentment towards others (after all, the 'me' that Yue created wanted 'me' to be happy and gentle, quiet and soft-spoken), but I've been feeling upset lately. Why do people always think that I'm a bubble-headed young man? I don't know why they think it... I am thoughtful and I can think. Just because I don't always express my thoughts doesn't mean that I don't have any. I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself. Is there anything wrong with that? Touya does the same--I'm probably one of the few people that he shows his true side to. But no one ever thinks of Touya as a empty bubble-head. So why do they think it of me? I'm not only good at archery. I like to write and I like to think about different things.

I have a personality and I'm not a 'ditz.'

So why do people think of me in this way? I don't know the answer to that question and I don't think I'll ever know. I just wish that more people realize that I _do_ think. I guess, in the way, I'm like Yue. I don't think he realizes it himself, but besides giving me Clow Reed's attributes, he also have me some of his own. But, once again, this is _my_ secret to keep. Not even Yue realizes it.

Yue is a very thoughtful person--quiet and deep-thinking. He doesn't often voice what he thinks; at least, I don't think so. After all, in the end, I can only go by what Sakura and Touya tell me...and the differing emotions and images that I sometimes get from him. Emotions and images that he doesn't realize that he's sharing. But, once again, it is my secret to keep.

And so my descent into the dark abyss continues...



I wake up in my own bed. I am surprised, because this happens very rarely. I can count on one hand the number of times that Yue has left me in my own bed. But that doesn't matter. At least he has thought of me and has left me in a place where he knows that I will be most comfortable. And now I have to get ready for school.

I hate school. I have to put on the mask that Yue created for me every single time I go. Everything feels so fake and so constrained. So like a dream--and yet not. Sometimes the fakeness of it all just about blinds me...and then the edges of my vision blurs and I can hardly see anything at all.

But it doesn't matter.

I slowly get up, pushing myself up into a sitting position. My movements lag--my body knows that it must get dressed and ready for school and it does not want to. Neither does my brain. I have to, though. There is no other choice. Besides, Touya and Sakura will be there. They are perhaps my only friends. Well, in a way, you could also count Yue. ...what would he think if he discovered that I count him as one of my friends, though I have never meant him and I probably never will? Surprised, most assuredly. Shocked, yes. Comforted? ...yes, I think so. Absently, I look down at my bed to make it.

There's a white feather left on my pillow, where my head rested.

I smile softly.