The worst feeling in the world is falling in love with someone, but
knowing that they don't love you back. Jonas thought bitterly to himself
as he watched Fiona park her bike at its proper port in front of the House
of the Old. Her red hair swung steadily across her shoulders as she
gracefully got off the bike and walked into the building. Sighing, he
walked his own bike to its port, and just as he was about to enter the
Annex, he heard a gentle voice call out to him, "Good-bye Jonas!" He
turned just in time to see Fiona wave at him before stepping through the
open door.
"Good-bye Fiona," he called back, his heart racing beneath his chest. She had remembered him, and though her saying "good-bye" was just a friendly gesture, he knew it was all she could give him. Fiona did not feel what he felt, she knew nothing of love, the wanting and desire, she only knew what she needed to get by. She was just another robot controlled by this cruel community.
Sighing once more, Jonas ran into the Annex, knowing that the Giver would not be pleased if he was late.
***
"Mother? Father?" Jonas questioned that night at dinner. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure Jonas, Lily, go get the water started for Gabe's bath."
"But I want to stay here," her tiny voice whined.
"Lily," said her father sternly, "Go now."
Finally giving in, Lily stomped over to the high-chair, "C'mon Gabe, we're not important enough to listen to them talk, we've got better things to do!" Then, being careful not to drop the laughing infant, she stomped out of the room. Not until he heard the bathroom door slam, and the sound of running water, did Jonas begin.
"Why do we have to take the pills?"
"Jonas! Of all people I would have thought you would understand!" His mother gasped.
"But I don't, Mother, what's the harm in having stirrings?"
"Jonas, it's against the law to not take the pill. Having stirrings can confuse people, they won't make the best decisions."
"But how do they know if they've never tried?"
"Enough questions for tonight Jonas," His father interjected, startling both Jonas and his mother. His father was never angry, though tonight Jonas' question seemed to send him into raging fury. Still, he could not resist pursuing the issue.
"But."
"I said enough! You haven't been avoiding taking your pills, have you?"
"No, of course not! I take them every day," Jonas lied.
"Good."
"But."
"Jonas," his mother sighed, "we've all just returned from a full day of work, can't your father and I relax?"
"Ok Mother, I apologize."
"We accept you apology, now go get ready for bed."
"Yes Mother." And with that, Jonas left the room, not satisfied in the least with his parents' answers. I'll have to talk to the Giver about it tomorrow. He thought to himself. With that though resting in his mind, he drifted off into a deep sleep, full with the pleasing appearance of his crush, Fiona.
***
"Hey Asher!"
"Hey, Jonas." His best friend responded hesitantly.
"Ash, you're not still upset about that incident in the fields are you? Look, I said I was sorry, and I really am, I just wasn't myself that day. Do you forgive me?"
After a few moments a silly grin appeared on Asher's face. "Of course I forgive you, Jonas. How could we go on like that?" The two friends laughed together, not noticing that another figure had joined them.
"Well I'm glad that's over!" A feminine voice rang out. Both Jonas and Asher looked up to see themselves face to face with Fiona. "I didn't think I could stand another minute of having to put up with that tenseness between you!"
"Hey Fiona," Jonas said quietly.
"Hey Jonas," she answered him, with an inquiring smile on her face.
Jonas sighed as Asher began his endless jabber once again. He could never tell Fiona how he felt, she would never understand, no one ever would. In a few years he could apply for a spouse and would most likely get one he could tolerate but didn't really care for. The chances were slim that he would ever find someone that he could love as much as Fiona, maybe she was the only one he could love. I don't love my parents, he thought with a horrid jolt, I don't love them or Lily, but I love Fiona, and I think I might love Gabe, he and the Giver are the only ones that understand me.
Oh come off it Jonas, Gabe is just a baby! Another voice in his head rang out.
He may be a baby, but he's just like me.
He may be like you, but that doesn't mean he understands!
Well if he doesn't, who does?
"Jonas?" He felt himself jolt back to reality as the voice called to him.
"W-what?"
"I said we should probably be going, we don't want to be late for work." Fiona and Asher were standing over him silently, with questioning looks on their faces.
"Yeah, you're right, let's get our bikes and go." He knew they wouldn't ask him what he had been thinking, even if they wanted to, because that would be rude and they knew that they could never show such rudeness. Jonas may be allowed to do certain things, such as be rude or lie, but they still could not. They were bound to the law, they were bound to the same fate as everyone else in the community. A cursed life, a loveless life, but a perfect one nonetheless.
***
"Giver, why is it that only we feel love?"
"Because we are the ones who must hold it."
"But why must we keep it from everyone, why is it such a terrible thing to have?"
The Giver sighed, then looked intently at his young Receiver. "What do you think about Love, Jonas?"
"Well," Jonas began after moments of deep thought, "I think that it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. I think that everyone should have the chance to experience it."
"You didn't think so when we started this training,"
Jonas looked up at him, startled, "What do you mean?"
"Toward the start of your training, you began to feel that things weren't fair in the community, that we weren't given a fair choice."
"Like I feel now." But the Giver held up his hand to silence him.
"But then we began to discuss it, and you thought it wasn't safe for us to have choices. 'What if they were allowed to choose their own mates? And they chose wrong?' those were your exact words."
Jonas was silent as he contemplated these facts. It was true, he could recall uttering those words before. But did he really mean it? Did he still believe that now?
"That was before."
"Before what, Jonas?"
Before her, before Fiona. Before I fell in love! How could it be so wrong to love her? To want to be with her? Why was it so wrong to love?
"Well, it's worked in the past hasn't it?"
"But we got rid of it,"
"Yes, but."
"But what?" He asked, clearly interested.
Jonas tried a new approach, "Giver, have you ever been in love?" This question took him by surprise, but after some thought, he smiled.
"Yes,"
Startled, Jonas began questioning him again, "With whom? Your spouse?"
"No, with a little girl, named Rosemary."
***
Sitting quietly at her desk, Fiona bent over her paper, never pausing in her writing. Jonas couldn't take his eyes off her. Her red hair slid gracefully across her shoulders, splashing over her dull, colorless tunic. She glanced up at him and smiled, taking him by surprise. He smiled back as she glanced over to the teacher, then immediately put her head back down. Looking over, Jonas realized his instructor was moving towards him, no doubt to check on his progress. He looked back down at his blank paper, and began writing about the first thing that came to mind.
Her name echoes in my mind, Like and endless song, She's calls to me, In my dreams, And tells me to go on. I cannot help the way I feel for her, Though I know she cannot feel the same, She lives a cursed life free of guilt, Of love, Of joy, Of pain. She has the essence of an angel, And she's sitting here on Earth, She is the reason that I continue living, She's the cause of my joy, sadness, and mirth. She is all I ever want, Though she'll never want me, She is the only thing in the world, The only thing that I see. I cannot tell her how I feel, For she has never loved, But how do I know that my feeling is real, The true gift from above?
The words flew out of Jonas, off his pen and onto the paper. He had no way of stopping them. He was no poet, he knew that, and yet, this seemed to be the only way to express his feelings, the only way to free himself of this pain. I'll show this to the Giver tonight. He silently promised himself. He will understand. I will make him understand. Jonas repeated his pledge over and over throughout the rest of the day. The folded sheet of paper seemed to control him through his pocket. He could think of nothing else, yet his body seemed to function fine. He was so confused, that when the final bell rang, even Jonas, a good student, cheered with the rest of the rowdy, restless boys.
***
Eager to show the Giver his poem, Jonas dropped his bicycle in his port, and dashed into the Annex building. Saying a rushed "hello" to the receptionist, he sprinted into the Giver's room.
"Jonas!"
"I apolo-" then remembering that there were no apologies in this room, he started over. "I wanted to show you this," He brought out the folded paper and shoved it into the Giver's hands. After a moment or two of silence, the Giver finally glanced up.
"You wrote this?"
"Yes."
"It's very good." Then, before Jonas could respond, he continued. "Jonas, did you write this about Fiona?"
Blushing, Jonas muttered, "yes,"
The Giver sighed, "Jonas, I think it's wonderful that you love someone, it really is a great feeling.but I feel I've put this off for far too long."
"Put what off?" He asked nervously.
"Lie down, there are a few memories you have not yet received."
Obediently, Jonas lay down on the table, removing his tunic. He closed his eyes and he felt the Giver's cool hands on his back, transmitting the powerful memory.
Jonas was sitting in the middle of a park, on a bench with another girl. Girlfriend, the word echoed in his mind. She was his girlfriend. Giggling, the girl leaned over and kissed Jonas' cheek, then stood up to leave. As he watched her go, Jonas felt his heart melt as it often did with Fiona. Quickly, the memory changed. He was in the same park, but something was different, something was wrong. Then he saw it, the girl, his girlfriend, sitting on the bench. He started to run, to go meet her, when another boy showed up. She stood up to greet him, and he pulled her into a hug. They kissed more intimately than she had just kissed him, and then sat down together. A million words entered Jonas' mind to describe his feelings. The worst one, "heartbreak," seemed to stay with him, even as he opened his eyes.
The Giver stared at him intently, waiting for him to speak.
"Th-th-that hurt, not physically, but some other kind of hurt, I can't describe it."
"What do you remember?"
"Heartbreak. That was the word that kept coming into my mind. Why, why did she do it?"
The Giver sighed, "In that memory you loved the girl, but she loved someone else. That's why we don't have love any more. People were depressed, they loved someone who didn't love them back, they felt that there was no one out there for them, so they filed for release. That caused a chain reaction. They loved one person who didn't love them, but someone else loved them instead. When they filed for release, the person that loved them was heartbroken, so they did so as well. Can you see why it isn't safe to have love? Can you see why the elders made the decision that they did?"
Jonas sat there, silently, as he felt a single teardrop slide down his cheek. "You mean, I could love Fiona, but she may love someone else, like Asher, or another boy?"
"Yes."
Sighing, Jonas finally agreed. "Maybe you're right. But it's such a wonderful feeling to be loved. Surely you must have memories in which someone loved you back?"
"Of course I do, but not today. You must keep this memory with you as a reminder. Fiona will never love you back, and that is something you must accept, I cannot give you this new memory until you have accepted it, it might put new futile ideas into your head. I apologize for hurting you Jonas, but this is the way it must be, you understand that, don't you?"
Jonas nodded, not understanding him at all.
"Good-bye Fiona," he called back, his heart racing beneath his chest. She had remembered him, and though her saying "good-bye" was just a friendly gesture, he knew it was all she could give him. Fiona did not feel what he felt, she knew nothing of love, the wanting and desire, she only knew what she needed to get by. She was just another robot controlled by this cruel community.
Sighing once more, Jonas ran into the Annex, knowing that the Giver would not be pleased if he was late.
***
"Mother? Father?" Jonas questioned that night at dinner. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure Jonas, Lily, go get the water started for Gabe's bath."
"But I want to stay here," her tiny voice whined.
"Lily," said her father sternly, "Go now."
Finally giving in, Lily stomped over to the high-chair, "C'mon Gabe, we're not important enough to listen to them talk, we've got better things to do!" Then, being careful not to drop the laughing infant, she stomped out of the room. Not until he heard the bathroom door slam, and the sound of running water, did Jonas begin.
"Why do we have to take the pills?"
"Jonas! Of all people I would have thought you would understand!" His mother gasped.
"But I don't, Mother, what's the harm in having stirrings?"
"Jonas, it's against the law to not take the pill. Having stirrings can confuse people, they won't make the best decisions."
"But how do they know if they've never tried?"
"Enough questions for tonight Jonas," His father interjected, startling both Jonas and his mother. His father was never angry, though tonight Jonas' question seemed to send him into raging fury. Still, he could not resist pursuing the issue.
"But."
"I said enough! You haven't been avoiding taking your pills, have you?"
"No, of course not! I take them every day," Jonas lied.
"Good."
"But."
"Jonas," his mother sighed, "we've all just returned from a full day of work, can't your father and I relax?"
"Ok Mother, I apologize."
"We accept you apology, now go get ready for bed."
"Yes Mother." And with that, Jonas left the room, not satisfied in the least with his parents' answers. I'll have to talk to the Giver about it tomorrow. He thought to himself. With that though resting in his mind, he drifted off into a deep sleep, full with the pleasing appearance of his crush, Fiona.
***
"Hey Asher!"
"Hey, Jonas." His best friend responded hesitantly.
"Ash, you're not still upset about that incident in the fields are you? Look, I said I was sorry, and I really am, I just wasn't myself that day. Do you forgive me?"
After a few moments a silly grin appeared on Asher's face. "Of course I forgive you, Jonas. How could we go on like that?" The two friends laughed together, not noticing that another figure had joined them.
"Well I'm glad that's over!" A feminine voice rang out. Both Jonas and Asher looked up to see themselves face to face with Fiona. "I didn't think I could stand another minute of having to put up with that tenseness between you!"
"Hey Fiona," Jonas said quietly.
"Hey Jonas," she answered him, with an inquiring smile on her face.
Jonas sighed as Asher began his endless jabber once again. He could never tell Fiona how he felt, she would never understand, no one ever would. In a few years he could apply for a spouse and would most likely get one he could tolerate but didn't really care for. The chances were slim that he would ever find someone that he could love as much as Fiona, maybe she was the only one he could love. I don't love my parents, he thought with a horrid jolt, I don't love them or Lily, but I love Fiona, and I think I might love Gabe, he and the Giver are the only ones that understand me.
Oh come off it Jonas, Gabe is just a baby! Another voice in his head rang out.
He may be a baby, but he's just like me.
He may be like you, but that doesn't mean he understands!
Well if he doesn't, who does?
"Jonas?" He felt himself jolt back to reality as the voice called to him.
"W-what?"
"I said we should probably be going, we don't want to be late for work." Fiona and Asher were standing over him silently, with questioning looks on their faces.
"Yeah, you're right, let's get our bikes and go." He knew they wouldn't ask him what he had been thinking, even if they wanted to, because that would be rude and they knew that they could never show such rudeness. Jonas may be allowed to do certain things, such as be rude or lie, but they still could not. They were bound to the law, they were bound to the same fate as everyone else in the community. A cursed life, a loveless life, but a perfect one nonetheless.
***
"Giver, why is it that only we feel love?"
"Because we are the ones who must hold it."
"But why must we keep it from everyone, why is it such a terrible thing to have?"
The Giver sighed, then looked intently at his young Receiver. "What do you think about Love, Jonas?"
"Well," Jonas began after moments of deep thought, "I think that it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. I think that everyone should have the chance to experience it."
"You didn't think so when we started this training,"
Jonas looked up at him, startled, "What do you mean?"
"Toward the start of your training, you began to feel that things weren't fair in the community, that we weren't given a fair choice."
"Like I feel now." But the Giver held up his hand to silence him.
"But then we began to discuss it, and you thought it wasn't safe for us to have choices. 'What if they were allowed to choose their own mates? And they chose wrong?' those were your exact words."
Jonas was silent as he contemplated these facts. It was true, he could recall uttering those words before. But did he really mean it? Did he still believe that now?
"That was before."
"Before what, Jonas?"
Before her, before Fiona. Before I fell in love! How could it be so wrong to love her? To want to be with her? Why was it so wrong to love?
"Well, it's worked in the past hasn't it?"
"But we got rid of it,"
"Yes, but."
"But what?" He asked, clearly interested.
Jonas tried a new approach, "Giver, have you ever been in love?" This question took him by surprise, but after some thought, he smiled.
"Yes,"
Startled, Jonas began questioning him again, "With whom? Your spouse?"
"No, with a little girl, named Rosemary."
***
Sitting quietly at her desk, Fiona bent over her paper, never pausing in her writing. Jonas couldn't take his eyes off her. Her red hair slid gracefully across her shoulders, splashing over her dull, colorless tunic. She glanced up at him and smiled, taking him by surprise. He smiled back as she glanced over to the teacher, then immediately put her head back down. Looking over, Jonas realized his instructor was moving towards him, no doubt to check on his progress. He looked back down at his blank paper, and began writing about the first thing that came to mind.
Her name echoes in my mind, Like and endless song, She's calls to me, In my dreams, And tells me to go on. I cannot help the way I feel for her, Though I know she cannot feel the same, She lives a cursed life free of guilt, Of love, Of joy, Of pain. She has the essence of an angel, And she's sitting here on Earth, She is the reason that I continue living, She's the cause of my joy, sadness, and mirth. She is all I ever want, Though she'll never want me, She is the only thing in the world, The only thing that I see. I cannot tell her how I feel, For she has never loved, But how do I know that my feeling is real, The true gift from above?
The words flew out of Jonas, off his pen and onto the paper. He had no way of stopping them. He was no poet, he knew that, and yet, this seemed to be the only way to express his feelings, the only way to free himself of this pain. I'll show this to the Giver tonight. He silently promised himself. He will understand. I will make him understand. Jonas repeated his pledge over and over throughout the rest of the day. The folded sheet of paper seemed to control him through his pocket. He could think of nothing else, yet his body seemed to function fine. He was so confused, that when the final bell rang, even Jonas, a good student, cheered with the rest of the rowdy, restless boys.
***
Eager to show the Giver his poem, Jonas dropped his bicycle in his port, and dashed into the Annex building. Saying a rushed "hello" to the receptionist, he sprinted into the Giver's room.
"Jonas!"
"I apolo-" then remembering that there were no apologies in this room, he started over. "I wanted to show you this," He brought out the folded paper and shoved it into the Giver's hands. After a moment or two of silence, the Giver finally glanced up.
"You wrote this?"
"Yes."
"It's very good." Then, before Jonas could respond, he continued. "Jonas, did you write this about Fiona?"
Blushing, Jonas muttered, "yes,"
The Giver sighed, "Jonas, I think it's wonderful that you love someone, it really is a great feeling.but I feel I've put this off for far too long."
"Put what off?" He asked nervously.
"Lie down, there are a few memories you have not yet received."
Obediently, Jonas lay down on the table, removing his tunic. He closed his eyes and he felt the Giver's cool hands on his back, transmitting the powerful memory.
Jonas was sitting in the middle of a park, on a bench with another girl. Girlfriend, the word echoed in his mind. She was his girlfriend. Giggling, the girl leaned over and kissed Jonas' cheek, then stood up to leave. As he watched her go, Jonas felt his heart melt as it often did with Fiona. Quickly, the memory changed. He was in the same park, but something was different, something was wrong. Then he saw it, the girl, his girlfriend, sitting on the bench. He started to run, to go meet her, when another boy showed up. She stood up to greet him, and he pulled her into a hug. They kissed more intimately than she had just kissed him, and then sat down together. A million words entered Jonas' mind to describe his feelings. The worst one, "heartbreak," seemed to stay with him, even as he opened his eyes.
The Giver stared at him intently, waiting for him to speak.
"Th-th-that hurt, not physically, but some other kind of hurt, I can't describe it."
"What do you remember?"
"Heartbreak. That was the word that kept coming into my mind. Why, why did she do it?"
The Giver sighed, "In that memory you loved the girl, but she loved someone else. That's why we don't have love any more. People were depressed, they loved someone who didn't love them back, they felt that there was no one out there for them, so they filed for release. That caused a chain reaction. They loved one person who didn't love them, but someone else loved them instead. When they filed for release, the person that loved them was heartbroken, so they did so as well. Can you see why it isn't safe to have love? Can you see why the elders made the decision that they did?"
Jonas sat there, silently, as he felt a single teardrop slide down his cheek. "You mean, I could love Fiona, but she may love someone else, like Asher, or another boy?"
"Yes."
Sighing, Jonas finally agreed. "Maybe you're right. But it's such a wonderful feeling to be loved. Surely you must have memories in which someone loved you back?"
"Of course I do, but not today. You must keep this memory with you as a reminder. Fiona will never love you back, and that is something you must accept, I cannot give you this new memory until you have accepted it, it might put new futile ideas into your head. I apologize for hurting you Jonas, but this is the way it must be, you understand that, don't you?"
Jonas nodded, not understanding him at all.