I apologize for the delay. Our internet connection has a thing against me. ^_^
Please don't get mad at me for this chapter. I can't do angst well. I'll be reverting to comedy again shortly. Pregnancy should be a happy, if crazy, set of events ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own RK. I own the story.
(reformatted)
…………………………………………………
Kaoru slowly backed away from the gate. The baby inside her was kicking and punching, afraid of what was going on outside. The darkness of the twilight made the meeting even more ominous.
His eyes were gleaming, bright, and angry. They seemed to have a glow of their own, shining even in the darkness. They stared at her with the look of murder.
She was not afraid of death. She knew that those eyes, even in their greatest ferocity, would never look death again in the face. But the wrath in those eyes ---- it was not the protective anger she had seen before. It was a dangerous, frightful anger, one that knew no boundaries, one that knew no man. It was this anger that she was backing away from nervously.
"The Red Dragon……….." she mumbled, still walking backward toward the house. She recalled Yahiko's warning. It had come true.
The Red Dragon inched forward after her, his piercing eyes penetrating her frightened soul. He was holding in his hands, the box that incriminated her. If not for the box, Kaoru was sure that those hands would have been on his sword.
"You lied to me." Each word cut as sharply as his blade.
"Now, hold on………." She tried to answer confidently.
"You lied to me."
"Come on now, it's just a cake………."
"YOU DECEIVED ME, KAORU!"
The poor woman did not know what to do. She decided to fight a losing battle.
"You forced me to do it, Kenshin!"
Battousai grabbed her kimono from above the chest, clutched it with an iron grip, and looked down at her terrified blue eyes with his frightening golden ones. "Forced you? And why should I force you to lie to me?! I have always tried to be honest with you, and you repay me this way?!"
Ore. He used ore, not sessha. He only used that pronoun for himself, as the powerful assassin.
"There was no need to deceive me, was there? I would have given you extra money for them if you asked." He tightened his terrorizing hold on the kimono, and raised her closer to his accusing words. "You were not satisfied with the pickles. Now you hide this from me, too?"
Cold sweat dotted Kaoru's forehead. Her breath came in rapid pauses. Her lips had lost all color.
"What else have you kept from me, woman? What else?! How can I be certain that this baby is mine? Or is that something else you are hiding from me? Answer me!" The fire in his eyes rose hotter and brighter.
Despite the fear in her heart, Kaoru was composed and defiant. "You did not answer my question this morning, so why should I answer you now?"
He dropped the box and put his right hand to the hilt of his sword. "You are underestimating me, woman! I will get the truth out of you, if I have to………" He drew out the sword and leveled it on her head in half a second.
"Do it…………Kenshin." Her whole body was shaking, but she bravely challenged her husband, and closed her eyes, ready for the strike, ready to meet her Maker.
A small sound.
Then silence.
No strike came.
When she opened her eyes, she saw that the glaring eyes had returned to their violet hue, and that the sword had fallen to the pavement beside him. His face was pale, and he was looking at his hands, as if they were full of newly drawn blood. He dropped to his knees on the fresh white snow.
"What……….has sessha done? What have………. I done? Kaoru…….dono……….I almost………I almost…………Why……..Why?!"
As tiny snowflakes fell slowly, tears fell quickly through his cheeks and to the layer of snow. He buried his face in his hands. He wept profusely behind them.
Kaoru was still standing where he left her. She was still wondering at the change ten seconds made to her husband; from a man bent on killing her for the truth, to a man broken and weeping in remorse. She had seen the former Battousai, and the former rurouni, together. More importantly, Kaoru told herself, in front of her now was Kenshin. No longer one or the other. Someone not unlike them, but someone more. For some reason only he knew in his heart, this man of contrasting yet complimenting personalities loved her. He loved her.
She had to make things right.
She kneeled in front of him and calmly spoke, "Anata, you were right. I should not have done that. I should have told you. I should have asked you. I am sorry for that, from the bottom of my heart. I swear that there is nothing else I am hiding from you. This child inside me is yours and mine. I would never think of being unfaithful. I swear that to you. And I ask for your forgiveness."
But he never looked up or spoke in return. Rather, he kept staring at the snow and at his freezing hands in distress. Kaoru patiently waited for an answer. When she finally understood that none would come, she stood up slowly and faced the house.
"I'll be waiting for your answer, Kenshin."
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I HAVE forgiven you. A million times over, during the last ten minutes, I have forgiven you. It was a harmless triviality. I should have understood. Baka! Baka! Baka! I should have understood!
It was unnecessary. I did not have to be angry at you, or at anyone else. I did not have to show you my old self again, for such a meaningless trifle. What was I so worried about in the first place? Why was I so afraid that you would deceive me, even in such a simple thing?
Is it because I am afraid to lose you, slowly?
It was probably my fault, anyway, why you did it. Everybody was right. I paid more attention to the money, than to you. You, above all other people, felt that.
I drew my sword at you. I forgot all for a few fatal moments. I was so angry at you then. I raised the sword to strike, maybe even to kill. I, who promised to protect you with my life! I, who would rather die than see you dead! I, who live because you live!
You mentioned my name, as you bravely stood before me. I suddenly remembered all my promises, all my memories. I only saw the woman in front of me, the same one that I love and married. I dropped the sword.
My hands are white and cold, but they are red to me. Red with the blood I almost spilt, accusing my intentions, condemning my impulsiveness. They are stained with the blood of countless, nameless individuals, pointing their ghostly fingers at me. Will you kill your love, too, as you have killed us?
WHAT HAPPPENED TO ME?! What made me do that? What have I done?
Do I deserve to be forgiven?
Will YOU forgive me?
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"I heard someone shouting last night," Yahiko told Kaoru as he rubbed his eyes. "What happened?"
Kaoru felt her baby move again. It was begging to be fed, it seemed. She tenderly put a hand on her growing stomach where she felt the movement. She did not know how to express her thoughts to Yahiko, or this little child. She was worried, not for herself, but for her husband. A blanket of snow covered the dojo's open area. Still, Kaoru glanced at the walkway from the gate to the dojo. She recalled the menacing hold, the angry words, the sudden breakdown.
"The Red Dragon caught me, Yahiko," Kaoru answered simply. "I'm sorry, I should have listened to you."
Yahiko felt the tension in the air. He felt that Kaoru was not telling him the whole truth, but he did not press her. "I see. That partly explains it. You'd better follow me to the kitchen, Kaoru."
When Kaoru peered through the kitchen door, she found the table set for breakfast, all the bowls covered in preparation. The kitchen had been swept spotless, the trash had been thrown out, the stray dishes had been washed. Kaoru was not pleased. She became anxious. Normally, when she came to the kitchen door, her husband would be there, ready with a happy smile. Now, he was gone.
"He left this……" Yahiko pointed again at the table. Under a rice bowl was a note, and beside the note were a lot of coins ---- sufficient for buying that day's lunch, with enough to spare………..for another little cake.
Kaoru took the note from under the rice bowl, and opened it. It read:
I apologize for my conduct toward you last night. It shall not be repeated.
Kaoru threw the note to the floor. "I am NOT Chief Uramura! I do not want an official apology! I want him to forgive me!"
Yahiko took the note and glanced at it. "You did not read everything, Kaoru!" Then he read the end:
Your apology is accepted. I ask for your forgiveness.
It was left unsigned, but the scratchy handwriting were characteristic of the writer.
"Of course, he's forgiven, Kenshin no baka!" Kaoru exclaimed. "It's just that…………."
"Does he forgive himself, you mean?" Yahiko finished.
"Exactly."
He had not. Not for the two weeks that followed.
Kenshin avoided his wife during the weeks before the holidays. The busy workload at the Akabeko made the situation even worse for Kaoru. He departed early in the morning, and arrived late at night. He did not leave any chances open for Kaoru to see him and talk to him.
Every morning he left breakfast ready and waiting for her on the kitchen table, with an allowance for the day. This was indeed a better arrangement than previously, but Kaoru did not have the heart anymore to spend the extra money. In return, Kaoru fixed dinner for him and left it on the table, then she quietly listened for his arrival at Yahiko's room beside the kitchen.
One night, Kaoru left behind a note for him, along with the dinner.
Why do you avoid me, Kenshin? I have forgiven you. Why?
"Sessha is afraid of what he might do, what he might say, to Kaoru-dono." He spoke to a dark and empty kitchen, fully aware of her presence nearby. "Sessha is afraid that he might make the mistake of doing it again. It is not Kaoru-dono's fault. Sessha is fully to blame. Good night."
The next day the note from him said:
Please do not leave dinner. No fault with your cooking. Do not wait anymore tonight. Not necessary.
Both the Akabeko and the precinct began to notice changes in Kenshin. The students commented that he lost many mock duels, which he formerly always won. He repeated many lessons unnecessarily. He did not smile as often as before. He was distracted at lectures and at deliveries. People had to call him twice to get his attention. He took longer time between jobs.
"Something is wrong between you and Kaoru, Kenshin, don't deny it," Tae confronted him as he finished one hour's worth of deliveries in two hours.
"Not with Kaoru-dono, but with sessha, Tae-dono," he clarified.
"Well, then, why don't you talk with her about it? Kaoru is probably as miserable as you are right now for lack of decent conversation."
"Sessha cannot do that, talk to Kaoru-dono face-to-face. Something terrible will happen………." Then he held his hands in front of him, and stared intently at them for some time.
Both establishments also noticed that in the course of two weeks, he had become very pale and very tired. He sneezed and coughed often. He shivered under a thin winter cloak. He did not eat as much as before. It slowed him down considerably. But he would not let them decrease his workload. He did not want to bother them needlessly, he explained. This was just because of the cold weather, he rationalized.
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When Christmas day came, Kaoru hurried to the kitchen, very early, hoping against hope that she would find her husband there on a holiday, still cooking and ready to greet her with a happy smile.
He was gone. Another note lay waiting for her beside a wonderful spread of fish, vegetables, rice, tea, and even some pound cake.
Needed at the Akabeko all day today. Will return tonight. Happy holidays.
Kaoru hated the handwritten telegram more on this special day than on the previous days. She and Yahiko ate the prepared feast in silence.
Many people came by the Kamiya dojo to send their well-wishes and holiday cheer. Kaoru forced herself to smile, as people inquired about her and her baby; as they gave little tips about taking care of herself; as they kept touching her abdomen, waiting for the baby to move. People asked and asked Kenshin's whereabouts, and they all tried to console her as she said he was at the Akabeko, away from her.
The sun fell over the west as the day ended, and still Kenshin had not returned. Kaoru patiently waited. She sat on a chair beside the open gate, rubbed her stomach and sang beautiful lullabies to her baby.
Yahiko came by with a blanket as the moon appeared behind the trees. "You sure you don't want to go in yet, Kaoru? It's getting awfully cold!"
"Not yet. I'll wait for him here," Kaoru replied. "Thanks for the blanket."
"Don't mention it. I'm going to bed," he reentered the gate with a yawn.
Kaoru continued to wait.
At the stroke of midnight, she saw a solitary figure, weakly trudging along the snow toward her. From roughly ten meters away she recognized the red and white clothes that identified her husband, slowly and haltingly walking nearer. She plodded toward him as fast as she possibly could, and embraced him tightly. It was not returned.
As she looked up at his face, she was appalled. This was no longer the Battousai that threatened her two weeks ago, who leveled a sword to her head. This was not her Kenshin.
It was a pallid, sick, dull-eyed ghost.
"Kaoru---do…no." The name came in syllables, and was followed by a cough.
"Kenshin, what has happened to you? Why did you …………"
"Kaoru-dono."
He slowly handed Kaoru a parcel, covered in brown paper and tied with string. She took it without a word, but her face was questioning.
"Kaoru." It was almost in a whisper.
"Yes?" She asked delicately.
"I am sorry."
Suddenly the deep-set eyes closed, and he fell forward, face down, in the snow.
"KENSHIN!"
…………………………………………………….
I promise that this is the last time I will use this plot device against the poor rurouni. I have been much worse to oro-kun in my first two fics. I promise that the mush will be replaced by happier times soon. I know you guys came for the comedy, and I promise to dish it out. Thank you for reading this long chapter. Please keep reading.