Title: Via Nova Chapter 2/?
Author: Silav
Disclaimer: BtVS = NOT mine. That means I cannot have the Buffy/Faith/18-yr. old Dawn sandwich I always wanted!!! Yay me! D'oh!
Category: YOU decide
Rating: R to be safe.
Pairing: A whole slew of them. Expect Faith/Xander, definitely, as well as Buffy/Xander. Prolly more. ^_^
Timeframe: Post "Entropy", but before the big events in "Seeing Red"
Spoilers: Up to "Entropy". Ye have been warned. Avast matey, thar be spoilers ahead!
Feedback: Interesting metaphor number two: I am Xander looking for weapons to beat the judge. Feedback is a rocket launcher. Xander says to rocket launcher: "Yeah, baby"!
Author's notes:
Italicized text = Xander's thoughts
"" = Xander-speak
** = Other-speak
~*~
Location: EveryWhere
Time: EveryWhen
~*~
{{I await your opening move with great anticipation, Valis. You are always so unpredictable.}}
That is part of my...power, as you well know.
{{All too true, Valis. All too true. Well then. Make your move.}}
~*~
Location: The NullZone
Time: No-Time
~*~
"JESSE?!"
No way. There is no way that the best friend I staked almost seven years ago is right here in the middle of my living room! I'm just smashed, that's all! Yep! That's it! I'm just hallucinating!
*That's me. At least, that's what my birth certificate said. My death certificate said that too...if you know what I mean...*
"JESSE?!"
*Dude, if you keep saying my name that often, I'm gonna have to charge you licensing fees.*
"Huh?"
Oh looky...my apartment is disappearing in...what seems to be one heck of a great example of special effects...and it's fading right into...an endless expanse of white. What the HELL do they put into this Smirnoff-thing?! Pretty trippy!
Jeez...just goes to show ya...I can't even hallucinate properly...Ya'd think that I'd hallucinate myself out of my apartment, and right into a harem of beautiful, scantily-clad women who all look like Buffy or Faith...Mmmm...Buffy and Faith…
*Uhmmm...Xand...dude...you're drooling...*
"Hmmmmm?"
*Xander! Come on, man. Snap out of it! Or at least clue me into the sick fantasy I just KNOW you were having!*
FOCUS! Come on, Brain. Work with me here! Focus!
"Jesse!"
Oh yeah, Brain...that's the stuff all right...not.
*Man, Harris...are you being dense on purpose or what?*
"Huh?"
I'm setting new standards here! At this rate, I'll be up to...say...simple arithmetic by the time the world blows up...which, seeing as I live on the Hellmouth, might not even be all that far off...
*Yup. No doubt about it. We have GOT to work on your conversation skills.*
"HEY! Gimme a sec, ok?"
*No prob...time's the least of the things you should worry about here.*
Ok...I'm focused. I'm calm. My mind is now as sharp as...a very sharp thing. Time to take stock of my hallucination. Let's see...There's...one dead best bud, who's standing a couple of feet away, smirking at me. There's...a white void...where my apartment used to be...HUH?!
"What the hell is going on! Where's my apartment! For that matter, where's the rest of...well...everything! And you, Jesse! You're dead! What the hell are you? A vamp? A demon?! So help me, if you've done one thing to..."
*I see you picked up Willow's babble-speak.*
"HEY!"
*Shaddap! Now stay put while I explain!*
"No, you shaddap! You're just a hallucination brought on by my having imbibed an excess amount of alcohol. No more foreign stuff for me! Never again! Nope. In fact, if all alcohol does to me is to make me hallucinate that my dead best bud, whom I personally staked I might add, and no, there is nothing at all suggestive of my usage of that word now, then I won't ever drink another drop!"
*Uhh...Xand?*
"Why couldn't I have dreamed up something else? A happy dream would be great right about now! Like me dreaming about Buffy telling me that she loved me? That she would give me a chance? Wait a minute! That's so damn impossible, it's not even dream-worthy! She'd rather boff DeadBoy Jr. than give me the time of day!"
*Dude...Xander...*
"Oh, oh, for that matter, why can't I just hallucinate about a world where I don't give a flying rat's ass about what, or who, the almighty Slayer does? 'Cuz God knows a world like that wouldn't be as damn painful!"
*Pissed at her, aren't you?*
"Nah! Why would you imagine that?!"
*Well the fact that you're waving around that bottle right in front of my nose very emphatically is kind of a tip-off...*
"Huh? Oh...Sorry. It's just that no one can get under my skin quite as well as she can. And why the hell should you care if I accidentally hit you with a bottle?! You're dead!"
*Oh...right...kick a guy when he's dead! Rub it in, why dontcha!*
"Oh...Jesse. Sorry man. I never meant to say that..."
*Nah, It's ok. No biggie.*
"No. I mean...I'm sorry. For..you know..."
*What? Staking me?*
"Well d'oh! Of course I'm sorry I staked you! You were one of my best friends!"
*I know, Xand-Man. I didn't give you much of a choice back then. It was you or me. Besides...you didn't kill me. I was already dead. Instead, you saved me.*
"Jesse, if your idea of saving someone is shoving a piece of wood in their chest, I'd really hate to see what constitutes your idea of not saving someone..."
*Shaddap, Lavelle!*
"Hey! No one calls me that! I may owe you, having staked you and all, but calling me that is going too far!"
*Oh for....will you just listen?!*
"Hey, no need to get mad...I was just bowled over by your idea that staking someone is one heck of a rescue technique..."
*Shaddap. What I mean to say is...you spared me from an eternity of bloodslurping and causing others pain. Which would have rightly sucked, no pun intended."
"Ok, I can get that, but still...you're thanking me for staking you? You must be the only vamp who's ever told me that!"
*Shaddap!*
"Ok, Ok. Shutting up now. But if you're not a dream, then why wait do you just show up now? I missed you, man. There were so many times I wished I could have talked to you. For example, when Wills and Buffy started college and dropped me like an empty Twinkie wrapper, the only person I had to talk to was...well...no one. I really could have used your company then."
*I know, man. I know. But there are reasons. And there's a lot of things I have to explain before we go.*
"Excuse me...We?"
*Yes. We.*
"Huh?"
*Oh for...Remember what you said before I came along?*
"What? That remark about me wondering what would have happened if I ever fell in love with Buffy?"
*Yeah.*
"What about it? Oh...wait! This is the damn Hellmouth! Oh crap! I shoulda known better than to say such things out loud here! No! No! I take it back!"
*Relax, my man. Let me tell you a few things, though. One, when we're in this place, you cannot hide your emotions. At all. Time is temporarily static for you, until your journey is done, so you won't age.*
"Woah, there pardner! You mean I can't die? Cool! What other powers do I get?"
*No no! Of course you can die! You just won't age, that's all. And you will receive no powers whatsoever.*
"What the! I demand a refund!"
*Hehe. Sorry.*
"Ok, then what is the point of this so-called journey we're supposed to be taking?"
*You'll find out on the way.*
"God, not another Cryptic-guy!"
*Sorry, my man. Rules.*
"Since when did you follow rules?"
*When they're enforced the way these rules are, oh believe me, I can follow rules alright...Anyway! I'm curious though...this isn't the first time you've been disappointed by the actions the Slayer has taken, but this is the first time you've ever truly lost your faith in her. Why the sudden change of heart?
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Why? Because I'm tired of being her buttmonkey. I'm tired of loving her so much that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to really get over her. I can't stand knowing that any other relationship I will ever have is doomed to failure because I can't seem to stop loving her. I am so sick of watching her repeat the same mistakes over and over again, and yet still catch her when she falls."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"And lastly...because there has got to be something more out there for me than living a life knowing that I will never be good enough to get the woman I love to love me the same way.."
*Indeed there is, Xand my man. There is so much out there. Let me show you...*
~*~
Location: EveryWhere
Time: EveryWhen
~*~
{{That was...a very intriguing opening gambit, Valis. His inclusion was quite unexpected.}}
That's what I thought you would say…your move, Demon Lord.