Harry sank slowly into a soft chair and pulled out his potions textbook,
thinking he might as well revise seeing as Snape was bound to make him do
something like cleaning out acidic cauldrons this evening. He might as well
be prepared.
Before he knew it, the bell had rung and the Gryffindors traipsed in. Seamus looked at Harry.
"You alright, Harry? Bad luck about the points. Snape wasn't half in a mean mood today."
Dean nodded. "You should have heard him yelling at Neville" he said softly. "He mentioned his parents, saying that they would be ashamed. Neville's so upset. Did you know what happened to them?"
Harry nodded sadly. "Dumbledore told me last year not to tell anyone. I found out by accident."
They were silent for a few moments before Seamus said mutedly "Fancy a game of Chess, Harry?"
"No thanks, Seamus, I'm reading at the moment."
"Potions!" exclaimed Ron, who had sneaked up on Harry.
Harry smiled flatly. "I thought Snape would give me something evil to do this. . ."
He broke off as Ron grabbed his arm. "Me and Hermione want to talk to you in private."
"Hermione and I" corrected the clever witch, making Harry smile genuinely. However Ron looked really annoyed.
"Whatever, are you coming or not?"
Wordlessly Harry put down the book and followed Ron and Hermione outside into the corridor.
"Where did you learn that magic?" asked Ron bluntly.
Harry's face wrinkled in annoyance. He didn't like Ron's accusing tone.
"I don't know." He replied flatly.
Ron flushed angrily.
"Don't you think you've been a bit unfair to us? Not writing for the whole summer, not turning up on the train, not telling us anything? We were worried sick, Harry, worried sick and you never even bothered to tell us what was going on. And now you come back with all this magic, and don't explain that either. Isn't our friendship worth more than that?"
Harry was furious.
"And what exactly is that meant to mean?"
"It means exactly this. If you aren't going to be there for Hermione and I, then we aren't going to be there for you. I bet you don't have any idea that you forgot 'Mione's birthday, or Ginny's, do you?"
Harry flushed, answering Ron's question without speaking.
"You're being unfair, Ron. Hermione. . ." he looked at her but she averted her eyes.
"Hermione!"
"Ron's right, Harry. We need explanations, and good ones. Otherwise I don't see how we can still be friends. We've been there for you through everything, and you've been away whenever we need you. Friends are always there for each other."
There was silence as Harry looked at his friends in horror. Ron's face was expressionless, Hermione's sad, as they realised he had no excuse, nothing to say.
Wordlessly, Ron turned and walked into the Common Room, Hermione behind him.
Neither of them looked back.
********************************
Harry stood staring at the wall for several minutes, before entering and walking upstairs. Ron and Hermione were sitting in the corner ignoring him, or not noticing. Did it really matter which?
Dean was coming downstairs and looked sympathetically at Harry.
"I heard what happened with you and Ron and 'Mione - I'm sorry, Harry."
Harry shrugged.
"It's ok. I'm just going to sleep. . .don't wake me!"
Dean smiled and nodded, continuing down the stairs, and Harry let the smile fall from his face. Merlin, he deserved this. He was such a terrible friend.
He eased himself into bed, and lay staring at the ceiling. His stomach grumbled but he didn't care. His head throbbed but he ignored it. He just lay and stared. Some time later he heard footsteps and closed his aching eyes, feigning sleep. There were gentle footsteps and then silence.
"Harry?" it was Seamus.
The Irish boy gently shook Harry, who realised he couldn't fake sleeping this deeply. He rubbed his eyes and looked up.
"Hey Seamus."
"Harry, sorry to wake you, but Snape'll kill you if you miss detention. . ."
Harry jumped; he hadn't realised the time. He leaped out of bed, ignoring the pain of the lashes that had been inflicted on his back.
"Thanks, Seamus. I'll see you later."
"Hey, Harry, you haven't eaten any. . ." Seamus' words died on his lips as Harry sprinted out of the room and down the stairs to his detention.
***************************
Snape watched the seconds tick by like a child waiting for Christmas. Twenty seconds and he could have another 50 points off Gryffindor. 18, 17, 16. Maybe he wouldn't come at all. That was a serious offence. 13, 12, 11. He could get him expelled. 10, 9, 8. Stupid arrogant boy. Just like James. 7,6,5. This was just a joke by Lupin. It wasn't true. But tonight he would find out. 4,3,2.
Knock knock
Annoyed with the boy for being on time, Snape opened the door and let Harry in.
"I need to make a potion. You will help me. Come."
He beckoned and Harry silently followed him. Snape's heart was pounding. He knew he never got potions wrong. This one was to show the test subject's true parentage. This was the potion that would tell the truth about Harry's life.
He managed to pluck a hair from Harry's head from behind without the boy noticing, and when the potion was done he dismissed the boy curtly. If he was surprised at getting away so quickly, he didn't say anything. In fact, he was unusually quiet. Snape wondered why.
Palms sweating, he approached the cauldron as though it were a dangerous beast.
He dropped the strand of Harry's hair into the potion shakily and watched. The transformation took and excruciatingly long time; the clear liquid swirled around as though stirred by an invisible hand, before parting in the middle and rejoining. In the middle of the whirlpool was Lily's face. Just as well, really. Snape couldn't cope with that much shock.
And then, with bated breath he watched the potion swirl again. Lily's face disappeared, and in the whirl of water, as though looking into a mirror, he saw himself scowling out of the cauldron. He was so absorbed that he did not even hear his door open, and didn't register the body behind him until his knees buckled and he began to shake. Strong arms wrapped themselves around him and the scratchy beard tickled his cheek as Dumbledore whispered soothing words into his ears as, for the first time since Lily's death, Snape allowed himself to cry.
**************************
Dumbledore saw Harry heading off in the other direction from Snape's rooms and decided to investigate. The first thing he noticed was that Snape's door was unlocked which was odd, as Snape was so suspicious he kept it magically secure at all times. Dumbledore entered the room and looked over at Snape, who was bent over a cauldron gazing into it, and at last Dumbledore realised what was going on. The one thing Snape had complete faith in was his potions. He would be checking Harry's real parents.
He was standing behind Snape, looking over his shoulder. Lily's face dissolved into the depths of the cauldron and then Snape's visage appeared. With a strangled cry, Snape stumbled back and Dumbledore caught him, feeling the man's tears soaking his robe.
"Sssh Severus, it will be alright. Everything will be alright, everything will be fine."
*************************
Harry was halfway back to the Common Room when he realised he had left his bag in the Potions Room. He had no wish whatsoever to go anywhere near Snape, but he had a lot of homework and if he was not going to sleep that night he might as well work in the Common Room. And he had no wish to see Ron or Hermione at the moment. After all, he told himself, if he was caught out of bed he had a perfectly good excuse.
He crept around the corner, hoping he could sneak in without being noticed. Then he heard the sound of sobbing, and a lower voice speaking softly. Curious, he rounded the corner and almost gasped aloud. Snape was in Dumbledore's arms, shaking with tears, as the headmaster tried to console him. He could only hear snatches. Snape sobbing repeatedly,
"It can't be Albus. No fates could be so cruel! Albus, please don't let it be!"
"It's alright, Severus. The past will not govern the future. It is never to late to forgive and forget."
Harry wrinkled his brow. It had sounded at first as though Snape had lost a family member, but then what did Dumbledore mean about the future? Deciding he didn't want his bag that badly, Harry headed up to the Common Room as quickly as he could.
It was cold and dark, and he couldn't see anything. There were voices running around his head, cutting into each other. They called out to him; "Harry, Potter, Harry" and then merged and warped into high pitched cackles. "Murderer! Traitor!"
Harry awoke with a start, sweating. He must have fallen asleep on the chair. He was still shaking. Bloody nightmares.
****************************
They had double potions the next morning, and Harry wasn't looking forward to it. Although, maybe Snape would be ill. Maybe. His hopes were dashed as Snape billowed in as usual, and Harry almost wondered if he had imagined last night. Suddenly, randomly, he wondered what the potion he had helped Snape make last night had been. It seemed, in retrospect, like Snape had kicked him out right before it was finished. And that was odd, for Snape.
He muddled his way through the lesson, managing to pick up his bag on the way out, and headed to charms to revise counter curses.
He didn't feel like he could stomach lunch. After reapplying the concealing charms, he settled into a chair in the common room and started looking through his potions textbook. He didn't find anything that matched the ingredients he had used the previous night, but suddenly realised it was like a puzzle. In one potion, boomslang skin mixed with powdered mandrake root could make a very basic version of veritaserum, and in another veritaserum combined with asphodel created a mixture that would show pictures in the cauldron. None of the other ingredients he had used were in the book, but it gave him food for thought. Snape was trying to find out the truth about something, something which he didn't want Harry to know about, and something which Dumbledore knew about, which had really upset Snape. Again, Harry wished he hadn't lost Ron and Hermione. The witch in particular was invaluable in times like this.
What did it all mean? And why had Snape asked for his help with the potion?
********************************
Transfiguration was easy. The permanent transfiguration was surprisingly easy, as long as one used the right wrist movement. It had taken Harry a very short time to master it, and McGonagall was amazed and a little scared. Knowing that he was more powerful than her, Harry was a little scared himself.
******************************
He had duelling that lunchtime. And it hurt like hell. His shields were broken easily by Flitwick who had no trouble simply evading Harry's curses. He persisted in casting ones like stinging or biting spells, which Harry had to counter at the same time as keeping his weak shielding spells up. Eventually Flitwick called it a day, and invited Harry to sit down. Harry sat, relaxing for the first time in ages, and was disarmed and knocked across the room in an instant.
"Never turn your back on an enemy" squeaked Flitwick cheerfully. Harry could have gladly throttled him. He was also tempted to transfigure him into a bludger to get rid of some of that excess energy but thought in his tired state he might well irreversibly alter the Duelling Champion's persona. Which Dumbledore would be really angry about. Shame.
"That will do for today. See you tomorrow lunchtime!"
Harry nodded, trying to muster up a cheerful smile and failing miserably. He slouched out of the room, and leaned against the cool wall, resting his aching head.
"I can't do this, Dumbledore" he whispered to nobody in particular. "It's too much; I can't cope with this." Not noticing the dark figure around the corner, he headed back to the common room, as quickly as he could considering the pain in his back.
*********************************
Snape watched his son silently, his heart breaking. Why did it have to be him? It would have been better for them both to remain ignorant. And why did Potter have to hold the hopes of the wizarding world on his shoulders?
**********************************
Harry didn't sleep that night. He felt sick and dizzy constantly, and didn't trust himself enough to go to Quidditch practice. He couldn't really be bothered, it would take up so much time and effort. Had he looked in a mirror without his concealing charms he would have been horrified. His eyes were red and swollen, his lips pale and cracked, and his normally unruly hair completely wild over his gaunt face. He was still covered in bruises and knew the welts on his back weren't healing properly.
Everything hurt.
**********************************
Snape watched the Gryffindors file out of his classroom at the end of the lesson after the Slytherins. He flashed a small smile at Draco, who was last out, and was just about to lock the room up when he realised Potter hadn't left. Odd; he could have sworn he had seen him at the start of the lesson. He glanced around the room and suddenly realised the boy was still at his desk, head in his hands.
"Potter!"
There was no response, he lay still though Snape could see his chest rising and falling. He strode over to the boy and grasped his shoulder roughly. With a pained yelp, Harry shot out of his seat and clattered to the floor, wincing in obvious pain as he tried to sit up and gave up. Snape held out a hand, amazing himself, and Potter took it. He hauled the boy to his feet and realised a split second too slowly that Harry would collapse again. As he lay semi-conscious and sprawled on the cold floor, Snape swept him up in his arms, noting the blood on the floor, and carried him to his private chambers.
It's now or never, Severus.
He removed the boys robes and the concealing charms which he could sense and his stomach lurched at the state of the boy, although his face remained expressionless. He healed him as well as he could, and cleaned the boy's robes before putting them back on. Right on cue, Harry stirred and opened his eyes, making Snape flinch. They were red and puffy from lack of sleep.
"What. . .?"
"Harry. . .I. . .I. . .I. . ."
Harry looked at him curiously.
"You what?"
"I need to tell you something. You don't need to go back to those muggles, Harry. You have family."
The colour faded from Harry's face and he gaped at Snape.
It's now or never, Severus
"Harry. . .I'm your father."
Before he knew it, the bell had rung and the Gryffindors traipsed in. Seamus looked at Harry.
"You alright, Harry? Bad luck about the points. Snape wasn't half in a mean mood today."
Dean nodded. "You should have heard him yelling at Neville" he said softly. "He mentioned his parents, saying that they would be ashamed. Neville's so upset. Did you know what happened to them?"
Harry nodded sadly. "Dumbledore told me last year not to tell anyone. I found out by accident."
They were silent for a few moments before Seamus said mutedly "Fancy a game of Chess, Harry?"
"No thanks, Seamus, I'm reading at the moment."
"Potions!" exclaimed Ron, who had sneaked up on Harry.
Harry smiled flatly. "I thought Snape would give me something evil to do this. . ."
He broke off as Ron grabbed his arm. "Me and Hermione want to talk to you in private."
"Hermione and I" corrected the clever witch, making Harry smile genuinely. However Ron looked really annoyed.
"Whatever, are you coming or not?"
Wordlessly Harry put down the book and followed Ron and Hermione outside into the corridor.
"Where did you learn that magic?" asked Ron bluntly.
Harry's face wrinkled in annoyance. He didn't like Ron's accusing tone.
"I don't know." He replied flatly.
Ron flushed angrily.
"Don't you think you've been a bit unfair to us? Not writing for the whole summer, not turning up on the train, not telling us anything? We were worried sick, Harry, worried sick and you never even bothered to tell us what was going on. And now you come back with all this magic, and don't explain that either. Isn't our friendship worth more than that?"
Harry was furious.
"And what exactly is that meant to mean?"
"It means exactly this. If you aren't going to be there for Hermione and I, then we aren't going to be there for you. I bet you don't have any idea that you forgot 'Mione's birthday, or Ginny's, do you?"
Harry flushed, answering Ron's question without speaking.
"You're being unfair, Ron. Hermione. . ." he looked at her but she averted her eyes.
"Hermione!"
"Ron's right, Harry. We need explanations, and good ones. Otherwise I don't see how we can still be friends. We've been there for you through everything, and you've been away whenever we need you. Friends are always there for each other."
There was silence as Harry looked at his friends in horror. Ron's face was expressionless, Hermione's sad, as they realised he had no excuse, nothing to say.
Wordlessly, Ron turned and walked into the Common Room, Hermione behind him.
Neither of them looked back.
********************************
Harry stood staring at the wall for several minutes, before entering and walking upstairs. Ron and Hermione were sitting in the corner ignoring him, or not noticing. Did it really matter which?
Dean was coming downstairs and looked sympathetically at Harry.
"I heard what happened with you and Ron and 'Mione - I'm sorry, Harry."
Harry shrugged.
"It's ok. I'm just going to sleep. . .don't wake me!"
Dean smiled and nodded, continuing down the stairs, and Harry let the smile fall from his face. Merlin, he deserved this. He was such a terrible friend.
He eased himself into bed, and lay staring at the ceiling. His stomach grumbled but he didn't care. His head throbbed but he ignored it. He just lay and stared. Some time later he heard footsteps and closed his aching eyes, feigning sleep. There were gentle footsteps and then silence.
"Harry?" it was Seamus.
The Irish boy gently shook Harry, who realised he couldn't fake sleeping this deeply. He rubbed his eyes and looked up.
"Hey Seamus."
"Harry, sorry to wake you, but Snape'll kill you if you miss detention. . ."
Harry jumped; he hadn't realised the time. He leaped out of bed, ignoring the pain of the lashes that had been inflicted on his back.
"Thanks, Seamus. I'll see you later."
"Hey, Harry, you haven't eaten any. . ." Seamus' words died on his lips as Harry sprinted out of the room and down the stairs to his detention.
***************************
Snape watched the seconds tick by like a child waiting for Christmas. Twenty seconds and he could have another 50 points off Gryffindor. 18, 17, 16. Maybe he wouldn't come at all. That was a serious offence. 13, 12, 11. He could get him expelled. 10, 9, 8. Stupid arrogant boy. Just like James. 7,6,5. This was just a joke by Lupin. It wasn't true. But tonight he would find out. 4,3,2.
Knock knock
Annoyed with the boy for being on time, Snape opened the door and let Harry in.
"I need to make a potion. You will help me. Come."
He beckoned and Harry silently followed him. Snape's heart was pounding. He knew he never got potions wrong. This one was to show the test subject's true parentage. This was the potion that would tell the truth about Harry's life.
He managed to pluck a hair from Harry's head from behind without the boy noticing, and when the potion was done he dismissed the boy curtly. If he was surprised at getting away so quickly, he didn't say anything. In fact, he was unusually quiet. Snape wondered why.
Palms sweating, he approached the cauldron as though it were a dangerous beast.
He dropped the strand of Harry's hair into the potion shakily and watched. The transformation took and excruciatingly long time; the clear liquid swirled around as though stirred by an invisible hand, before parting in the middle and rejoining. In the middle of the whirlpool was Lily's face. Just as well, really. Snape couldn't cope with that much shock.
And then, with bated breath he watched the potion swirl again. Lily's face disappeared, and in the whirl of water, as though looking into a mirror, he saw himself scowling out of the cauldron. He was so absorbed that he did not even hear his door open, and didn't register the body behind him until his knees buckled and he began to shake. Strong arms wrapped themselves around him and the scratchy beard tickled his cheek as Dumbledore whispered soothing words into his ears as, for the first time since Lily's death, Snape allowed himself to cry.
**************************
Dumbledore saw Harry heading off in the other direction from Snape's rooms and decided to investigate. The first thing he noticed was that Snape's door was unlocked which was odd, as Snape was so suspicious he kept it magically secure at all times. Dumbledore entered the room and looked over at Snape, who was bent over a cauldron gazing into it, and at last Dumbledore realised what was going on. The one thing Snape had complete faith in was his potions. He would be checking Harry's real parents.
He was standing behind Snape, looking over his shoulder. Lily's face dissolved into the depths of the cauldron and then Snape's visage appeared. With a strangled cry, Snape stumbled back and Dumbledore caught him, feeling the man's tears soaking his robe.
"Sssh Severus, it will be alright. Everything will be alright, everything will be fine."
*************************
Harry was halfway back to the Common Room when he realised he had left his bag in the Potions Room. He had no wish whatsoever to go anywhere near Snape, but he had a lot of homework and if he was not going to sleep that night he might as well work in the Common Room. And he had no wish to see Ron or Hermione at the moment. After all, he told himself, if he was caught out of bed he had a perfectly good excuse.
He crept around the corner, hoping he could sneak in without being noticed. Then he heard the sound of sobbing, and a lower voice speaking softly. Curious, he rounded the corner and almost gasped aloud. Snape was in Dumbledore's arms, shaking with tears, as the headmaster tried to console him. He could only hear snatches. Snape sobbing repeatedly,
"It can't be Albus. No fates could be so cruel! Albus, please don't let it be!"
"It's alright, Severus. The past will not govern the future. It is never to late to forgive and forget."
Harry wrinkled his brow. It had sounded at first as though Snape had lost a family member, but then what did Dumbledore mean about the future? Deciding he didn't want his bag that badly, Harry headed up to the Common Room as quickly as he could.
It was cold and dark, and he couldn't see anything. There were voices running around his head, cutting into each other. They called out to him; "Harry, Potter, Harry" and then merged and warped into high pitched cackles. "Murderer! Traitor!"
Harry awoke with a start, sweating. He must have fallen asleep on the chair. He was still shaking. Bloody nightmares.
****************************
They had double potions the next morning, and Harry wasn't looking forward to it. Although, maybe Snape would be ill. Maybe. His hopes were dashed as Snape billowed in as usual, and Harry almost wondered if he had imagined last night. Suddenly, randomly, he wondered what the potion he had helped Snape make last night had been. It seemed, in retrospect, like Snape had kicked him out right before it was finished. And that was odd, for Snape.
He muddled his way through the lesson, managing to pick up his bag on the way out, and headed to charms to revise counter curses.
He didn't feel like he could stomach lunch. After reapplying the concealing charms, he settled into a chair in the common room and started looking through his potions textbook. He didn't find anything that matched the ingredients he had used the previous night, but suddenly realised it was like a puzzle. In one potion, boomslang skin mixed with powdered mandrake root could make a very basic version of veritaserum, and in another veritaserum combined with asphodel created a mixture that would show pictures in the cauldron. None of the other ingredients he had used were in the book, but it gave him food for thought. Snape was trying to find out the truth about something, something which he didn't want Harry to know about, and something which Dumbledore knew about, which had really upset Snape. Again, Harry wished he hadn't lost Ron and Hermione. The witch in particular was invaluable in times like this.
What did it all mean? And why had Snape asked for his help with the potion?
********************************
Transfiguration was easy. The permanent transfiguration was surprisingly easy, as long as one used the right wrist movement. It had taken Harry a very short time to master it, and McGonagall was amazed and a little scared. Knowing that he was more powerful than her, Harry was a little scared himself.
******************************
He had duelling that lunchtime. And it hurt like hell. His shields were broken easily by Flitwick who had no trouble simply evading Harry's curses. He persisted in casting ones like stinging or biting spells, which Harry had to counter at the same time as keeping his weak shielding spells up. Eventually Flitwick called it a day, and invited Harry to sit down. Harry sat, relaxing for the first time in ages, and was disarmed and knocked across the room in an instant.
"Never turn your back on an enemy" squeaked Flitwick cheerfully. Harry could have gladly throttled him. He was also tempted to transfigure him into a bludger to get rid of some of that excess energy but thought in his tired state he might well irreversibly alter the Duelling Champion's persona. Which Dumbledore would be really angry about. Shame.
"That will do for today. See you tomorrow lunchtime!"
Harry nodded, trying to muster up a cheerful smile and failing miserably. He slouched out of the room, and leaned against the cool wall, resting his aching head.
"I can't do this, Dumbledore" he whispered to nobody in particular. "It's too much; I can't cope with this." Not noticing the dark figure around the corner, he headed back to the common room, as quickly as he could considering the pain in his back.
*********************************
Snape watched his son silently, his heart breaking. Why did it have to be him? It would have been better for them both to remain ignorant. And why did Potter have to hold the hopes of the wizarding world on his shoulders?
**********************************
Harry didn't sleep that night. He felt sick and dizzy constantly, and didn't trust himself enough to go to Quidditch practice. He couldn't really be bothered, it would take up so much time and effort. Had he looked in a mirror without his concealing charms he would have been horrified. His eyes were red and swollen, his lips pale and cracked, and his normally unruly hair completely wild over his gaunt face. He was still covered in bruises and knew the welts on his back weren't healing properly.
Everything hurt.
**********************************
Snape watched the Gryffindors file out of his classroom at the end of the lesson after the Slytherins. He flashed a small smile at Draco, who was last out, and was just about to lock the room up when he realised Potter hadn't left. Odd; he could have sworn he had seen him at the start of the lesson. He glanced around the room and suddenly realised the boy was still at his desk, head in his hands.
"Potter!"
There was no response, he lay still though Snape could see his chest rising and falling. He strode over to the boy and grasped his shoulder roughly. With a pained yelp, Harry shot out of his seat and clattered to the floor, wincing in obvious pain as he tried to sit up and gave up. Snape held out a hand, amazing himself, and Potter took it. He hauled the boy to his feet and realised a split second too slowly that Harry would collapse again. As he lay semi-conscious and sprawled on the cold floor, Snape swept him up in his arms, noting the blood on the floor, and carried him to his private chambers.
It's now or never, Severus.
He removed the boys robes and the concealing charms which he could sense and his stomach lurched at the state of the boy, although his face remained expressionless. He healed him as well as he could, and cleaned the boy's robes before putting them back on. Right on cue, Harry stirred and opened his eyes, making Snape flinch. They were red and puffy from lack of sleep.
"What. . .?"
"Harry. . .I. . .I. . .I. . ."
Harry looked at him curiously.
"You what?"
"I need to tell you something. You don't need to go back to those muggles, Harry. You have family."
The colour faded from Harry's face and he gaped at Snape.
It's now or never, Severus
"Harry. . .I'm your father."