Harry had never felt so terrible. The rejection he had seen in Snape's eyes
as he coldly asked the questions was eating him from the inside. He felt so
alone that he would have accepted Snape as a father if the man had tried.
But he hadn't.
It was confusing. When Snape had been healing Harry's injuries he had said Harry could stay with him, but he had never referred to that again. Sometimes Harry had seen the concern on his face, when the man had looked at him. But other times he had simply appeared detached and uncaring.
Eventually, realising awkward questions would rise, Harry managed to lever himself out of bed and go to classes. On his first day back he didn't have potions, thankfully. He didn't know if he could face the disappointment of seeing rejection writ on his father's face again. He was lying on his bed after a fairly boring day when he heard footsteps running upstairs, and a frantic sobbing. He lay still and heard the thump of someone leaping into their bed and muffling their sobs in a pillow. And he knew who's pillow it was.
"Neville?" The sobs subsided for a moment and Harry forced his tired limbs up, walking over to the bed where Neville lay. He sat down beside the other boy and put a hand on his shoulder.
"What is it, Neville?"
"S. . .Sn. . .Snape" hiccuped Neville, and was shocked by the look on Harry's face.
"He. . .he said he'd write to my Gran if my marks didn't improve, but I just don't understand, and Gran will be s. . .so disappointed. . ."
Instinctively Harry rubbed circles on Neville's back.
"It'll be ok, Neville. He can't owl your Gran without Dumbledore's permission and you know that Dumbledore would only do what was best. But if you like. . ." He trailed off, embarrassed, and Neville looked up through red eyes curiously. "What?"
"Well. . .I understand potions. . .I would help you, if you wanted. . ."
Neville's face lit up and he hugged Harry fiercely. "Oh Harry, that would be so great, if you don't mind. . ." Harry smiled at the smaller boy.
"No problem, Neville"
********************************************
The next day, which was Saturday, they began. Neville was terrified that they would be making a potion and he would kill Harry, but Harry assured him they would just be doing theory work that day. They lay on the floor in front of the fire in the common room and Harry explained basic potions as well as he could.
"See, it's like a puzzle. It's a bit like Herbology as well. You have to know the plants and their properties really well. For instance. . .this potion, the Vectra potion, you need to know that the mandrake root would be poisonous if it was on it's own. But think about it. . .it's highly acidic, so you need another ingredient to balance it out. What do you think would work?"
Neville considered for a few moments and his face brightened.
"Dragonfire leaf! It's alkaline and isn't as volatile as lots of other Dragonfire plants. So. . .it would have a chance to react with the mandrake. But the mandrake reacts quickly with air, so you'd have to put the Dragonfire leaf in first!"
Harry grinned reassuringly at him.
"Yeah, that's right Nev! That's great. Now, look at these potions and see if you can understand how they all work. I'm not surprised you're excellent at this, you have a great gift for herbology and as you can see herbology and potions are very complementary."
Neville nodded, his normally worried face glowing with happiness. He shifted a little and then turned to Harry fearfully, a bit like Dobby used to.
"Harry. . .now I understand. . .can I try making a potion tonight?"
Harry was amazed and pleased at the same time.
"Yeah, of course. What do you want to do? Or do you want to look through the book and choose one?"
"I'll choose one from the book, I think."
"Ok, that's great Neville. I'll just go and get permission to use a spare room. . ."
*************************************
Snape was enjoying a glass of red wine when Harry tapped nervously on the door.
"Enter" he said in his most foreboding voice. Harry entered, head held high.
"Mr Potter. Is there a reason you are disturbing me at this hour?"
"May I have permission to use one of the potions classrooms to make a potion this evening, sir?" asked Harry. He was so polite that Snape could hardly find any reason to take off points.
"What potion?"
"I don't know, Neville is deciding."
Snape spat out his wine in a very un Snape-like manner and gaped at Harry.
"You MUST be joking, Mr Potter. I will not have Longbottom even in these dungeons unsupervised, let alone brewing a potion."
"He won't be unsupervised, sir, I'll be with him"
Snape snorted and raised an eyebrow.
"Should I be comforted by this statement?"
Suddenly he felt himself being lifted out of his chair and slammed against the wall. He reached for the wand but Harry was holding it, his eyes glittering with rage. One of the boy's hands was outstretched, magically pinning Snape to the wall. The other was on his hip.
"You bastard! You're my father, my fucking father, and you won't even acknowledge it! You made me spill my secrets to you under Veritaserum and then dismissed me with nothing. I could have coped with that, but then you cared. . ."
Tears rolled down Harry's face, his magic wavering slightly in his grief.
"You cared, I felt it. And I'm never going to feel it again. . ."
With a strangled sob he fled, wondering whether he would finally get expelled for this.
Snape crumpled to the ground and staggered to the door.
"Potter! Po. . .Harry!" He heard the footsteps pause.
"Please, come back. At least let me explain. . ."
Harry appeared around the corner, his eyes cold and hard.
"I have to go now. If you still have the balls to talk to me and tell me the truth tomorrow then I will come to your office whenever you want. Good afternoon, Professor" and with that he rounded the corner in a swirl of robes, leaving Snape almost speechless after him.
*****************************************
Harry was eating that evening when a school owl swooped over to him and held out its leg. He gave it a bit of toast and read the curt note.
'Mr Potter,
The main potions classroom will be free tonight for your experiment. Any damages will be paid for.
Professor S. Snape.'
With a small smile he handed it to Neville.
"Have you decided which potion you want to do?"
"Yeah" replied Neville softly. "Memorandum."
Harry's breath caught in his throat. The memorandum potion would remind whoever inhaled its fumes of the thing they desired most; giving them a strongly realistic memory of the thing or person in question. In the case of people, the potion would give off an image which would have all the characteristics of the original person. He had no doubt why Neville wanted to brew it; nor as to why he was doing it in potion form as opposed to a charm.
This would be the best revenge Neville could get on Snape, and the closest he would ever get to his parents.
**************************************
Harry stood, his face obscured in the shadows of the dimly lit potions room as he watched Neville complete the potion. As with all magic, the greater the magic in your veins the stronger and more accurate the potion would be. But a huge part of completing the magic was simple understanding which even a muggle could do. Neville's potion was unrecognisable from the amazing concoctions he normally managed and Harry couldn't remember ever feeling so proud. He wondered briefly what it was he was proud of, but gave up and enjoyed the warm feeling which he had not felt for so long.
Seeing that Neville was about to add the last ingredient, Harry turned away tactfully to allow Neville his own personal view of his parents before their minds had become tangled webs of pain. Just then a voice disturbed him.
"Potter."
It was Pansy Parkinson, her wand drawn and with what she probably thought was a predatory glare on her face. She actually looked like a constipated chipmunk. The mental image made Harry laugh aloud, and her eyebrow twitched weirdly in what was obviously a dark glint in her own eyes. Well, she did look deranged. . .
"You ready to die, Potter?"
Harry couldn't contain himself and burst into peals of laughter. The cliches that Pansy used were worse than Draco's!
"Yeah, give it your best Parkinson" he said calmly, deflecting the biting hex she sent at him straight back to herself. Unfortunately she didn't seem to know the counter-curse, and fell to her knees whimpering. Roughly Harry snatched the wand out of her hand and jerked her chin up with his hand.
"You want to join Voldemort, Parkinson? You want to eat death? It's your choice. But I warn you, a biting curse will make you shriek with laughter when he has finished with you. . .providing you have been good. . ."
He removed the biting hex and with a squeak she fled, eyes full of tears. His happy mood dispelled, Harry put a hand on Neville's shoulder.
"C'mon Neville, time to go back to the common Room or Snape will catch us and take points."
"Or perhaps professor Snape is already here" drawled a voice from behind Harry. "Mr Potter, a word in my office if you please. Longbottom, back up to your common room."
Harry followed the man apprehensively into his office and took a seat at Snape's ungracious nod.
"I heard you talking with Miss Parkinson. Tell me, what right do you have to go telling her about Lord Voldemort?"
"None. None whatsoever."
"So why did you do it?" Snape's voice was calm, but in the shadows his face was surprised.
"Someone once told me there is only power and those too weak to use it" said Harry, looking into the fire. "I agree with them. Parkinson will never amount to anything. She has little magical ability and no common sense. I may dislike her, but to see her go to her death through ignorance? I was using my power. Few people at this school have met Voldemort. I believe you, I and Dumbledore are the only ones, although many knew Tom Riddle. Voldemort has no right to kill innocent muggles and magical folk, but he has the power. I have no right to tell Parkinson the truth, but I have the power. I would rather use the power I can rather than allow it to go to waste."
Snape was silent for a moment, before he finally spoke, his eyes never meeting Harry's.
"You think I have been unfair; nasty, perhaps." It was not a question. Harry nodded.
"I am not a good person. The relationship I had with your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. When she went with Potter I became bitter and twisted. You know I turned away from the Death Eaters but that will not repent what I have done in the past. Neither of us should have found out about the link we share. I don't care if you want me as a father or not. I have no son as far as I am concerned."
His voice and face had remained steady although his stomach twisted at the thought of how the boy would react. He was actually quite surprised when Harry nodded calmly and rose gracefully from the chair.
"Is that all. . .professor?"
"Yes, Potter. Now get out of my sight."
Harry nodded civilly and walked out of the door, the light from the candles reflecting off his face. It was no less than he had expected.
**********************************
He walked up to Dumbledore's room feeling oddly detached. He had felt the bond between Snape and himself from the time he had seen Snape crying on Dumbledore's shoulder growing stronger, and had harboured the faint hope that they might put their differences between them. But obviously not. He knew what he had to do now.
"Chocolate Frog" he said, surprised at how flat his voice was as the gargoyle slid to the side with a sneer in his direction. Like Snape. . .
He ascended the staircase and knocked on Dumbledore's door softly. The old wizard opened it and smiled at Harry.
"Hello Harry, what can I do for you?"
Deciding to get straight to the point, Harry said "I have been talking with Professor Snape and we have decided to ignore what we once found out. I would therefore like to ask you to reapply the concealing charms I carried."
He was aware of how formal he sounded but thought, well if now isn't a good time to be formal then when is?
"I'm sorry that it didn't work out, Harry, and I am obliged to tell you that I simply cannot recast the charms because we do not know how your mother did them. There were many complex layers of spells which we could not possibly guess at. I think the only alternative to staying as you are is to transfigure yourself into a past version of yourself, with a non- permanent transfiguration. I am sure that is within your capabilities."
Harry nodded, and turned to leave. As he did so he heard Dumbledore's voice behind him, a plaintive note in the wise tones.
"You are sure there is no hope of reconciliation?"
"Quite" said Harry softly, looking the Headmaster in the eye before leaving the room.
It was confusing. When Snape had been healing Harry's injuries he had said Harry could stay with him, but he had never referred to that again. Sometimes Harry had seen the concern on his face, when the man had looked at him. But other times he had simply appeared detached and uncaring.
Eventually, realising awkward questions would rise, Harry managed to lever himself out of bed and go to classes. On his first day back he didn't have potions, thankfully. He didn't know if he could face the disappointment of seeing rejection writ on his father's face again. He was lying on his bed after a fairly boring day when he heard footsteps running upstairs, and a frantic sobbing. He lay still and heard the thump of someone leaping into their bed and muffling their sobs in a pillow. And he knew who's pillow it was.
"Neville?" The sobs subsided for a moment and Harry forced his tired limbs up, walking over to the bed where Neville lay. He sat down beside the other boy and put a hand on his shoulder.
"What is it, Neville?"
"S. . .Sn. . .Snape" hiccuped Neville, and was shocked by the look on Harry's face.
"He. . .he said he'd write to my Gran if my marks didn't improve, but I just don't understand, and Gran will be s. . .so disappointed. . ."
Instinctively Harry rubbed circles on Neville's back.
"It'll be ok, Neville. He can't owl your Gran without Dumbledore's permission and you know that Dumbledore would only do what was best. But if you like. . ." He trailed off, embarrassed, and Neville looked up through red eyes curiously. "What?"
"Well. . .I understand potions. . .I would help you, if you wanted. . ."
Neville's face lit up and he hugged Harry fiercely. "Oh Harry, that would be so great, if you don't mind. . ." Harry smiled at the smaller boy.
"No problem, Neville"
********************************************
The next day, which was Saturday, they began. Neville was terrified that they would be making a potion and he would kill Harry, but Harry assured him they would just be doing theory work that day. They lay on the floor in front of the fire in the common room and Harry explained basic potions as well as he could.
"See, it's like a puzzle. It's a bit like Herbology as well. You have to know the plants and their properties really well. For instance. . .this potion, the Vectra potion, you need to know that the mandrake root would be poisonous if it was on it's own. But think about it. . .it's highly acidic, so you need another ingredient to balance it out. What do you think would work?"
Neville considered for a few moments and his face brightened.
"Dragonfire leaf! It's alkaline and isn't as volatile as lots of other Dragonfire plants. So. . .it would have a chance to react with the mandrake. But the mandrake reacts quickly with air, so you'd have to put the Dragonfire leaf in first!"
Harry grinned reassuringly at him.
"Yeah, that's right Nev! That's great. Now, look at these potions and see if you can understand how they all work. I'm not surprised you're excellent at this, you have a great gift for herbology and as you can see herbology and potions are very complementary."
Neville nodded, his normally worried face glowing with happiness. He shifted a little and then turned to Harry fearfully, a bit like Dobby used to.
"Harry. . .now I understand. . .can I try making a potion tonight?"
Harry was amazed and pleased at the same time.
"Yeah, of course. What do you want to do? Or do you want to look through the book and choose one?"
"I'll choose one from the book, I think."
"Ok, that's great Neville. I'll just go and get permission to use a spare room. . ."
*************************************
Snape was enjoying a glass of red wine when Harry tapped nervously on the door.
"Enter" he said in his most foreboding voice. Harry entered, head held high.
"Mr Potter. Is there a reason you are disturbing me at this hour?"
"May I have permission to use one of the potions classrooms to make a potion this evening, sir?" asked Harry. He was so polite that Snape could hardly find any reason to take off points.
"What potion?"
"I don't know, Neville is deciding."
Snape spat out his wine in a very un Snape-like manner and gaped at Harry.
"You MUST be joking, Mr Potter. I will not have Longbottom even in these dungeons unsupervised, let alone brewing a potion."
"He won't be unsupervised, sir, I'll be with him"
Snape snorted and raised an eyebrow.
"Should I be comforted by this statement?"
Suddenly he felt himself being lifted out of his chair and slammed against the wall. He reached for the wand but Harry was holding it, his eyes glittering with rage. One of the boy's hands was outstretched, magically pinning Snape to the wall. The other was on his hip.
"You bastard! You're my father, my fucking father, and you won't even acknowledge it! You made me spill my secrets to you under Veritaserum and then dismissed me with nothing. I could have coped with that, but then you cared. . ."
Tears rolled down Harry's face, his magic wavering slightly in his grief.
"You cared, I felt it. And I'm never going to feel it again. . ."
With a strangled sob he fled, wondering whether he would finally get expelled for this.
Snape crumpled to the ground and staggered to the door.
"Potter! Po. . .Harry!" He heard the footsteps pause.
"Please, come back. At least let me explain. . ."
Harry appeared around the corner, his eyes cold and hard.
"I have to go now. If you still have the balls to talk to me and tell me the truth tomorrow then I will come to your office whenever you want. Good afternoon, Professor" and with that he rounded the corner in a swirl of robes, leaving Snape almost speechless after him.
*****************************************
Harry was eating that evening when a school owl swooped over to him and held out its leg. He gave it a bit of toast and read the curt note.
'Mr Potter,
The main potions classroom will be free tonight for your experiment. Any damages will be paid for.
Professor S. Snape.'
With a small smile he handed it to Neville.
"Have you decided which potion you want to do?"
"Yeah" replied Neville softly. "Memorandum."
Harry's breath caught in his throat. The memorandum potion would remind whoever inhaled its fumes of the thing they desired most; giving them a strongly realistic memory of the thing or person in question. In the case of people, the potion would give off an image which would have all the characteristics of the original person. He had no doubt why Neville wanted to brew it; nor as to why he was doing it in potion form as opposed to a charm.
This would be the best revenge Neville could get on Snape, and the closest he would ever get to his parents.
**************************************
Harry stood, his face obscured in the shadows of the dimly lit potions room as he watched Neville complete the potion. As with all magic, the greater the magic in your veins the stronger and more accurate the potion would be. But a huge part of completing the magic was simple understanding which even a muggle could do. Neville's potion was unrecognisable from the amazing concoctions he normally managed and Harry couldn't remember ever feeling so proud. He wondered briefly what it was he was proud of, but gave up and enjoyed the warm feeling which he had not felt for so long.
Seeing that Neville was about to add the last ingredient, Harry turned away tactfully to allow Neville his own personal view of his parents before their minds had become tangled webs of pain. Just then a voice disturbed him.
"Potter."
It was Pansy Parkinson, her wand drawn and with what she probably thought was a predatory glare on her face. She actually looked like a constipated chipmunk. The mental image made Harry laugh aloud, and her eyebrow twitched weirdly in what was obviously a dark glint in her own eyes. Well, she did look deranged. . .
"You ready to die, Potter?"
Harry couldn't contain himself and burst into peals of laughter. The cliches that Pansy used were worse than Draco's!
"Yeah, give it your best Parkinson" he said calmly, deflecting the biting hex she sent at him straight back to herself. Unfortunately she didn't seem to know the counter-curse, and fell to her knees whimpering. Roughly Harry snatched the wand out of her hand and jerked her chin up with his hand.
"You want to join Voldemort, Parkinson? You want to eat death? It's your choice. But I warn you, a biting curse will make you shriek with laughter when he has finished with you. . .providing you have been good. . ."
He removed the biting hex and with a squeak she fled, eyes full of tears. His happy mood dispelled, Harry put a hand on Neville's shoulder.
"C'mon Neville, time to go back to the common Room or Snape will catch us and take points."
"Or perhaps professor Snape is already here" drawled a voice from behind Harry. "Mr Potter, a word in my office if you please. Longbottom, back up to your common room."
Harry followed the man apprehensively into his office and took a seat at Snape's ungracious nod.
"I heard you talking with Miss Parkinson. Tell me, what right do you have to go telling her about Lord Voldemort?"
"None. None whatsoever."
"So why did you do it?" Snape's voice was calm, but in the shadows his face was surprised.
"Someone once told me there is only power and those too weak to use it" said Harry, looking into the fire. "I agree with them. Parkinson will never amount to anything. She has little magical ability and no common sense. I may dislike her, but to see her go to her death through ignorance? I was using my power. Few people at this school have met Voldemort. I believe you, I and Dumbledore are the only ones, although many knew Tom Riddle. Voldemort has no right to kill innocent muggles and magical folk, but he has the power. I have no right to tell Parkinson the truth, but I have the power. I would rather use the power I can rather than allow it to go to waste."
Snape was silent for a moment, before he finally spoke, his eyes never meeting Harry's.
"You think I have been unfair; nasty, perhaps." It was not a question. Harry nodded.
"I am not a good person. The relationship I had with your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. When she went with Potter I became bitter and twisted. You know I turned away from the Death Eaters but that will not repent what I have done in the past. Neither of us should have found out about the link we share. I don't care if you want me as a father or not. I have no son as far as I am concerned."
His voice and face had remained steady although his stomach twisted at the thought of how the boy would react. He was actually quite surprised when Harry nodded calmly and rose gracefully from the chair.
"Is that all. . .professor?"
"Yes, Potter. Now get out of my sight."
Harry nodded civilly and walked out of the door, the light from the candles reflecting off his face. It was no less than he had expected.
**********************************
He walked up to Dumbledore's room feeling oddly detached. He had felt the bond between Snape and himself from the time he had seen Snape crying on Dumbledore's shoulder growing stronger, and had harboured the faint hope that they might put their differences between them. But obviously not. He knew what he had to do now.
"Chocolate Frog" he said, surprised at how flat his voice was as the gargoyle slid to the side with a sneer in his direction. Like Snape. . .
He ascended the staircase and knocked on Dumbledore's door softly. The old wizard opened it and smiled at Harry.
"Hello Harry, what can I do for you?"
Deciding to get straight to the point, Harry said "I have been talking with Professor Snape and we have decided to ignore what we once found out. I would therefore like to ask you to reapply the concealing charms I carried."
He was aware of how formal he sounded but thought, well if now isn't a good time to be formal then when is?
"I'm sorry that it didn't work out, Harry, and I am obliged to tell you that I simply cannot recast the charms because we do not know how your mother did them. There were many complex layers of spells which we could not possibly guess at. I think the only alternative to staying as you are is to transfigure yourself into a past version of yourself, with a non- permanent transfiguration. I am sure that is within your capabilities."
Harry nodded, and turned to leave. As he did so he heard Dumbledore's voice behind him, a plaintive note in the wise tones.
"You are sure there is no hope of reconciliation?"
"Quite" said Harry softly, looking the Headmaster in the eye before leaving the room.