The Thoughts Left Behind
By Adalanta
Disclaimer: See part one.
Author's Note: Okay. When I originally wrote the first part of this fanfic, it was supposed to be a one shot deal. However, I received several reviews and personal emails asking me to write a second chapter showing Jesse's reaction. The style in this part is a bit different from the first because I wanted to describe what he thought, what he felt, and what kind of physical reaction he had. I hope you all like it. Please, take a second to leave a quick review to let me know what you think or send me an email at adalanta14@yahoo.com. I always love feedback!
One more thing - If you are interested in an absolutely awesome story dealing with the events of "No Man Left Behind", check out aimless' "With Great Power." You're sure to love it.
Part Two
"Jesse? Jesse, please, say something!"
My thoughts whirling in my head, I lurch to my feet, stumbling blindly away from her bed. My body hits something solid – a wall? – and I unconsciously phase through it, ignoring my utter exhaustion from earlier, just like I ignore Emma's pleas that follow after me.
It takes me several seconds to realize that I'm now standing in the hall, and when I do, all my stunned mind can think is that it's still too close…too close to where she is, to where she said told me –
No! I won't – I can't think about it, not right now. I – it's too much. My feet continue their unsteady flight, running away from something that, deep inside, I know I will never escape or ever hope to hide from…
My mind.
I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest, spit upon, and then viciously stomped on. It hurts so badly that I still can't think right. The halls and room look distorted and are nothing but a blur as I stagger past them. Finally, my exhaustion catches up with me, and I collapse limply to the ground, completely drained of energy, curling in on myself in absolute agony, unable to hide behind my shock a moment longer.
The horrible truth of what she did slices through me like heated knife, searing my insides and slashing my mind. I can't suppress the cry of anguish that rises up from the very depths of my shredded soul.
She betrayed me.
My friend, my partner, the person that I trust every single day with my very life…betrayed me.
How could she?! How could she do something like that? Who gave her the right to mess with my mind and take away my memories?!
A red-hot, burning anger flares up within me – a rage so intense that my body begins to sweat, and my heart pounds dangerously. The rage grows stronger and stronger, consuming my mind, blocking my senses one by one until the only thing left is the deafening roar of flames.
Then a sharp pain shoots through my right hand, startling me out of my fury. Opening my eyes, I find myself in one of the few remaining undeveloped tunnels in Sanctuary, surrounded by nothing but solid rock, lying on a rough stone floor.
How did I end up here? The last thing I remember is running – no, scrambling – to get as far away from Emma as I possibly could get.
The sharp, stinging sensation comes again, and I look down to my right, curiously aloof, wondering with a clinical detachment what was wrong.
Blood.
The palm of my right hand is cut from where I had unknowingly gripped a razor sharp piece of rock in my anger, the blood dripping slowly onto the floor. The dark, burgundy red looks garish on my white skin, and I stare, mesmerized by the sight. Unbidden, my mind goes back to Kovakhstan, to the image of the bloodied American pilot, Captain Morrison, that the team had rescued only hours before.
And I can't help but wonder where he'd be right now if I hadn't been able to fix the Helix. Probably tossed in a shallow grave or thrown callously aside and left to rot. Well, I guess it really doesn't matter so much where. He'd still be dead. And so would the rest of Mutant X.
But that didn't happen. Emma stopped it.
If what Emma said really happened – that I was too overcome with fear from her mental blast to finish repairing the Helix – well, then I guess she saved us.
God, it hurts to think that!
Is that what happened? Did I really freak out like that? How can I believe what she says after all she's done to me – betraying my friendship, my trust, and my respect?
But what if she had to?
It doesn't matter. She should have found a different way. Something. Anything. She didn't have to invade my mind and steal a part of me – a part I'll never get back. It's terrifying to think that a person can just reach inside of you and make a memory disappear in seconds. If she did it once, what's to stop her from doing it again? What if she already has?
What if…
What if she had no time to think of something else?
To be honest, we were cutting it pretty close when we finally got off the ground. A minute later and we might not have made it. And that's the hard part. If Emma had stopped to find another way, we would have died.
She did have to do it.
So where does that leave us? Emma's never lied to me before this. And she didn't have to tell me what happened – it's not like I'm going to remember, right?
But she did. It's a start.
What's that old saying? "Once bitten, twice shy." Well, I guess that's me. It'll take a while for us to put this behind us. It'll be tough, but not impossible.
After all, nothing's impossible for Mutant X.