NOTES: Hey, reader type people. Here's another chapter. Yyyyep. There ya go. Thankya to Ravwrin, the ONE person who reviewed. If you don't review this chapter, people, I WILL quote Happy Noodle Boy and you won't like it. Nooo…you won't like it, for I govern your emotions and therefore may tell you, at any time I please, exactly how you feel and with what exact tones and inflections you must speak to me. Um, sorry. I'm just a little pissed off at my teachers & my mom…sooo, anyhoo. Yeah. This chapter's a little strange. I guess. Just as long as the last one, too. SLASH!!!! Don't read if you don't like slash! Or your head will explode! Boooh!
Disclaimer: I don't own dis shit. Jhonen Vasquez owns it. Slave Labor Graphics publishes. Nick produces it. I read/watch and vandalize it with insane notions of Zimmy/Dibby love and psychotic Nny cameos. Dib's head is large. Spank my monkey, his name is Sam.
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Part 2
The sun was beginning to set as the two high skool students exited the 24/7, Dib holding a cherry Brainfreezy (Suck it like you loves it, baby!), and Zim having decided against it in the end. He really didn't want one, and though Dib suggested he get one for GIR, he'd insisted that he really didn't want a cherry-flavored couch. Dib had laughed.
"Hey, Zim," said the young man suddenly, eyeing the alien as he sucked on the Brainfreezy. "I was wondering…I mean, I know this isn't necessarily the Irkens, but I had been thinking…why do you guys always abduct the planet's most retarded people…like people from Iowa?"
Zim considered this heavy question. "Um…well, because, I guess it's because of the fact that nobody misses them once they're gone. Really, though, would you rather we abducted you?"
"Heh…well, as long as there are no anal probes involved…" He laughed weakly. Zim did as well. And then the awkward silence.
Zim spoke up, "Trust me, Dib-worm, if Irkens were really THAT interested in the inner workings of a human's internal organs, we wouldn't waste time with a probe. We'd just dissect you. However, we aren't interested in your internal organs…except that one time."
"Yeah…that was just a little…weird…" He smiled in reflection of their time in Ms. Bitters' class—something he'd thought he'd never do. "Remember that sixty-two pound auxiliary hall pass?"
"Yeah, and the liquid prunes?" Zim laughed.
"And remember how Ms. Bitters always talked about doom?"
"Heehee, doooom…yeah, I remember that, Dib-worm."
"Hey, Zim?"
"What? What knowledge do you seek of me, ZIM?"
Dib twitched a little, but continued, "Um, I kind of like it when…when you call me Dib-worm."
"Huh?"
"Well…" Dib smiled. "It used to really piss me off, but you know, since you told me about the cease in the whole world-taking-over-world…thing, it feels more like we're friends."
Zim blushed. "Yeah. I guess it sort of does."
"We should get together tomorrow, okay. I reeeally have to pass this next test, and since it's on Tuesday, I need all the help I can get. You don't mind, do you?"
"Um, no." Zim turned with sudden realization that they had reached his house.
"I'll walk you to the door?"
He sighed. "Fine."
But just then, the door burst open, and out ran a little green dog that was covered in what resembled orange popsicle. He was holding a wedge of cheese.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" yelled GIR. "Master's home!"
"Yes, GIR, I am home…"
"Master, I painted the walls ORANGE!" The little robot stuck out its tongue in that adorable way and smiled. Then it saw Dib. "AAAAAAAAAAAH!!! It's Dib!!! He's gonna eat our brains!" His eyes went red.
Dib glared at him. Finally, GIR's eyes returned to their normal color. "Hi, Dib."
"Um, hi GIR."
"Master! Master!" He held up the cheese. "Spank the cheese! SPANK IT LIKE YOU LOVES IT, DAMMIT!"
"GIR!! QUIET! Go watch that hideous monkey or something…NOW!"
"SIR!...okay." The "dog" saluted, then shrugged and went back into the house.
"That was…interesting…" said Dib with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes. Hmm. Pheh."
"Um, so…I guess…bye? Unless you'll reconsider letting me in? Or do I have to seduce you?" Dib winked playfully, and immediately began laughing.
Zim smiled. "Um, no…"
"Aww, come on…" Dib slipped an arm around Zim's waist and playfully dipped the thin alien. "Pleeease?" His face was painfully close to Zim's.
Unfortunately, this didn't have the desired effect. Zim put himself upright, pushed Dib off, and ran inside, yelling, "NO!!"
"Um. Okay."
Zim leaned against the inside of the door and sighed. His wig had slid down slightly, but he disregarded it, since he was now in the privacy of his own home. He looked around. It was such a shithole. He'd stopped trying to clean a long time ago. Anything that wasn't stuck to the walls or furniture wasn't worth it.
GIR was sitting in front of the television, mimicking that stupid monkey…Zim went and, checking to make sure nothing was sticky, took a seat on the sofa.
Unfortunately, he couldn't keep his mind off of it…why was Dib doing all of this? Why would he but to get into Zim's base. Even if the Tallest hadn't called him in so long, he still clung to that hope that they hadn't forgotten him, that it hadn't all been a huge joke on his part. He wanted to believe that he wasn't really the jackass he made himself out to be.
But he also wanted to believe in Dib now. Dib seemed to genuinely want to be friends. Friends, at least. The way he acted made Zim nervous. It made his squeedily-spooch tie into knots. It really made him happy…except he knew Dib didn't mean any of it. But he liked the way Dib behaved now.
He actually liked a lot of the changes in Dib since middle skool. For one, Dib looked good for being so thin for his height. He even liked that loud music the boy listened to. The playful attitude was another thing. However, the young human seemed more than a little apathetic when he wasn't joking with Zim or arguing with Gaz. He seemed a bit depressed.
Slowly, Gir turned his head almost all the way around, and in a very serious voice, asked, "Does Master loves the Dib-boy?"
"GIR…" Zim sighed again. "Yeah."
"WEE-HAW!!!" The little robot took off literally bouncing off the walls and ceiling.
The next day, Dib woke to the familiar sound of his screaming Scary Monkey alarm clock. It was only seven, but he preferred to wake up early in order to watch Saturday morning cartoons and avoid Gaz, who was less than kind in the mornings…well, more so than the rest of the day.
He still felt bad about what had happened with Zim. He figured Zim must have felt pressured by what he had done, and the whole seduction comment hadn't helped much. He'd only meant it as a joke…though he did like the way it felt to hold Zim like that. It was sort of like the happiness that comes immediately after the death of a mime. (Ooohh, yess…fucking clown bastards. Ahem, forgive me…) But Zim probably wouldn't talk to him for a while now, even if it would deduct from his grade.
He sat up, placing his feet on the floor, and looked down at his Power Rangers pajamas, sighing in disgust. He didn't know why he still had the damn things…oh, well. He made his way down the stairs, picking up random bits of his dad's inventions, and went into the kitchen.
The cabinets were empty. He didn't know how, he didn't know when, but obviously someone had felt the need to eat everything in their house…but there was that one cabinet…the one that looked ready to burst off of its hinges. Cautiously, he walked over to it, as though he were an assassin attempting not to be seen. He quickly grabbed the handle, turned, and…FOOM!
He was covered in cereal boxes, cheese, and other various food products.
"FUCK!" he yelled as he was hit in the head with a bottle of maple syrup. He stood up and brushed himself off. "Stupid Gaz…those sharp corners reeeally hurt."
He picked up a box of Count Cocofang cereal and poured a bowl, then drenched it in milk and went into the living room where the couch was free and empty. How he loved Saturday morning. He never had to worry about being harassed at skool, about pissing off Gaz, or being ignored by dad, or…Zim…well…
He'd have to apologize to Zim…right after 'Pepper Ann'.
By the time Gaz came down, around ten, Dib was busy watching 'Yu Gi Oh'. It wasn't a very good episode, but he liked it…he'd ignored three phone calls because they hadn't been during commercials. Gaz walked into the kitchen for some cereal, then came out with a miffed look on her face.
"Dib, what the hell did you do?"
Dib turned around to face her, and said, "What do you mean? What did you do? I just had a fucking cabinet full of boxes fall on me. Somehow I doubt that's my fault."
"Look, Dib, you don't own the cereal! How many times do I have to tell you? YOU DON"T OWN THE DAMN CEREAL! Don't you have tutoring or something anyway?"
"Oh, shit." He remembered now. He had to go over and apologize. He hated apologizing to people. It was always awkward. "Hey, Gaz, I'm gonna take the car. If dad asks, tell him I'm over at Zim's."
"He won't ask, Dib."
"Good point."
He took in a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Nobody answered. He rang once more and then prepared to turn away, when suddenly, GIR answered.
"Hi, Dib! How's your spleen? Good? Good…" The robot giggled like a maniac.
"Um, yeah, my spleen's doing great, GIR. Can I talk to Zim?"
"Master's feelin' sad right now…can I take a message? BEEP!"
"Could you please tell him that I'm really sorry for acting like a jackass yesterday, and that I wish he would come over so we can keep tutoring."
"Um. Okay."
Dib looked suspicious. "Could you say that back to me, GIR?"
"Piggy likes candy!"
"I'm coming in there."
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuh…okie-dokie!" GIR stood aside and held open the door for Dib to walk in.
"Where's Zim?"
"He's in his lab. He said he was going to contemplate the horrible reality of this universe and hope for its imminent doom." He stuck out his tongue.
Dib stared at the robot as if he had just recited Shakespearean quotation. "Zim said that?"
GIR smiled. "Um, I think I might have made it up?"
The human sighed and looked around the house. It was messier than his own home. Apparently Zim had stopped cleaning, or making GIR clean, or whatever the hell he did. There were popsicle sticks, pizza boxes, Brainfreezy cups, and various dishes lining the floor. And that wasn't even mentioning the stuff on the walls and furniture. Dib looked down, feeling lucky he had apparently taken a clear path to where he was currently standing.
He needed to speak to Zim. Supposedly, he could just go down to the lab by asking GIR. However, thinking about it logically, that would only prove to Zim that Dib was merely interested in his lab. Oh, and Dib didn't want that, no. He was really enjoying his new friendship with Zim, as far as it had gone for the moment.
"GIR, do you think you could go get Zim?"
"Huh?"
"GO GET ZIM."
"Oh, okay."
GIR walked over to the toilet sitting in the kitchen, stood on it, and flushed, then giggled as though someone was tickling him. Dib resisted the urge to take notes.
It was a good ten minutes before Zim came up through the toilet, and stared at Dib with a raised eyebrow.
"What?"
Dib frowned at him. Then he remembered. "Um, Zim…I'm really sorry for pissing you off yesterday. I mean, I realize it was pretty crappy of me to pressure you like that, and if you don't want me in your house I understand. We can leave right now and go over to my place if you want."
"Mwuh. Fine, stinkbeast. I accept your request of the mighty ZIM!"
"Um, yeah. Ego understood. Let's go."
"Dib, um…"
"Yes?"
"I guess I'm sorry for being angry at you."
"Okay."
The walk back to Dib's was silent. They had just enough quiet to take in the scenery of the city: broken bottles on the sidewalk, shopping carts littering various places, insane hobos ranting about cheese, and the overall foul stench of it all that they had both become sadly accustomed to.
Of course, that all ended once they entered the Membrane household. Gaz was sitting on the couch, watching TV, and she turned slightly as the door slammed closed.
"Hey, Gaz. Ooh, is that that commercial where the whole family gets diarrhea?"
"Yeah."
"Umm…oh, I've gotta study. Damn."
"Keep your fucking music down or I'll eat your head."
"Ummm…okay."
"With teriyaki sauce."
Zim shuddered as they turned towards the staircase to go up to Dib's room. Then he began to take a look at the pictures on the wall. There were pictures of Gaz, many of the Professor, a few of Dib, but only one of them all together. They were all standing in front of their house, smiling (okay, except for Gaz), and there was a strange woman with red hair standing with them.
"Is that your mother?" he asked awkwardly.
"Yeah." Dib said nothing more as they continued up the stairs and came to his bedroom.
"Um," Zim struggled with the unfamiliarity of friendliness. "Was she a nice woman?"
Dib sighed loudly and began looking for his CD case. Finally, he turned around and replied, "No."
"Oh. What did she do?" Zim look vaguely concerned. He had never really had a parental unit, but he knew they were supposed to be nice to some extent.
"Look, Zim, are we gonna fucking study or not? I don't want to sit here all day and tell you my life story. Here's my history book."
"I was only showing interest, Dib-worm. You have no obligation to tell me the story of your existence."
"Yeah, I know. Anyway, let's go over that Cleopatra thing one more time…"
"Do you remember yesterday, when we were starting that conversation on human music?"
"Yeah. What about it?"
"I wondered what this kind of music you like is? You know, the 'Ramones'."
Dib sniggered. "You sound like a parent. You even did the air quotes things with your fingers."
"Ooo…kay."
"Well, anyhow, it's called punk rock. I actually really like some other types of music—alternative rock and new metal. I think you'd like some of the alt rock. One of my favorite alt rock bands is one called Incubus. Ooh, but first the punk rock. It's really great. You'll like Green Day! I think I've got one of their CDs here…ummmmm…here!"
He smiled, enjoying the conversation on one of his favorite subjects (next to paranormal activity and cheese dip, of course). He went to the CD player and popped in the disc.
"I declare I care no more, I'm running up and out and growing bored in my smoked out boring room, my hair is shagging in my eyes, dragging my feet to hit the streets at night, drive along this shit town life…"
"Umm…yeah. 'Green Day' is pretty…er, musical."
"Yeah, but they started to suck after a while. Most people said they sold out."
"What is the big thing with music and you humans, anyway?"
Dib thought for a second. He didn't get faced with this question often, but he'd mulled it over in his head countless times. "Um, I guess it's like Operation Ivy said 'Contained in music somehow more than just sound, inspiration coming and twisting things around.' Sort of an outlet for emotions, I suppose. Or something."
Silence. After a few minutes, they heard the front door slam. Gaz had obviously left for the arcade, or something. Therefore, the volume went up considerably, and there wasn't much studying. They both sat around on the bed in silence, just listening to the music. Both appeared to be in deep thought.
Finally, Dib sighed and said, "She hit me."
"What?"
"My mother." He looked down at the sheets, still adorned with UFOs from his childhood. "You asked what she did to be a mean person. She hit me."
"So that's bad for a parental thing to do?"
Dib's eye twitched. "Fuck, yeah, Zim, it's kind of fucking illegal! Especially when your kid's only five years old and they're getting the shit beat out of them with the wrong side of a bedpost!"
"I just didn't know. I'm sorry, Dib. Did she die?"
"Yeah. She overdosed on crystal meth." He nearly smiled when he said that. "I never told Gaz, of course. She never got hit. Either mom actually loved her, or thought she was too young to beat."
"What about your father?"
"What about him? If dad was ever around the house to do something silly like, I don't know, maybe CARE for us, the fucking world might end! Oh, wait, no, seriously, it might!" Dib pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, frowning as deeply as ever.
"Um, are you gonna cry? Cause, I don't mind if you do…" This was increasingly weird for Zim.
"What?" Dib smiled. "No, I'm not gonna cry. Why?"
"Sorry. I've been watching soap operas with GIR."
"Oh. Well, it's just that, I've thought about it so much now that it doesn't really matter. It's like her life and her death and all the shit that happened to us back then is nothing more than a movie that plays in my head when I sleep. And it doesn't scare me any more. I mean, when I was little, I used to think the dreams were nightmares, and I'd go sobbing to my dad like I thought the world was against me. And now I know it's nothing more than another world of shit, and that most of it really is against me. I don't know, I don't think it makes any sense, but whatever it means, that's what it is. I don't think I *can* cry anymore. It makes me sick."
Zim looked at him in shock. He didn't think he'd ever heard Dib speak so solemnly. Not seriously, anyway. However, that wasn't surprising considering that the last time he had really spoken to Dib before the whole friendship thing had been when Dib was threatening to foil his plan using magnetic weasels. Now it was hard to keep a straight face when thinking of something like that.
"Zim? Sorry I unloaded all of that on you. I'll understand if you want to go home."
"Don't apologize for what someone else did to you, Dib-worm. It's not your fault she hurt you." Zim smiled inwardly for his eloquent choice of words.
"Thanks…Zim?" Dib leaned forward, looking slightly nervous, as if he were about to reveal the meaning of life.
"Ye—" Zim began, equally nervous, before being cut off by Dib's lips pressing against his own. His eyes widened in shock for a moment, but after that, he began to respond, working his tongue, though slightly clumsily for lack of much experience.
Finally, they pulled away. Dib looked at the floor, expecting rejection. However, Zim was doing the same. He rubbed his neck anxiously.
"That was…different."
Dib looked up hopefully. "Umm, yeah."
"Hmm."
"Zim, I really, really like you," he said softly. "I mean, like, I'd go out with you if you wanted…well, I guess, technically not go *out*, since we'd get the shit kicked out of us. And I know it's probably weird, me being human and you being an alien, but, I mean…fuck. I really do need more friends."
"I…think…I need to go home and think about this. I'm really confused right now. This situation is a bit…I suppose a human would say… 'fucked up'."
"Um, okay," Dib replied, keeping a completely straight face. "Do you need me to show you to the door?"
"No, I think I can find it. The one at the front of the house, right?"
"Um, just whichever one leads to outside."
"Right."
Zim left the room, leaving all silent but the sounds of NOFX on the CD player. Dib sat for a good fifteen minutes before even moving. His eyes focused on the ground for a moment, but then the sound of the doorbell rang throughout the house. He stood up slowly and shakily, and made his way down to the front door.
When he opened it, there was standing a tall man in his mid-twenties, with very dark hair and large eyes, wearing nothing but black, a striped T-shirt that said 'Smile, you fucker', high leather boots, and fiddling with his hands in a preoccupied way.
"Hi," said Dib calmly. "Can I help you?"
"Um, yes, you can," the man replied. "I live down the street, number 777, and, while I don't normally do really anything for the community, I'm entertaining, er, guests at the moment. I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to turn down your music? As much as I like punk music, I'd reeeally appreciate it."
"Sure. No problem. I didn't realize it was so loud. I guess I was sort of venting."
"Ah, yes," answered the man. "I definitely know the value of a little frustration management."
"Yeah. Well, I'll do that now. Thanks for telling me. Otherwise I would've kept it on all night and someone probably would have shot me, knowing this city."
"Hmm…guns. Horrible things. Well, thanks."
"No problem. Come over any time I'm disturbing the peace. My name is Dib Membrane."
"Ah. Nice to meet you, Dib. My name is Johnny C. You can call me Nny for short." He smiled ear to ear.
"Um, seeya."
"Bye."
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yes, there was a pointless Nny cameo. Why? Because I can!!! Mwahaha! Feel the suffering, pitiful readers! …Mmmyep. Um. Hey. I like salsa. Right. Er, so, there was the slashiness…of course, there shall be more slashiness, and probably intros of even more new characters (actually, I think Ms. Flump is the only new character so far). There will also be at least one more Nny cameo, a possible Squee cameo, and maybe even Jhonen will show up in this fic. Yes, fear me, for I can spell Jhonen's name. Hahaha! No…wait…I didn't mean that. Please don't kick my pathetic, stupid, fic-writing ass, Jhonen! For you are tall, and I shan't resist your overwhelming hypnotic SCARINESS…um, right. This is getting too weird. Funyuns are good. Your head disturbs me. I sleep now.