"No. No, no, no, no, no."
"You know it's the only way."
"No. You can't make me. I won't do it."
"I'm not making you do anything. You're the one who wanted to come."
"I've changed my mind then."
"Fine, I'll take a date from work."
"No, you won't."
"I can't go without a date, can I?"
"Sure you can. Or you don't have to go at all."
"There are a lot of business acquaintances I have to schmooze with."
"Schmooze with me."
"You already like me."
"So do they, probably."
They stood, not quite glaring, but not quite smiling. The blond one had his arms crossed across his chest, brows drawn, where the dark haired one seemed almost poised, relaxed, but his eyes were intense. It was a battle of wills.
"Think of all the food,"
"That won't work. I just ate."
"Dancing."
"I'm bad at it anyway."
There was a long pause in which they sized each other up, watching and analyzing, until the dark-haired one spoke.
"Mitsuru. Please come." Another pause. "It will make me happy."
"Argh! I hate it when you do that!" A glare. "Fine. I will."
"Excellent."
"But I'm wearing flats this time."
"That's fine. I don't want you taller than me anyway."
A haughty sniff. A sulking pout.
A kiss.
~
"This looks utterly ridiculous on my head," Mitsuru muttered under his breath to his date in the tux next to him. "Like a puffy bush. A blond puffy bush."
"You look fine," Shinobu murmured back reassuringly. "I wouldn't take an ugly date, after all. Shun said it was good too."
"He lied."
"Maybe, but you can't do anything about that now. You realize they are checking I.D.s at the door, right? It's a posh gathering. Lots of politicians showing up."
"You've got to be kidding me."
Shinobu gave him a wicked smile. "Your license will be fine, I'm sure, Mitsuru."
He scowled. "It's a boy's name!"
"Well, it's on your license."
"So's the fact I'm male!!"
"Keep your voice down. The line is right there."
It was a grand hotel in which the party was being held, and the line stretched farther than Mitsuru wanted to think about waiting. "Don't tell me they're going to frisk me."
"Probably."
"God, I hate you."
"No, you don't."
"I think sometimes I do."
Shinobu smiled and leaned down, pecking a kiss to his nose. "No, you don't. Are you hungry?"
"… Yeah."
"Good. We'll be inside soon. Think about all the different desserts they'll have."
"You're going to make my stomach growl. Who thought this was a good idea in the first place?"
"I did. You agreed."
"Right. Of course."
"Just relax and smile. I'm sure they won't notice. You look radiant, you know."
"I feel like a fool."
"I swear that lipstick is really you."
"You're mocking me."
"I wouldn't do that. You know as well as I that you won that contest in high school fair and square, even over Shun."
"Which was funny, because I'm taller."
"So you look more like a model."
A sigh. "Right."
Another kiss to the nose. "Now stop fussing. A few more minutes and we'll be at the checkpoint."
"You make it sound like it's a military facility."
"Well, generals are going to be here."
"I didn't know that. Schmooze city, huh?"
"You'd better believe it."
"So how come you were invited to this shindig?"
Shinobu gave him an imperious look. "Because of my outstanding record in my field, my exceptional abilities, and the fact that I'm good-looking."
"Of course."
"Hmph. Get your license out."
"If we get kicked out, I'm blaming you. And you have to take me to supper. A big supper."
"We won't get kicked out. Stop fussing and smile nicely."
They reached the security guards who were both male, and both of whom gave Mitsuru coy smiles. Gamely, he smiled back, lowering his eyelids primly. One of them took his license. "Hm, Mitsuru's a weird name for a pretty girl like you."
He assumed the falsetto he would have to carry all night. "My parents wanted a boy."
The other was looking over Shinobu's identification. "All right, Mr. Tezuka, your boss told us to tell you that you should meet him in the Green Room some time tonight. Have a good time at the party."
"Thank you," Shinobu said smoothly, and proceeded past the gate.
"Are you with him?" the guard who still had Mitsuru's license asked, giving him a sidelong glance.
"My father liked him," the blond leaned forward and murmured. "He's nice enough."
"Hmm… Well, if you get bored, we'll show you a real good time up here."
Mitsuru giggled and allowed a comely blush to spring to his face. "I'll keep it in mind. Goodnight, gentlemen." He took back his license and shoved it into his purse, then rejoined Shinobu.
"You enjoyed that a little too much."
"Jealous?"
"Yes."
Mitsuru leaned forward and kissed Shinobu's cheek. "Don't be. I wouldn't go play with them when I know what I have here."
"And what is that?"
"A crazy, crazy man."
"Hm… I wonder where the Green Room is."
"You're not even listening to me."
"Yes, I am. But we have to find the Green Room."
"Before food?"
"Before food."
"Damnit."
"Ladies shouldn't speak so foully."
"I hate you."
"We've been over this before."
"Where's the Green Room then? I'm starved."
Shinobu waved at a man in uniform, who gaped at Mitsuru, who pouted his lips obligingly, as Shinobu asked: "Where is the Green Room in this mixed up building?"
The man blinked and smiled back stupidly. "Down the hall to the right."
"Thank you," Shinobu said and started off.
"Bye-bye," Mitsuru cooed and trotted after his date.
"Would you stop that?"
"Stop what?"
"Flirting."
"I'm schmoozing."
"Well, stop it. You don't have anyone to impress."
"No, I have you to impress."
"I'm impressed already then."
"You're no fun."
"I know."
"Maybe those security guards will still want me to come play."
"Probably not. They should have examined your license more closely."
Mitsuru pinched him. "Stop being mean to me. I'm hungry."
"Well, hurry up then. If you eat too much, you'll get fat and your dress will look terrible."
"That's a hell of a thing to say." A glare.
"So only I will love you then."
"Hmmmph."
The Green Room, as expected, was green. Forest green carpet, plush and soft, lined the floor, and pale green wallpaper, ornamented with olive designs, decorated the walls. The curtains were emerald and tied with sage pulls. The chandeliers were even a soft viridian and had jade stones interspersed among the lights. Malachite tables and matching moss colored chairs nestled in corners. It was like walking into a jungle with no trees.
"I bet this is the Green Room," muttered Mitsuru.
"Very astute."
"Thanks. Maybe they invited you because they knew you'd bring me."
"Maybe not. Come with me. You can meet my boss."
"He'll fire you when he meets me."
"I doubt it. He hasn't yet."
"Yet."
"Come on already." He took Mitsuru by the hand and led him to a corner table where a big brawny man was seated. He wore a dark suit and tie and sunglasses, even though they were indoors. The four or five men surrounding him were dressed in identical outfits. All of them looked ready to pull guns at any moment. Mitsuru inched closer to his date.
"Sir, this is Mitsuru, my date for the evening," and suddenly Mitsuru was shaking hands with the big brawny man, who took it upon himself to kiss it.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Mitsuru," the man said. "Such an unusual name for such a lovely young woman."
Mitsuru wondered for a moment if he were to be revealed, would the men pull guns on him and shoot him? Probably. He summoned courage. "Thank you, sir, my parents wanted me to be a boy."
"They had no right to be disappointed."
He gave a little titter and clung to Shinobu's arm. "Oh, sir, you flatter me too much."
Shinobu gave him a sidelong glance. "If you need to speak to me, sir, it can be in private if needs be."
"Hm. Though your date is delightful, I think that work talk would tire her. Perhaps you should introduce her to your personal secretary. I'm sure they'd get along."
"That seems a good idea, sir. I'll be right back then." He pulled a willing, smiling, obedient Mitsuru away, and started towards another table in the room.
"Asshole!!" Mitsuru growled as soon as they were out of earshot. "'Tire her', 'delightful', pah! Just because I'm blond doesn't mean I'm stupid."
"I agree completely, dear."
"Shinobu! Not you too!"
He smirked and kissed his cheek. "No, not me. Yet."
"Yet. Argh. Fine. Where's this secretary person? I didn't know you had a secretary."
"You never asked."
"You never insinuated!"
They stopped in front of the table across from the big brawny man. A lovely young woman was seated, and she looked agonized over her nails, examining them carefully. No one else was around. Her long black hair was half-piled on her head and half expertly curling around her fragile-looking shoulders. Her bust and hips matched, and her waist was Barbie-like. She looked up at them as they approached with large doe-like green eyes. Mitsuru wondered if she had color-coordinated with room on purpose.
"Tezuka-san!" she exclaimed and stood, leaning a bit too far forward for Mitsuru's taste. Just because one had cleavage did not make it necessary to show it off.
"Oomaki-san, this is Mitsuru, my date. We thought she would be bored by work talk, so I've decided to introduce you. Mitsuru, Oomaki-san is very nice. I'll be right back for you."
Mitsuru smiled sweetly, but he made sure Shinobu could see his teeth. The other man smirked back and walked away.
Reluctantly, Mitsuru sat.
"Mitsuru-san, is it? My name is Kae, so you can call me that. What an strange name for a girl!" She was bubbling and cavity-inducing.
"Well, my parents wanted a boy."
"But they got you instead! Even luckier!"
"I suppose so." He smiled blankly. "What exactly does Shinobu do at work? He never tells me."
"Um… I don't know!" Another saccharine smile. "I just answer the phones and type stuff. Hey, do you know anything about nails? One of them seems like it's falling off. You don't have any nail glue or anything, do you?"
"I'm sorry, mine are real. I don't have anything like that."
"Ohh… darn! I guess I'll just have to hope for the best!"
"I'm sure no one will notice one nail when they see your smiling face."
She actually blushed. "You think so? Well… I was hoping Tezuka-san would ask me to come tonight, but…" She sighed dramatically.
Mitsuru felt jealousy ooze into his stomach. "I don't know if he's your type, Kae-san. He can be kind of cold, you know."
"Ooh, I do know! But so mysterious! That's what I like about him. And a good provider." She paused and looked at Mitsuru with big sea-colored eyes, framed by long dark lashes. "You two aren't serious or anything, are you? I mean, I'd feel bad going after him if you were."
He tried not to backhand her. One quick little punch and she'd be on the floor. It was so, /so/ tempting. He resisted. "I think we're a little more serious than it looks," he said sweetly.
"Oh, poo, I was hoping you wouldn't say that." But she grinned. "Well, if he ever dumps you, I get dibs."
No, he would strangle her, not punch her; it was so much more fatal. "Sounds fair. If you'll excuse me, I think I see my cousin." He rose, smiling cordially. "I'd love to talk again sometime. You should go dance. I'm sure some of the men are dying to ask you."
Kae blushed again, and giggled, the most irritating sound Mitsuru had ever heard. He blanked another smile, and started away.
Luckily, Shinobu was heading towards him at the same time, perhaps having caught wind of this situation from body language. He took Mitsuru's arm protectively as the blond fumed.
"That bitch!" he growled. "'If you two aren't serious, then I want him!' Excuse me? Is that what you say to someone's date?"
Shinobu blinked at him a moment, then broke out into sudden, startling laughter. Mitsuru was taken aback.
"What? What did I say?"
"You're jealous."
"I am not."
"You're jealous!"
"I am not."
Shinobu tried to force his smile away, but it kept popping back. "I'm surprised at you, Mitsuru Ikeda. So little trust."
"She's such a bimbo!"
"Hmm. Well, my boss says goodbye anyway."
"So food?"
"So food."
There was a pause as they made their way out of the very green Green Room. "Shinobu?"
"Yes?"
Another pause. "Do you work for the Yakuza?"
A longer pause. "No."
Mitsuru stopped and looked imploringly into his eyes. "Please tell me."
Shinobu leaned over and kissed his forehead. "They work for me, silly. It's time for food." And happily he trotted off towards the delightfully smelling dining room.
Mitsuru could only gape after him.
~
"I want you to get a table."
"What?"
"To save us a place at a table. An empty table."
"All right…"
"A big table."
"Just don't draw too much attention to yourself please."
"I won't."
Shinobu trotted off to secure a table, and Mitsuru turned, mouth watering, to the piles of food waiting for his stomach and his stomach alone. He was very careful not to drool. He did not want to embarrass his date.
Green beans almondine, steak tips, lemon chicken, mashed potatoes, teriyaki shrimp, rosemary lasagna, buttered carrots, salad, soups… and desserts. It was too big for his eyes to take in all at once.
"Look at that girl," whispered a pair of young women as they passed him. Suddenly he was paranoid. Was his lipstick smeared? Had his nylons caught on something? Did his purse not match his shoes?
"She looks just like a young Marilyn Monroe!" whispered one of them back. They gave him something resembling a look of awe, then scurried away.
He wanted to burst into laughter, but refrained with a bit of difficulty. It simply wouldn't do for a Marilyn Monroe look-alike to be seen hoarding piles of food… but there was another possibility…
"You want me to what?" Shinobu sputtered, staring at the salad in Mitsuru's hand.
"You have to get the food for me. Make it look like it's for you. I'll steal it off your plate."
"I'll do no such thing!"
"Shinobu, sweetie, you're making a scene."
Certainly enough, there were several eyes peering at them, but mostly at him. One of the more daring swooped by. "I hope you'll be dancing later this evening, miss, because I shall certainly save a spot on my card for you."
Mitsuru pinked and giggled winsomely. "Maybe later then." He sneaked a glance over to Shinobu, who looked none-too-pleased. "I must eat first, because everything looks so delicious."
The young man gave him a sweet, rich smile. "Of course. It's exquisite. I shall not interrupt your conversation anymore, as long as you won't forget about me." He smiled again and walked handsomely away.
Mitsuru turned back to Shinobu, amused. Shinobu, however, was not.
"Fine. I'll get you your plates." There was a meaningful pause as he looked as his date. "Please don't leave."
"I'll stay right here," the blond responded cheerfully.
"Good." And he went to get more substantive food than just Mitsuru's salad.
The latter had consumed the entire salad within about a moment of Shinobu turning his back. He felt bad that he would be making Shinobu get his entire meal like a waiter, but it was unseemly that he should be seen with so many plates!
Shinobu returned with two plates full of food. Delicious, steamed, roasted, broiled, grilled, baked, boiled… Mitsuru smiled widely and grabbed his fork.
The bus-boys soon learned that this table had rapidly piling plates and attended to it fairly frequently. Except for when Shinobu's boss walked in.
Mitsuru was busy sneaking his fork not so sneakily into the plate across from his as Shinobu looked up. A hand clapped his shoulder. "Well, my boy, I'm glad to see you're enjoying the food!" The sunglasses glanced over to the pile of a dozen or so plates.
"It's excellent, sir, but I had help," the dark haired one said grimly.
Mitsuru brightened. "I ate a salad!" Guiltily he looked down at his fork where a piece of beef was speared and chewed and swallowed it quickly. "And some beef." He looked up, eyes wide and innocent.
Shinobu's boss guffawed. "Just don't ignore the cheesecake, Mitsuru dear. And don't worry about it going to your waist or anything. We all need to splurge once in a while! And any added weight would just be more of you to love." He lowered his sunglasses slightly, just enough to give him a wink. "For Shinobu, of course."
Shinobu's faced flamed. "Sir!"
The big man chuckled and moved away. "I'm joking, Tezuka; relax. Enjoy your meal and I hope we'll see you two dancing later."
Mitsuru waved sunnily as they departed then sought Shinobu's eyes. "Shinobu? Don't be mad, please, honey." If he stayed dressed like this for a bit longer, he wondered if he were going to turn into a girl for real.
Shinobu was frowning. No, that wasn't quite right. Shinobu was… pouting? "I'm not mad."
"Yes, you are. Please don't let anything ruin our night. He was just teasing." Mitsuru turned on charm full force. "I want to dance with you later."
"You already promised that other guy a dance." No, he wasn't pouting.
"No, I didn't. Come on, let's finish up eating and go dance. I bet they'll play a lot of slow songs."
"You hate dancing." He was sulking instead. Much worse.
"No, I'm just bad at it." He pursed his lips, trying to look cute and sweet, like everyone else thought he was. "Please? You'll have to lead, you know."
"Hmph."
Mitsuru stood, willing to use the one thing he was sure would guarantee him victory. He moved toward his date, stood behind him, and kissed the top of his head, then leaned to speak beside his ear. "Please, Shinobu, you can hold me so tightly and no one else will know and you can be happy."
It did, of course, work.
Shinobu sighed, giving up. "All right. But let's try a slice of that cheesecake first."
Mitsuru glowed a smile at him and trotted off obediently to get it. Cheesecake it was then.
~
"I'm tired," whispered Mitsuru into the crook of Shinobu's neck. "Can we go soon?"
"There's just one more dance," the dark haired man murmured back. "Do you mind?"
A quick peck to the lips. "Of course not."
"Hm." Shinobu reached over to stroke his date's cheek lightly. "Your skin is very smooth today. What did you do?"
Mitsuru looked around, paranoid. "Well… I never had much facial hair…"
"But enough." Shinobu smirked slightly. "Well?"
The blond leaned closer, wary of other ears he might not know were there. "I waxed."
Shinobu pulled away, biting his lip, a smile pulling the corners of his mouth up. "I see."
"Don't laugh! It worked, didn't it?"
"I bet it hurt."
"Not much. I'm tough." A pause. "Okay, it hurt."
"Shall I kiss it better?"
"Please."
"That's not cologne you're wearing, is it." It was not a question.
"I got a tester sample! That's all!"
"Victoria's Secret?"
"… Yes. Do you like it?"
Shinobu laughed suddenly and innocently, then planted an undaunted kiss on Mitsuru's lips. "I like anything you wear."
Mitsuru smiled slightly, pleased and happy. "Well, the last dance is starting… Let's not miss it." He pulled his date towards the dance floor where other couples were already happily entwined, towards the music and pulse of the night.
~
The air was brisk and chilly when they exited the hotel. People were bubbling from the building like from a champagne bottle. Traffic would be locked up for miles around.
Out of the corner of his eyes Mitsuru saw Kae strolling smugly to her waiting taxi, followed by a score of men, each with a pen and paper in their hands. Autographs? Mitsuru wondered, confused. No… phone number. He sighed slightly, but was glad she most likely would not be bothering Shinobu anymore.
Shinobu's boss was also leaving, and he waved heartily to the couple. He had a set of giggling girls on his arms as he got into the limousine. It did not look like he was to be disappointed by the night.
Shinobu raised an arm to hail a cab, but Mitsuru felt a gentle tap on his arm, shy and nervous. He turned.
"Um, miss?" said the first man in the long line of them. Mitsuru gaped. "Can I get your number? I know it sounds so forward, but I work for a talent scout, and–"
"Actually, I'm from Hollywood," said the man behind him, who was a bit taller and a bit more handsome. "I have two tickets back to America in my pockets if you–"
A third leapt forward with opportunity. "I'm with a recording studio here in Tokyo, and I haven't heard you sing yet, but–"
"She doesn't," Shinobu said brusquely, and opened the door to the cab that had just pulled up. He helped Mitsuru in and looked at the throng with a glower. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take /my wife/ home. Goodbye, gentlemen."
Fifty eyes blinked and watched as the car drove away and twenty five pairs of legs walked disappointedly in various directions.
Mitsuru was beaming. He snuggled up to his date. "Thank you for inviting me. I had fun."
Protectively Shinobu put an arm around him. "As did I. But…"
The blond leaned up and kissed the other's chin lazily. "But?"
Shinobu glowered. "Next time I'm wearing the dress."