Lys Summers
Apparently I don't understand proper verb-tense while drunk. Upon revisiting this last night I discovered just how full of weird errors it was, and decided to fix it up. Hope you enjoy the improved version 2.
One quote is from some country person I don't know because Becky gave me the line. (About playing and loosing) The other one is from her art teacher. (Beautiful lie) I don't pretend to own them. Or own Subaru or anything else for that matter.
Every night Subaru dreams. It's the one part of the day he looks forward to, because even if he can't remember what those dreams were about upon waking, he knows that they have to be better than what he's living. 'Why look for truth when you can have a beautiful lie?'
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Blood. That's all that haunts Subaru's dreams tonight. Blood and the darkness of his own mind. Somewhere inside him there's also pain, but by now it's nothing but a dull ache that's settled in his chest. He doesn't remember why it's there, doesn't question the blood that flows, staining the blackness crimson.
The night is his refuge; he hides in a place where the memories can't reach him. Instead of being afraid of the dark he embraces it, letting the endless black erase the hurt, the vision of her…
But it never truly leaves him. He likes to pretend, to try and fool himself, he makes believe that everything's all right. In the darkness, with the blood and silence, he wishes the world away.
But not him. Never him.
Sometimes the dreams are different. They are more rare, precious. His face, his voice, untainted by the events which have never occurred in this land of dreams. A place where he doesn't have to question the happiness, doesn't have to hate himself for falling in love with him…
Why look for truth when you can have a beautiful lie?
Every night Subaru dreams. It's the one part of the day he looks forward to, because even if he can't remember what those dreams were about upon waking, he knows that they have to be better than his excuse for a life. The hell he wakes up to; sometimes he wishes that is the dream.
On second thought, scratch the 'sometimes'.
The next best thing to playing and winning, is playing and loosing.
Even if he lost, he still has the memories from that year… that one, happy year… And why shouldn't he? His grandmother says to let go. She says it isn't healthy. Talks about him as if he were little better than an animal. But Subaru doesn't care. Even if it was a lie, it was one that he had wanted so desperately to believe, that illusion of love…
He loved that lie. Why couldn't he? It wasn't like reality had done very much for him.
Still hasn't, really.
Subaru dreams. He dreams of blood, of darkness and of him. But he never remembers why he hurts, never thinks of her. The night is his sanctuary, his peace.
Even though he can't stay there forever.
Eventually, Subaru always wakes. He wakes up to the pain, the loss and the grief. Wakes up to the life he wishes he could leave behind…
Leave behind for that beautiful lie of him…
When he's awake, Subaru still wishes that he were dreaming. He only truly lives while he's asleep.
Subaru died the day that lie was ripped away from him.
Subaru dreams of blood.
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End.