Disclaimer and notes in the Prologue.
Please do pardon any errors. My spell check is iffy and no matter how many
times I reread things, my eyes can totally bypass the simplest mistake.
--------
Chapter 1 - Highway to Hell
I yawned as we stepped through the arches of Rivendell. I was tired, my feet hurt, and I was sick of pretending to eat the Lembas these wenches were force feeding me. Were they not paying attention? One bite.. but nooo they just had to assume they'd need more. I ended up stuffing what they gave me in my pouch. Good thing I really didn't have much in there. Not that it mattered. Apparently I got one perk about this entire nightmare. My pouch seemed to be a bag of holding. Sigh.. when I discovered that, it made me want to play Never Winter Nights again from the safety of my computer screen.
Instead I was subjected to listening Mary and Sue singing the entire trek. I gave them names. Mary is the redhead and Sue is the blonde. Back to the singing. They were singing in, of all things, japanese. No I don't speak it, but since I watch anime, I know it when I hear it. Especially when it's the theme to Fushigi Yugi.
Did I mention they had voices to match their perfection? I didn't think I need to, but then again..
That's when I finally noticed it. Rivendell. My eyes grew wide. It was amazing. It was a sight to see in person what I'd only seen on screen or in my imagination. My jaw dropped slightly as I found myself staring at another sight.
We all know who I spotted. Legolas Greenleaf. If I weren't such a master at hiding my crushes, I'd have swooned right there. Instead I brushed a loose bit of hair away from my face and fidgeted. I cast a glance at Mary and Sue, in time to see Mary eyeing the handsome elf like a he was the last item on sale on 5th Avenue at 99% off.
Gee, I wonder why she's here.
I shook my head and with a roll of my eyes I avoided everyone as I walked away. So absorbed in my exit, I didn't notice the tree root until I had tripped on it.
I fell face forward and managed to land on my hands rather then my face. "Damn it!"
A shadow fell over me and held out a hand. "Are you all right?"
I looked up as I got to my knees. Staring down at me was Boromir. I gave him a curious look, but gratefully took his hand. He pulled me to my feet and I gave him a polite smile. "Yes. Thank you."
"You are welcome, lady." He made a stiff bow. "I am Lord Boromir."
I blinked. He was waiting for me to say my name. He expected to hear it. Not even Mary and Sue asked my name. But then I didn't ask theirs either.. I sighed. I was too tired to think of a suitable Middle Earth name, so I went with what was on my driver's license. "I'm called Lacey."
He nodded politely, and I think he might have said more, but Sue grabbed my arm. "Come along now. We have need of you, young lady."
Young lady? Holy hell, these idiots had to be teenage celebrity stalkers by their personalities. I was twenty-five. Much too old to be trapped in this nightmare. Isn't it a requirement to be a teenager when trapped in Middle Earth?
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I got to be a 'perfect' Mary Sue. People would still hate me, but at least I could enjoy myself.
I smiled apologetically at Boromir as Sue dragged me away.
Sigh. I finally get someone to talk to that has a brain and I don't even get to enjoy myself.
You know what's worse? The last thing I saw before leaving the clearing was Mary laughing at something Legolas said.
What I wouldn't give to take that sword of hers and just ram it up her ass.
------
I sat along side Mary as we listened to Lord Elrond's speech about how we must band together. Did I mention we were in the council already? Well we were. I'll spare you the details of what Sue needed me for. I managed a few looks around the circle and caught Sue ogling Aragorn.
She is NOT touching him. So help me god, I will not allow one of my favorite ships be tainted by her. I vowed then and there to do everything in my power to turn her ploys upside down. I should have done that about Mary and Legolas as well, but he's a big boy. He can handle himself right?
I glanced at Mary who was looking perfect. Her hair seemed to catch the light just enough to make her glow. I resisted the urge to jump her and bash her head into the ground with all my might. Instead I added that vow as well.
I don't know if I can keep them, but I'll try.
"Bring forth the ring, Frodo."
My attention snapped back to reality as the hobbit placed the ring in front of everyone. Out of curiosity I watched everyone's' reaction. Apprehension. Wonder. Fear. Desire.
Mary and Sue had the strangest looks of all. Pure enjoyment. They were giddy, I could just imagine the wheels turning in the brain they shared.
Something wasn't right though. Then it hit me. I wasn't feeling anything. Nothing. I didn't want the ring. I didn't care about the ring.
I guess I'm just not important enough to be affected. I won't complain though.
Boromir rose from his seat. "In a dream.." He inched closer to the ring. "..I saw the eastern sky grow dark.. but in the west a pale light lingered."
Sue and Mary's eyes narrowed. They stared daggers at him and didn't bother to hide it.
Wonderful. Boromir haters too? My hell is just beginning, I knew it. I resumed my focus on Boromir. Such a tragic hero in my book. How can you not feel for him?
"A voice was crying: 'Your doom is near at hand. Isildur's Bane is found.'" Boromir reached for the ring. "Isildur's Bane."
I tensed, knowing that Gandalf was about to speak.. but then it dawned on me.. Mary. Sue. Please oh goddess no.
Sue jumped to her feet as Elrond said Boromir's name. I closed my eyes wishing the world to death around me as she stole Gandalf's line.
The earth began to shake as she spoke and I peeked out at the council. She had everyone's attention all right.
I squeezed my eyes shut again and prayed I'd wake from this atrocity.
I must have zoned, it's a bad habit, because when I opened my eyes again, everyone was arguing about the ring.
Frodo jumped to his feet. I wanted to let out a cheer for his courage, but I held my voice. "I will take it."
Everyone continued to argue and he walked forward, his voice barely overheard. "I will take it."
"I will take the ring to Mordor." Frodo said as he finally received the attention he deserved. "Though.. I do not know the way."
Gandalf strode forward. "I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins.. as long as it is yours to bear."
"If by my life or death I can protect you.." Aragorn joined the hobbit and wizard. "I will." He kneeled in front of Frodo. "You have my sword."
Poor Aragorn must have been feeling really twitchy then, because Sue's eyes were defying normalcy and had to be staring straight into him. No one can stare that intensely.
"And you have my bow." Legolas announced and walked over.
"And my ax." Gimli chimed in.
And good old Boromir stepped forward slowly. "You carry the fates of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the Council.. Then Gondor will see it done."
I eyed Mary and Sue carefully as the hobbits took their turns at joining the Fellowship. I counted the seconds after Pippin finished his 'Quest' line before one of the girls spoke up.
With an air of unbelievable grace, Mary rose. "We, the Ladies of the Lands Beyond, wish to give you our aid as well."
I wondered exactly how they would get us into the group, but I was struck dumbfounded by the fact that the title she used must have held some weight. They took her offer without question.
They just had to twist reality around even more so didn't they. I wanted to cry, but since that's something I saved for tear jerking movies and injuries, I curbed the impulse.
"So be it." Elrond announced.
I cringed. Goddess have mercy.
"You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."
I stifled a scream.
Pippin grinned. "Great. Where are we going?"
Straight to Hell, little one.
Straight to Hell.
--------
Chapter 1 - Highway to Hell
I yawned as we stepped through the arches of Rivendell. I was tired, my feet hurt, and I was sick of pretending to eat the Lembas these wenches were force feeding me. Were they not paying attention? One bite.. but nooo they just had to assume they'd need more. I ended up stuffing what they gave me in my pouch. Good thing I really didn't have much in there. Not that it mattered. Apparently I got one perk about this entire nightmare. My pouch seemed to be a bag of holding. Sigh.. when I discovered that, it made me want to play Never Winter Nights again from the safety of my computer screen.
Instead I was subjected to listening Mary and Sue singing the entire trek. I gave them names. Mary is the redhead and Sue is the blonde. Back to the singing. They were singing in, of all things, japanese. No I don't speak it, but since I watch anime, I know it when I hear it. Especially when it's the theme to Fushigi Yugi.
Did I mention they had voices to match their perfection? I didn't think I need to, but then again..
That's when I finally noticed it. Rivendell. My eyes grew wide. It was amazing. It was a sight to see in person what I'd only seen on screen or in my imagination. My jaw dropped slightly as I found myself staring at another sight.
We all know who I spotted. Legolas Greenleaf. If I weren't such a master at hiding my crushes, I'd have swooned right there. Instead I brushed a loose bit of hair away from my face and fidgeted. I cast a glance at Mary and Sue, in time to see Mary eyeing the handsome elf like a he was the last item on sale on 5th Avenue at 99% off.
Gee, I wonder why she's here.
I shook my head and with a roll of my eyes I avoided everyone as I walked away. So absorbed in my exit, I didn't notice the tree root until I had tripped on it.
I fell face forward and managed to land on my hands rather then my face. "Damn it!"
A shadow fell over me and held out a hand. "Are you all right?"
I looked up as I got to my knees. Staring down at me was Boromir. I gave him a curious look, but gratefully took his hand. He pulled me to my feet and I gave him a polite smile. "Yes. Thank you."
"You are welcome, lady." He made a stiff bow. "I am Lord Boromir."
I blinked. He was waiting for me to say my name. He expected to hear it. Not even Mary and Sue asked my name. But then I didn't ask theirs either.. I sighed. I was too tired to think of a suitable Middle Earth name, so I went with what was on my driver's license. "I'm called Lacey."
He nodded politely, and I think he might have said more, but Sue grabbed my arm. "Come along now. We have need of you, young lady."
Young lady? Holy hell, these idiots had to be teenage celebrity stalkers by their personalities. I was twenty-five. Much too old to be trapped in this nightmare. Isn't it a requirement to be a teenager when trapped in Middle Earth?
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I got to be a 'perfect' Mary Sue. People would still hate me, but at least I could enjoy myself.
I smiled apologetically at Boromir as Sue dragged me away.
Sigh. I finally get someone to talk to that has a brain and I don't even get to enjoy myself.
You know what's worse? The last thing I saw before leaving the clearing was Mary laughing at something Legolas said.
What I wouldn't give to take that sword of hers and just ram it up her ass.
------
I sat along side Mary as we listened to Lord Elrond's speech about how we must band together. Did I mention we were in the council already? Well we were. I'll spare you the details of what Sue needed me for. I managed a few looks around the circle and caught Sue ogling Aragorn.
She is NOT touching him. So help me god, I will not allow one of my favorite ships be tainted by her. I vowed then and there to do everything in my power to turn her ploys upside down. I should have done that about Mary and Legolas as well, but he's a big boy. He can handle himself right?
I glanced at Mary who was looking perfect. Her hair seemed to catch the light just enough to make her glow. I resisted the urge to jump her and bash her head into the ground with all my might. Instead I added that vow as well.
I don't know if I can keep them, but I'll try.
"Bring forth the ring, Frodo."
My attention snapped back to reality as the hobbit placed the ring in front of everyone. Out of curiosity I watched everyone's' reaction. Apprehension. Wonder. Fear. Desire.
Mary and Sue had the strangest looks of all. Pure enjoyment. They were giddy, I could just imagine the wheels turning in the brain they shared.
Something wasn't right though. Then it hit me. I wasn't feeling anything. Nothing. I didn't want the ring. I didn't care about the ring.
I guess I'm just not important enough to be affected. I won't complain though.
Boromir rose from his seat. "In a dream.." He inched closer to the ring. "..I saw the eastern sky grow dark.. but in the west a pale light lingered."
Sue and Mary's eyes narrowed. They stared daggers at him and didn't bother to hide it.
Wonderful. Boromir haters too? My hell is just beginning, I knew it. I resumed my focus on Boromir. Such a tragic hero in my book. How can you not feel for him?
"A voice was crying: 'Your doom is near at hand. Isildur's Bane is found.'" Boromir reached for the ring. "Isildur's Bane."
I tensed, knowing that Gandalf was about to speak.. but then it dawned on me.. Mary. Sue. Please oh goddess no.
Sue jumped to her feet as Elrond said Boromir's name. I closed my eyes wishing the world to death around me as she stole Gandalf's line.
The earth began to shake as she spoke and I peeked out at the council. She had everyone's attention all right.
I squeezed my eyes shut again and prayed I'd wake from this atrocity.
I must have zoned, it's a bad habit, because when I opened my eyes again, everyone was arguing about the ring.
Frodo jumped to his feet. I wanted to let out a cheer for his courage, but I held my voice. "I will take it."
Everyone continued to argue and he walked forward, his voice barely overheard. "I will take it."
"I will take the ring to Mordor." Frodo said as he finally received the attention he deserved. "Though.. I do not know the way."
Gandalf strode forward. "I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins.. as long as it is yours to bear."
"If by my life or death I can protect you.." Aragorn joined the hobbit and wizard. "I will." He kneeled in front of Frodo. "You have my sword."
Poor Aragorn must have been feeling really twitchy then, because Sue's eyes were defying normalcy and had to be staring straight into him. No one can stare that intensely.
"And you have my bow." Legolas announced and walked over.
"And my ax." Gimli chimed in.
And good old Boromir stepped forward slowly. "You carry the fates of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the Council.. Then Gondor will see it done."
I eyed Mary and Sue carefully as the hobbits took their turns at joining the Fellowship. I counted the seconds after Pippin finished his 'Quest' line before one of the girls spoke up.
With an air of unbelievable grace, Mary rose. "We, the Ladies of the Lands Beyond, wish to give you our aid as well."
I wondered exactly how they would get us into the group, but I was struck dumbfounded by the fact that the title she used must have held some weight. They took her offer without question.
They just had to twist reality around even more so didn't they. I wanted to cry, but since that's something I saved for tear jerking movies and injuries, I curbed the impulse.
"So be it." Elrond announced.
I cringed. Goddess have mercy.
"You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."
I stifled a scream.
Pippin grinned. "Great. Where are we going?"
Straight to Hell, little one.
Straight to Hell.