Disclaimer and notes in the Prologue.
Feedbackers, I give you thanks:
Xandman, GreyLadyBast, opaque, Alanna, RedRosenberg, and Alsie!!!
*pelts them all with marshmallows*
------
Chapter 6 - Revelations
Aragorn - 20
Sue - 0
We were on our last day in Moria. Surprisingly, I was a happy camper. Sue had tried many times.. but Aragorn politely shot her down.
Blessed be to true love.
Unfortunately, because she had no hope with Aragorn, Sue decided to make sure my life was hell. At any given free moment, she would tell some lie about adventures the three of us took and how incompetent I was.
She shut up the night before, when she tripped on my staff again and fell onto her face. Whoops.
Black and blue look good on her.
At this very moment we were waiting on Gandalf to figure out where we were going. We were scattered on the steps, and ha ha, Legolas was standing in a spot Mary couldn't maneuver her way next to. Not without shoving someone off..
If it wouldn't add a black mark to her record, she probably would have.
The demonic duo was on the other side of Gandalf near the fork, and once again sending me looks and whispering.
Me? I was on the steps next to Pippin. I was trying not to gag from the pipe smoke of Aragorn's.
If I get lung cancer from him, I'm suing. I don't care if he's half of my favorite 'ship and I'm on Middle Earth.
I was only vaguely paying attention, but at Pippin's "I'm hungry." I pulled a piece of fruit from my pouch and handed it to him.
He smiled at me and started eating. "Thanks."
"No problem." I shrugged.
And that was that.
I closed my eyes as Frodo headed for Gandalf and had the Gollum talk and such.
"What are you humming?"
I opened my eyes to see everyone staring at me. I blinked in confusion. "What?"
"The song." Aragorn said. "It was rather haunting."
I fidgeted. "I wasn't aware I was humming." Damn my habits. Next thing you know they'll catch me talking to myself and my 'personalities'.
Legolas softly hummed. "That."
"Oh." I struggled to contain my blush. "It's called 'Bloodletting'."
"Does it have words?" Boromir asked.
I shrugged. "Sure, but I can't remember a single one. Tunes like to stick in my head, but the lyrics tend to go in one ear and out the other."
The answer received a few nods of acceptance. They resumed amongst themselves and I returned to being ignored.
I lied. Of course I remember the words. But I wasn't going to sing. Are you insane? That's the biggest sign of a Mary Sue. It was bad enough I kept humming. To take that final step into the abyss was something I wasn't willing to take.
Not unless I was certain not to humiliate myself. Singing in front of others is very bad. No sir. Not me. There was a reason why I always 'forgot' to attend my high school chorus concerts. Well, besides the fact I rarely attended the class anyway..
"Oh." Gandalf exclaimed. "It's that way."
Time to go. I stood up quickly.
"He's remembered!" Merry said and rose.
"No.." Gandalf said and lit the way down a tunnel. "But the air doesn't smell so foul down here. If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose."
"Unless you're following a Mary Sue." I said softly as I walked by Mary and Sue. "Then the stench of cheap perfume kills your sense of smell."
I felt their eyes trying to burn holes in my back. I was very glad I wasn't in an X-Men fic after all.
Then again, if I were, I'd turn them over to whatever villain was available.
The arrival to the underground city was uneventful.
"Let me risk a little more light." The halls brightened as Gandalf did so. "Behold.. the great realm and Dwarf-city of Dwarrowdelf."
I found myself in awe yet again. Damn Tolkien and his mastery at creating worlds! Stop awing me already!
"There's an eye opener, and no mistake." Sam said.
All I could muster was a quiet, "Wow."
Mary and Sue looked disinterested and a little disgusted. I guess they didn't like the underground theme. Well I did, mostly. I like basements and such. Indoors is a good place to be. Of course, a person shouldn't take my word for it. After all, I'm the woman who stays inside at every chance she gets.
Once more unto the breach dear fellows, as the walking began yet again. How I wished I had my car. Or a bunch of harem men carrying a throne meant just for me. Would either of those be too much to ask?
Gimli paused and let out a grunting gasp type sound. He bolted for a doorway.
Gandalf turned, "Gimli!"
Naturally we all followed the dwarf into the tomb.
"No!" Gimli cried out in despair. "Oh, no. No.."
I stared at the room that was no doubt going to end up MY tomb as well. That one bright shaft of light on the crypt started to bug me. Where the hell was it coming from? Did someone leave the fridge open or what?
Little things like that get stuck in my head for some reason.
I looked around some more as Gandalf began reading the engravings on the crypt. I needed to find a nice place to die.
Aren't I optimistic?
As I stopped in one corner, Mary came over to me. "Having fun yet?"
"Not yet, but that's because I haven't figured out what to do with your body." I said coolly.
Her green eyes widened. From the looks of things, she thought I was serious. "Well it won't matter now. This is your last stop."
"You're probably right." I told her. "But even if it is, I'll make sure I take you with me."
"Harumph. As if you could." Mary ran a hand through her bouncy curls. Was it just me or did they grow back to normal length already? She walked away and joined Sue near the Hobbits.
I sighed and blew a wisp of my hair away from my face. I leaned against my chosen wall and waited for the scene to play out. Luckily there really wasn't anything for either Mary or Sue to change. Before I knew it, I was zoning ever so slightly. Voices echoed off my ears as my mind went into save power mode.
"We must move on. We cannot linger."
A smile tugged at my lips. Any line said by Legolas always made my knees go weak. Why couldn't there be guys like him in the real world? Or at least in my corner of it. Would it be so bad if I tried to win him? Would it kill me to give in to that impulse?
Probably.
I may accept my death in Moria, but I don't feel like accepting my death by Lord of the Ring fans everywhere.
Besides, my efforts would be wasted. Then again, what efforts? Since when did I ever make a move on a guy?
My thoughts made me remember a conversation I'd had not long before I started this hellish journey.
I had been in the bar, on the corner of my street, hanging out with my neighbors across the hall..
*Watch out, we have another useless and random flashback for me.*
Mavra took a drink of her rum and coke. "It's no wonder you can't get laid. The key to doing it is by socializing."
I tore my gaze off the news screen on the tv behind the bar. "Where did that come from?"
"She thought of it when you completely ignored the guy who just hit on you." James said.
"There was a guy?" I asked in confusion. "Where?"
"Are you sure you aren't drunk?" Laz asked me. He was the bartender here, but was taking a break to visit with us. "You look more vacant then usual. Anyone you want me to help kill?"
I grinned. "Not today, Laz." I gave him my drink, as I hadn't touched it. I was never much of a drinker. "Although I do appreciate you encouraging my violent urges."
James chuckled. "As if you needed encouraging."
"Har har." I said and stuck my tongue out at him. "So what's this about me and my social life again?"
Mav shrugged. "Look, I know you have high ideals, but Jesus Christ. Get with the times, make a move or at least acknowledge it when they make one on you."
I rolled my eyes. "If they can't grab my attention with their first sentence, there's no point."
"Maybe you should just become a nun." Mavra said.
"She can't do that." Laz insisted.
"I don't think they'd appreciate the weapons." James added.
I smacked them both upside their heads. "Oh shut up." I grinned. "Just remember, you're the ones who gave them to me."
*Time to end that useless bit of info*
I finally came out of my trip down memory lane as a loud crash echoed off the walls. I stood up straighter and walked to the back of the room as Gandalf yelled at poor Pippin again.
"Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity." Gandalf growled and snatched his hat and staff back.
Again I wanted to comfort poor Pippin. I mean, let's face it, he gets yelled at a lot in this story. But I didn't. I remained standing in the back of the room and praying to the powers that be for a miracle.
All was still quiet.. and then the drums sounded.
Everyone started looking around, and Sam caught a glimpse of Frodo's blade, Sting.
"Frodo!"
Frodo pulled out his sword as it glowed a bright blue.
"Orcs." Legolas hissed.
Boromir ran to the doors and reared his head back, narrowly missing the two arrows that struck the door.
Aragorn took charge. "Get back! Stay close to Gandalf!" He ran over to Boromir and they shut the worn doors.
"They have a cave-troll." Boromir informed us.
Legolas tossed them a couple of large axes and they used them to help barricade the door.
They all stepped back near the rest of us and everyone drew their weapons. I gripped my staff tightly and forced a cool look on my face as Mary and Sue smirked at me knowingly.
I wished Laz were here to wipe those smirks off their faces.
Gimli stepped onto the crypt with a fierce growl. "Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws breath."
I bit my lip to keep from whimpering. I sooo did not want to be in the middle of this battle.
A hole broke though the door and Legolas fired his bow. Aragorn and Mary swiftly followed suit. Then the doors burst apart as orcs filled the room. In no time everyone was fighting in close quarters.
Except me.
I frowned. The room was filled and yet not a single orc was attacking me. What the hell? I whacked a nearby orc on the chest, but he merely shook it off and ignored me as he went after Sue.
"Son of a fucking bitch." I exclaimed as it all dawned on me.
I wasn't just a Mary Sue.
I was a fucking Convenient Plot Device!!
That would explain why no one hardly ever paid attention to me. Why I was shoved into the background most of the time. No one 'saw' me unless it was convenient.
And apparently I wasn't important enough to the plot for this fight.
I sighed bitterly as I sat down in a somewhat empty spot near a corner. I may not have wanted to die, but to be a CPD was just an insult. Now I really WANTED to die.
The cave-troll burst in and I watched in bitterness as Mary and Sue masterfully avoided every attack. Oh sure they had a few choice cuts here and there, but nothing that would mar their perfect faces.
I winced as I watched Boromir get thrown across the room.
I didn't just sit there either. I picked up random objects nearby and threw them at the orcs. If anyone came near me I tripped or whacked them. But still, no one paid any attention to me.
What was this, high school?
Finally Mary came stumbling nearby and out of sheer malice I swung my staff at her legs and she fell like a ton of bricks. I smiled in grim satisfaction, but it quickly faded, as Legolas magically appeared to help her up.
Mary grinned widely at me before resuming the fight and Legolas cast me a dark look that I couldn't read.
Wonderful.
Then I was tackled to the cold hard floor. I gasped for air and managed to see Sue staring down at me, her eyes in a rage.
"If they won't kill you, I will." She hissed and raised her sword. "I can see you just fine."
I grinned. "But do you see him?"
Sue spun around in time to see an orc swinging his sword down. She dived out of the way and I rolled in the opposite direction, narrowly avoiding what would have been a killing blow.
I sat up and pushed myself against the closest wall, my chest pounding in horror.
Holy shit, Sue was psycho! I knew she wanted Aragorn, but fuck, to kill a human being over a story?? I hadn't even done anything to directly ruin them! (Tripping doesn't count!) Was my mere presence harming them? I franticly searched the room for her or Mary and was relieved to see them engrossed in the fight again.
Oh god.. what the hell have I gotten into?
I sighed again (sighing seemed to be my permanent state of expression) and decided to do something constructive to keep me calm as I kept my eyes on the murderous whores.. I fixed my hair.
Feedbackers, I give you thanks:
Xandman, GreyLadyBast, opaque, Alanna, RedRosenberg, and Alsie!!!
*pelts them all with marshmallows*
------
Chapter 6 - Revelations
Aragorn - 20
Sue - 0
We were on our last day in Moria. Surprisingly, I was a happy camper. Sue had tried many times.. but Aragorn politely shot her down.
Blessed be to true love.
Unfortunately, because she had no hope with Aragorn, Sue decided to make sure my life was hell. At any given free moment, she would tell some lie about adventures the three of us took and how incompetent I was.
She shut up the night before, when she tripped on my staff again and fell onto her face. Whoops.
Black and blue look good on her.
At this very moment we were waiting on Gandalf to figure out where we were going. We were scattered on the steps, and ha ha, Legolas was standing in a spot Mary couldn't maneuver her way next to. Not without shoving someone off..
If it wouldn't add a black mark to her record, she probably would have.
The demonic duo was on the other side of Gandalf near the fork, and once again sending me looks and whispering.
Me? I was on the steps next to Pippin. I was trying not to gag from the pipe smoke of Aragorn's.
If I get lung cancer from him, I'm suing. I don't care if he's half of my favorite 'ship and I'm on Middle Earth.
I was only vaguely paying attention, but at Pippin's "I'm hungry." I pulled a piece of fruit from my pouch and handed it to him.
He smiled at me and started eating. "Thanks."
"No problem." I shrugged.
And that was that.
I closed my eyes as Frodo headed for Gandalf and had the Gollum talk and such.
"What are you humming?"
I opened my eyes to see everyone staring at me. I blinked in confusion. "What?"
"The song." Aragorn said. "It was rather haunting."
I fidgeted. "I wasn't aware I was humming." Damn my habits. Next thing you know they'll catch me talking to myself and my 'personalities'.
Legolas softly hummed. "That."
"Oh." I struggled to contain my blush. "It's called 'Bloodletting'."
"Does it have words?" Boromir asked.
I shrugged. "Sure, but I can't remember a single one. Tunes like to stick in my head, but the lyrics tend to go in one ear and out the other."
The answer received a few nods of acceptance. They resumed amongst themselves and I returned to being ignored.
I lied. Of course I remember the words. But I wasn't going to sing. Are you insane? That's the biggest sign of a Mary Sue. It was bad enough I kept humming. To take that final step into the abyss was something I wasn't willing to take.
Not unless I was certain not to humiliate myself. Singing in front of others is very bad. No sir. Not me. There was a reason why I always 'forgot' to attend my high school chorus concerts. Well, besides the fact I rarely attended the class anyway..
"Oh." Gandalf exclaimed. "It's that way."
Time to go. I stood up quickly.
"He's remembered!" Merry said and rose.
"No.." Gandalf said and lit the way down a tunnel. "But the air doesn't smell so foul down here. If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose."
"Unless you're following a Mary Sue." I said softly as I walked by Mary and Sue. "Then the stench of cheap perfume kills your sense of smell."
I felt their eyes trying to burn holes in my back. I was very glad I wasn't in an X-Men fic after all.
Then again, if I were, I'd turn them over to whatever villain was available.
The arrival to the underground city was uneventful.
"Let me risk a little more light." The halls brightened as Gandalf did so. "Behold.. the great realm and Dwarf-city of Dwarrowdelf."
I found myself in awe yet again. Damn Tolkien and his mastery at creating worlds! Stop awing me already!
"There's an eye opener, and no mistake." Sam said.
All I could muster was a quiet, "Wow."
Mary and Sue looked disinterested and a little disgusted. I guess they didn't like the underground theme. Well I did, mostly. I like basements and such. Indoors is a good place to be. Of course, a person shouldn't take my word for it. After all, I'm the woman who stays inside at every chance she gets.
Once more unto the breach dear fellows, as the walking began yet again. How I wished I had my car. Or a bunch of harem men carrying a throne meant just for me. Would either of those be too much to ask?
Gimli paused and let out a grunting gasp type sound. He bolted for a doorway.
Gandalf turned, "Gimli!"
Naturally we all followed the dwarf into the tomb.
"No!" Gimli cried out in despair. "Oh, no. No.."
I stared at the room that was no doubt going to end up MY tomb as well. That one bright shaft of light on the crypt started to bug me. Where the hell was it coming from? Did someone leave the fridge open or what?
Little things like that get stuck in my head for some reason.
I looked around some more as Gandalf began reading the engravings on the crypt. I needed to find a nice place to die.
Aren't I optimistic?
As I stopped in one corner, Mary came over to me. "Having fun yet?"
"Not yet, but that's because I haven't figured out what to do with your body." I said coolly.
Her green eyes widened. From the looks of things, she thought I was serious. "Well it won't matter now. This is your last stop."
"You're probably right." I told her. "But even if it is, I'll make sure I take you with me."
"Harumph. As if you could." Mary ran a hand through her bouncy curls. Was it just me or did they grow back to normal length already? She walked away and joined Sue near the Hobbits.
I sighed and blew a wisp of my hair away from my face. I leaned against my chosen wall and waited for the scene to play out. Luckily there really wasn't anything for either Mary or Sue to change. Before I knew it, I was zoning ever so slightly. Voices echoed off my ears as my mind went into save power mode.
"We must move on. We cannot linger."
A smile tugged at my lips. Any line said by Legolas always made my knees go weak. Why couldn't there be guys like him in the real world? Or at least in my corner of it. Would it be so bad if I tried to win him? Would it kill me to give in to that impulse?
Probably.
I may accept my death in Moria, but I don't feel like accepting my death by Lord of the Ring fans everywhere.
Besides, my efforts would be wasted. Then again, what efforts? Since when did I ever make a move on a guy?
My thoughts made me remember a conversation I'd had not long before I started this hellish journey.
I had been in the bar, on the corner of my street, hanging out with my neighbors across the hall..
*Watch out, we have another useless and random flashback for me.*
Mavra took a drink of her rum and coke. "It's no wonder you can't get laid. The key to doing it is by socializing."
I tore my gaze off the news screen on the tv behind the bar. "Where did that come from?"
"She thought of it when you completely ignored the guy who just hit on you." James said.
"There was a guy?" I asked in confusion. "Where?"
"Are you sure you aren't drunk?" Laz asked me. He was the bartender here, but was taking a break to visit with us. "You look more vacant then usual. Anyone you want me to help kill?"
I grinned. "Not today, Laz." I gave him my drink, as I hadn't touched it. I was never much of a drinker. "Although I do appreciate you encouraging my violent urges."
James chuckled. "As if you needed encouraging."
"Har har." I said and stuck my tongue out at him. "So what's this about me and my social life again?"
Mav shrugged. "Look, I know you have high ideals, but Jesus Christ. Get with the times, make a move or at least acknowledge it when they make one on you."
I rolled my eyes. "If they can't grab my attention with their first sentence, there's no point."
"Maybe you should just become a nun." Mavra said.
"She can't do that." Laz insisted.
"I don't think they'd appreciate the weapons." James added.
I smacked them both upside their heads. "Oh shut up." I grinned. "Just remember, you're the ones who gave them to me."
*Time to end that useless bit of info*
I finally came out of my trip down memory lane as a loud crash echoed off the walls. I stood up straighter and walked to the back of the room as Gandalf yelled at poor Pippin again.
"Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity." Gandalf growled and snatched his hat and staff back.
Again I wanted to comfort poor Pippin. I mean, let's face it, he gets yelled at a lot in this story. But I didn't. I remained standing in the back of the room and praying to the powers that be for a miracle.
All was still quiet.. and then the drums sounded.
Everyone started looking around, and Sam caught a glimpse of Frodo's blade, Sting.
"Frodo!"
Frodo pulled out his sword as it glowed a bright blue.
"Orcs." Legolas hissed.
Boromir ran to the doors and reared his head back, narrowly missing the two arrows that struck the door.
Aragorn took charge. "Get back! Stay close to Gandalf!" He ran over to Boromir and they shut the worn doors.
"They have a cave-troll." Boromir informed us.
Legolas tossed them a couple of large axes and they used them to help barricade the door.
They all stepped back near the rest of us and everyone drew their weapons. I gripped my staff tightly and forced a cool look on my face as Mary and Sue smirked at me knowingly.
I wished Laz were here to wipe those smirks off their faces.
Gimli stepped onto the crypt with a fierce growl. "Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws breath."
I bit my lip to keep from whimpering. I sooo did not want to be in the middle of this battle.
A hole broke though the door and Legolas fired his bow. Aragorn and Mary swiftly followed suit. Then the doors burst apart as orcs filled the room. In no time everyone was fighting in close quarters.
Except me.
I frowned. The room was filled and yet not a single orc was attacking me. What the hell? I whacked a nearby orc on the chest, but he merely shook it off and ignored me as he went after Sue.
"Son of a fucking bitch." I exclaimed as it all dawned on me.
I wasn't just a Mary Sue.
I was a fucking Convenient Plot Device!!
That would explain why no one hardly ever paid attention to me. Why I was shoved into the background most of the time. No one 'saw' me unless it was convenient.
And apparently I wasn't important enough to the plot for this fight.
I sighed bitterly as I sat down in a somewhat empty spot near a corner. I may not have wanted to die, but to be a CPD was just an insult. Now I really WANTED to die.
The cave-troll burst in and I watched in bitterness as Mary and Sue masterfully avoided every attack. Oh sure they had a few choice cuts here and there, but nothing that would mar their perfect faces.
I winced as I watched Boromir get thrown across the room.
I didn't just sit there either. I picked up random objects nearby and threw them at the orcs. If anyone came near me I tripped or whacked them. But still, no one paid any attention to me.
What was this, high school?
Finally Mary came stumbling nearby and out of sheer malice I swung my staff at her legs and she fell like a ton of bricks. I smiled in grim satisfaction, but it quickly faded, as Legolas magically appeared to help her up.
Mary grinned widely at me before resuming the fight and Legolas cast me a dark look that I couldn't read.
Wonderful.
Then I was tackled to the cold hard floor. I gasped for air and managed to see Sue staring down at me, her eyes in a rage.
"If they won't kill you, I will." She hissed and raised her sword. "I can see you just fine."
I grinned. "But do you see him?"
Sue spun around in time to see an orc swinging his sword down. She dived out of the way and I rolled in the opposite direction, narrowly avoiding what would have been a killing blow.
I sat up and pushed myself against the closest wall, my chest pounding in horror.
Holy shit, Sue was psycho! I knew she wanted Aragorn, but fuck, to kill a human being over a story?? I hadn't even done anything to directly ruin them! (Tripping doesn't count!) Was my mere presence harming them? I franticly searched the room for her or Mary and was relieved to see them engrossed in the fight again.
Oh god.. what the hell have I gotten into?
I sighed again (sighing seemed to be my permanent state of expression) and decided to do something constructive to keep me calm as I kept my eyes on the murderous whores.. I fixed my hair.