Disclaimer and notes in the Prologue.
Oh! More thank yous to send. And I'll even start to comment back!
Horse Tamer's Daughter: I hope I had that 'tude pegged, I've been hearing the stories from siblings and parent for years.. rofl..
Opaque: Poor Lacey indeed.. She needs a hug. lol
KoUsagi: Great? lol thanks, I'm not really, but I fake it as much as possible. ^_~. Dragonlance.. Whee¼ Lordee I loooove DL!! *Drags Raistlin over by the ear and makes him wave* I have the kidnappees to prove it! lol
Pellagolloien: Pairings? That's a subject I still have yet to solidify. But.. There is a strong possibility, depending on my mood, whims, and how much sugar I have on hand. lol
Thanks again for the feedback, and as long as someone's reading.. I'll keep on going. At least until the end of the story. lol
For more proof of my boredom.. Another cover. lol
http://www.marua.com/silence/doodles/confessionscover2a.jpg
------
Chapter 8 - Five Letter Words
It's official.
Walking sucks.
The trip to Lothlorien progressed quietly, as everyone was still mourning the loss of Gandalf. The damned dimwits had yet to pull any other assassination attempts on me. They focused their skills into gaining sympathy by crying all the time. Silent cries mind you.
It was very annoying to see them get attention. But we all knew that.
The woods where the elves would find us stood in front of us and we ran inside.
I was getting a bit lightheaded from so much physical labor since I'd arrived, that my mind wasn't itself.
I started singing.
Oh no, not anything like Mary and Sue.
"C is for cookie.. it's good enough for me.." I sang softly under my breath. I could have killed myself right there. Not only was I singing, but I was singing THAT. Now I'd never get that tune out of my head.
The worst part was that I couldn't remember the rest of the song.
Before I knew it though, I was standing as stiff as Spike when in sight of Buffy, as an arrow was pointed at me.
Look! Elves!
Their leader, who's name escaped me, stepped out from behind one of the others. "The dwarf breathes so loud, we could have shot him in the dark."
The blonde elf (okay, they were all blonde), who was aiming his bow at me, stared down and I smiled widely.
"Rubber ducky, you're the one.. you make bath time lots of fun.."
He stared at me as if I were insane, and lately I've been wondering about that too. "I believe this one's mind is addled."
Mary grinned wickedly. "She's taken one too many blows to the head."
Still facing the arrow aimed at me, I eyed her carefully. "Better to have those then the list of heads you've blown."
Her mouth fell open and I swear I saw her start twitching.
I smirked at her as we were led away.
-------
Waiting is always fun. It was dark and Aragorn was arguing with leader elf about us passing into Lothlorien.
Mary was next to Legolas of course, and Sue was 'helping' Aragorn. I think she was making things worse. I was sitting next to Boromir and Frodo, my eyes still on Legolas. A wistful sigh fluttered on the inside.
I was tempted to start singing the theme to Sesame Street to snap myself out of the swoon worthy mode, but it really didn't fit the mood that had fallen over us.
Frodo looked around sadly, and everyone seemed to look away. Sucks to be the hero of a story, doesn't it.
"Gandalf's death was not in vain." Boromir said to the hobbit. "Nor would he have you give up hope. You carry a heavy burden, Frodo. Don't carry the weight of the dead."
Frodo took a moment.. and then he did the strangest thing. He turned to me. "Why do you do that?"
I blinked, he'd never said a word to me since the story incident. "Do what?"
"Watch." Frodo said. Boromir looked curious as well as the halfling continued. "You watch everyone as if you know what we're going to say before we say it. There are times.. where it seems as if nothing surprises you."
Where was that damn leader elf? He should be telling us to follow him by now. I shot a nervous look at him, and as I figured, Sue had somehow hindered the negotiations and they were still arguing.
I rubbed the back of my neck. "I've seen a lot. Not as much as some of you, but in my own way, I've seen more. It's hard to explain, but the jist of it is, is that I guess I'm a bit jaded." I let out a deep breath and blew wisps of hair from my face. "Nothing surprises me anymore."
"Why did Amalthea attack you?" Frodo asked suddenly.
My eyes widened, as did Boromir's. The hobbit had noticed? Through that fight he'd seen it? He shouldn't have. I'm a CPD. What good would it be for Frodo to see it?
I glanced at Sue, who had her mouth shut and was a few feet away from Aragorn now. She did not look pleased. He must have finally told her to butt out. Good.
"When did this happen?" Boromir demanded, forcing my attention back. "Why did you not tell me?"
"It was in the battle with the cave-troll." Frodo explained. "I saw it, I would have warned someone, but everything turned out all right in the end."
Now they were both staring at me, waiting for an explanation.
Should I tell the truth, or should I lie? I opened my mouth..
"You will follow me."
I nearly cheered in relief. Saved by the leader elf. I leapt to my feet and got away from Boromir and Frodo, but both shot me looks that screamed 'the matter isn't done'."
But it was. Because we would be far too busy for them to bring it up again.
-------
Breathtaking. That was the only way to describe it. (I will not taint Tolkien's world with my own description. Call me lazy all you want, but go read his books damn it! Detail is something he was great at. Too much detail at ti.. Er.. never mind.) I found myself staring at the majesty of the trees and the way they were illuminated.
If nature always looked this beautiful, I'd happily adapt and become nature girl.
We climbed spirals around the trees until we were brought to an equivalent of a throne room.
For the record, I did not look down. I thought it best that way. Even so, I was breathing very quickly and my heart was racing the entire time. I'm so brave aren't I.
A bright light shined down from above, signifying Galadriel and Celeborn's entrance. I winced at it and I wished I had my sunglasses. Knock off Oakleys, but hey, they only cost me four dollars.. I fidgeted and that's when I realized I got lucky and was standing closer to Legolas than Mary.
Although it was strong, I did not give in to the temptation of mocking Mary with it. I had to at least PRETEND to be mature here.
Instead I only vaguely listened to Celeborn and Galadriel talk about how Gandalf was missing. I ignored the line about how many were here. I didn't need to be reminded of how we unwelcome women had ruined that well enough.
I held back the giggle as I stared at Celeborn. I kept wanting to scream, 'Hey, Borias!'
"Gandalf the Grey did not pass the borders of this land." Galadriel's blue eyes gazed at us, and possibly into our souls. "He has fallen into Shadow."
I tried not to fidget anymore, I so didn't want her looking at, or into, me. God knows what she'd find there. I seriously needed to get a vacuum cleaner for the soul. Maybe I could find one on Ebay.
Everyone looked almost ashamed at that. It was more then likely just the pain of the loss, but it still looked like shame. Maybe I was just tired.
"He was taken by both Shadow and flame." Legolas explained softly. "A Balrog of Morgoth. For we went needlessly into the net of Moria."
Gimli hung his head down in shame, sorrow, and then some.
Galadriel continued to speak, and that's when I heard it.
"You do not belong here."
I stared at the Lady Galadriel, and I knew I looked like wide-eyed kitten. Holy f—watch the language, watch the language.. She was still talking to everyone else as if nothing was happing.
I scoured the others and I saw that Mary and Sue looked positively freaked. Tsk tsk. They've been bad.
Her voice continued to float through my head, "However.. Your fate is still undecided.. You have a role to play.. as do we all."
That was it? No scary message of doom? No death threats from LotR fans back in the real world for the atrocity I was in? No whispers of hope and to have faith? It was nothing life changing at all. Just the things I already suspected.
What a crock!!
As we were led away, I swore I saw her eyes stare at me in amusement.
Now THAT creeped me out.
--------
We made camp back on solid ground and I wanted to fall to my knees and kiss it. I didn't though, because, eww, dirt? I don't think so. I'm desperate for a date, but not that desperate.
I made sure I was far enough from the others so that I could keep an eye on Mary and Sue, and avoid everyone else. I needed to stay away. While Galadriel hadn't done anything impressive for me, I still had a lot to think about.
Amon Hen.
The place where everyone's paths were to be separated. What was I going to do? I'd been a good girl so far. I've tried to avoid interfering too much, but now I wasn't sure anymore.
I watched as Mary and Sue fell asleep quickly . I guess they were too wigged out by Galadriel to work on the boys again.
What were they going to do there? The place would be chaotic. There would be no way for anyone to keep track of them. They could do virtually anything they pleased.
Kill me, kill Boromir, kidnap Aragorn, kidnap Legolas.. maybe get killed by some Uruk-Hai. That last part was too much to hope for..
The song the elves sang drifted on the wind as everyone else settled down.
"A lament for Gandalf." Legolas said as he stopped walking.
Merry looked up, "What do they say about him?"
Legolas looked morose. "I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still to near."
Won't you be happy to see Gandalf later. I wonder if I'll get to see that, or if I'm meant for some big death scene to make everyone miserable.
"I bet they don't mention his fireworks." Sam said as he fixed his bed for the night. "There should be a verse about them."
He stood up, a little nervous, but his voice strong. "The finest rockets ever seen. They burst in stars of blue and green. Or after thunder, silver showers. Came falling like a rain of flowers.." Sam's voice trailed off and his face filled with disappointment as he sat back down. "Oh, that doesn't do them justice by a long road."
I smiled weakly. I liked it, but the way he seemed to give up in the end.. it made me remember how futile everything seemed to them now.
How everything was useless for me.
What was I doing here? Why me? Why did I have to see these people suffer in person? I didn't care about them. No person in their right mind who has my knowledge of things to come would sit back and let things happen if they cared.
But that was a lie.
I cared. More then I should. Yet I still did nothing. All for the sake of not ruining a story or interfering with a set path.
Or was it something else?
I wanted to scream, it was all so confusing. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them as I stared into space.
Try as hard as I did, I could not shake my infatuation with Legolas, just as I couldn't shake my friendship with Boromir. They just kept growing as the days wore on.
The truth was, I didn't want to shake them. Those two things were all I had here.
And I was going to lose one of them soon.
Too many things.. too soon..
It wasn't Sue and Mary that I feared either..
It was me.
Mary's words were etched in my memory.
"You're nothing here!!"
"No one will miss you."
I believed her. She was right. What did I offer to anyone here that someone else couldn't already provide?
What kind of Convenient Plot Device was I? I just couldn't figure it out and the same questions repeated themselves. Why?
I tried to shut the voices up, but they were merely replaced with the knowledge that soon I was going to lose the only person I could even partially talk to in this world.
I swallowed hard. I could feel the tears well up as the more I thought about it, the more it hurt. I didn't want to lose my only friend. I could fix it. I could change it. Couldn't I?
Shouldn't I?
I didn't know what to do..
The tears began to fall softly and I turned my head down so no one would notice. As if they would..
What was I supposed to do?
Follow the rules set by Tolkien or follow the rules of basic friendship?
I've tried to maintain some ounce of story to everything, but just as the Fellowship was unraveling, so was the story.
So was I.
I'm not sure how long I cried, but I tired myself out with my thoughts and self issued misery. Before I finally fell asleep, was when I realized someone had been watching me..
Oh! More thank yous to send. And I'll even start to comment back!
Horse Tamer's Daughter: I hope I had that 'tude pegged, I've been hearing the stories from siblings and parent for years.. rofl..
Opaque: Poor Lacey indeed.. She needs a hug. lol
KoUsagi: Great? lol thanks, I'm not really, but I fake it as much as possible. ^_~. Dragonlance.. Whee¼ Lordee I loooove DL!! *Drags Raistlin over by the ear and makes him wave* I have the kidnappees to prove it! lol
Pellagolloien: Pairings? That's a subject I still have yet to solidify. But.. There is a strong possibility, depending on my mood, whims, and how much sugar I have on hand. lol
Thanks again for the feedback, and as long as someone's reading.. I'll keep on going. At least until the end of the story. lol
For more proof of my boredom.. Another cover. lol
http://www.marua.com/silence/doodles/confessionscover2a.jpg
------
Chapter 8 - Five Letter Words
It's official.
Walking sucks.
The trip to Lothlorien progressed quietly, as everyone was still mourning the loss of Gandalf. The damned dimwits had yet to pull any other assassination attempts on me. They focused their skills into gaining sympathy by crying all the time. Silent cries mind you.
It was very annoying to see them get attention. But we all knew that.
The woods where the elves would find us stood in front of us and we ran inside.
I was getting a bit lightheaded from so much physical labor since I'd arrived, that my mind wasn't itself.
I started singing.
Oh no, not anything like Mary and Sue.
"C is for cookie.. it's good enough for me.." I sang softly under my breath. I could have killed myself right there. Not only was I singing, but I was singing THAT. Now I'd never get that tune out of my head.
The worst part was that I couldn't remember the rest of the song.
Before I knew it though, I was standing as stiff as Spike when in sight of Buffy, as an arrow was pointed at me.
Look! Elves!
Their leader, who's name escaped me, stepped out from behind one of the others. "The dwarf breathes so loud, we could have shot him in the dark."
The blonde elf (okay, they were all blonde), who was aiming his bow at me, stared down and I smiled widely.
"Rubber ducky, you're the one.. you make bath time lots of fun.."
He stared at me as if I were insane, and lately I've been wondering about that too. "I believe this one's mind is addled."
Mary grinned wickedly. "She's taken one too many blows to the head."
Still facing the arrow aimed at me, I eyed her carefully. "Better to have those then the list of heads you've blown."
Her mouth fell open and I swear I saw her start twitching.
I smirked at her as we were led away.
-------
Waiting is always fun. It was dark and Aragorn was arguing with leader elf about us passing into Lothlorien.
Mary was next to Legolas of course, and Sue was 'helping' Aragorn. I think she was making things worse. I was sitting next to Boromir and Frodo, my eyes still on Legolas. A wistful sigh fluttered on the inside.
I was tempted to start singing the theme to Sesame Street to snap myself out of the swoon worthy mode, but it really didn't fit the mood that had fallen over us.
Frodo looked around sadly, and everyone seemed to look away. Sucks to be the hero of a story, doesn't it.
"Gandalf's death was not in vain." Boromir said to the hobbit. "Nor would he have you give up hope. You carry a heavy burden, Frodo. Don't carry the weight of the dead."
Frodo took a moment.. and then he did the strangest thing. He turned to me. "Why do you do that?"
I blinked, he'd never said a word to me since the story incident. "Do what?"
"Watch." Frodo said. Boromir looked curious as well as the halfling continued. "You watch everyone as if you know what we're going to say before we say it. There are times.. where it seems as if nothing surprises you."
Where was that damn leader elf? He should be telling us to follow him by now. I shot a nervous look at him, and as I figured, Sue had somehow hindered the negotiations and they were still arguing.
I rubbed the back of my neck. "I've seen a lot. Not as much as some of you, but in my own way, I've seen more. It's hard to explain, but the jist of it is, is that I guess I'm a bit jaded." I let out a deep breath and blew wisps of hair from my face. "Nothing surprises me anymore."
"Why did Amalthea attack you?" Frodo asked suddenly.
My eyes widened, as did Boromir's. The hobbit had noticed? Through that fight he'd seen it? He shouldn't have. I'm a CPD. What good would it be for Frodo to see it?
I glanced at Sue, who had her mouth shut and was a few feet away from Aragorn now. She did not look pleased. He must have finally told her to butt out. Good.
"When did this happen?" Boromir demanded, forcing my attention back. "Why did you not tell me?"
"It was in the battle with the cave-troll." Frodo explained. "I saw it, I would have warned someone, but everything turned out all right in the end."
Now they were both staring at me, waiting for an explanation.
Should I tell the truth, or should I lie? I opened my mouth..
"You will follow me."
I nearly cheered in relief. Saved by the leader elf. I leapt to my feet and got away from Boromir and Frodo, but both shot me looks that screamed 'the matter isn't done'."
But it was. Because we would be far too busy for them to bring it up again.
-------
Breathtaking. That was the only way to describe it. (I will not taint Tolkien's world with my own description. Call me lazy all you want, but go read his books damn it! Detail is something he was great at. Too much detail at ti.. Er.. never mind.) I found myself staring at the majesty of the trees and the way they were illuminated.
If nature always looked this beautiful, I'd happily adapt and become nature girl.
We climbed spirals around the trees until we were brought to an equivalent of a throne room.
For the record, I did not look down. I thought it best that way. Even so, I was breathing very quickly and my heart was racing the entire time. I'm so brave aren't I.
A bright light shined down from above, signifying Galadriel and Celeborn's entrance. I winced at it and I wished I had my sunglasses. Knock off Oakleys, but hey, they only cost me four dollars.. I fidgeted and that's when I realized I got lucky and was standing closer to Legolas than Mary.
Although it was strong, I did not give in to the temptation of mocking Mary with it. I had to at least PRETEND to be mature here.
Instead I only vaguely listened to Celeborn and Galadriel talk about how Gandalf was missing. I ignored the line about how many were here. I didn't need to be reminded of how we unwelcome women had ruined that well enough.
I held back the giggle as I stared at Celeborn. I kept wanting to scream, 'Hey, Borias!'
"Gandalf the Grey did not pass the borders of this land." Galadriel's blue eyes gazed at us, and possibly into our souls. "He has fallen into Shadow."
I tried not to fidget anymore, I so didn't want her looking at, or into, me. God knows what she'd find there. I seriously needed to get a vacuum cleaner for the soul. Maybe I could find one on Ebay.
Everyone looked almost ashamed at that. It was more then likely just the pain of the loss, but it still looked like shame. Maybe I was just tired.
"He was taken by both Shadow and flame." Legolas explained softly. "A Balrog of Morgoth. For we went needlessly into the net of Moria."
Gimli hung his head down in shame, sorrow, and then some.
Galadriel continued to speak, and that's when I heard it.
"You do not belong here."
I stared at the Lady Galadriel, and I knew I looked like wide-eyed kitten. Holy f—watch the language, watch the language.. She was still talking to everyone else as if nothing was happing.
I scoured the others and I saw that Mary and Sue looked positively freaked. Tsk tsk. They've been bad.
Her voice continued to float through my head, "However.. Your fate is still undecided.. You have a role to play.. as do we all."
That was it? No scary message of doom? No death threats from LotR fans back in the real world for the atrocity I was in? No whispers of hope and to have faith? It was nothing life changing at all. Just the things I already suspected.
What a crock!!
As we were led away, I swore I saw her eyes stare at me in amusement.
Now THAT creeped me out.
--------
We made camp back on solid ground and I wanted to fall to my knees and kiss it. I didn't though, because, eww, dirt? I don't think so. I'm desperate for a date, but not that desperate.
I made sure I was far enough from the others so that I could keep an eye on Mary and Sue, and avoid everyone else. I needed to stay away. While Galadriel hadn't done anything impressive for me, I still had a lot to think about.
Amon Hen.
The place where everyone's paths were to be separated. What was I going to do? I'd been a good girl so far. I've tried to avoid interfering too much, but now I wasn't sure anymore.
I watched as Mary and Sue fell asleep quickly . I guess they were too wigged out by Galadriel to work on the boys again.
What were they going to do there? The place would be chaotic. There would be no way for anyone to keep track of them. They could do virtually anything they pleased.
Kill me, kill Boromir, kidnap Aragorn, kidnap Legolas.. maybe get killed by some Uruk-Hai. That last part was too much to hope for..
The song the elves sang drifted on the wind as everyone else settled down.
"A lament for Gandalf." Legolas said as he stopped walking.
Merry looked up, "What do they say about him?"
Legolas looked morose. "I have not the heart to tell you. For me the grief is still to near."
Won't you be happy to see Gandalf later. I wonder if I'll get to see that, or if I'm meant for some big death scene to make everyone miserable.
"I bet they don't mention his fireworks." Sam said as he fixed his bed for the night. "There should be a verse about them."
He stood up, a little nervous, but his voice strong. "The finest rockets ever seen. They burst in stars of blue and green. Or after thunder, silver showers. Came falling like a rain of flowers.." Sam's voice trailed off and his face filled with disappointment as he sat back down. "Oh, that doesn't do them justice by a long road."
I smiled weakly. I liked it, but the way he seemed to give up in the end.. it made me remember how futile everything seemed to them now.
How everything was useless for me.
What was I doing here? Why me? Why did I have to see these people suffer in person? I didn't care about them. No person in their right mind who has my knowledge of things to come would sit back and let things happen if they cared.
But that was a lie.
I cared. More then I should. Yet I still did nothing. All for the sake of not ruining a story or interfering with a set path.
Or was it something else?
I wanted to scream, it was all so confusing. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them as I stared into space.
Try as hard as I did, I could not shake my infatuation with Legolas, just as I couldn't shake my friendship with Boromir. They just kept growing as the days wore on.
The truth was, I didn't want to shake them. Those two things were all I had here.
And I was going to lose one of them soon.
Too many things.. too soon..
It wasn't Sue and Mary that I feared either..
It was me.
Mary's words were etched in my memory.
"You're nothing here!!"
"No one will miss you."
I believed her. She was right. What did I offer to anyone here that someone else couldn't already provide?
What kind of Convenient Plot Device was I? I just couldn't figure it out and the same questions repeated themselves. Why?
I tried to shut the voices up, but they were merely replaced with the knowledge that soon I was going to lose the only person I could even partially talk to in this world.
I swallowed hard. I could feel the tears well up as the more I thought about it, the more it hurt. I didn't want to lose my only friend. I could fix it. I could change it. Couldn't I?
Shouldn't I?
I didn't know what to do..
The tears began to fall softly and I turned my head down so no one would notice. As if they would..
What was I supposed to do?
Follow the rules set by Tolkien or follow the rules of basic friendship?
I've tried to maintain some ounce of story to everything, but just as the Fellowship was unraveling, so was the story.
So was I.
I'm not sure how long I cried, but I tired myself out with my thoughts and self issued misery. Before I finally fell asleep, was when I realized someone had been watching me..