Title: Guests of the Undesirable Variety
By: X
Rated: PG-13 (non-Chinese bad words plus, see summary)
Summary: Boarding party, blood, violence, Simon and Kaylee-revised
Disclaimer: I own none of these people; the Buffy guy has them all forever (even if he's not using them right now). I really can't get any money for this either, so it's just a work of fiction, dreamt up to amuse myself and maybe you.
A/N: Reworked and fleshed out for your enjoyment.
Wash was deep in concentration as he entered Serenity's common area. He was staring intently at the display in his hand, wiggling the stylus absently as he thought. Much of the crew was already in the room. Mal sat at a table, grumbling as he organized the bills into piles of "this month" "next month" and "when hell freezes over". Kaylee was seated cross legged on the floor, tinkering with a pipe shaped part. She'd pulled wires out of one end and was attempting to untangle them. Simon was on the couch directly over the engineer, lost in what he was reading. Book was playing solitaire across the table from Mal and the bills.
"I just need a 13 letter word that means thoughtful, then I'd have this thing cracked wide open" Wash mumbled
"Conscientious" said Simon without missing a beat or looking up from his text.
"Thanks man, Uhm..."
"CON-S-C-I--E-N-T--IOUS"
"Once again, thank you Doc." Wash continued to stare at the puzzle for a few minutes. "A 4 letter word for bet" he mumbled
"Ante" replied Simon
"Alright doctor, Weapons for toxophilites, 4 letters"
"Bows"
"Frenchman that epitomizes the Age of Enlightenment, has an O as the 2nd letter from conscientious"
"Voltaire"
"3 letter 'tool'?"
"Awl, A-W-L, puzzles like that one"
"Wow Doc! You're really good at these"
"He's a genius Wash; of course he's good at these." Kaylee pointed out.
"I used to do them a lot when I was younger, passed the time at those adult social events."
"This is for a contest, grand prize 200 credits, and the first person to transmit the puzzle done right wins. Think you could finish this?" Wash asked, putting his display between Simon's eyes and what he was reading. Sighing, the doctor put down his book and took the offered screen and stylus. He tapped away for a couple minutes and handed it back to the pilot.
"There you go" and Simon went back to his reading. Wash looked at the puzzle, all the answers were there, and they sure looked correct.
"Alright! Prize money here I come!"
"Are sure you are comfortable claiming Dr. Tam's answers as your own?"
"Yes, yes I am. Because Simon can't let anyone know where he is; being a fugitive and all. So there is no reason to let those answers go to waste. We could use that money."
"He's right Preacher, we could use the money." Mal pointed out, finally looking up from the bills. Glancing at the tall pile of 'this month' he added, "Or we could just stop eating." Wash smiled broadly and ran off to transmit 'his' answers.
Truth be told cheating certainly was low on the list of their vices. Mal wasn't surprised that Book was against this plan; he was a Shepard after all. But maybe he could have given them a little credit; they weren't even really being that dishonest. Sure Simon had done the puzzle and not Wash so the name on the form was a kind of lie. But the contest rules didn't prohibit Simon from entering. If it wasn't for Simon being a fugitive this plan would actually have been legit!
Wash did win. Grand prize, the 200 credits was his. So the Serenity went to Delta Primus to claim his prize. It really wasn't that far a detour from their original course and since their original course was just aiming for any planet that might have work it really didn't matter that they detoured. It was in the wrong direction, towards the core, but in fact, there was a prospect for work on Primus, an old buddy of Mal's was supposedly there running a shipping business of some sort. If luck went their way they'd get the prize money and a nice easy shipping job.
Serenity set down at the docking station they were assigned. Wash hadn't stopped smiling since he'd received the notification that he'd won. You'd think he'd actually done more than hand the contest puzzle to the ships resident brilliant doctor from the way he was carrying on. Wash raced down the sloped gang plank onto the ground and was followed by Mal and Zoe at a more leisurely pace.
"Wash, honey, you won, you'll get the prize whether you get there in 10 minutes or if you don't run like a maniac and take 20 minutes." Zoe explained.
"I know, I'm just, you know, I don't win that often"
Mal leaned close to his pilot's ear, "You didn't actually win this either" he pointed out.
Wash sighed, "Couldn't let me have my moment could you?" As this conversation progressed they had been making their way to the claims office. By now they were right outside their destination. "But, I am willing to live the lie for the good of the mission Captain" and Wash dramatically swept into the building. Mal waited outside until the childish blond and his wife returned. It was only a few minutes before they came out again, Wash smiling broadly.
"I assume you got your winnings." Mal said.
"I sure did all 200!"
"You've inspired me Wash. I'm feeling lucky. You two head back to Serenity, I've got to see a man about some cargo."
Byron Clawfield was an old friend of Mal's. They'd know each other for years but hadn't really spoken in some time. So, when Mal had sent a message, saying he'd be arriving in a couple days and that he'd like work if his old buddy could spare it, Byron was a little surprised. But, Malcolm's message did present quite an opportunity. Byron had made his fortune by stepping on whoever he could. Mal was just asking for some boot prints.
Byron did have a shipment of guns that he was supposed to see delivered out to the fringe world of Galatose. It was a heavily insured shipment of guns. Those were Byron's favorite kind of shipment because if something happened to the ship that was transporting them he got the first half of the payment for the job, as well as a hefty insurance settlement. Then if Byron happened to be able to recover those guns he could resell them back to the competition of the original buyer. It was defiantly a very profitable situation. He could hire Mal to make the delivery, and then hire the usual band of pirates to take the shipment back. He wouldn't have to pay Mal the second half of what he owed and he'd make loads on the resale and insurance settlement. The speaker on his desk buzzed. Byron had a self satisfied smile as he pushed the red button and his secretary's voice filled the luxurious office.
"Mr. Clawfield, Malcolm Reynolds is here to see you. He does have an appointment."
Byron smiled, "Of course he does, send him in."
Mal entered the spacious office of his old friend. Byron was behind his desk, smiling like Wash. He was smiling like he'd won something.
"Hey Byron!" he greeted warmly.
"Mal you old soldier! Great to see you! I hear you are in the market for a job."
"That's right, I've got a good crew and we just want some work. We don't care what kind of job it is." Mal lowered his voice a little, "If you know what I mean."
Byron was still smiling. He had a job for them all right. He might as well try and get a little information for his bandits. "What kind of ship?"
"Serenity's a Firefly class, a good dependable ship."
"How big a crew Mal? You weren't known for working well with others."
"There are 5 of us, plus our preacher and a registered companion that rides with us." Mal wasn't going to mention Simon and River. Byron was a cargo man, wouldn't be impressed by a doctor and no one could know about River.
"Fancy of ya"
"Yeah, it's quite a crew. We can handle whatever you'll throw at us."
Byron mused that Mal sure was proud of his crew. Proud, as well as either just a little desperate for work or ready for this meeting to end. From what he knew of Mal he was probably was repeating they would take any job so that he could get out of this meeting. Mal had always been more of a soldier than a businessman.
"Yeah, I got a job I think you and that great crew of yours will be just perfect for."
Mal left his meeting with Byron a happy man. This job was going to pay well. The ship's cut would cover just about all the bills for this month and next week plus all the crew member cuts weren't bad. Mal could just imagine all the guns Jayne was going to bring home with his share. Of course this was Jayne's kind of mission anyway; the whole job was based around guns.