A/N: All right, all right. The last chapter, before Jessica kills me. (And if anyone says the 's' word (sequel), I can and will rip out your tongue! *^.^* Have a nice day!) PS: My birthday's on Sunday. I'll be 18... someone tell Pippin I'm legal now, kay?
"Oh, Legolas!"
"What devilry is this?" the elf shouted, from behind the tower, where he and Jessica were, still.
~*~
"It's not devilry," I mumbled, rolling my eyes and shoving my hands into my pockets, waiting patiently for Jessica to finish screwing the elf and be ready to leave. "It's from reading Cosmo."
Pippin blinked, looking up to me. "Cosmo?" he asked, saying it funny because of his accent. "What's Cosmo?"
"Is it some sort of tome?" asked Gandalf, blinking and leaning on his staff. "An ancient source of knowledge and lore, perhaps?"
"Or an account of a great battle?" put in Gimli, while Tim and I exchanged looks, and I tried not to laugh.
"Nah," I shrugged, nonchalantly. "It just tells you how to give really good head."
~*~ (A/N: All the credit in the world to De for that one. If she's reading, lol.) ~*~
Jessica and Legolas were still romping behind the tower somewhere, and Tim was starting to look anxious to get back. I bounced on my heels for a moment, and then sighed and grabbed Pippin's hand, hauling him off behind a few stone pillars.
"It's about time," muttered Tim, turning to Aragorn and smirking. "So, how's that Arwen chick in bed?"
~*~
Legolas and Jessica lay, utterly spent and (thankfully) clothed, behind the tower. Jessica yawned and stretched, Legolas watching her.
"Are all the girls in the world like you?" he asked, curiously.
"Well.." she pondered a moment, and shrugged. "I guess."
"Perchance I ought to convince Gandalf to take us on vacation," he said, and they both laughed for a moment.
"Yeah.. that'd be sweet. You'd have to watch out for the others, though."
"Other what?"
"The other fangirls," she said, snickering. "They'll do unholy things to you."
"The same kinds of unholy things you did?" he asked, voice bordering on hopeful.
~*~
It was almost another half-hour before Jessica and I (just having gotten through with some great hobbit-sex, of course) joined Tim again, who had a black eye from that comment about Arwen. Go, Aragorn.
"Are you *quite* finished?" asked Gandalf, sounding quite annoyed with us.
"Yeah, yeah," muttered Jessica, winking up at Legolas. "See about that vacation, hm, cutie?"
"Oh, jesus," Tim groaned, and shook his head, kind of pissed off about being here, and having gotten a black eye in the process. "Let's just go."
"All right, all right, gather 'round," said Gandalf, raising his staff. "This is a very old, very powerful spell, the origins of which are unknown. It may never be uttered by any of you," he warned, and we all nodded.
He raised the staff higher into the air and shouted: "Abra Cadabra!"
~*~
In a pile of hands and arms and feet and legs, we crashed back onto earth, atop the Dancey game. Groaning, Jessica pushed Tim.
"Get your foot off of my ass," she muttered, and he moved.
"Woah, hands!" I shouted, jumping up and slapping Tim. I helped Jessica up, and Tim stood as well, wobbling a little on his feet. Around us, the kids in the arcade were gathering around, looking at us, wide-eyed.
"Think of something," I murmured, and Tim quickly jumped out in front of us, waving his arms and speaking in a hypnotic voice.
"This is oonnlyy a dreeeaammm.." he said, and continued to wave them, as we sidestepped out of the arcade.
On the Lord of the Rings game, the screen flashed with the words : "HIGH SCORE: GAME OVER." And then they flashed again: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN?"
~* A/N: The end. Dammit. *~
"Oh, Legolas!"
"What devilry is this?" the elf shouted, from behind the tower, where he and Jessica were, still.
~*~
"It's not devilry," I mumbled, rolling my eyes and shoving my hands into my pockets, waiting patiently for Jessica to finish screwing the elf and be ready to leave. "It's from reading Cosmo."
Pippin blinked, looking up to me. "Cosmo?" he asked, saying it funny because of his accent. "What's Cosmo?"
"Is it some sort of tome?" asked Gandalf, blinking and leaning on his staff. "An ancient source of knowledge and lore, perhaps?"
"Or an account of a great battle?" put in Gimli, while Tim and I exchanged looks, and I tried not to laugh.
"Nah," I shrugged, nonchalantly. "It just tells you how to give really good head."
~*~ (A/N: All the credit in the world to De for that one. If she's reading, lol.) ~*~
Jessica and Legolas were still romping behind the tower somewhere, and Tim was starting to look anxious to get back. I bounced on my heels for a moment, and then sighed and grabbed Pippin's hand, hauling him off behind a few stone pillars.
"It's about time," muttered Tim, turning to Aragorn and smirking. "So, how's that Arwen chick in bed?"
~*~
Legolas and Jessica lay, utterly spent and (thankfully) clothed, behind the tower. Jessica yawned and stretched, Legolas watching her.
"Are all the girls in the world like you?" he asked, curiously.
"Well.." she pondered a moment, and shrugged. "I guess."
"Perchance I ought to convince Gandalf to take us on vacation," he said, and they both laughed for a moment.
"Yeah.. that'd be sweet. You'd have to watch out for the others, though."
"Other what?"
"The other fangirls," she said, snickering. "They'll do unholy things to you."
"The same kinds of unholy things you did?" he asked, voice bordering on hopeful.
~*~
It was almost another half-hour before Jessica and I (just having gotten through with some great hobbit-sex, of course) joined Tim again, who had a black eye from that comment about Arwen. Go, Aragorn.
"Are you *quite* finished?" asked Gandalf, sounding quite annoyed with us.
"Yeah, yeah," muttered Jessica, winking up at Legolas. "See about that vacation, hm, cutie?"
"Oh, jesus," Tim groaned, and shook his head, kind of pissed off about being here, and having gotten a black eye in the process. "Let's just go."
"All right, all right, gather 'round," said Gandalf, raising his staff. "This is a very old, very powerful spell, the origins of which are unknown. It may never be uttered by any of you," he warned, and we all nodded.
He raised the staff higher into the air and shouted: "Abra Cadabra!"
~*~
In a pile of hands and arms and feet and legs, we crashed back onto earth, atop the Dancey game. Groaning, Jessica pushed Tim.
"Get your foot off of my ass," she muttered, and he moved.
"Woah, hands!" I shouted, jumping up and slapping Tim. I helped Jessica up, and Tim stood as well, wobbling a little on his feet. Around us, the kids in the arcade were gathering around, looking at us, wide-eyed.
"Think of something," I murmured, and Tim quickly jumped out in front of us, waving his arms and speaking in a hypnotic voice.
"This is oonnlyy a dreeeaammm.." he said, and continued to wave them, as we sidestepped out of the arcade.
On the Lord of the Rings game, the screen flashed with the words : "HIGH SCORE: GAME OVER." And then they flashed again: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN?"
~* A/N: The end. Dammit. *~