A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed! You really make my day :) Well, here's
the second part. Enjoy!
Sydney woke the next morning to the sun shining brightly in her eyes. Why was she sleeping on the couch? She tried to think of a reason when it all came back to her. She closed her eyes again. How could she have been so weak? How could she have let herself break down like that? In her line of work, she couldn't make mistakes.
Opening her eyes again, she saw Francie sitting in the chair next to the couch. She was staring at her.
"Hey." Francie's voice was quiet.
"Hey," she answered. "Did you sleep at all last night?"
Francie smiled. "No." Sydney moaned, closed her eyes, and turned her back on Francie.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Francie, I'm sorry I ruined your day and-"
"No, Syd," Francie cut in. "There's nothing to be sorry for."
"No?" Sydney asked bitterly. "I messed your day up. I've messed your whole life up. I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I have to be stronger!"
"Sydney!" Francie sounded shocked. "Syd, no one has to be perfect. No one is perfect. No one."
"I should be," Sydney whispered.
"Sydney, that's insane. You're allowed to cry."
"You don't understand! I HAVE TO be stronger than this! I HAVE TO!" Sydney felt tears threatening again, so she sat up, throwing the blanket off. "I should go to work now. I'll see you later." Her voice was cold. She felt awful. Francie was only trying to help, and she was treating her like she was the cause of the problem.
"Francie, look, you can't understand what I'm going through. I-"
"Syd, I'm just worried about you." Sydney gave her a fake smile.
"Don't be. I'm fine. I was just tired last night, that's all." Francie nodded, unconvinced. And that's why you wanted to kill yourself?
"Ok. I'll see you tonight."
"Yeah." Sydney walked out to her car, cursing the sun. Why did it have to rise everyday? For some it brought hope. For her, it only brought the promise of another day in Hell.
She walked into SD-6 in a daze. Here was the source of all her problems. She wanted to just walk up to Sloane and tear his head off, but she knew she couldn't. Not yet.
"Sydney!" It was Dixon. "So how was Marshall's first mission?" Sydney gave him a false smile.
"Well, not too many problems. He only managed to get himself shot with a tranq dart, but besides that..." Dixon laughed.
"Wasn't it his first time on an airplane?"
"Yeah, he hacked into the plane's onboard computer to make sure things were going ok. He also had a parachute compressed into his jacket." She smiled for the first time in days, a real smile. "Good old Marshall." She looked at his office, half expecting him to be there. But then she remembered that the CIA had pulled him out. She sighed.
Dixon followed her gaze. "Yeah, he's not here yet. I'm a little worried. Isn't he usually here by now?"
"Yeah, he is."
"Did he get home ok?"
"I dunno. We went home in separate cars..." She thought back on that parting, the place where everything had just snapped. Now Marshall was out. But she thought about how he would react. He might go crazy. SD-6 was his life. It was the life for all the other agents in it too. How could she tell them? How could she ever do it? She would destroy their lives.
And yet, while she was there, she might let something slip. She might do something to endanger their lives, her father's life, her friends' lives. How easy it would be for her, one person, to ruin so many lives. She had been close before, several times, when Sloane ceased trusting her. So far, she had managed to get herself out. But what would happen when the time came that she couldn't?
She was better off dead. She was doing no good by living, only harm. Her death would bring safety to countless people. Sydney smiled a cold little smile. Yes, everyone would be happier if she just died. Tonight. She would kill herself tonight.
"Sydney?" Dixon's voice broke through her thoughts. "Syd, are you listening to anything I'm saying?"
"Sorry Dixon, I was thinking about Marshall. I hope he's ok." Dixon sighed.
"I'm sure he will be."
TBC... R/R!
Sydney woke the next morning to the sun shining brightly in her eyes. Why was she sleeping on the couch? She tried to think of a reason when it all came back to her. She closed her eyes again. How could she have been so weak? How could she have let herself break down like that? In her line of work, she couldn't make mistakes.
Opening her eyes again, she saw Francie sitting in the chair next to the couch. She was staring at her.
"Hey." Francie's voice was quiet.
"Hey," she answered. "Did you sleep at all last night?"
Francie smiled. "No." Sydney moaned, closed her eyes, and turned her back on Francie.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Francie, I'm sorry I ruined your day and-"
"No, Syd," Francie cut in. "There's nothing to be sorry for."
"No?" Sydney asked bitterly. "I messed your day up. I've messed your whole life up. I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I have to be stronger!"
"Sydney!" Francie sounded shocked. "Syd, no one has to be perfect. No one is perfect. No one."
"I should be," Sydney whispered.
"Sydney, that's insane. You're allowed to cry."
"You don't understand! I HAVE TO be stronger than this! I HAVE TO!" Sydney felt tears threatening again, so she sat up, throwing the blanket off. "I should go to work now. I'll see you later." Her voice was cold. She felt awful. Francie was only trying to help, and she was treating her like she was the cause of the problem.
"Francie, look, you can't understand what I'm going through. I-"
"Syd, I'm just worried about you." Sydney gave her a fake smile.
"Don't be. I'm fine. I was just tired last night, that's all." Francie nodded, unconvinced. And that's why you wanted to kill yourself?
"Ok. I'll see you tonight."
"Yeah." Sydney walked out to her car, cursing the sun. Why did it have to rise everyday? For some it brought hope. For her, it only brought the promise of another day in Hell.
She walked into SD-6 in a daze. Here was the source of all her problems. She wanted to just walk up to Sloane and tear his head off, but she knew she couldn't. Not yet.
"Sydney!" It was Dixon. "So how was Marshall's first mission?" Sydney gave him a false smile.
"Well, not too many problems. He only managed to get himself shot with a tranq dart, but besides that..." Dixon laughed.
"Wasn't it his first time on an airplane?"
"Yeah, he hacked into the plane's onboard computer to make sure things were going ok. He also had a parachute compressed into his jacket." She smiled for the first time in days, a real smile. "Good old Marshall." She looked at his office, half expecting him to be there. But then she remembered that the CIA had pulled him out. She sighed.
Dixon followed her gaze. "Yeah, he's not here yet. I'm a little worried. Isn't he usually here by now?"
"Yeah, he is."
"Did he get home ok?"
"I dunno. We went home in separate cars..." She thought back on that parting, the place where everything had just snapped. Now Marshall was out. But she thought about how he would react. He might go crazy. SD-6 was his life. It was the life for all the other agents in it too. How could she tell them? How could she ever do it? She would destroy their lives.
And yet, while she was there, she might let something slip. She might do something to endanger their lives, her father's life, her friends' lives. How easy it would be for her, one person, to ruin so many lives. She had been close before, several times, when Sloane ceased trusting her. So far, she had managed to get herself out. But what would happen when the time came that she couldn't?
She was better off dead. She was doing no good by living, only harm. Her death would bring safety to countless people. Sydney smiled a cold little smile. Yes, everyone would be happier if she just died. Tonight. She would kill herself tonight.
"Sydney?" Dixon's voice broke through her thoughts. "Syd, are you listening to anything I'm saying?"
"Sorry Dixon, I was thinking about Marshall. I hope he's ok." Dixon sighed.
"I'm sure he will be."
TBC... R/R!