"I can not believe that you actually managed to convince my father," she
said.
"He did not need very much convincing, Irulan," said Legolas. They were in the forest, by the hut of her Chemarit which was built right next to a very large tree. They were sitting between its roots, on soft grass that was somewhat withered with the heat of summer. She had pinned her hair up and was wearing a white linen dress because the summer sun was particularly strong today. Legolas was in his usual green and brown soft tunics. He had asked very politely if it was possible for him to join her in her forest "reserve" and Irulan had agreed a bit hesitantly. After all, nobody else had ever seen the place but her and Chemarit. It was sort of private in that way. But sitting under the tree and talking to Legolas, she became glad that she had accepted.
"But I fear that you might," he added after a while.
Irulan looked at him "Why do you say that?"
"I feel that you might think less of me because of my actions. The fact that I have not told you before that I had followed you to the games........... and the incidence at the wedding. Have I damaged your trust in me, Irulan?"
She looked away. In fact, she had been a bit mad at that. No, correction, she had been QUITE mad at that. And yes, it was completely devastating to find out that someone you liked so much had been playing you for a fool all the time - although Legolas fiercely objected to that comment.
"Well.... I found it a bit............. disappointing to tell the truth. You really could have told me," she said carefully. Legolas had such a hurt look on his face. Not fair! How can anyone say anything when he looked like that! It was easy enough with men.... but with elves........... they were so fragile. And Legolas was such a nice one....
'Are you not acting a bit too innocent for your own standards, princess?' seeped in her alter ego's voice smoothly. She held her breath. This time, she decided, she would not answer at all. Answering it made it only stronger. 'Very well.... I can do the whole conversation by myself then. More time for me,' it said. Irulan tried to empty her mind. But the voice seemed to be unaffected by it. 'Now let's see..... ah yes, the poor elf! Indeed! As if you are talking about a puppy, Irulan! We both know that you feel a LITTLE BIT more than that for this Legolas. And cut that crap about not wanting to hurt him. The truth is, you are not mad anymore. And you have been desperately trying to build the anger back up, yet you have failed. So now he is here, being simply the adorable creature that he is, and you want to be angry and unaffected, yet you can't. Breathe if I am right.'
"Alright that's enough," she said suddenly. Legolas blinked in surprise.
"I mean............. I mean it is enough about the subject," said Irulan hastily. "No need to keep bringing it up."
'Liar,' hissed the voice in her head. 'Isn't it a bit sick that I am having this conversation?' she wondered suddenly.
"Then I take it that you are not too angry with me?" Legolas insisted.
"No............." she said and after a short moment added with a sigh "I wish I could be. But you have been too kind to me. I guess I have a weakness for that," she smiled.
Legolas thought she was even more beautiful when she smiled. He was well aware that Irulan was actually not very beautiful neither by elvish, nor human standards (she was a goddess by orcish standards, but that has nothing to do with the subject), but she was the most charming and attractive woman he had ever met. Simply because she was not trying to be charming and attractive. Many thought that beauty was the most important element of attraction. But after three millennia, Legolas was wise enough to know what mortal men had unfortunately never had and would never have the time to discover - the fact that attraction had nothing to do with beauty. It had to do with spirit. And how the spirit emanates from each and every person.
"I have to say though," added Irulan slyly, "my ideas about the elves have changed quite a bit in these last few days. You are not as fair and innocent as you pretend you are."
Legolas laughed out loud. "Oh my! So you have seen through us! It is something no other mortal had managed to do yet."
"Well I guess no other mortal went through what I went through."
"That is because you are one of a kind," Legolas said softly. 'Alright now. I hate it when he talks like that. And in that tone! I swear he does it on purpose, knowing I can not help being affected.' Irulan looked down and just concentrated on the serious and grave task of not blushing, which, to her very annoyance, had become her new habit lately.
"Is that the book Gandalf brought you?" Legolas asked to break the silence. He loved to see her blush, but did not want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way when she was with him.
"Oh yes," said Irulan and picked up the large book that was lying behind her. Legolas dusted off the cover with his slender fingers. "The History and Ways of..... Darma Druids?" he said in surprise. "Why would you want to read this?" he added after a moment.
"Because I am hoping to become one!" she said with twinkles in her eyes.
Legolas smiled softly "But there are no Darma Druids left. They died out a long time ago. They were a myth to begin with, but even that myth is rather old now. In fact, I did not know that any mortal was aware of them."
"I just can't believe that the tradition of a whole people can die out," she said. "It is........not possible. True, maybe they are not like they are described in that book anymore, but certainly some of it must be living still somewhere."
"Irulan............. even if they still exist -which I very much doubt, for the elves would certainly be aware of it- why would you want to join them?"
"What do you mean?" asked Irulan a bit irritated.
Legolas sighed and thought about how to choose the words. "You learn all these skills.............this knowledge...............you fill yourself up with words and capacity for many things. Yet...............what if you will never be able to use it? Will it not begin to destroy you? I fear that all this might find no true expression in the life you are leading, in the life that you are forced to lead as heir to the throne, and that it will begin to hurt you from within."
"I fear that too," whispered Irulan. "Yet............I can not give it up. It is the only thing that binds me to life. I can not be like others, I can not change who I am. I was always the person that I am now. I tried, but I failed to change myself, Legolas," she said sadly.
"Well then," said Legolas merrily a moment later, "we shall have to change the world to make it more suitable for you!"
Irulan laughed. "We certainly have to do that! I fear that you men will not like the new order though. The women will be very much like me!"
"In that case, I am thankful for my immortality. For I would like to live in such a world forever," Legolas said slowly.
'Don't do that,' thought Irulan. And she realized that she could not look away. His gaze seemed to have captured her. She could not breathe either. She realized that she had been wrong by thinking that elves were cool and expressionless. You just needed to look in their eyes. It was all there! The rays of sunlight on strange flowers, the soft knee-high grass bending under the winds on wide prairies, the meeting of friends that have not seen each other for lifetimes, arrows raining down from the sky like tiny burning stars, trees that seemed to cover the whole sky, reaching to the clouds.. every sight captured by these eyes in thousands of years was still there. His eyes alone were a complete, independent, living world. She tried to look away again, but it was against the very rules of nature. It was impossible. 'Don't do that,' she thought again, 'it is very cruel and very un-gentlemanly and completely unfair and so not right...............' But that's as far as she got cause in that very moment Legolas swiftly leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.
It lasted only a moment, but that moment was enough to turn the universe upside down and then back up again. Only everything, everything fell apart in this process and everything landed somewhere where it should not! The world became a strange and unknown territory. All natural rules stopped and began spinning backwards. She felt the Irulan as she knew her being torn away, only to be replaced by a new Irulan, who was completely foreign to her in every way. Never in her life had she been so afraid and yet so uncaring about her fear. All opposites existed at once and then merged into one.
Legolas had moved back and was watching her with the expression of a child about to receive a slap. She wanted to react, but she seemed unable to break this trance. 'He must have put a spell on me,' her mind protested, 'why can't I move?'
"I............. I am sorry," Legolas said suddenly. "I mean I am not, but I..... should have asked," he said. He seemed very much like a completely lost and very confused.. ELF? But it was alright, because the world had stopped making sense altogether anyway. "I feel terrible. I have never lost control like that before. Please forgive me," he stammered.
Irulan was madly trying to take control of things again. Her feelings, her heart, her brain, her pulse all seemed to have run to different directions and she did not know which one to chase. "There is nothing to forgive," she heard herself say, but she sounded distant and strange.
Legolas was looking at the ground, unable to look at her. "It is a terrible thing for an elf to do. I have not asked your permission," he whispered. He looked like he wanted to spring up and run into the forest to disappear and never come back. Legolas the mighty warrior, who was three thousand years old, looked very very scared. But that was okay, since the world stopped making sense altogether.
"Please Legolas," managed Irulan slowly, "it was but only a kiss." Legolas looked up into her eyes and right there and then she knew that it was anything but that. It was a big, old, rusted wheel that was connected to another, which was connected yet to another; and so on so forth............. and it had made this tiny movement that was making all the other ones move one by one until everything would spin off out of control. "An elf kissed me," she thought, "and the world has changed forever."
***
Legolas was riding back to Mirkwood. He was surrounded by his other companions who were a bit worried about the silent confusion that streamed out of the prince. But he was not aware of their worry. In fact he was not even aware of their presence. It might sound like an everyday thing for a human, but it was beyond unusual for an elf.
In his mind, Legolas was still sitting underneath the tree with Irulan who looked more marvelous than any sunset he had seen, any storm he had witnessed, any season he had lived through in three thousand years. She was but a mortal woman! A barbarian! And maybe much more so than any other mortal woman (and most mortal men, he suspected). She was the member of a dangerous race, merely a child walking around in sheer ignorance and utter carelessness. Humans! Rude, brutal, selfish humans. Humans; who were proud of their brains, yet seldom used it and were true slaves to those tumultuous emotions that seemed to surge through them with unbelievable pace. Humans; who cared not about the world, about other races, even about each other! Humans; so utterly, definitely, most certainly..... what? The words evaded him. He could not, WOULD not, attach himself to such a creature. It was folly to think that an elf and a mortal could..... what? He was no child, he was beyond infatuation. He could not fall for a human. He could not feel.... what?
And yet, when Irulan looked up in his mind's eye, her eyes became the very winds that swept all those thoughts away in an instant. But that was alright, since the world had stopped making sense altogether.
***
Irulan was looking out her window, in the direction the elves had disappeared. "Somebody must have really put a curse on me," she thought bitterly. "Irulan, daughter of Kanduin, shall meet the most appealing men in the world of men and yet remain unaffected, for she shall fall for an elf!"
"So not true!" she mumbled a moment later. "I am not falling anywhere. Or for anyone. I would probably feel the same way if any other elf kissed me. It is just strange for an elf and a mortal woman, that's all."
"And where is that stupid voice now?" she thought teasingly. "Sure, shut up like that. Desert me too, especially now that I am alone!" But she was not alone. Or rather, she had always been alone and that had never bothered her before. It was ridiculous to feel alone now just because an elf -whom she barely knew, by the way- had left!
"Fine!" she protested and threw herself on her bed. "I will go to Mirkwood soon, anyway. And voice, if you dare to speak then, you will be in BIG trouble!"
Little did Irulan know that she would not go to Mirkwood for many many years and that it would be completely changed along with the rest of the world when she finally does. Neither did she know that she would not see Legolas for another five years again and that they would meet under the gravest and oddest of circumstances; and that she was now nothing like the Irulan she was to become when they would see each other again. Their ways had parted already and each was heading in different directions, but they were unaware of it yet. But who knows what the future is cooking for us before it lands on our face, right?
"He did not need very much convincing, Irulan," said Legolas. They were in the forest, by the hut of her Chemarit which was built right next to a very large tree. They were sitting between its roots, on soft grass that was somewhat withered with the heat of summer. She had pinned her hair up and was wearing a white linen dress because the summer sun was particularly strong today. Legolas was in his usual green and brown soft tunics. He had asked very politely if it was possible for him to join her in her forest "reserve" and Irulan had agreed a bit hesitantly. After all, nobody else had ever seen the place but her and Chemarit. It was sort of private in that way. But sitting under the tree and talking to Legolas, she became glad that she had accepted.
"But I fear that you might," he added after a while.
Irulan looked at him "Why do you say that?"
"I feel that you might think less of me because of my actions. The fact that I have not told you before that I had followed you to the games........... and the incidence at the wedding. Have I damaged your trust in me, Irulan?"
She looked away. In fact, she had been a bit mad at that. No, correction, she had been QUITE mad at that. And yes, it was completely devastating to find out that someone you liked so much had been playing you for a fool all the time - although Legolas fiercely objected to that comment.
"Well.... I found it a bit............. disappointing to tell the truth. You really could have told me," she said carefully. Legolas had such a hurt look on his face. Not fair! How can anyone say anything when he looked like that! It was easy enough with men.... but with elves........... they were so fragile. And Legolas was such a nice one....
'Are you not acting a bit too innocent for your own standards, princess?' seeped in her alter ego's voice smoothly. She held her breath. This time, she decided, she would not answer at all. Answering it made it only stronger. 'Very well.... I can do the whole conversation by myself then. More time for me,' it said. Irulan tried to empty her mind. But the voice seemed to be unaffected by it. 'Now let's see..... ah yes, the poor elf! Indeed! As if you are talking about a puppy, Irulan! We both know that you feel a LITTLE BIT more than that for this Legolas. And cut that crap about not wanting to hurt him. The truth is, you are not mad anymore. And you have been desperately trying to build the anger back up, yet you have failed. So now he is here, being simply the adorable creature that he is, and you want to be angry and unaffected, yet you can't. Breathe if I am right.'
"Alright that's enough," she said suddenly. Legolas blinked in surprise.
"I mean............. I mean it is enough about the subject," said Irulan hastily. "No need to keep bringing it up."
'Liar,' hissed the voice in her head. 'Isn't it a bit sick that I am having this conversation?' she wondered suddenly.
"Then I take it that you are not too angry with me?" Legolas insisted.
"No............." she said and after a short moment added with a sigh "I wish I could be. But you have been too kind to me. I guess I have a weakness for that," she smiled.
Legolas thought she was even more beautiful when she smiled. He was well aware that Irulan was actually not very beautiful neither by elvish, nor human standards (she was a goddess by orcish standards, but that has nothing to do with the subject), but she was the most charming and attractive woman he had ever met. Simply because she was not trying to be charming and attractive. Many thought that beauty was the most important element of attraction. But after three millennia, Legolas was wise enough to know what mortal men had unfortunately never had and would never have the time to discover - the fact that attraction had nothing to do with beauty. It had to do with spirit. And how the spirit emanates from each and every person.
"I have to say though," added Irulan slyly, "my ideas about the elves have changed quite a bit in these last few days. You are not as fair and innocent as you pretend you are."
Legolas laughed out loud. "Oh my! So you have seen through us! It is something no other mortal had managed to do yet."
"Well I guess no other mortal went through what I went through."
"That is because you are one of a kind," Legolas said softly. 'Alright now. I hate it when he talks like that. And in that tone! I swear he does it on purpose, knowing I can not help being affected.' Irulan looked down and just concentrated on the serious and grave task of not blushing, which, to her very annoyance, had become her new habit lately.
"Is that the book Gandalf brought you?" Legolas asked to break the silence. He loved to see her blush, but did not want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way when she was with him.
"Oh yes," said Irulan and picked up the large book that was lying behind her. Legolas dusted off the cover with his slender fingers. "The History and Ways of..... Darma Druids?" he said in surprise. "Why would you want to read this?" he added after a moment.
"Because I am hoping to become one!" she said with twinkles in her eyes.
Legolas smiled softly "But there are no Darma Druids left. They died out a long time ago. They were a myth to begin with, but even that myth is rather old now. In fact, I did not know that any mortal was aware of them."
"I just can't believe that the tradition of a whole people can die out," she said. "It is........not possible. True, maybe they are not like they are described in that book anymore, but certainly some of it must be living still somewhere."
"Irulan............. even if they still exist -which I very much doubt, for the elves would certainly be aware of it- why would you want to join them?"
"What do you mean?" asked Irulan a bit irritated.
Legolas sighed and thought about how to choose the words. "You learn all these skills.............this knowledge...............you fill yourself up with words and capacity for many things. Yet...............what if you will never be able to use it? Will it not begin to destroy you? I fear that all this might find no true expression in the life you are leading, in the life that you are forced to lead as heir to the throne, and that it will begin to hurt you from within."
"I fear that too," whispered Irulan. "Yet............I can not give it up. It is the only thing that binds me to life. I can not be like others, I can not change who I am. I was always the person that I am now. I tried, but I failed to change myself, Legolas," she said sadly.
"Well then," said Legolas merrily a moment later, "we shall have to change the world to make it more suitable for you!"
Irulan laughed. "We certainly have to do that! I fear that you men will not like the new order though. The women will be very much like me!"
"In that case, I am thankful for my immortality. For I would like to live in such a world forever," Legolas said slowly.
'Don't do that,' thought Irulan. And she realized that she could not look away. His gaze seemed to have captured her. She could not breathe either. She realized that she had been wrong by thinking that elves were cool and expressionless. You just needed to look in their eyes. It was all there! The rays of sunlight on strange flowers, the soft knee-high grass bending under the winds on wide prairies, the meeting of friends that have not seen each other for lifetimes, arrows raining down from the sky like tiny burning stars, trees that seemed to cover the whole sky, reaching to the clouds.. every sight captured by these eyes in thousands of years was still there. His eyes alone were a complete, independent, living world. She tried to look away again, but it was against the very rules of nature. It was impossible. 'Don't do that,' she thought again, 'it is very cruel and very un-gentlemanly and completely unfair and so not right...............' But that's as far as she got cause in that very moment Legolas swiftly leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.
It lasted only a moment, but that moment was enough to turn the universe upside down and then back up again. Only everything, everything fell apart in this process and everything landed somewhere where it should not! The world became a strange and unknown territory. All natural rules stopped and began spinning backwards. She felt the Irulan as she knew her being torn away, only to be replaced by a new Irulan, who was completely foreign to her in every way. Never in her life had she been so afraid and yet so uncaring about her fear. All opposites existed at once and then merged into one.
Legolas had moved back and was watching her with the expression of a child about to receive a slap. She wanted to react, but she seemed unable to break this trance. 'He must have put a spell on me,' her mind protested, 'why can't I move?'
"I............. I am sorry," Legolas said suddenly. "I mean I am not, but I..... should have asked," he said. He seemed very much like a completely lost and very confused.. ELF? But it was alright, because the world had stopped making sense altogether anyway. "I feel terrible. I have never lost control like that before. Please forgive me," he stammered.
Irulan was madly trying to take control of things again. Her feelings, her heart, her brain, her pulse all seemed to have run to different directions and she did not know which one to chase. "There is nothing to forgive," she heard herself say, but she sounded distant and strange.
Legolas was looking at the ground, unable to look at her. "It is a terrible thing for an elf to do. I have not asked your permission," he whispered. He looked like he wanted to spring up and run into the forest to disappear and never come back. Legolas the mighty warrior, who was three thousand years old, looked very very scared. But that was okay, since the world stopped making sense altogether.
"Please Legolas," managed Irulan slowly, "it was but only a kiss." Legolas looked up into her eyes and right there and then she knew that it was anything but that. It was a big, old, rusted wheel that was connected to another, which was connected yet to another; and so on so forth............. and it had made this tiny movement that was making all the other ones move one by one until everything would spin off out of control. "An elf kissed me," she thought, "and the world has changed forever."
***
Legolas was riding back to Mirkwood. He was surrounded by his other companions who were a bit worried about the silent confusion that streamed out of the prince. But he was not aware of their worry. In fact he was not even aware of their presence. It might sound like an everyday thing for a human, but it was beyond unusual for an elf.
In his mind, Legolas was still sitting underneath the tree with Irulan who looked more marvelous than any sunset he had seen, any storm he had witnessed, any season he had lived through in three thousand years. She was but a mortal woman! A barbarian! And maybe much more so than any other mortal woman (and most mortal men, he suspected). She was the member of a dangerous race, merely a child walking around in sheer ignorance and utter carelessness. Humans! Rude, brutal, selfish humans. Humans; who were proud of their brains, yet seldom used it and were true slaves to those tumultuous emotions that seemed to surge through them with unbelievable pace. Humans; who cared not about the world, about other races, even about each other! Humans; so utterly, definitely, most certainly..... what? The words evaded him. He could not, WOULD not, attach himself to such a creature. It was folly to think that an elf and a mortal could..... what? He was no child, he was beyond infatuation. He could not fall for a human. He could not feel.... what?
And yet, when Irulan looked up in his mind's eye, her eyes became the very winds that swept all those thoughts away in an instant. But that was alright, since the world had stopped making sense altogether.
***
Irulan was looking out her window, in the direction the elves had disappeared. "Somebody must have really put a curse on me," she thought bitterly. "Irulan, daughter of Kanduin, shall meet the most appealing men in the world of men and yet remain unaffected, for she shall fall for an elf!"
"So not true!" she mumbled a moment later. "I am not falling anywhere. Or for anyone. I would probably feel the same way if any other elf kissed me. It is just strange for an elf and a mortal woman, that's all."
"And where is that stupid voice now?" she thought teasingly. "Sure, shut up like that. Desert me too, especially now that I am alone!" But she was not alone. Or rather, she had always been alone and that had never bothered her before. It was ridiculous to feel alone now just because an elf -whom she barely knew, by the way- had left!
"Fine!" she protested and threw herself on her bed. "I will go to Mirkwood soon, anyway. And voice, if you dare to speak then, you will be in BIG trouble!"
Little did Irulan know that she would not go to Mirkwood for many many years and that it would be completely changed along with the rest of the world when she finally does. Neither did she know that she would not see Legolas for another five years again and that they would meet under the gravest and oddest of circumstances; and that she was now nothing like the Irulan she was to become when they would see each other again. Their ways had parted already and each was heading in different directions, but they were unaware of it yet. But who knows what the future is cooking for us before it lands on our face, right?