Everyone disliked her. More or less. They stayed away from her as far as
possible and cast unreadable glances whenever they thought she was not
looking. Except for Gandalf, none would speak to her. And there was anger
in the air - as if she had dropped onto the middle of the Fellowship and
destroyed THEIR friendships as well. They felt uncomfortable around her and
therefore stopped the joyful games and chatting. A dark and suffocating
cloud had fallen on them, and its name was Irulan.
Irulan did not care though. She actually half expected and half hoped that it would be like this. After all, it made the task much easier for her. She had been worried when she found out that both Legolas and Gandalf would attend the council, for she had carefully avoided both of them over the past five years in fear of giving away her identity. But when she arrived in Rivendell and saw them for the first time, she realized how unnecessarily paranoid she had been. Five years may not sound long for ageless creatures, but it was a very long time nevertheless.
They had obviously forgotten about her a long time ago. Yes, she was sure that every now and then they remembered a certain unusual princess, but that was probably all there was to the story. And the walls in their heads had limited their vision and perception drastically. For it was something else to know that a little girl out of her senses disguised herself and attended a few games, and something completely else to believe that an infamous figure like the Black Knight could actually be a woman! "Ah Chemarit" she thought, "your wisdom is truly unparalleled". She could bet on her right hand that Legolas would have rather thought him to be an elf than a woman!
Legolas... He seemed to be even angrier than Boromir. She had given a lot of thought about what his reaction would be, and anger was certainly an option. But she had hoped that it would fade out instantly and be replaced by the happiness of seeing an old friend.
'An old friend indeed!' the voice whispered in her head. (Yes, unfortunately it DID come back and did not make an attempt to abandon Irulan again) 'Do not make me remind you about a certain day in summer when you were sitting under a large tree and..'. 'Alright! I get the message!' she shot back silently. It certainly looked like Legolas was not about to forgive her. 'And who asks for forgiveness anyway' she thought bitterly. Men! He was avoiding looking at her as if avoiding a disease. Just by that alone she knew that he was trying desperately to keep his temper under control.
'Hmmmm. should be fun to burst THAT swelling bubble, Irulan' the inner voice said softly. Irulan smiled to herself. 'And end up with an arrow sticking out my butt? I shall not end up like my master!' She barely kept herself from grinning.
***
On the 6th day of their departure everyone, especially the Hobbits, seemed to be tired of holding a grudge. Her stubbornness had finally won. Even Gimli and Boromir seemed to wish for a warmer atmosphere again. Aragorn kept his distance but she could not sense anger or dislike in him. He merely did not trust her, which was only understandable. Legolas of course was immortal and had no intention of letting go of a grudge that easily - he was planning probably DECADES of sulking.
"Tell me Irulan" said Gandalf during another rest. They were very close to the southern pass now, steadily climbing up and down he rocky and barren hills with the world around them fading into autumn. "The Black Knight goes back only a year or two. He was not heard of before that. Have you been hiding in an attic and working on your skills of sewing and stitching before that?"
Irulan laughed softly and looked up from the fire she was stirring. Sam was crouching next to her, waiting for her to finish so that he could begin with the cooking. "No" she said teasingly and kept adding wood.
She could feel the whole Fellowship listening to their conversation and very hard pretending not to. Even Legolas was amazingly obvious in his eaves dropping while he stood farther apart and gazed to the hills before them.
After a long string of minutes (which Irulan enjoyed with utmost pleasure) Gandalf sighed and gave in: "Well?"
"Well what, Gandalf?" said Irulan softly and left the fire to Sam.
The wizard bit on the stem of his pipe and rolled his eyes.
"Oh, what did I do during that time?" she asked innocently. "Hmmm.... let me see now.... If my memory does not fail me....It must be the years I was with.... the Darma Druids."
Gandalf's eyebrows shot up. Aragorn and Boromir looked at each other and even Legolas turned around to look at her.
"There are no Darma Druids" said Gimli sourly after a moment or two. Yet the expression on his face was unmistakably one that begged her to continue.
"Well if you say so, Master Gimli" she sighed and began collecting the empty water pouches. Gimli pursed his lips and muttered something (probably unpleasant) about the female gender under his breath.
"What is a Darma Druid?" asked Frodo. She really loved these hobbits. There was not a single bad bone in them. So innocent and pure!
"An ancient society, a guild of fierce warriors" said Gandalf slowly, looking at her with a penetrating gaze.
"They do not exist anymore!" broke in Gimli. "Probably never did. It is more a myth than a real society, young hobbit!"
Merry and Pippin moved in closer and sat facing her with wide grins on their faces. They very much looked like children dying to hear a bedtime story.
"Oh they exist, all right" she said chuckling.
"Many have set out to find them for hundreds of years now" Boromir added a bit reluctantly. But then spoke easier with the relief of having broken the wall. "None ever found them".
"Well. neither did I" replied Irulan, "but they found me". She had to bite her cheeks to keep from laughing out loud at the desperation of the men. They looked like they were trying to resist a very very bad itch. 'Too proud to beg' she thought and pretended to keep on looking for empty water pouches, ignoring their looks, 'Well they should know better! That's what pride does to you'.
Finally Boromir could not hold it any longer. "Do not tell me that a woman has succeeded in what the most skilled men failed to do" he said.
Irulan smiled and raised her eyebrows. "Exactly Boromir, and let me also say that I succeeded simply BECAUSE of that".
"Because you were a woman?" said Pippin incredulously.
Irulan nodded. "You have no idea what a woman can achieve once she puts her mind... and.... her body.. into it". And this time she actually had to turn her back to them, still pretending to look for pouches, for the horrified and confused expression on their faces was simply too much to bear. She brought her hand up to her mouth, and forced herself to swallow down the laugh that was mercilessly pushing its way up. Turning around and pretending to wipe her mouth she looked up at them with a 'what's-up-with- the-silence?' look. Which, with perfect timing, was followed by the '-oh-I- see' look. She counted five with their mouths hanging open and the rest blushing and looking away.
"Well...." she added softly and hesitated for a moment, then bit her lower lip and continued "how on earth do you think I managed to enter and leave Barad-Dur unharmed?"
That did it! Gandalf chocked on his pipe and Sam dropped the pan, then cursed and tried to save what he could. The rest were just staring at her like she had turned into a shrieking wyvern. And Irulan, wishing so much to keep up her serious and intimidating profile and yet being unable to resist the pull of nature any longer, exploded with laughter.
However, seeing 'the Black Knight who was actually a woman who turned out to be a princess' laughing after days without a single word, only added to the confusion and she had to laugh even harder as good ole' fear walked up and took the hand of terror in the souls and faces of the men before her. And behold, after a few minutes shame decides to join them! Irulan was trying to wipe away her tears when finally anger settled in and booted the others out.
"A witch you are, no doubt!" mumbled Gimli. Legolas had turned his back to her again but she had seen the reddish hue hitting his cheeks anyway. Aragorn was actually grinning and shaking his head. Then Frodo joined her, and Gandalf's deep booming laughter followed and before they knew it, all hobbits and eventually the rest of the company was laughing in the middle of nowhere. And it felt good to laugh, for it surged through the ice like warm, sweet water and melted it all away.
Finally Gandalf said "You are impossible!" with the dying embers of the shared moment.
Irulan grinned at him. "What can I say? I am a woman after all".
"I told you there were no Darma Druids" chuckled Gimli.
"Actually" said Irulan slowly, "I was not joking about that part". Once again all heads turned to her. But the ice was broken and they had no reason to hold back any longer.
"And YOU found them?" sad Aragorn with mild amazement.
"Like I said, it was more the other way around. But yes, eventually we ended up together."
"So what did you do?" said Gandalf.
Irulan slowly turned to him and gave him a confused look. "I learned from them, of course.. what else? They trained me" she said softly.
"You DID?" Boromir said incredulously. "You learned from the Darma Druids?"
"Yes.. as a matter of fact... I became one myself" she said. Another long silence that spoke of doubt.
"Why though" said Merry, "would they accept you when they 'refused' all the others?" with a tinge of suspicion.
"I told you already, because I am a woman" Irulan said matter-of-factly. She shrugged, "and so are they".
Legolas' head snapped around again.
"You mean.... you mean... the legendary Darma Druids... are.. a pack of WOMEN?"
"Yes indeed, Master Gimli, if you prefer to put it that way. That is why no man could find them. And how many women do you know who go out looking for them? Naturally, they became a myth and a children's story. Their number has diminished drastically of course. But I can tell you that there are more than you'd expect" she said.
"Amazing" said Aragorn softly and chuckled. "Who would have thought..?"
"Who indeed?" Gandalf added. "And where are they, these women warriors that possess the highest skill of combat man has known? They must be hiding somewhere, unless, of course you have sworn not to tell anybody....."
Irulan laughed softly. "Oh I can tell you easily enough, my friend" she said. Because there is no hiding place. They are everywhere. Spread over Middle Earth, in towns and villages, in cities and tribes".
"Darma Druids live AMONG us?" said Boromir in astonishment. After a moment he added "Well I certainly have never seen one"
"Are you sure?" mused Irulan.
"I trust that I am capable of detecting one if I see him... her, I mean" he said.
"Well, I don't recall you DETECTING a woman fighting under your very nose for quite a long time" she said. Boromir turned a deep red. Aragorn snickered and patted him on the shoulder.
"The truth is" said Irulan, not wishing to torture them any longer, "they look like any other woman. And they live like any other woman, too.." 'Excluding a few I happen to know, such as MYSELF' she thought with amusement, but decided not to raise that issue to their attention. "They have husbands, children, families... They run farms and cook. THAT is what protects them. You can never spot one unless you are one yourself. Which, in your case gentlemen" she added softly, "seems to be a rather.... how shall I put it... IMPOSSIBLE. So next time you walk into a town, dear sirs, you might want to act a little bit kinder to the female gender".
And with that, leaving a very brooding and uneasy company behind her (no doubt their brains were racing through all the times they had accidentally or on purpose stepped on the tail of a woman), she walked off to the nearby stream.
***
Irulan did not have to walk too long; she soon came upon the little ribbon of water that was gurgling downhill. She found a good spot to reach the water and slowly began to fill the pouches. Then she heard a crunch that seemed like the breaking of a thin branch behind her.
"What is it Legolas?" she said without turning around. It could not have been anybody else. She would have heard the others. He had probably stepped on the branch on purpose to let her know of his presence.
"Gandalf thinks we should not walk around alone" he said coldly.
"Is that so?" said Irulan and glanced back over her shoulder. "I am not sure if I want to turn my back on the Prince of Mirkwood these days". He looked directly at her then and she inwardly flinched at this gaze. 'Okay Irulan, right now would be a good time to shut up' she thought to herself.
"What did I do to earn this mistrust?" he hissed after a few moments.
Irulan grabbed the pouches and stood up to face him. "You look at me as if you wish to kill me" she said levelly and walked up to him.
"You obviously have an impressive talent in that area yourself. You don't need my help, princess" he said. Irulan stopped in mid-track. They stared at each other for a long time. 'He is sarcastic!' she thought, 'oddly,I don't remember that part.'
"It's not like I killed anybody else. Is my life not my own to do as I please?" she said slowly.
It seemed to be the perfect answer Legolas was expecting to hear. He took a step towards her and she could swear that she saw flames in his eyes. "That is so typically human!" he spat. "That is the selfish way your kind perceives everything around it. That is exactly what brings Middle Earth to its doom!"
She felt her eyes widening but remained in complete control other than that. "Are you blaming me for the end of Middle Earth?" she asked in a mocking but dark tone.
"Your kind, yes!" he hissed. "How can you say that? Do you have any idea what you did to the people around you? Your family never overcame that grief! Your friends were utterly heartbroken. I was..." he stopped and clenched his jaws. Then he slowly shook his head and looked away.
"I am so sorry" reeled Irulan at him and the anger was seeping through her velvet voice. "So sorry you ALL had to go through that, while I was obviously having the best time of my LIFE". She was ever so slightly panting now. She knew that she would have this or another similar conversation with Legolas sooner or later. And the bad part was, he had actually succeeded in making her feel guilty! She had no other choice! How could he be so blind! 'Note to self: elf or no, men are MEN!' she thought bitterly.
"Forgive me princess..." he said slowly, his eyes boring into hers, "It is obvious that I had misconceptions about you. You are nothing like the person I thought you were!"
Irulan moved even closer to him and cocked her head to look at him, "You know Legolas" she said with a cool voice, "it almost sounds as if you wished me to remain and marry Endor".
If an elf would have been slapped in the face, his expression would be exactly the one Irulan was looking at, right then. Legolas literally staggered back from the effect of the invisible blow. He looked at her one final time and then swiftly glided away on the rocks towards the camp. Irulan looked coldly after him. She had broken his heart. But then, he did not have one to begin with.
Irulan did not care though. She actually half expected and half hoped that it would be like this. After all, it made the task much easier for her. She had been worried when she found out that both Legolas and Gandalf would attend the council, for she had carefully avoided both of them over the past five years in fear of giving away her identity. But when she arrived in Rivendell and saw them for the first time, she realized how unnecessarily paranoid she had been. Five years may not sound long for ageless creatures, but it was a very long time nevertheless.
They had obviously forgotten about her a long time ago. Yes, she was sure that every now and then they remembered a certain unusual princess, but that was probably all there was to the story. And the walls in their heads had limited their vision and perception drastically. For it was something else to know that a little girl out of her senses disguised herself and attended a few games, and something completely else to believe that an infamous figure like the Black Knight could actually be a woman! "Ah Chemarit" she thought, "your wisdom is truly unparalleled". She could bet on her right hand that Legolas would have rather thought him to be an elf than a woman!
Legolas... He seemed to be even angrier than Boromir. She had given a lot of thought about what his reaction would be, and anger was certainly an option. But she had hoped that it would fade out instantly and be replaced by the happiness of seeing an old friend.
'An old friend indeed!' the voice whispered in her head. (Yes, unfortunately it DID come back and did not make an attempt to abandon Irulan again) 'Do not make me remind you about a certain day in summer when you were sitting under a large tree and..'. 'Alright! I get the message!' she shot back silently. It certainly looked like Legolas was not about to forgive her. 'And who asks for forgiveness anyway' she thought bitterly. Men! He was avoiding looking at her as if avoiding a disease. Just by that alone she knew that he was trying desperately to keep his temper under control.
'Hmmmm. should be fun to burst THAT swelling bubble, Irulan' the inner voice said softly. Irulan smiled to herself. 'And end up with an arrow sticking out my butt? I shall not end up like my master!' She barely kept herself from grinning.
***
On the 6th day of their departure everyone, especially the Hobbits, seemed to be tired of holding a grudge. Her stubbornness had finally won. Even Gimli and Boromir seemed to wish for a warmer atmosphere again. Aragorn kept his distance but she could not sense anger or dislike in him. He merely did not trust her, which was only understandable. Legolas of course was immortal and had no intention of letting go of a grudge that easily - he was planning probably DECADES of sulking.
"Tell me Irulan" said Gandalf during another rest. They were very close to the southern pass now, steadily climbing up and down he rocky and barren hills with the world around them fading into autumn. "The Black Knight goes back only a year or two. He was not heard of before that. Have you been hiding in an attic and working on your skills of sewing and stitching before that?"
Irulan laughed softly and looked up from the fire she was stirring. Sam was crouching next to her, waiting for her to finish so that he could begin with the cooking. "No" she said teasingly and kept adding wood.
She could feel the whole Fellowship listening to their conversation and very hard pretending not to. Even Legolas was amazingly obvious in his eaves dropping while he stood farther apart and gazed to the hills before them.
After a long string of minutes (which Irulan enjoyed with utmost pleasure) Gandalf sighed and gave in: "Well?"
"Well what, Gandalf?" said Irulan softly and left the fire to Sam.
The wizard bit on the stem of his pipe and rolled his eyes.
"Oh, what did I do during that time?" she asked innocently. "Hmmm.... let me see now.... If my memory does not fail me....It must be the years I was with.... the Darma Druids."
Gandalf's eyebrows shot up. Aragorn and Boromir looked at each other and even Legolas turned around to look at her.
"There are no Darma Druids" said Gimli sourly after a moment or two. Yet the expression on his face was unmistakably one that begged her to continue.
"Well if you say so, Master Gimli" she sighed and began collecting the empty water pouches. Gimli pursed his lips and muttered something (probably unpleasant) about the female gender under his breath.
"What is a Darma Druid?" asked Frodo. She really loved these hobbits. There was not a single bad bone in them. So innocent and pure!
"An ancient society, a guild of fierce warriors" said Gandalf slowly, looking at her with a penetrating gaze.
"They do not exist anymore!" broke in Gimli. "Probably never did. It is more a myth than a real society, young hobbit!"
Merry and Pippin moved in closer and sat facing her with wide grins on their faces. They very much looked like children dying to hear a bedtime story.
"Oh they exist, all right" she said chuckling.
"Many have set out to find them for hundreds of years now" Boromir added a bit reluctantly. But then spoke easier with the relief of having broken the wall. "None ever found them".
"Well. neither did I" replied Irulan, "but they found me". She had to bite her cheeks to keep from laughing out loud at the desperation of the men. They looked like they were trying to resist a very very bad itch. 'Too proud to beg' she thought and pretended to keep on looking for empty water pouches, ignoring their looks, 'Well they should know better! That's what pride does to you'.
Finally Boromir could not hold it any longer. "Do not tell me that a woman has succeeded in what the most skilled men failed to do" he said.
Irulan smiled and raised her eyebrows. "Exactly Boromir, and let me also say that I succeeded simply BECAUSE of that".
"Because you were a woman?" said Pippin incredulously.
Irulan nodded. "You have no idea what a woman can achieve once she puts her mind... and.... her body.. into it". And this time she actually had to turn her back to them, still pretending to look for pouches, for the horrified and confused expression on their faces was simply too much to bear. She brought her hand up to her mouth, and forced herself to swallow down the laugh that was mercilessly pushing its way up. Turning around and pretending to wipe her mouth she looked up at them with a 'what's-up-with- the-silence?' look. Which, with perfect timing, was followed by the '-oh-I- see' look. She counted five with their mouths hanging open and the rest blushing and looking away.
"Well...." she added softly and hesitated for a moment, then bit her lower lip and continued "how on earth do you think I managed to enter and leave Barad-Dur unharmed?"
That did it! Gandalf chocked on his pipe and Sam dropped the pan, then cursed and tried to save what he could. The rest were just staring at her like she had turned into a shrieking wyvern. And Irulan, wishing so much to keep up her serious and intimidating profile and yet being unable to resist the pull of nature any longer, exploded with laughter.
However, seeing 'the Black Knight who was actually a woman who turned out to be a princess' laughing after days without a single word, only added to the confusion and she had to laugh even harder as good ole' fear walked up and took the hand of terror in the souls and faces of the men before her. And behold, after a few minutes shame decides to join them! Irulan was trying to wipe away her tears when finally anger settled in and booted the others out.
"A witch you are, no doubt!" mumbled Gimli. Legolas had turned his back to her again but she had seen the reddish hue hitting his cheeks anyway. Aragorn was actually grinning and shaking his head. Then Frodo joined her, and Gandalf's deep booming laughter followed and before they knew it, all hobbits and eventually the rest of the company was laughing in the middle of nowhere. And it felt good to laugh, for it surged through the ice like warm, sweet water and melted it all away.
Finally Gandalf said "You are impossible!" with the dying embers of the shared moment.
Irulan grinned at him. "What can I say? I am a woman after all".
"I told you there were no Darma Druids" chuckled Gimli.
"Actually" said Irulan slowly, "I was not joking about that part". Once again all heads turned to her. But the ice was broken and they had no reason to hold back any longer.
"And YOU found them?" sad Aragorn with mild amazement.
"Like I said, it was more the other way around. But yes, eventually we ended up together."
"So what did you do?" said Gandalf.
Irulan slowly turned to him and gave him a confused look. "I learned from them, of course.. what else? They trained me" she said softly.
"You DID?" Boromir said incredulously. "You learned from the Darma Druids?"
"Yes.. as a matter of fact... I became one myself" she said. Another long silence that spoke of doubt.
"Why though" said Merry, "would they accept you when they 'refused' all the others?" with a tinge of suspicion.
"I told you already, because I am a woman" Irulan said matter-of-factly. She shrugged, "and so are they".
Legolas' head snapped around again.
"You mean.... you mean... the legendary Darma Druids... are.. a pack of WOMEN?"
"Yes indeed, Master Gimli, if you prefer to put it that way. That is why no man could find them. And how many women do you know who go out looking for them? Naturally, they became a myth and a children's story. Their number has diminished drastically of course. But I can tell you that there are more than you'd expect" she said.
"Amazing" said Aragorn softly and chuckled. "Who would have thought..?"
"Who indeed?" Gandalf added. "And where are they, these women warriors that possess the highest skill of combat man has known? They must be hiding somewhere, unless, of course you have sworn not to tell anybody....."
Irulan laughed softly. "Oh I can tell you easily enough, my friend" she said. Because there is no hiding place. They are everywhere. Spread over Middle Earth, in towns and villages, in cities and tribes".
"Darma Druids live AMONG us?" said Boromir in astonishment. After a moment he added "Well I certainly have never seen one"
"Are you sure?" mused Irulan.
"I trust that I am capable of detecting one if I see him... her, I mean" he said.
"Well, I don't recall you DETECTING a woman fighting under your very nose for quite a long time" she said. Boromir turned a deep red. Aragorn snickered and patted him on the shoulder.
"The truth is" said Irulan, not wishing to torture them any longer, "they look like any other woman. And they live like any other woman, too.." 'Excluding a few I happen to know, such as MYSELF' she thought with amusement, but decided not to raise that issue to their attention. "They have husbands, children, families... They run farms and cook. THAT is what protects them. You can never spot one unless you are one yourself. Which, in your case gentlemen" she added softly, "seems to be a rather.... how shall I put it... IMPOSSIBLE. So next time you walk into a town, dear sirs, you might want to act a little bit kinder to the female gender".
And with that, leaving a very brooding and uneasy company behind her (no doubt their brains were racing through all the times they had accidentally or on purpose stepped on the tail of a woman), she walked off to the nearby stream.
***
Irulan did not have to walk too long; she soon came upon the little ribbon of water that was gurgling downhill. She found a good spot to reach the water and slowly began to fill the pouches. Then she heard a crunch that seemed like the breaking of a thin branch behind her.
"What is it Legolas?" she said without turning around. It could not have been anybody else. She would have heard the others. He had probably stepped on the branch on purpose to let her know of his presence.
"Gandalf thinks we should not walk around alone" he said coldly.
"Is that so?" said Irulan and glanced back over her shoulder. "I am not sure if I want to turn my back on the Prince of Mirkwood these days". He looked directly at her then and she inwardly flinched at this gaze. 'Okay Irulan, right now would be a good time to shut up' she thought to herself.
"What did I do to earn this mistrust?" he hissed after a few moments.
Irulan grabbed the pouches and stood up to face him. "You look at me as if you wish to kill me" she said levelly and walked up to him.
"You obviously have an impressive talent in that area yourself. You don't need my help, princess" he said. Irulan stopped in mid-track. They stared at each other for a long time. 'He is sarcastic!' she thought, 'oddly,I don't remember that part.'
"It's not like I killed anybody else. Is my life not my own to do as I please?" she said slowly.
It seemed to be the perfect answer Legolas was expecting to hear. He took a step towards her and she could swear that she saw flames in his eyes. "That is so typically human!" he spat. "That is the selfish way your kind perceives everything around it. That is exactly what brings Middle Earth to its doom!"
She felt her eyes widening but remained in complete control other than that. "Are you blaming me for the end of Middle Earth?" she asked in a mocking but dark tone.
"Your kind, yes!" he hissed. "How can you say that? Do you have any idea what you did to the people around you? Your family never overcame that grief! Your friends were utterly heartbroken. I was..." he stopped and clenched his jaws. Then he slowly shook his head and looked away.
"I am so sorry" reeled Irulan at him and the anger was seeping through her velvet voice. "So sorry you ALL had to go through that, while I was obviously having the best time of my LIFE". She was ever so slightly panting now. She knew that she would have this or another similar conversation with Legolas sooner or later. And the bad part was, he had actually succeeded in making her feel guilty! She had no other choice! How could he be so blind! 'Note to self: elf or no, men are MEN!' she thought bitterly.
"Forgive me princess..." he said slowly, his eyes boring into hers, "It is obvious that I had misconceptions about you. You are nothing like the person I thought you were!"
Irulan moved even closer to him and cocked her head to look at him, "You know Legolas" she said with a cool voice, "it almost sounds as if you wished me to remain and marry Endor".
If an elf would have been slapped in the face, his expression would be exactly the one Irulan was looking at, right then. Legolas literally staggered back from the effect of the invisible blow. He looked at her one final time and then swiftly glided away on the rocks towards the camp. Irulan looked coldly after him. She had broken his heart. But then, he did not have one to begin with.