Hey everyone;
Some news and replies:
Spaceman - thank you for the criticism. I know that the language can change drastically in this story. I tried to write Irulan's part (her thoughts and feelings) more like I imagined her to think -which turned out to be a 'rougher' language- while Legolas certainly comes across as much finer, as do some of the dialogues in official circles etc. For instance, I can not imagine Legolas ever saying "darn", but I can not imagine Irulan forming a single coherent thought without it :)
Rachel, I know how much you want Boromir to live. But my dear friend and supporter, as much as I am capable of changing things, even I can not make a drastic change like that. Don't worry about the competition, Legolas will always have enough competition. But Boromir not dying would cause me some serious trouble with the story. But you've given me an interesting idea - maybe I will write a spin off with Boromir NOT dying, some day..sounds interesting to me.
As to both the title of the story and my name being Irulan..yes, that seems to disturb me as well more and more. First of all, my name is not Irulan. I picked it because of the heroine's name. But it sounds like I am writing a story about myself, which is certainly not true - I fancy having common characteristics with Irulan, but she has many differences as well. So I might end up changing the author's name in a while, in which case I'll let you know.
As for the updates...they were rather frequent up to this point. However, we might have some delays the upcoming week, for, alas, the call of the sea...er...real life...has become irresistible, mainly because of the bulk of stuff that's piled up there since I began to write the story!!
But I will keep updating anyway, because I am as curious about the whole thing as much as you are.
Everyone else - a BIG thank you!!! You know who you are. There are people who have been constantly reviewing almost each of my chapters from the very beginning and I am in gratitude for that. It really says a lot and I read each and every one with great interest and care...more than once, actually.
They caught up with the party in an hour, thanks to Legolas, whose elven eyes seemed to know no distance. The running felt good. It burned her muscles and her lungs and the pain made her forget the deeper pain in her heart. When they finally joined the others, once again she strayed away a little, isolating herself. As usual, everyone pretended not to notice. They were in a miserable shape themselves. Each was struggling with the long and tiresome walk to the echo of his own inner battle. Gandalf had played an irreplaceable role in the life of all members of this group, no matter how long or short their acquaintance might be, and left the same mark upon his departure. More than that, she could feel it in the air - they felt lost. There was a gloom on the party, as if they had already failed the quest. She tried not to give in to that lure of self-pity and desperation - after all, Gandalf's sacrifice should never be in vain. But in her heart, she was failing to find hope again.
"I know how you feel" said a voice beside her. Frodo was walking alongside her, apart from the others. His red eyes and his down beaten appearance told her only what she already suspected. Maybe she was wrong.....maybe she was more like Frodo than Aragorn or any other on the Fellowship.
Yet....she did not want to sound as desperate as she felt. She could not show her true feelings to this little creature, who seemed to be as sentimental as her, and had yet agreed to bear the task of the ringbearer. No other's burden was heavier. "So they dragged you out, too, huh?" she managed finally. Her voice came out hoarse but thankfully the sadness was missing from it.
Frodo looked up in surprise. "Yeah......" he said a few moments later. "Boromir did. I don't know where I would have been if he didn't." He seemed to be happily surprised by the change of subject.
"Boromir?" said Irulan and tried to put her heart into it, "aren't you lucky! I had to deal with two men who pinned me down and SAT on me!"
Frodo's eyes widened. "Well......you seemed to be a bit more....."
"Wild?"
Frodo smiled. 'Thank the heavens for that smile!' she thought. "What can I say? I'm a princess!" she said matter-of-factly. Frodo's smile deepened at that and she felt her heart warming up at his reaction.
"Frodo" she said after a minute of silence, "I think......I think everyone is eventually walking his or her own path. And sometimes.....sometimes even though we need to go our own ways and fulfill our own destinies, people grow so fond of each other, they don't want to part ever again. And that's when something or someone makes that necessary decision FOR us. Sometimes it's the stronger person..and sometimes it's fate. It always eventually turns out for the best" she said, not having the slightest clue what she was talking about.
Frodo, though, looked at her as if he did. He nodded slightly and together they slowly went back to the rest of the group, to a very anxiously waiting Sam.
'I shall grieve for you later Gandalf' she thought. 'I shall grieve for you later'.
***
It was a long walk to Lothlorien. And no matter how hard she tried, the monotonous and silent walking made her thoughts keep going back to that dreadful line of thought. 'I guess we should have stayed on that damn mountain after all' she thought ruefully. 'You can not know that he would not have died there either' said the voice in her head. 'Please...not the destiny monolog again!' thought Irulan with displeasure. 'What are you talking about? I meant Saruman and his avalanches, silly girl!' Great! Along with all its appalling faculties, the voice in her head seemed to have gained the talent of making her feel stupid, as well! Alas, when this quest was over, she should just go ahead and throw herself into Mount Doom along with that ring. Better that, than running around as the distorted moronic creature she was becoming.
She glanced at Legolas, who was walking close by, in a dreamy state. 'I have no idea who this elf is' she thought all of a sudden. 'Every time just when I think I have figured him out, he turns around and looks at me and it is a completely different Legolas, and once more the painful process of trying to understand him begins. I wonder if elves can be understood the way humans can. Maybe..maybe they are not created to be understood like that at all'. She shook her head gently. 'Not to mention that I am making a complete fool out of myself every time he is around. He is the only one who always manages to make me feel inexperienced and childish. Maybe he has that effect on everyone..after all..compared to him we ARE all just children. But what if elves do not age and mature the way we do? We keep thinking of them like HUMANS who happen to be thousands of years old. But maybe it is not like that at all..'
"Irulan..." - Boromir's voice almost made her jump. He looked like he was half expecting that jump. "I am sorry. You looked in deep thought. But I wanted to talk to you".
"No problem, Boromir. What is it?" she said softly.
They walked in silence side by side for a few moments, softly crushing the long and withered grass underneath their heels, instinctively falling behind to feel comfortable with a private conversation. "How are you feeling?" he added then reluctantly.
"Better than I normally would be under the circumstances, I guess" she said, hoping that it made sense. Nothing she said today made sense to her, but everybody else seemed to understand. Or maybe their minds were somewhere else too, and they were not really listening.
Boromir nodded silently. Again a silence prevailed. Irulan turned and looked at him. He seemed to look very tired. His hair was in disarray, his clothes rumpled and dirty, he had bags under his eyes. But she had seen him like this often enough. There was a tiredness to him that had not been there before. As if he was going through some other struggle that was depleting him day by day. 'Give him a break, Irulan' she thought, 'this quest is not easy for anyone'.
"You look terrible, Boromir" she said with a hint of amusement.
He did not hear that tinge in her voice though. He looked into the distance with a very grave expression on his face. "I feel terrible, too".
"What is it?" said Irulan softly, all of a sudden aware of the gravity of the situation. "You know you can tell me."
He looked at her then and she could not remember anyone looking at her with that much trust, admiration and love. The twinkle that had been there for some time now was gone -at least for now- and she could feel him reaching to her with something she could only describe as true and sincere friendship "I know" he said softly.
Another silence followed. Irulan did not want to push him. She decided to remain silent and wait, in case he felt like sharing. Twilight was falling slowly. Although they were walking through trees, the woods of Lothlorien were yet a good distance away. They would not make it until the next day. But they were quite far from Moria now. She doubted that they would encounter orcs here, where they had no place to hide from the bright daylight.
"Do you think about the ring?" Boromir suddenly said. She had been so lost in her own thoughts once more; she barely kept herself from jumping again.
"The Ring of Power?" she asked, merely to buy some time.
Boromir nodded gravely. Irulan sighed and thought about what to say. "Of course I do" she said slowly. "I don't think there's anybody who doesn't, these days. Starting with you-know-who in Mordor" she said, smiling. This whole issue about the ring made her uneasy. 'Because you are afraid to be tempted yourself' the voice hissed in her. 'Whatever' she shot back.
Boromir smiled too. 'I think about it too. I think about it a lot" he said. "And the more I think about it..the more I think that I made a mistake in joining this fellowship".
Irulan was surprised. She quickly glanced around to see if anybody else was close enough to hear the conversation. She did not want Boromir's feelings so openly exposed to another member of the fellowship right now. Everybody was walking on the edge of a blade as it was, and they certainly did not need yet another reason to be uneasy around each other. After she became satisfied that no one seemed to pay any attention and that they had put a good enough distance between themselves and the rest of the group, she turned back to Boromir.
"Why do you say that my friend?" she said softly.
"Irulan" he said painfully, "I FEEL it. I feel its pull. There are days when I can not think about anything else but what I could do with it. I could save Gondor..I could save whole Middle Earth! All this." he waved his hand, roughly including the rest of the party, "...all this pain, this loss..." -he briefly glanced at her and she knew he meant Gandalf- "....seems unnecessary at times like that".
She waited another moment and then said "But?"
"But..but even though a part of me desires this with a terrible force, another part in me knows it's WRONG. I fear that there is a battle in me that is fiercer than any battle I have fought in this world. I fear...I fear that I can not win it. Worse, I don't know if I really want to" he said finally.
"Don't say that Boromir" Irulan said and she felt her heart sink at his pain. This was no ordinary man. This man was carrying the burden of a kingdom under constant threat on his shoulders and she had not once heard him wince with the pain of that responsibility. Now seeing him like this -broken in spirit and heart- made her feel oddly afraid.
"Look at me" she said and stopped walking. Boromir, taken by surprise, stopped too and looked at her. It was getting dark fast, but their outlines were easy enough to see. "You are one of the bravest men I have ever met. I am proud to have met you, to have fought by your side. And no matter how this ends, I am honored for all the chances I had to put my life in danger alongside with you. You are a king, Boromir. A king of man" she said. He opened his mouth but she stopped him.
"No, I'm not finished. You have to remember though, even kings have moments of weakness. We are humans, Boromir. Weakness is a part of our spirit, whether we like it or not. It is what makes us fall, yes, but how can we ever get up, dust ourselves and keep on walking and become stronger for doing so if we never fall?" -'I hope Legolas doesn't hear me saying this' she thought. 'No doubt he would have his precious two cents to add to it'- "Do not be afraid of falling as long as you have friends with you" she said and placed her hand on his shoulder.
Boromir said nothing. He was looking at her with and intense look, she could feel that, but she could not see his eyes in the dark. 'Let us just hope that he gets the message' she thought. An uneasy silence settled in and she slowly took back her arm from his shoulder and clenched her hands behind her back. She would have moved back a step if that wouldn't have been a too obvious act of discomfort. 'Say something, stupid man!' she thought nervously.
"Irulan..." said Boromir finally and she ignored the husky tone his voice had when he said her name, "do you know the only time I am not thinking about that damn ring?"
She did not answer. "When I am thinking of you" he said softly.
Irulan closed her eyes. 'I knew this was going to happen!' she thought bitterly. 'There goes the Black Knight FOREVER!'
To her utter horror Boromir moved closer to her and she was so stupefied by the whole situation, that she couldn't step back now when she most certainly needed to.
"Irulan! Boromir!" came Legolas' voice at that instant and she could not remember if she ever had been happier to hear it. Boromir quickly drew back as Legolas emerged from the darkness and walked up to them. He looked from one to the other and then added "Aragorn has chosen a spot to camp for tonight. He does not want us to stray too far from it".
The three stood silently for a few moments. 'Now from where do I remember this moment?' she thought all of a sudden. There was something very familiar about the whole situation, but she could not put her finger on it.
"It's in that direction" Legolas pointed ahead, slightly towards their left, all the time his eyes never leaving Boromir. Boromir refused to move for another moment, and then reluctantly began walking that way. Soon enough his silhouette disappeared in the settling darkness.
Irulan looked up to see Legolas looking her directly in the eye.
"What?" she said defiantly. 'People should be banned for looking like that' she thought with unease.
Legolas did not answer immediately. "What were you talking about?" he asked slowly.
"Oh so you were not eavesdropping this time?" she said almost sarcastically. 'Curb it Irulan! This elf saved your life today..probably your soul too' she heard the voice in her head.
Her words had no effect on him, though. He gave no reaction whatsoever. "I can not tell you" she finally said with a tired sigh.
"Why not?" he shot back coldly.
"Because it is confidential" she said and crossed her arms in front of her. 'Since when do I have to report to the Prince of Mirkwood?' she thought, annoyed now.
"Confidential" he whispered, rolling the word in his mouth very slowly, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Yes. But I can tell you this much, it did not involve you, you paranoid elf" she said, hoping that he would stop being so serious.
His eyebrows shot up at that. 'Damn. I hate it when I make an attempt for a joke and it is slapped away like that!'
"Legolas..do you have a confession to make as well? Because I am getting rather good at this" she said with impatience.
"A confession?" whispered Legolas, and his face seemed to pale slightly. But it could easily have been just the trick of the moonlight.
'Irulan, you have the BIGGEST mouth in MIDDLE EARTH!' she thought and felt like slapping herself in the face. That would make the situation look even weirder, though. "Yes" she said, trying to sound as normal as she could, "Boromir had something on his heart that he wanted to share with me. Maybe you do too?" she said, matter-of-factly.
Legolas looked away. Damn, it was too dark; she could not read his expression. 'Like you can when it is bright daylight!' snorted the voice. He seemed to be sad...and oddly...angry. She quickly thought back about the conversation they were having and tried to remember if she had said something that might have hurt him.
"Legolas...what is it?" she said a moment later. 'Please do not change on me again! I am so sick and tired of this! It is making me crazy!' she thought pleadingly. And without thinking about it, she reached out and put her hand on his cheek, softly turning his face to her. As soon as she touched him, however, she realized that it was the biggest mistake ever. He slightly jumped at her touch, and to her own very surprise, so did she. Irulan quickly took two steps back and at this point, did not give a damn about how ridiculous that looked. She didn't look up, but she could nevertheless feel his eyes on her.
'These men are driving me crazy!' she thought in utter desperation. 'The longer I stay with them, the more I lose control. It took me years to build up that control and now I am acting very much like some little girl again!' She swallowed softly and prepared herself to walk towards the camp, leaving Legolas behind, but he spoke up at that moment and she felt herself rooted to where she was standing.
"The last time you did that" he said slowly, "was years ago. I remember very well. Do you?"
Despite her nervousness, Irulan chuckled at the memory. "Yes...I guess I keep grabbing you without really thinking about my actions" she said, vividly remembering how they had met five years ago, when she had decided to lay a hand on his shoulder out of the blue. There was an eerie silence and once again she desperately felt the desire to turn around and run to the camp.
"I thought about that moment many times" he said, and again she was forced to remain. She could hear the chirping of crickets now and saw the soft light of a rising moon flowing very slowly like milk over the darkness.
"I am sorry that I did not tell you" she said suddenly. He did not answer, so she went on. "I wanted to, I really did...but I was afraid that you would come after me". There, she had said it! Although she would not admit it to herself for the longest time, she had been wishing for another chance to meet Legolas once more - even if it would be only long enough for her to say how sorry she was that she had not revealed the truth about her 'death' to him before. And yet, so many things happened since she was finally granted that wish, that she had not found it in her heart to say the words to him. His awful attitude in the beginning hadn't been very helpful, either. But now that she had uttered that sentence gnawing at her conscience since the very night she rode off the Valley of Bones, she felt a piece of heaviness lifting from her heart.
As usual, she did not hear Legolas approach, but all of a sudden he was standing before her, with all his regal beauty. In the growing moonlight, he seemed to be even more striking. Irulan understood then that the world would never be the same without the elves. 'Middle Earth will weep at the parting of something so beautiful' she thought. 'I hope I will not live to see those days'.
"You were right" he said, "I would have come after you".
A long moment passed and neither moved. Irulan was pretty sure that Legolas could hear her stupid heart beating like crazy when he was standing so close to her and she felt a wave of utter uneasiness and discomfort hitting her. She carefully avoided looking at him, afraid that she would not be able to look away and something very, very dangerous would happen. Her memory was sharp enough when it came to remembering the few but unforgettable days she had spent with this particular elf.
"I think we should go back now" Legolas said, to her surprise. He sounded very unhappy about saying it, but at least he had managed to. Irulan did not think that she would have been able to form a single coherent sentence at that moment. She exhaled softly.
"Yes, I think we should. Otherwise Aragorn will soon come looking". After a moment she added "I would not want to be dragged away by the two of you again", sarcasm ever so slightly creeping back to her voice.
Legolas chuckled lightly and she finally found the courage to look up at him. He had a mischievous smile on his face and stood with his hands clasped behind his back. Realizing that the odd tension had disappeared, Irulan rolled her eyes and shook her head somewhat with relief.
"To think that it took a ranger and an elf to drag out a mere woman!" Legolas said and began walking along with her towards the camp that was easy to see make out now by the dull glow of a small fire.
"Mere woman?!" yelped Irulan.
"Oh my apologies..did I say 'woman'?"
"Just exactly how much longer are you planning to bring up that incident?" she sighed with despair.
"Honestly, I had something like 'all eternity' in mind".
"One of these days, Legolas..." began Irulan and her voice faded into the night as the two figures slowly merged with the soft darkness around them.
Some news and replies:
Spaceman - thank you for the criticism. I know that the language can change drastically in this story. I tried to write Irulan's part (her thoughts and feelings) more like I imagined her to think -which turned out to be a 'rougher' language- while Legolas certainly comes across as much finer, as do some of the dialogues in official circles etc. For instance, I can not imagine Legolas ever saying "darn", but I can not imagine Irulan forming a single coherent thought without it :)
Rachel, I know how much you want Boromir to live. But my dear friend and supporter, as much as I am capable of changing things, even I can not make a drastic change like that. Don't worry about the competition, Legolas will always have enough competition. But Boromir not dying would cause me some serious trouble with the story. But you've given me an interesting idea - maybe I will write a spin off with Boromir NOT dying, some day..sounds interesting to me.
As to both the title of the story and my name being Irulan..yes, that seems to disturb me as well more and more. First of all, my name is not Irulan. I picked it because of the heroine's name. But it sounds like I am writing a story about myself, which is certainly not true - I fancy having common characteristics with Irulan, but she has many differences as well. So I might end up changing the author's name in a while, in which case I'll let you know.
As for the updates...they were rather frequent up to this point. However, we might have some delays the upcoming week, for, alas, the call of the sea...er...real life...has become irresistible, mainly because of the bulk of stuff that's piled up there since I began to write the story!!
But I will keep updating anyway, because I am as curious about the whole thing as much as you are.
Everyone else - a BIG thank you!!! You know who you are. There are people who have been constantly reviewing almost each of my chapters from the very beginning and I am in gratitude for that. It really says a lot and I read each and every one with great interest and care...more than once, actually.
They caught up with the party in an hour, thanks to Legolas, whose elven eyes seemed to know no distance. The running felt good. It burned her muscles and her lungs and the pain made her forget the deeper pain in her heart. When they finally joined the others, once again she strayed away a little, isolating herself. As usual, everyone pretended not to notice. They were in a miserable shape themselves. Each was struggling with the long and tiresome walk to the echo of his own inner battle. Gandalf had played an irreplaceable role in the life of all members of this group, no matter how long or short their acquaintance might be, and left the same mark upon his departure. More than that, she could feel it in the air - they felt lost. There was a gloom on the party, as if they had already failed the quest. She tried not to give in to that lure of self-pity and desperation - after all, Gandalf's sacrifice should never be in vain. But in her heart, she was failing to find hope again.
"I know how you feel" said a voice beside her. Frodo was walking alongside her, apart from the others. His red eyes and his down beaten appearance told her only what she already suspected. Maybe she was wrong.....maybe she was more like Frodo than Aragorn or any other on the Fellowship.
Yet....she did not want to sound as desperate as she felt. She could not show her true feelings to this little creature, who seemed to be as sentimental as her, and had yet agreed to bear the task of the ringbearer. No other's burden was heavier. "So they dragged you out, too, huh?" she managed finally. Her voice came out hoarse but thankfully the sadness was missing from it.
Frodo looked up in surprise. "Yeah......" he said a few moments later. "Boromir did. I don't know where I would have been if he didn't." He seemed to be happily surprised by the change of subject.
"Boromir?" said Irulan and tried to put her heart into it, "aren't you lucky! I had to deal with two men who pinned me down and SAT on me!"
Frodo's eyes widened. "Well......you seemed to be a bit more....."
"Wild?"
Frodo smiled. 'Thank the heavens for that smile!' she thought. "What can I say? I'm a princess!" she said matter-of-factly. Frodo's smile deepened at that and she felt her heart warming up at his reaction.
"Frodo" she said after a minute of silence, "I think......I think everyone is eventually walking his or her own path. And sometimes.....sometimes even though we need to go our own ways and fulfill our own destinies, people grow so fond of each other, they don't want to part ever again. And that's when something or someone makes that necessary decision FOR us. Sometimes it's the stronger person..and sometimes it's fate. It always eventually turns out for the best" she said, not having the slightest clue what she was talking about.
Frodo, though, looked at her as if he did. He nodded slightly and together they slowly went back to the rest of the group, to a very anxiously waiting Sam.
'I shall grieve for you later Gandalf' she thought. 'I shall grieve for you later'.
***
It was a long walk to Lothlorien. And no matter how hard she tried, the monotonous and silent walking made her thoughts keep going back to that dreadful line of thought. 'I guess we should have stayed on that damn mountain after all' she thought ruefully. 'You can not know that he would not have died there either' said the voice in her head. 'Please...not the destiny monolog again!' thought Irulan with displeasure. 'What are you talking about? I meant Saruman and his avalanches, silly girl!' Great! Along with all its appalling faculties, the voice in her head seemed to have gained the talent of making her feel stupid, as well! Alas, when this quest was over, she should just go ahead and throw herself into Mount Doom along with that ring. Better that, than running around as the distorted moronic creature she was becoming.
She glanced at Legolas, who was walking close by, in a dreamy state. 'I have no idea who this elf is' she thought all of a sudden. 'Every time just when I think I have figured him out, he turns around and looks at me and it is a completely different Legolas, and once more the painful process of trying to understand him begins. I wonder if elves can be understood the way humans can. Maybe..maybe they are not created to be understood like that at all'. She shook her head gently. 'Not to mention that I am making a complete fool out of myself every time he is around. He is the only one who always manages to make me feel inexperienced and childish. Maybe he has that effect on everyone..after all..compared to him we ARE all just children. But what if elves do not age and mature the way we do? We keep thinking of them like HUMANS who happen to be thousands of years old. But maybe it is not like that at all..'
"Irulan..." - Boromir's voice almost made her jump. He looked like he was half expecting that jump. "I am sorry. You looked in deep thought. But I wanted to talk to you".
"No problem, Boromir. What is it?" she said softly.
They walked in silence side by side for a few moments, softly crushing the long and withered grass underneath their heels, instinctively falling behind to feel comfortable with a private conversation. "How are you feeling?" he added then reluctantly.
"Better than I normally would be under the circumstances, I guess" she said, hoping that it made sense. Nothing she said today made sense to her, but everybody else seemed to understand. Or maybe their minds were somewhere else too, and they were not really listening.
Boromir nodded silently. Again a silence prevailed. Irulan turned and looked at him. He seemed to look very tired. His hair was in disarray, his clothes rumpled and dirty, he had bags under his eyes. But she had seen him like this often enough. There was a tiredness to him that had not been there before. As if he was going through some other struggle that was depleting him day by day. 'Give him a break, Irulan' she thought, 'this quest is not easy for anyone'.
"You look terrible, Boromir" she said with a hint of amusement.
He did not hear that tinge in her voice though. He looked into the distance with a very grave expression on his face. "I feel terrible, too".
"What is it?" said Irulan softly, all of a sudden aware of the gravity of the situation. "You know you can tell me."
He looked at her then and she could not remember anyone looking at her with that much trust, admiration and love. The twinkle that had been there for some time now was gone -at least for now- and she could feel him reaching to her with something she could only describe as true and sincere friendship "I know" he said softly.
Another silence followed. Irulan did not want to push him. She decided to remain silent and wait, in case he felt like sharing. Twilight was falling slowly. Although they were walking through trees, the woods of Lothlorien were yet a good distance away. They would not make it until the next day. But they were quite far from Moria now. She doubted that they would encounter orcs here, where they had no place to hide from the bright daylight.
"Do you think about the ring?" Boromir suddenly said. She had been so lost in her own thoughts once more; she barely kept herself from jumping again.
"The Ring of Power?" she asked, merely to buy some time.
Boromir nodded gravely. Irulan sighed and thought about what to say. "Of course I do" she said slowly. "I don't think there's anybody who doesn't, these days. Starting with you-know-who in Mordor" she said, smiling. This whole issue about the ring made her uneasy. 'Because you are afraid to be tempted yourself' the voice hissed in her. 'Whatever' she shot back.
Boromir smiled too. 'I think about it too. I think about it a lot" he said. "And the more I think about it..the more I think that I made a mistake in joining this fellowship".
Irulan was surprised. She quickly glanced around to see if anybody else was close enough to hear the conversation. She did not want Boromir's feelings so openly exposed to another member of the fellowship right now. Everybody was walking on the edge of a blade as it was, and they certainly did not need yet another reason to be uneasy around each other. After she became satisfied that no one seemed to pay any attention and that they had put a good enough distance between themselves and the rest of the group, she turned back to Boromir.
"Why do you say that my friend?" she said softly.
"Irulan" he said painfully, "I FEEL it. I feel its pull. There are days when I can not think about anything else but what I could do with it. I could save Gondor..I could save whole Middle Earth! All this." he waved his hand, roughly including the rest of the party, "...all this pain, this loss..." -he briefly glanced at her and she knew he meant Gandalf- "....seems unnecessary at times like that".
She waited another moment and then said "But?"
"But..but even though a part of me desires this with a terrible force, another part in me knows it's WRONG. I fear that there is a battle in me that is fiercer than any battle I have fought in this world. I fear...I fear that I can not win it. Worse, I don't know if I really want to" he said finally.
"Don't say that Boromir" Irulan said and she felt her heart sink at his pain. This was no ordinary man. This man was carrying the burden of a kingdom under constant threat on his shoulders and she had not once heard him wince with the pain of that responsibility. Now seeing him like this -broken in spirit and heart- made her feel oddly afraid.
"Look at me" she said and stopped walking. Boromir, taken by surprise, stopped too and looked at her. It was getting dark fast, but their outlines were easy enough to see. "You are one of the bravest men I have ever met. I am proud to have met you, to have fought by your side. And no matter how this ends, I am honored for all the chances I had to put my life in danger alongside with you. You are a king, Boromir. A king of man" she said. He opened his mouth but she stopped him.
"No, I'm not finished. You have to remember though, even kings have moments of weakness. We are humans, Boromir. Weakness is a part of our spirit, whether we like it or not. It is what makes us fall, yes, but how can we ever get up, dust ourselves and keep on walking and become stronger for doing so if we never fall?" -'I hope Legolas doesn't hear me saying this' she thought. 'No doubt he would have his precious two cents to add to it'- "Do not be afraid of falling as long as you have friends with you" she said and placed her hand on his shoulder.
Boromir said nothing. He was looking at her with and intense look, she could feel that, but she could not see his eyes in the dark. 'Let us just hope that he gets the message' she thought. An uneasy silence settled in and she slowly took back her arm from his shoulder and clenched her hands behind her back. She would have moved back a step if that wouldn't have been a too obvious act of discomfort. 'Say something, stupid man!' she thought nervously.
"Irulan..." said Boromir finally and she ignored the husky tone his voice had when he said her name, "do you know the only time I am not thinking about that damn ring?"
She did not answer. "When I am thinking of you" he said softly.
Irulan closed her eyes. 'I knew this was going to happen!' she thought bitterly. 'There goes the Black Knight FOREVER!'
To her utter horror Boromir moved closer to her and she was so stupefied by the whole situation, that she couldn't step back now when she most certainly needed to.
"Irulan! Boromir!" came Legolas' voice at that instant and she could not remember if she ever had been happier to hear it. Boromir quickly drew back as Legolas emerged from the darkness and walked up to them. He looked from one to the other and then added "Aragorn has chosen a spot to camp for tonight. He does not want us to stray too far from it".
The three stood silently for a few moments. 'Now from where do I remember this moment?' she thought all of a sudden. There was something very familiar about the whole situation, but she could not put her finger on it.
"It's in that direction" Legolas pointed ahead, slightly towards their left, all the time his eyes never leaving Boromir. Boromir refused to move for another moment, and then reluctantly began walking that way. Soon enough his silhouette disappeared in the settling darkness.
Irulan looked up to see Legolas looking her directly in the eye.
"What?" she said defiantly. 'People should be banned for looking like that' she thought with unease.
Legolas did not answer immediately. "What were you talking about?" he asked slowly.
"Oh so you were not eavesdropping this time?" she said almost sarcastically. 'Curb it Irulan! This elf saved your life today..probably your soul too' she heard the voice in her head.
Her words had no effect on him, though. He gave no reaction whatsoever. "I can not tell you" she finally said with a tired sigh.
"Why not?" he shot back coldly.
"Because it is confidential" she said and crossed her arms in front of her. 'Since when do I have to report to the Prince of Mirkwood?' she thought, annoyed now.
"Confidential" he whispered, rolling the word in his mouth very slowly, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Yes. But I can tell you this much, it did not involve you, you paranoid elf" she said, hoping that he would stop being so serious.
His eyebrows shot up at that. 'Damn. I hate it when I make an attempt for a joke and it is slapped away like that!'
"Legolas..do you have a confession to make as well? Because I am getting rather good at this" she said with impatience.
"A confession?" whispered Legolas, and his face seemed to pale slightly. But it could easily have been just the trick of the moonlight.
'Irulan, you have the BIGGEST mouth in MIDDLE EARTH!' she thought and felt like slapping herself in the face. That would make the situation look even weirder, though. "Yes" she said, trying to sound as normal as she could, "Boromir had something on his heart that he wanted to share with me. Maybe you do too?" she said, matter-of-factly.
Legolas looked away. Damn, it was too dark; she could not read his expression. 'Like you can when it is bright daylight!' snorted the voice. He seemed to be sad...and oddly...angry. She quickly thought back about the conversation they were having and tried to remember if she had said something that might have hurt him.
"Legolas...what is it?" she said a moment later. 'Please do not change on me again! I am so sick and tired of this! It is making me crazy!' she thought pleadingly. And without thinking about it, she reached out and put her hand on his cheek, softly turning his face to her. As soon as she touched him, however, she realized that it was the biggest mistake ever. He slightly jumped at her touch, and to her own very surprise, so did she. Irulan quickly took two steps back and at this point, did not give a damn about how ridiculous that looked. She didn't look up, but she could nevertheless feel his eyes on her.
'These men are driving me crazy!' she thought in utter desperation. 'The longer I stay with them, the more I lose control. It took me years to build up that control and now I am acting very much like some little girl again!' She swallowed softly and prepared herself to walk towards the camp, leaving Legolas behind, but he spoke up at that moment and she felt herself rooted to where she was standing.
"The last time you did that" he said slowly, "was years ago. I remember very well. Do you?"
Despite her nervousness, Irulan chuckled at the memory. "Yes...I guess I keep grabbing you without really thinking about my actions" she said, vividly remembering how they had met five years ago, when she had decided to lay a hand on his shoulder out of the blue. There was an eerie silence and once again she desperately felt the desire to turn around and run to the camp.
"I thought about that moment many times" he said, and again she was forced to remain. She could hear the chirping of crickets now and saw the soft light of a rising moon flowing very slowly like milk over the darkness.
"I am sorry that I did not tell you" she said suddenly. He did not answer, so she went on. "I wanted to, I really did...but I was afraid that you would come after me". There, she had said it! Although she would not admit it to herself for the longest time, she had been wishing for another chance to meet Legolas once more - even if it would be only long enough for her to say how sorry she was that she had not revealed the truth about her 'death' to him before. And yet, so many things happened since she was finally granted that wish, that she had not found it in her heart to say the words to him. His awful attitude in the beginning hadn't been very helpful, either. But now that she had uttered that sentence gnawing at her conscience since the very night she rode off the Valley of Bones, she felt a piece of heaviness lifting from her heart.
As usual, she did not hear Legolas approach, but all of a sudden he was standing before her, with all his regal beauty. In the growing moonlight, he seemed to be even more striking. Irulan understood then that the world would never be the same without the elves. 'Middle Earth will weep at the parting of something so beautiful' she thought. 'I hope I will not live to see those days'.
"You were right" he said, "I would have come after you".
A long moment passed and neither moved. Irulan was pretty sure that Legolas could hear her stupid heart beating like crazy when he was standing so close to her and she felt a wave of utter uneasiness and discomfort hitting her. She carefully avoided looking at him, afraid that she would not be able to look away and something very, very dangerous would happen. Her memory was sharp enough when it came to remembering the few but unforgettable days she had spent with this particular elf.
"I think we should go back now" Legolas said, to her surprise. He sounded very unhappy about saying it, but at least he had managed to. Irulan did not think that she would have been able to form a single coherent sentence at that moment. She exhaled softly.
"Yes, I think we should. Otherwise Aragorn will soon come looking". After a moment she added "I would not want to be dragged away by the two of you again", sarcasm ever so slightly creeping back to her voice.
Legolas chuckled lightly and she finally found the courage to look up at him. He had a mischievous smile on his face and stood with his hands clasped behind his back. Realizing that the odd tension had disappeared, Irulan rolled her eyes and shook her head somewhat with relief.
"To think that it took a ranger and an elf to drag out a mere woman!" Legolas said and began walking along with her towards the camp that was easy to see make out now by the dull glow of a small fire.
"Mere woman?!" yelped Irulan.
"Oh my apologies..did I say 'woman'?"
"Just exactly how much longer are you planning to bring up that incident?" she sighed with despair.
"Honestly, I had something like 'all eternity' in mind".
"One of these days, Legolas..." began Irulan and her voice faded into the night as the two figures slowly merged with the soft darkness around them.