Alas, stop with the reviews! They make me go on writing! I swear, I am
putting my pen -ahem, laptop- aside and grin with the satisfaction that I
will just stop for a while now, but then the reviews come rolling in and my
fingers itch and the wheels in my brain creak and before I know it, the
next chapter is up!
Some notes:
Dear Sharon and the many others who asked: I don't know if braiding is really that intimate for the elves. Tolkien did not write too much about the customs and daily lives of the elves, so I feel like he gave us freedom to elaborate. Frankly, for such a civilized and reserved kind -as I imagine them to be- I expect the sense of touch to be very intimate indeed. For anyone who has difficulty in understanding - imagine Legolas sitting behind you and braiding your hair. Your answer is right there.
Scene Eleven and Sharon - thank you for the unbelievable compliments. Yes, the Darma Druids are my invention. Tolkien was not sick enough to think of those. More about them will come up in the next chapters.
I am very glad that some think the first 13 chapters concerning Irulan alone were so good. I was afraid they would appear unrelated and boring. I keep going back in between, revising and checking on those to refer to them. Many of the conversations and thoughts appearing in recent chapters can be found back there and I think it just makes the story complete and adds sweet details.
And as to the rest of you! Tara, kirjava, strawberryblonde, throwachick, kiki, lucy and many others (forgive me if I don't mention your name here, but believe me I read each and every review with utmost interest and gratitude, and often more than once) - I already feel like you are in the same boat with me here and we have embarked on this journey together. Some of us want romance, others humor, yet others action - I fear that Irulan will decide what we'll get.
The chapter below is the longest I have written yet. I thought about dividing it into two for a while, but it would be dry then. Besides, this story is becoming too long without it anyway.
"Are you planning to sulk forever Irulan?" sounded Gimli's voice from behind her. Irulan did not look around. She just kept on moving the necessary bags from the boats to the camp for the night. It was almost dark now and paddling down a fast river such as the Anduin in the dark was not a very bright idea. She picked up one of the many bundles of brown cloth and realizing how light they were, decided to peer inside to see what it contained. It looked like......some sort of bread wrapped in a rather large leaf. 'Could it be?......' she thought.
"Lembas bread," said Legolas. As usual, she had not heard him coming to stand beside her, peering over her shoulder.
"I know what it is," she said coldly and turned around to carry the bundles back to the camp, only he was blocking her way. So she tried to move around him, but he was faster of course and blocked her. She tried to move around him the other way and he blocked her again. Irulan looked up to see him smiling down at her. He crossed his arms on his chest then and said: "I think she is planning to sulk forever indeed, Gimli."
'The common goal of tormenting me has united two enemy races!' she thought annoyed. 'Alas, Middle Earth will never know my true value!'
"Give the girl some space, Legolas," Aragorn chuckled from a distance. He had finished lighting the fire and was coming towards them now, leaving the fire to the hobbits.
"Come on Irulan, we were just joking," said Boromir. He was unpacking one of his bags.
"Ah shut up the lot of you!" she said with a growl. "Grow up already!" She moved around Legolas and walked up to the camp.
"We promise to grow up if you promise to stop sulking," Boromir said.
"I am not sulking."
Irulan was busy nibbling on the famous elvish waybread with delight. It tasted both rich and oddly light. It had a secret recipe, now reserved to the Lorien elves, and was not known to many others. 'I never thought I would get the chance to eat this,' she thought happily.
Aragorn chuckled. "Well if we knew you liked Haldir that much......."
"Master Aragorn," she said, waving the bread in his direction, "of all these men, I thought you were the most mature. But, unfortunately my theory concerning the age of men holds." She waited another moment, but then began to chuckle. "Alright you guys. I was never good at holding a grudge. But-" she said and smiled slyly, "I was always good with vengeance."
"That's the Irulan I know!" said Boromir. "I knew that Haldir was not your type anyway."
Irulan very slowly turned around to look at him. "Oh?" she said slowly and looked at him for a moment too long before she returned to nibbling on the bread. A silence settled in and she heard the hobbits discussing the various ways of drinking beer. Frodo was not joining them. He seemed to be oddly silent since Lothlorien and kept apart from everyone. "I should ask him if he feels alright sometime soon," she thought to herself.
"Don't tell me you liked him!" Boromir pressed on, unhappy with not getting a reply.
"As a matter of fact.....I thought he was quite attractive," she said slowly, still not looking up from her meal.
"Hah!" said Gimli and looked like he was desperately thinking about something else to say on the matter, but obviously found nothing else and just yelled "Hah!" again. Him and Aragorn exchanged glances.
"And you would let him braid your hair? I mean......knowing what that meant?" Boromir pressed on, now openly disturbed by her cool attitude.
Irulan sighed and rolled her eyes "Can we drop this issue?"
"I'm just asking, you know" Boromir said with a voice a bit too serious for an idle question.
"Well if you must know, I find this whole 'hair braiding' issue ridiculous. If the elf here," she said and glared at Legolas who was leaning on a large boulder, further towards he water, "had not brought it up, I doubt that any of us would feel like that about a braid. I think Haldir was just being nice and there is nothing more to it. And I certainly am old enough not to get carried away by an act like that. I only wish I could say that for the rest of the company here!"
Another silence. "Oh.......yes......sure," said Boromir, but he sounded anything but sure.
Gimli cleared his throat and, shooting another unreadable look at Aragorn, said "Irulan, you can at least TRY to lie better."
"I'm not lying, you dwarf!' she protested with disbelief.
Aragon snickered and looked away. "What? Why would I lie about this?" said Irulan.
"Why would she?" added Boromir, sounding both irritated and protective of her.
"Alright. Prove it," said Gimli.
Irulan looked at him and then at Aragorn and then back. "PROVE it?" She laughed softly. "Indeed!"
"I told you Master Gimli," said Aragorn, completely ignoring her.
"And you were right indeed!" said Gimli, resuming his eating.
"Ah don't be ridiculous! How on earth can I prove that? Why would I anyway?" she said.
"Why indeed?" said Boromir, looking at them with narrowed eyes.
"Cause she is lying, that's why!" replied Gimli.
"Alright, that does it!" said Irulan and although a little voice in her head kept chirping about another trap, she would just damn ignore it this time. She jumped up and almost ripping off the hairpin from her hair, stomped over to Gimli. "Here. Take it and braid my hair, then put it on. If you have the NERVE that is, you dwarf!" she hissed. Gimli just looked up at her with mild surprise. "Go ahead!" she said, "I sure don't mind at all."
"Don't be silly woman! Do I look like someone who can braid hair?" he mumbled and turned away with disinterest.
"Very well," said Irulan and walked over to an Aragorn who looked like he was thinking very hard to find an excuse but was failing badly at it. "She pushed the jewel up to his nose. "Master Aragorn, will you do me the honor?" she said in a velvet voice. Aragorn literally gulped and held up both his hands, and even took a small step back. "Aw come on. It's just braiding. Don't tell me you think otherwise!"
"No......it's not that. It's just......Arwen is not as open-minded as I am about these matters. I really couldn't" he said, lying so obviously that for a moment she actually felt sorry for him.
"I'll do it," said Boromir all of a sudden and stood up. The smile on his face was a sight to see.
"No you won't!" interrupted Gimli and his voice startled them all.
"Why not?" said Boromir after a too long moment.
"Because......."
"Because, let's face it....It has to be an elf," said Aragorn. Legolas, Irulan, Boromir and Gimli turned to him and stared without blinking. Aragorn just scratched his beard though and looked out towards the river like he very much regretted speaking up.
"What are you talking about?" said Boromir, expressing utter confusion.
"Don't you understand?" said Gimli with impatience.
"Actually I don't," said Boromir, crossing his arms.
'Is is just me or is this whole thing kind of odd?' thought Irulan.
"Alright. Tell him, Master Aragorn!"
Aragorn looked stunned for a moment, but then cast the dwarf a dangerous look and, clearing his throat, went on: "Well..obviously this is an elvish custom. Any of us doing it would certainly mean nothing...It would be nothing to be intimidated about. That's exactly why she is asking us.......and not......Legolas" he finished, slightly exhaling with relief at the end of the sentence.
"Hah!" said Gimli with satisfaction, oddly relaxed as well, "That devil of a woman!"
"Ah please!" said Irulan and rolled her eyes. "You men are so immature that I'm starting to think even the hobbits here make more sense!" She glanced at the hobbits who were STILL arguing about drinking beer and thought 'Maybe not'. "Fine!" said Irulan and turned on her heels to walk towards Legolas, who had moved away from the boulder and was standing now with a very confused look on his face, looking at the group. His eyes widened when he saw her striding towards him. She held out the hairpin to him when she was close enough, and said "Legolas, would you please braid my hair?" with a formal and regal tone. The elf's mouth dropped open and he looked from her to the company and then back. Irulan's eyebrows shut up at his expression and she turned around to face the rest.
"See.......I am not intimidated at all. Because I happen to be mature enough to know that there is nothing to it. Unlike this fierce WARRIOR elven prince!" she chirped with amusement. "I win!" She crossed her arms in front of her, grinning with cruel pleasure, "And I think I deserve a serious apology."
Gimli shot Aragorn another weird look and the other just massaged his face, moaning. "Legolas! What's the matter with you, elf?" the dwarf boomed finally. "Are you going to lose to HER?"
"Well I......." said Legolas and stepped beside Irulan, still looking at the rest of the party.
"Why do you push him?" interrupted Boromir with an angry voice.
"I'll be damned if I apologize to a woman because of a witless elf, that's why!" boomed Gimli and he almost looked like he was about to grab his axe and chop off Legolas' head.
The hobbits had stopped talking and were silently and nervously watching the scene. Aragorn was grinding his teeth and looking at Legolas as if he meant to join Gimli in his head-chopping quest.
"Well he obviously does not want to," yelled Boromir.
"I DO want to," shot Legolas back ruefully.
Everybody's head snapped around to him. "What?" Irulan said with disbelief.
Legolas pushed his chin up and looked down at her. "It will be a pleasure, Irulan," he said softly and made an attempt to take the hairpin from her hand.
"Wait a MINUTE!" she snapped and hastily held it back. "You just said you would not."
"I did not say such a thing. Actually I did not get the chance to say anything. I was surprised, that's all."
"Well......I......I still think you had your chance and it's too late to change your mind now," she almost stammered.
"Hah! Told you! She can't do it!" said Gimli, laughing with pleasure now.
"Why Irulan......looks like you owe US an apology," grinned Aragorn.
Irulan clenched her jaws and took a deep breath. "In your dreams, you immature lot!" she hissed and rudely held out the hairpin to Legolas again. "You do something funny to my hair, I swear I'll get back to yours," she said darkly. Legolas smiled with pleasure and waited a moment too long before accepting the jewel. "I can't promise that you will look more beautiful than you do now, Lady Irulan, for I doubt that such a thing is possible, but I'll do my best," he said softly.
Irulan rolled her eyes "So what do I do?"
"Alright. First of all, we have to wet your hair. And then I'll comb it.....but we have to find a good spot. Someplace where you can sit comfortably and I can sit behind you and a little higher than you....." he said and began to drag her away by her arm.
"What's wrong with here?" she said, a little stupefied.
"Too noisy," he said dismissively and kept going, pulling her behind him.
"Too noisy?" was all they heard before the two disappeared in the darkness.
The silence at the campsite prevailed. Aragorn grinned back at Gimli who resumed chewing his dinner with satisfaction. Boromir looked from one to the other with obvious and grave anger and walked off into the opposite direction. He looked back one last time, and then disappeared among the trees.
"What just happened?" asked Merry with a nervous voice.
"Legolas is going to braid Irulan's hair," Gimli replied, looking up at the stars and chewing.
All four hobbits gasped.
***
"What exactly are you doing?" said Irulan with impatience.
"Combing your hair, what do you think?" was his reply.
"Is this going to take all night?"
"I can not rush it. It is a serious process."
Irulan sighed once again. She felt more than a little trapped and once again had to thank herself for being so. 'It is only fair when I get all angry like that and lose my ability of thinking!' This was the second time in a day those two men had managed to manipulate her and alas, that was NEVER heard off. 'I really am losing my edge. This company is very bad for me,' she thought bitterly. They were sitting at the shore, Irulan on a patch of grass and Legolas right behind her, on a small boulder. There was a full moon tonight and it gave off a wonderful soft light. The River Anduin was flowing by lazily. And no matter how hard she tried, she could not deny that being braided and combed by an elf was a pleasure like no other. At least now she knew why the elves thought it was so intimate. Because it very much was! Thinking in that direction made her uneasy again and once more she sighed and started to rip off some grass.
"Don't tilt your head like that," said Legolas softly and continued brushing her hair.
"Legolas, I seriously think there are no tangles or knots whatsoever left in there. I think you should just braid and finish it."
"Your hair is long and wavy," he replied stubbornly, "It is not easy to braid this kind of hair. And I am not going to make it look less favorable. Why are you in a hurry anyway?"
"I am in no hurry. I am just tired of sitting in this position," she lied. Actually she was too comfortable at the moment and exactly THAT was the perfect reason why she should get up and leave. The sensation of his light fingers on her collarbone and her neck and the soft strokes of the brush were giving her a VERY hard time. It was quite chilly and damp so late at night and so close to the river, but Irulan felt like she was burning with fever.
"Besides, I don't think Haldir meant to drag it out for so long. We were leaving, remember? He would have been finished a long time ago by now," she tried desperately once more.
Legolas slightly stiffened when she mentioned his name but Irulan did not feel it. "Maybe he was not planning on actually braiding your hair as much as something else," he said sourly.
She tried to turn her head to look at him but he softly stopped the movement. "Don't move your head, Irulan." A long silence followed. Irulan would close her eyes, only the sensations she would drift into by doing that were definitely not what she wanted to feel at that moment. So she tried to look towards the river without moving too much.
"Legolas?" she finally said, "Can elves fall in love?"
Legolas unconsciously stopped and looked down at her, but realizing that she would think it odd, hastily resumed his soft combing. "Of course they can," he said after a moment. Irulan though was too caught up in her thoughts to realize his hesitation. "How do they feel when they do?" she said and slightly turned her head as if she meant to look at him, but stopped in mid action.
"Why do you ask Irulan?" he answered, softly swallowing.
She shrugged softly. "It is something that has been.......on my mind for some time now. I wonder if you feel like we do," she said matter-of-factly. He tried to make sense of her words, but felt too confused at the moment to do so.
"I would not know," he said finally, "for I do not know how mortals feel."
"Alright. Then tell me how you feel."
"What?"
This time she did turn around and look up at him. "You were never in love?" Legolas looked down at her and felt all thoughts draining away. He had no clue about what to say. 'Is she playing with me?' he thought nervously. Irulan shook her head with a sly grin, "What do you take me for? I seriously doubt you never fell in love in three thousand years," she said and turned to look at the river again. Legolas exhaled in relief and resumed the combing process. But Irulan would not let it be, of course: "So?" she said after a moment.
"What makes you think that I will tell you about something as private and intimate as that?" he snorted finally, hoping that she would not detect the tinge of anxiety in his voice. In all the long years of his life he had never felt so afraid and nervous - not in the fiercest battles and not in the presence of the most beautiful elven maidens.
"Because," said Irulan and her hand flew out to wave, "One: it fits the occasion. Unless you are willing to talk about the orcs in the dungeons of Barad-dûr while combing my hair in the moonlight, that is. Two: You are the only elf around and now that it has come to my mind, I really can not let go of the subject. And last but not least: we are.......what was it......melloni," she said, pronouncing the word with a strange accent. Legolas could not help but smile. He put the comb aside and slowly started to divide certain parts of the hair encircling her face into strands.
"I am still waiting down here," she said a moment later and Legolas sighed bitterly. "I really don't know how to describe it."
"Well stop whining and try, you elf!"
"Alright. It feels.....like........it feels.....like........like......too much...." he said finally and hastily resumed his braiding. Of course he knew what the dreadful reply to that would be.
"Too much what?" said Irulan.
"Too much of everything," he replied sharply.
"I don't understand."
"Don't move your head!"
"Sorry. Could you go into detail a little bit?"
"This is too difficult to explain....especially to a human. It just feels like the world explodes in you.....and there is so much pleasure.......and yet so much pain. So much hope, and yet despair. Immense joy and unbelievable sadness. Strength and so much weakness. Everything becomes so clear, like a morning after a storm, fresh and clean and yet.......the world is a chaos and you don't understand a single thing." Legolas sighed in despair. "All of this, and yet none. I....just don't know," he said sadly.
"Opposites merge into one," whispered Irulan suddenly, "and the world stops making sense," remembering a long forgotten summer day.
"Yes," said Legolas, stunned. "Yes," he whispered and stopped braiding. Suddenly he felt something that he had not felt for a very long time, and certainly not in a matter like this: jealousy crept closer like a beast in the shadows and even though Legolas could not see or hear it clearly yet, he felt the peril in the darkness strong enough to fear it. 'Could it be that.....could it be.....that..she is not quoting from some book or poem, but....from personal experience?' he thought and felt like throwing away the comb and jumping to his feet. A long moment passed during which he battled that instinct and did not dare to breathe.
"Well......it certainly sounds like the feelings of mortals," she said finally, a little uneasy and dreamy. 'This is odd indeed,' Irulan thought, and when she realized that Legolas was suspiciously silent and not moving behind her, she almost turned around to look, but Legolas, afraid to look at her now, once again held her cheek for a moment too long before he softly turned her head away. "I'm not done yet," he whispered and began to braid again. They were both silent for a while. 'This is certainly how dying feels,' Legolas thought. 'There is no way one can endure such torture. I will die right here.'
"But if you really feel that way," said Irulan, once again breaking the silence and his train of thoughts, "how can you expect people to turn away from such a force?" A very disturbing thought that she had cast away a long time ago was now beginning to glow in her mind once more. She thought she had forgotten about that ages ago, but now feeling once again the acidic taste of the idea in her mouth, she realized that she would never rest if she did not find an answer to it.
"What?" said Legolas, truly confused now.
Irulan slowly turned around and looked up at him. He was so stupefied by the whole issue that he did not even notice and therefore did not stop her. She looked at him a long moment before she resumed her normal position. A silence followed, but Legolas suddenly liked it better that way. He also liked the fact that she was not looking at him anymore. He hastily braided her hair, almost finished now.
"You don't know what I am talking about?" she said with a cold voice.
Legolas swallowed softly. "No. What are you talking about?" he said but his voice was a perfect expression of disinterest. He really did not want to hear. To think that he had wished to tell her just days ago! That he had wanted her to know! He almost laughed with the irony.
She turned her head sideways then and said slowly "Why did you tell Arwen to give up her love for Aragorn, Legolas?"
Legolas froze. He could not move a finger and he could not form a single thought. This was completely unexpected. 'Arwen.......' he thought with astonishment, and then, 'Aragorn?' And for a few moments those names truly meant nothing to him. And then, the meaning of everything came crashing down at him and it came down so hard, he literally winced from the effect. "How?......" he managed as he result of some miracle.
Irulan sighed softly. "Arwen told me. A long time ago. She didn't know that I knew YOU, though. She and Elrond are one of the very few who know my identity as the Black Knight. Actually she is a close friend. She just felt awful about it and I forced her to talk, so she told me what was making her so sad - her relationship with Aragorn and everybody else very much disapproving, that is. And because she did not know that I had met you before, she saw no harm in giving the name. Well.......alright......I kind of dragged it out of her," she said. 'Because I actually meant to track these twisted people down and teach them a lesson for doing that to her,' she thought silently, and naturally decided to leave this little detail out. "But anyway......." she said and turned look up at him again, "I was very surprised to hear the name of the Prince of Mirkwood," she said, her eyes locked to his.
Legolas put his hands on her shoulders, completely unaware of what he is doing. He was staring back at her, but she easily saw that he was looking through her, his mind lost somewhere else. Everything became very, very clear suddenly in his mind. And the fear of death moments ago faded into something much stronger: the wish for death. Irulan turned away again and looked towards the water. 'This is the moment I'm supposed to say that I was more than surprised.......more like.......disappointed. Actually.......hurt,' she thought bitterly. 'This is exactly the moment I'm supposed to remind him of the day he kissed me under that damn tree and ruined my heart.' Instead, she sighed softly and thought 'Legolas, Legolas, Legolas........the elf who turned out to be a man.' She realized that Legolas, having finished her braid and softly pinned the hairpin on it, was moving away from her. She stood up as well and turned to him.
He looked completely at a loss of words and so utterly.....broken. 'Well, not that he did not deserve it........but......it was such a long time ago and I was so.....naive. Who's to say that I did not fool myself more than he tried to fool me?' she thought.
"It was the gravest mistake of my life," he said very slowly, looking at her with fierce intensity, and Irulan felt the hair on her arms rising softly. "And it looks like the retribution will be far more severe than I thought," he finished with a whisper and looked like he was about to cry.
"Legolas..I'm sorry," said Irulan, suddenly afraid for no apparent reason, "I was not trying to be cruel...." In fact she had just meant to ask him why he felt that way, but apparently had just managed to make a really big mess out of it. True, she had been disappointed, but now that they were friends, those feelings had lost their sharpness.
Legolas shook his head and looked away, smiling "I know Irulan. Alas, it is my fate that is cruel," he said, again with that hoarse voice. And oddly, she felt him slipping away. Like water running through her fingers, he was slowly and silently flowing away from her and her grasp.
'That's what you get for being nosy!' the voice in her head snapped with perfect timing. 'For sticking your big nose into people's affairs! For all the gossip you are making behind their backs! For slapping things like this into their faces!' it hissed. 'I was not! Is it not my right to understand what he felt for me back then? I sure felt stupid when I heard that comment from Arwen!' she tried to defend herself, but the sight in front of her made her fail miserably.
"Alright now, stop it!" she yelled all of a sudden and walked up to him. It would have been wonderful to see him taken aback by that or at least flinch...but Legolas was so lost in his own world by now, he did not even see her coming. She desperately grabbed his arm with both hands -in case he might decide to bolt away- and tried to make him look down at her. "Legolas! Look at me!" she said with as much command as she could muster (which was not too much).
Legolas DID look at her, though. "Irulan. I am so sorry," he said and swallowed softly. His voice was a warm breeze on knee-high grass. "I understand now. I understand everything. I know you can not forgive me ever again. I know it was in vain from the very beginning," he said. 'What the hell is he TALKING about?' her mind was screaming as she stood feeling as intelligent as a piece of rock.
Once, when Irulan was a little girl, one of the sons of the servants in the castle had fallen into a well in the garden. The kid had remained stuck there in the darkness with who knows how many of his childhood horror stories storming through his brain for hours before Irulan heard his cry and found him. She had run to find help but nobody believed her, thinking it was one of her tricks again. So she had ended up finding a piece of rope and running back to the well. It was getting dark very fast and even Irulan's little heart had faltered more and more often with the setting twilight.
She knew she could climb out easily from there herself, and when she saw that the boy could not be persuaded to try himself, she had finally jumped into the dark well. Why? Who knows? It is because of the kind of person she was, perhaps. However, the boy was so scared and hopeless, that she had failed to persuade him there as well. She had talked and talked, but the boy had remained crouched, not even looking up at her, completely closed off in his small world.
Finally, not knowing what else to do, she had tied the rope to her waist and then to his waist. She had then forced his arms away from his face and looked him in the eye like she had not looked anyone in the eye before, for her own fear and desperation were getting a hold on her. "I will climb out now," she had said with a cold voice to the boy who was so taken aback by her eyes, that he had actually listened to her, "and if you do not come with me, you will make me fall. If I fall, I will hit my head and I will die. But I will not take off this rope, because I know that you will NOT let that happen," she had said, hoping that he would be terrified enough by the thought of that, for in fact she had no idea if he would follow or not, but knew only too well that his refusal would probably really end up with herself getting seriously hurt. Yet she had turned around and climbed out of that well, with a silent and very frightened boy following her.
It was at that moment that, facing utter desperation, Irulan very unconsciously became the girl who jumped into the dark well, once more, and did something she had not done ever since. She looked up at Legolas and felt once more fear and desperation taking a hold of her and went up to throw her arms around his neck, pulling him closer for a tight embrace. And although she knew how reserved elves were and that this kind of contact would probably very much disturb him, she did not think twice about it. And as she expected, Legolas did indeed flinch under her touch and did not hold her, but instead, tried to step back. Only she would not let go of course and stepped back with him, holding him even tighter. She placed her head on his shoulder, softly leaning on him. "Legolas, I will forgive and forget everything," she said and her voice sounded like a distant whisper, like the faint echo of an echo, "if you promise me but one thing."
Legolas said nothing for a long time. But then he slowly wrapped his arms around her back and embraced her with utmost gentleness, as if he was afraid to hurt her. She felt him slowly overcoming the shock and very softly placing his cheek on her head. "Anything," he whispered warmly to her ear.
Irulan closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Promise me that you will not leave Middle Earth as long as I am alive," she said, shocked that she had actually said it out loud. Because, ever since Galadhriel had told her about the inevitable journey of the elves to Valinor once the Ring was destroyed, all she could think about was Legolas and the fact that he, too, would sail off, never to return. And the idea that she was even at this very moment doing everything in her power to assist that process had opened an invisible wound in her which refused to cease bleeding. Again and again she had thought about the ship she watched sailing off into the waters of the River Lhûn, standing there in the cold morning mist, not knowing yet that ironically she herself would end up being one of the reasons this is happening. She had tried to think about Hetaire, about how feelings do not exist in reality, but under the radiant glow of that ache, all those statements had shriveled and dried up. Once again, her heart had betrayed her. 'Alas, I shall never be a good Sister,' she thought bitterly. 'My heart is too weak.'
Legolas slowly tightened his grip and embraced her stronger now, and she felt both oddly anxious and very comfortable in his arms. "I promise," he said softly. Irulan closed her eyes, exhaled slowly and felt a warmness washing over her. 'What a selfish thing to ask, indeed,' she thought, but deep inside did not give a damn at the moment. 'So I am selfish,' she shot back to her alter ego. 'Who says that I will live to see the end of this, anyway?' She remained like that a moment longer, feeling Legolas softly stroking her back, and then, although she did not feel like it at all, she forced herself to slowly release her grip and step back. Legolas did not let go of her for another moment and Irulan took a sharp breath, suddenly thinking of what she would do if he decided not to. But to her relief, as the perfect gentleman, he slowly loosened his arms and then gracefully moved back a step.
They stood there for a time which seemed both very long and very short, looking to the ground and listening to the river. Then Irulan finally found the courage to look up and when she did, so did Legolas. She smiled deftly at him, feeling an odd sadness in the air. It took her a moment to realize that it was the fact of her mortality and his immortality that had clouded the minds of both of them for a minute. She clasped her hands behind her back and looked up to the star dotted sky. 'So I bind thou to me,' she thought silently, 'And the stars shall be my witness.'
"Did you really think I would leave you behind to sail to Valinor?" Legolas whispered suddenly, still looking at her, his head slightly cocked to the side, a hazy mixture of disbelief and wonder shading his handsome features.
Irulan walked up to him and took his arm, softly pushing him towards the camp. "The thought has crossed my mind, Legolas," she said, convinced that it was a bad idea to admit that in fact she had thought about it countless times and feared it more than she had feared anything before.
When I consider every thing that grows,
Holds in perfection but a little moment,
That this huge stage presenteth nought but shows
Whereon the stars in secret influence comment;
When I perceive that men as plants increase,
Cheered and cheque'd even by the self-same sky,
Vaunt in their youthful sap, at height decrease,
And wear their brave state out of memory;
Then the conceit of this inconstant stay
Sets you most rich in youth before my sight,
Where wasteful Time debateth with Decay,
To change your day of youth to sullied night;
And all in war with Time for love of you,
As he takes from you, I engraft you new.
William Shakespeare - Sonnets
Some notes:
Dear Sharon and the many others who asked: I don't know if braiding is really that intimate for the elves. Tolkien did not write too much about the customs and daily lives of the elves, so I feel like he gave us freedom to elaborate. Frankly, for such a civilized and reserved kind -as I imagine them to be- I expect the sense of touch to be very intimate indeed. For anyone who has difficulty in understanding - imagine Legolas sitting behind you and braiding your hair. Your answer is right there.
Scene Eleven and Sharon - thank you for the unbelievable compliments. Yes, the Darma Druids are my invention. Tolkien was not sick enough to think of those. More about them will come up in the next chapters.
I am very glad that some think the first 13 chapters concerning Irulan alone were so good. I was afraid they would appear unrelated and boring. I keep going back in between, revising and checking on those to refer to them. Many of the conversations and thoughts appearing in recent chapters can be found back there and I think it just makes the story complete and adds sweet details.
And as to the rest of you! Tara, kirjava, strawberryblonde, throwachick, kiki, lucy and many others (forgive me if I don't mention your name here, but believe me I read each and every review with utmost interest and gratitude, and often more than once) - I already feel like you are in the same boat with me here and we have embarked on this journey together. Some of us want romance, others humor, yet others action - I fear that Irulan will decide what we'll get.
The chapter below is the longest I have written yet. I thought about dividing it into two for a while, but it would be dry then. Besides, this story is becoming too long without it anyway.
"Are you planning to sulk forever Irulan?" sounded Gimli's voice from behind her. Irulan did not look around. She just kept on moving the necessary bags from the boats to the camp for the night. It was almost dark now and paddling down a fast river such as the Anduin in the dark was not a very bright idea. She picked up one of the many bundles of brown cloth and realizing how light they were, decided to peer inside to see what it contained. It looked like......some sort of bread wrapped in a rather large leaf. 'Could it be?......' she thought.
"Lembas bread," said Legolas. As usual, she had not heard him coming to stand beside her, peering over her shoulder.
"I know what it is," she said coldly and turned around to carry the bundles back to the camp, only he was blocking her way. So she tried to move around him, but he was faster of course and blocked her. She tried to move around him the other way and he blocked her again. Irulan looked up to see him smiling down at her. He crossed his arms on his chest then and said: "I think she is planning to sulk forever indeed, Gimli."
'The common goal of tormenting me has united two enemy races!' she thought annoyed. 'Alas, Middle Earth will never know my true value!'
"Give the girl some space, Legolas," Aragorn chuckled from a distance. He had finished lighting the fire and was coming towards them now, leaving the fire to the hobbits.
"Come on Irulan, we were just joking," said Boromir. He was unpacking one of his bags.
"Ah shut up the lot of you!" she said with a growl. "Grow up already!" She moved around Legolas and walked up to the camp.
"We promise to grow up if you promise to stop sulking," Boromir said.
"I am not sulking."
Irulan was busy nibbling on the famous elvish waybread with delight. It tasted both rich and oddly light. It had a secret recipe, now reserved to the Lorien elves, and was not known to many others. 'I never thought I would get the chance to eat this,' she thought happily.
Aragorn chuckled. "Well if we knew you liked Haldir that much......."
"Master Aragorn," she said, waving the bread in his direction, "of all these men, I thought you were the most mature. But, unfortunately my theory concerning the age of men holds." She waited another moment, but then began to chuckle. "Alright you guys. I was never good at holding a grudge. But-" she said and smiled slyly, "I was always good with vengeance."
"That's the Irulan I know!" said Boromir. "I knew that Haldir was not your type anyway."
Irulan very slowly turned around to look at him. "Oh?" she said slowly and looked at him for a moment too long before she returned to nibbling on the bread. A silence settled in and she heard the hobbits discussing the various ways of drinking beer. Frodo was not joining them. He seemed to be oddly silent since Lothlorien and kept apart from everyone. "I should ask him if he feels alright sometime soon," she thought to herself.
"Don't tell me you liked him!" Boromir pressed on, unhappy with not getting a reply.
"As a matter of fact.....I thought he was quite attractive," she said slowly, still not looking up from her meal.
"Hah!" said Gimli and looked like he was desperately thinking about something else to say on the matter, but obviously found nothing else and just yelled "Hah!" again. Him and Aragorn exchanged glances.
"And you would let him braid your hair? I mean......knowing what that meant?" Boromir pressed on, now openly disturbed by her cool attitude.
Irulan sighed and rolled her eyes "Can we drop this issue?"
"I'm just asking, you know" Boromir said with a voice a bit too serious for an idle question.
"Well if you must know, I find this whole 'hair braiding' issue ridiculous. If the elf here," she said and glared at Legolas who was leaning on a large boulder, further towards he water, "had not brought it up, I doubt that any of us would feel like that about a braid. I think Haldir was just being nice and there is nothing more to it. And I certainly am old enough not to get carried away by an act like that. I only wish I could say that for the rest of the company here!"
Another silence. "Oh.......yes......sure," said Boromir, but he sounded anything but sure.
Gimli cleared his throat and, shooting another unreadable look at Aragorn, said "Irulan, you can at least TRY to lie better."
"I'm not lying, you dwarf!' she protested with disbelief.
Aragon snickered and looked away. "What? Why would I lie about this?" said Irulan.
"Why would she?" added Boromir, sounding both irritated and protective of her.
"Alright. Prove it," said Gimli.
Irulan looked at him and then at Aragorn and then back. "PROVE it?" She laughed softly. "Indeed!"
"I told you Master Gimli," said Aragorn, completely ignoring her.
"And you were right indeed!" said Gimli, resuming his eating.
"Ah don't be ridiculous! How on earth can I prove that? Why would I anyway?" she said.
"Why indeed?" said Boromir, looking at them with narrowed eyes.
"Cause she is lying, that's why!" replied Gimli.
"Alright, that does it!" said Irulan and although a little voice in her head kept chirping about another trap, she would just damn ignore it this time. She jumped up and almost ripping off the hairpin from her hair, stomped over to Gimli. "Here. Take it and braid my hair, then put it on. If you have the NERVE that is, you dwarf!" she hissed. Gimli just looked up at her with mild surprise. "Go ahead!" she said, "I sure don't mind at all."
"Don't be silly woman! Do I look like someone who can braid hair?" he mumbled and turned away with disinterest.
"Very well," said Irulan and walked over to an Aragorn who looked like he was thinking very hard to find an excuse but was failing badly at it. "She pushed the jewel up to his nose. "Master Aragorn, will you do me the honor?" she said in a velvet voice. Aragorn literally gulped and held up both his hands, and even took a small step back. "Aw come on. It's just braiding. Don't tell me you think otherwise!"
"No......it's not that. It's just......Arwen is not as open-minded as I am about these matters. I really couldn't" he said, lying so obviously that for a moment she actually felt sorry for him.
"I'll do it," said Boromir all of a sudden and stood up. The smile on his face was a sight to see.
"No you won't!" interrupted Gimli and his voice startled them all.
"Why not?" said Boromir after a too long moment.
"Because......."
"Because, let's face it....It has to be an elf," said Aragorn. Legolas, Irulan, Boromir and Gimli turned to him and stared without blinking. Aragorn just scratched his beard though and looked out towards the river like he very much regretted speaking up.
"What are you talking about?" said Boromir, expressing utter confusion.
"Don't you understand?" said Gimli with impatience.
"Actually I don't," said Boromir, crossing his arms.
'Is is just me or is this whole thing kind of odd?' thought Irulan.
"Alright. Tell him, Master Aragorn!"
Aragorn looked stunned for a moment, but then cast the dwarf a dangerous look and, clearing his throat, went on: "Well..obviously this is an elvish custom. Any of us doing it would certainly mean nothing...It would be nothing to be intimidated about. That's exactly why she is asking us.......and not......Legolas" he finished, slightly exhaling with relief at the end of the sentence.
"Hah!" said Gimli with satisfaction, oddly relaxed as well, "That devil of a woman!"
"Ah please!" said Irulan and rolled her eyes. "You men are so immature that I'm starting to think even the hobbits here make more sense!" She glanced at the hobbits who were STILL arguing about drinking beer and thought 'Maybe not'. "Fine!" said Irulan and turned on her heels to walk towards Legolas, who had moved away from the boulder and was standing now with a very confused look on his face, looking at the group. His eyes widened when he saw her striding towards him. She held out the hairpin to him when she was close enough, and said "Legolas, would you please braid my hair?" with a formal and regal tone. The elf's mouth dropped open and he looked from her to the company and then back. Irulan's eyebrows shut up at his expression and she turned around to face the rest.
"See.......I am not intimidated at all. Because I happen to be mature enough to know that there is nothing to it. Unlike this fierce WARRIOR elven prince!" she chirped with amusement. "I win!" She crossed her arms in front of her, grinning with cruel pleasure, "And I think I deserve a serious apology."
Gimli shot Aragorn another weird look and the other just massaged his face, moaning. "Legolas! What's the matter with you, elf?" the dwarf boomed finally. "Are you going to lose to HER?"
"Well I......." said Legolas and stepped beside Irulan, still looking at the rest of the party.
"Why do you push him?" interrupted Boromir with an angry voice.
"I'll be damned if I apologize to a woman because of a witless elf, that's why!" boomed Gimli and he almost looked like he was about to grab his axe and chop off Legolas' head.
The hobbits had stopped talking and were silently and nervously watching the scene. Aragorn was grinding his teeth and looking at Legolas as if he meant to join Gimli in his head-chopping quest.
"Well he obviously does not want to," yelled Boromir.
"I DO want to," shot Legolas back ruefully.
Everybody's head snapped around to him. "What?" Irulan said with disbelief.
Legolas pushed his chin up and looked down at her. "It will be a pleasure, Irulan," he said softly and made an attempt to take the hairpin from her hand.
"Wait a MINUTE!" she snapped and hastily held it back. "You just said you would not."
"I did not say such a thing. Actually I did not get the chance to say anything. I was surprised, that's all."
"Well......I......I still think you had your chance and it's too late to change your mind now," she almost stammered.
"Hah! Told you! She can't do it!" said Gimli, laughing with pleasure now.
"Why Irulan......looks like you owe US an apology," grinned Aragorn.
Irulan clenched her jaws and took a deep breath. "In your dreams, you immature lot!" she hissed and rudely held out the hairpin to Legolas again. "You do something funny to my hair, I swear I'll get back to yours," she said darkly. Legolas smiled with pleasure and waited a moment too long before accepting the jewel. "I can't promise that you will look more beautiful than you do now, Lady Irulan, for I doubt that such a thing is possible, but I'll do my best," he said softly.
Irulan rolled her eyes "So what do I do?"
"Alright. First of all, we have to wet your hair. And then I'll comb it.....but we have to find a good spot. Someplace where you can sit comfortably and I can sit behind you and a little higher than you....." he said and began to drag her away by her arm.
"What's wrong with here?" she said, a little stupefied.
"Too noisy," he said dismissively and kept going, pulling her behind him.
"Too noisy?" was all they heard before the two disappeared in the darkness.
The silence at the campsite prevailed. Aragorn grinned back at Gimli who resumed chewing his dinner with satisfaction. Boromir looked from one to the other with obvious and grave anger and walked off into the opposite direction. He looked back one last time, and then disappeared among the trees.
"What just happened?" asked Merry with a nervous voice.
"Legolas is going to braid Irulan's hair," Gimli replied, looking up at the stars and chewing.
All four hobbits gasped.
***
"What exactly are you doing?" said Irulan with impatience.
"Combing your hair, what do you think?" was his reply.
"Is this going to take all night?"
"I can not rush it. It is a serious process."
Irulan sighed once again. She felt more than a little trapped and once again had to thank herself for being so. 'It is only fair when I get all angry like that and lose my ability of thinking!' This was the second time in a day those two men had managed to manipulate her and alas, that was NEVER heard off. 'I really am losing my edge. This company is very bad for me,' she thought bitterly. They were sitting at the shore, Irulan on a patch of grass and Legolas right behind her, on a small boulder. There was a full moon tonight and it gave off a wonderful soft light. The River Anduin was flowing by lazily. And no matter how hard she tried, she could not deny that being braided and combed by an elf was a pleasure like no other. At least now she knew why the elves thought it was so intimate. Because it very much was! Thinking in that direction made her uneasy again and once more she sighed and started to rip off some grass.
"Don't tilt your head like that," said Legolas softly and continued brushing her hair.
"Legolas, I seriously think there are no tangles or knots whatsoever left in there. I think you should just braid and finish it."
"Your hair is long and wavy," he replied stubbornly, "It is not easy to braid this kind of hair. And I am not going to make it look less favorable. Why are you in a hurry anyway?"
"I am in no hurry. I am just tired of sitting in this position," she lied. Actually she was too comfortable at the moment and exactly THAT was the perfect reason why she should get up and leave. The sensation of his light fingers on her collarbone and her neck and the soft strokes of the brush were giving her a VERY hard time. It was quite chilly and damp so late at night and so close to the river, but Irulan felt like she was burning with fever.
"Besides, I don't think Haldir meant to drag it out for so long. We were leaving, remember? He would have been finished a long time ago by now," she tried desperately once more.
Legolas slightly stiffened when she mentioned his name but Irulan did not feel it. "Maybe he was not planning on actually braiding your hair as much as something else," he said sourly.
She tried to turn her head to look at him but he softly stopped the movement. "Don't move your head, Irulan." A long silence followed. Irulan would close her eyes, only the sensations she would drift into by doing that were definitely not what she wanted to feel at that moment. So she tried to look towards the river without moving too much.
"Legolas?" she finally said, "Can elves fall in love?"
Legolas unconsciously stopped and looked down at her, but realizing that she would think it odd, hastily resumed his soft combing. "Of course they can," he said after a moment. Irulan though was too caught up in her thoughts to realize his hesitation. "How do they feel when they do?" she said and slightly turned her head as if she meant to look at him, but stopped in mid action.
"Why do you ask Irulan?" he answered, softly swallowing.
She shrugged softly. "It is something that has been.......on my mind for some time now. I wonder if you feel like we do," she said matter-of-factly. He tried to make sense of her words, but felt too confused at the moment to do so.
"I would not know," he said finally, "for I do not know how mortals feel."
"Alright. Then tell me how you feel."
"What?"
This time she did turn around and look up at him. "You were never in love?" Legolas looked down at her and felt all thoughts draining away. He had no clue about what to say. 'Is she playing with me?' he thought nervously. Irulan shook her head with a sly grin, "What do you take me for? I seriously doubt you never fell in love in three thousand years," she said and turned to look at the river again. Legolas exhaled in relief and resumed the combing process. But Irulan would not let it be, of course: "So?" she said after a moment.
"What makes you think that I will tell you about something as private and intimate as that?" he snorted finally, hoping that she would not detect the tinge of anxiety in his voice. In all the long years of his life he had never felt so afraid and nervous - not in the fiercest battles and not in the presence of the most beautiful elven maidens.
"Because," said Irulan and her hand flew out to wave, "One: it fits the occasion. Unless you are willing to talk about the orcs in the dungeons of Barad-dûr while combing my hair in the moonlight, that is. Two: You are the only elf around and now that it has come to my mind, I really can not let go of the subject. And last but not least: we are.......what was it......melloni," she said, pronouncing the word with a strange accent. Legolas could not help but smile. He put the comb aside and slowly started to divide certain parts of the hair encircling her face into strands.
"I am still waiting down here," she said a moment later and Legolas sighed bitterly. "I really don't know how to describe it."
"Well stop whining and try, you elf!"
"Alright. It feels.....like........it feels.....like........like......too much...." he said finally and hastily resumed his braiding. Of course he knew what the dreadful reply to that would be.
"Too much what?" said Irulan.
"Too much of everything," he replied sharply.
"I don't understand."
"Don't move your head!"
"Sorry. Could you go into detail a little bit?"
"This is too difficult to explain....especially to a human. It just feels like the world explodes in you.....and there is so much pleasure.......and yet so much pain. So much hope, and yet despair. Immense joy and unbelievable sadness. Strength and so much weakness. Everything becomes so clear, like a morning after a storm, fresh and clean and yet.......the world is a chaos and you don't understand a single thing." Legolas sighed in despair. "All of this, and yet none. I....just don't know," he said sadly.
"Opposites merge into one," whispered Irulan suddenly, "and the world stops making sense," remembering a long forgotten summer day.
"Yes," said Legolas, stunned. "Yes," he whispered and stopped braiding. Suddenly he felt something that he had not felt for a very long time, and certainly not in a matter like this: jealousy crept closer like a beast in the shadows and even though Legolas could not see or hear it clearly yet, he felt the peril in the darkness strong enough to fear it. 'Could it be that.....could it be.....that..she is not quoting from some book or poem, but....from personal experience?' he thought and felt like throwing away the comb and jumping to his feet. A long moment passed during which he battled that instinct and did not dare to breathe.
"Well......it certainly sounds like the feelings of mortals," she said finally, a little uneasy and dreamy. 'This is odd indeed,' Irulan thought, and when she realized that Legolas was suspiciously silent and not moving behind her, she almost turned around to look, but Legolas, afraid to look at her now, once again held her cheek for a moment too long before he softly turned her head away. "I'm not done yet," he whispered and began to braid again. They were both silent for a while. 'This is certainly how dying feels,' Legolas thought. 'There is no way one can endure such torture. I will die right here.'
"But if you really feel that way," said Irulan, once again breaking the silence and his train of thoughts, "how can you expect people to turn away from such a force?" A very disturbing thought that she had cast away a long time ago was now beginning to glow in her mind once more. She thought she had forgotten about that ages ago, but now feeling once again the acidic taste of the idea in her mouth, she realized that she would never rest if she did not find an answer to it.
"What?" said Legolas, truly confused now.
Irulan slowly turned around and looked up at him. He was so stupefied by the whole issue that he did not even notice and therefore did not stop her. She looked at him a long moment before she resumed her normal position. A silence followed, but Legolas suddenly liked it better that way. He also liked the fact that she was not looking at him anymore. He hastily braided her hair, almost finished now.
"You don't know what I am talking about?" she said with a cold voice.
Legolas swallowed softly. "No. What are you talking about?" he said but his voice was a perfect expression of disinterest. He really did not want to hear. To think that he had wished to tell her just days ago! That he had wanted her to know! He almost laughed with the irony.
She turned her head sideways then and said slowly "Why did you tell Arwen to give up her love for Aragorn, Legolas?"
Legolas froze. He could not move a finger and he could not form a single thought. This was completely unexpected. 'Arwen.......' he thought with astonishment, and then, 'Aragorn?' And for a few moments those names truly meant nothing to him. And then, the meaning of everything came crashing down at him and it came down so hard, he literally winced from the effect. "How?......" he managed as he result of some miracle.
Irulan sighed softly. "Arwen told me. A long time ago. She didn't know that I knew YOU, though. She and Elrond are one of the very few who know my identity as the Black Knight. Actually she is a close friend. She just felt awful about it and I forced her to talk, so she told me what was making her so sad - her relationship with Aragorn and everybody else very much disapproving, that is. And because she did not know that I had met you before, she saw no harm in giving the name. Well.......alright......I kind of dragged it out of her," she said. 'Because I actually meant to track these twisted people down and teach them a lesson for doing that to her,' she thought silently, and naturally decided to leave this little detail out. "But anyway......." she said and turned look up at him again, "I was very surprised to hear the name of the Prince of Mirkwood," she said, her eyes locked to his.
Legolas put his hands on her shoulders, completely unaware of what he is doing. He was staring back at her, but she easily saw that he was looking through her, his mind lost somewhere else. Everything became very, very clear suddenly in his mind. And the fear of death moments ago faded into something much stronger: the wish for death. Irulan turned away again and looked towards the water. 'This is the moment I'm supposed to say that I was more than surprised.......more like.......disappointed. Actually.......hurt,' she thought bitterly. 'This is exactly the moment I'm supposed to remind him of the day he kissed me under that damn tree and ruined my heart.' Instead, she sighed softly and thought 'Legolas, Legolas, Legolas........the elf who turned out to be a man.' She realized that Legolas, having finished her braid and softly pinned the hairpin on it, was moving away from her. She stood up as well and turned to him.
He looked completely at a loss of words and so utterly.....broken. 'Well, not that he did not deserve it........but......it was such a long time ago and I was so.....naive. Who's to say that I did not fool myself more than he tried to fool me?' she thought.
"It was the gravest mistake of my life," he said very slowly, looking at her with fierce intensity, and Irulan felt the hair on her arms rising softly. "And it looks like the retribution will be far more severe than I thought," he finished with a whisper and looked like he was about to cry.
"Legolas..I'm sorry," said Irulan, suddenly afraid for no apparent reason, "I was not trying to be cruel...." In fact she had just meant to ask him why he felt that way, but apparently had just managed to make a really big mess out of it. True, she had been disappointed, but now that they were friends, those feelings had lost their sharpness.
Legolas shook his head and looked away, smiling "I know Irulan. Alas, it is my fate that is cruel," he said, again with that hoarse voice. And oddly, she felt him slipping away. Like water running through her fingers, he was slowly and silently flowing away from her and her grasp.
'That's what you get for being nosy!' the voice in her head snapped with perfect timing. 'For sticking your big nose into people's affairs! For all the gossip you are making behind their backs! For slapping things like this into their faces!' it hissed. 'I was not! Is it not my right to understand what he felt for me back then? I sure felt stupid when I heard that comment from Arwen!' she tried to defend herself, but the sight in front of her made her fail miserably.
"Alright now, stop it!" she yelled all of a sudden and walked up to him. It would have been wonderful to see him taken aback by that or at least flinch...but Legolas was so lost in his own world by now, he did not even see her coming. She desperately grabbed his arm with both hands -in case he might decide to bolt away- and tried to make him look down at her. "Legolas! Look at me!" she said with as much command as she could muster (which was not too much).
Legolas DID look at her, though. "Irulan. I am so sorry," he said and swallowed softly. His voice was a warm breeze on knee-high grass. "I understand now. I understand everything. I know you can not forgive me ever again. I know it was in vain from the very beginning," he said. 'What the hell is he TALKING about?' her mind was screaming as she stood feeling as intelligent as a piece of rock.
Once, when Irulan was a little girl, one of the sons of the servants in the castle had fallen into a well in the garden. The kid had remained stuck there in the darkness with who knows how many of his childhood horror stories storming through his brain for hours before Irulan heard his cry and found him. She had run to find help but nobody believed her, thinking it was one of her tricks again. So she had ended up finding a piece of rope and running back to the well. It was getting dark very fast and even Irulan's little heart had faltered more and more often with the setting twilight.
She knew she could climb out easily from there herself, and when she saw that the boy could not be persuaded to try himself, she had finally jumped into the dark well. Why? Who knows? It is because of the kind of person she was, perhaps. However, the boy was so scared and hopeless, that she had failed to persuade him there as well. She had talked and talked, but the boy had remained crouched, not even looking up at her, completely closed off in his small world.
Finally, not knowing what else to do, she had tied the rope to her waist and then to his waist. She had then forced his arms away from his face and looked him in the eye like she had not looked anyone in the eye before, for her own fear and desperation were getting a hold on her. "I will climb out now," she had said with a cold voice to the boy who was so taken aback by her eyes, that he had actually listened to her, "and if you do not come with me, you will make me fall. If I fall, I will hit my head and I will die. But I will not take off this rope, because I know that you will NOT let that happen," she had said, hoping that he would be terrified enough by the thought of that, for in fact she had no idea if he would follow or not, but knew only too well that his refusal would probably really end up with herself getting seriously hurt. Yet she had turned around and climbed out of that well, with a silent and very frightened boy following her.
It was at that moment that, facing utter desperation, Irulan very unconsciously became the girl who jumped into the dark well, once more, and did something she had not done ever since. She looked up at Legolas and felt once more fear and desperation taking a hold of her and went up to throw her arms around his neck, pulling him closer for a tight embrace. And although she knew how reserved elves were and that this kind of contact would probably very much disturb him, she did not think twice about it. And as she expected, Legolas did indeed flinch under her touch and did not hold her, but instead, tried to step back. Only she would not let go of course and stepped back with him, holding him even tighter. She placed her head on his shoulder, softly leaning on him. "Legolas, I will forgive and forget everything," she said and her voice sounded like a distant whisper, like the faint echo of an echo, "if you promise me but one thing."
Legolas said nothing for a long time. But then he slowly wrapped his arms around her back and embraced her with utmost gentleness, as if he was afraid to hurt her. She felt him slowly overcoming the shock and very softly placing his cheek on her head. "Anything," he whispered warmly to her ear.
Irulan closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Promise me that you will not leave Middle Earth as long as I am alive," she said, shocked that she had actually said it out loud. Because, ever since Galadhriel had told her about the inevitable journey of the elves to Valinor once the Ring was destroyed, all she could think about was Legolas and the fact that he, too, would sail off, never to return. And the idea that she was even at this very moment doing everything in her power to assist that process had opened an invisible wound in her which refused to cease bleeding. Again and again she had thought about the ship she watched sailing off into the waters of the River Lhûn, standing there in the cold morning mist, not knowing yet that ironically she herself would end up being one of the reasons this is happening. She had tried to think about Hetaire, about how feelings do not exist in reality, but under the radiant glow of that ache, all those statements had shriveled and dried up. Once again, her heart had betrayed her. 'Alas, I shall never be a good Sister,' she thought bitterly. 'My heart is too weak.'
Legolas slowly tightened his grip and embraced her stronger now, and she felt both oddly anxious and very comfortable in his arms. "I promise," he said softly. Irulan closed her eyes, exhaled slowly and felt a warmness washing over her. 'What a selfish thing to ask, indeed,' she thought, but deep inside did not give a damn at the moment. 'So I am selfish,' she shot back to her alter ego. 'Who says that I will live to see the end of this, anyway?' She remained like that a moment longer, feeling Legolas softly stroking her back, and then, although she did not feel like it at all, she forced herself to slowly release her grip and step back. Legolas did not let go of her for another moment and Irulan took a sharp breath, suddenly thinking of what she would do if he decided not to. But to her relief, as the perfect gentleman, he slowly loosened his arms and then gracefully moved back a step.
They stood there for a time which seemed both very long and very short, looking to the ground and listening to the river. Then Irulan finally found the courage to look up and when she did, so did Legolas. She smiled deftly at him, feeling an odd sadness in the air. It took her a moment to realize that it was the fact of her mortality and his immortality that had clouded the minds of both of them for a minute. She clasped her hands behind her back and looked up to the star dotted sky. 'So I bind thou to me,' she thought silently, 'And the stars shall be my witness.'
"Did you really think I would leave you behind to sail to Valinor?" Legolas whispered suddenly, still looking at her, his head slightly cocked to the side, a hazy mixture of disbelief and wonder shading his handsome features.
Irulan walked up to him and took his arm, softly pushing him towards the camp. "The thought has crossed my mind, Legolas," she said, convinced that it was a bad idea to admit that in fact she had thought about it countless times and feared it more than she had feared anything before.
When I consider every thing that grows,
Holds in perfection but a little moment,
That this huge stage presenteth nought but shows
Whereon the stars in secret influence comment;
When I perceive that men as plants increase,
Cheered and cheque'd even by the self-same sky,
Vaunt in their youthful sap, at height decrease,
And wear their brave state out of memory;
Then the conceit of this inconstant stay
Sets you most rich in youth before my sight,
Where wasteful Time debateth with Decay,
To change your day of youth to sullied night;
And all in war with Time for love of you,
As he takes from you, I engraft you new.
William Shakespeare - Sonnets