You people are cruel. Sigh...a wonderful kind of cruel, of course. I'm
afraid as long as your kind words ring in my ears, I will never be able to
stop! I can almost sympathize with Legolas as to what sweet torture is!
I know that each chapter that is supposed to be sweet and romantic has also a tinge of sadness to it. I assume that a love like this is eventually painful for both parties and that is the whole point - what the drag is all about. Poor Aragorn and Arwen. Even poorer Legolas and Irulan - at least the former ones have sense. (Actually, the more I write, the more I am thinking about writing an Eowyn-Legolas fic that lacks the action but is soaked with romanticism). And kiki, ha ha, you are so sweet! Bu I really could not make her half-elven or anything right now. Pain is good. Pain leaves a mark and makes a story unforgettable. And this brings us to our next chapter:
Alert my friends - I like Boromir myself, and it was never my intention of presenting him under a less than favorable light. He is a true hero who wants to do the right thing, but all the elements ironically end up working against him and he falters, as would anyone else in his position. Some parts seemed to be too strong and rough when I wrote them (and I have no idea how people in Middle Earth used to curse; so if anyone has a clue, let me know) but then I kept thinking back about Boromir's verbal and physical assault on Frodo and it did not seem too surreal after all - when he loses it, he loses it completely, I think. I just want you to imagine a man whose love for Irulan is 'rejected' for another (and an elf on top of that! We all know Boromir is not too fond of the other races), whose need for the Ring growing, Aragorn and Gimli obviously working against him and shutting him off, and who is feeling very alone. The result is natural. That is all I'm going to say about this chapter.
The next morning once again before dawn they were greeted with the blue mist. The fellowship slowly rose and prepared itself to face another tiring day, this time hoping to arrive to their goal, the Falls of Rauros. As Irulan woke up from dark and restless dreams once more, floating slowly towards reality, she felt a shadow descending on her and she knew that the day was pregnant with foul surprises. She unconsciously looked at Legolas, and the elf did not look too much better - although she was not sure whether it was because of their conversation yesterday, or the day ahead of them. She still had no idea why Legolas had reacted so drastically to her revelation concerning the Arwen and Aragorn matter.
It was normal for him to be embarrassed, since he had, after all, kissed her and showed interest in her. For him to go around talking about love between immortals and mortals like that........was a matter of shame. But then, now that she looked back, Irulan could see that she had been the usual, foolish, naive young princess herself. He had been kind and charming, but now she knew that it was just the way of the elves. He had spent a lot of time with her during his stay, but it was probably just mild interest in a mortal woman like her. And he had kissed her, but a kiss is a far cry from love. He probably felt intrigued to do it, that's all. She herself had read into his actions more than there was to it. She had actually fooled herself to believe that he had feelings for her while all the time he was just being an elf. Irulan sighed with discomfort. 'Well I have to grant Vessun this' she thought irritated, 'feelings DO distract you'.
Legolas realized her looking at him and walked over to her. "What is it, Irulan?" he said softly in the silence of the morning. She smiled back at him "Nothing.....I feel......odd" she said. She was expecting mocking, but Legolas took her very serious. "How do you mean?" he said.
"Ah it's nothing" she whispered. "I would say a woman's instincts, but I would have to be a woman for that, won't I?" She winked at him.
Legolas looked confused for a moment and then smiled again. He looked away, towards the direction they would be taking. "I know what you mean. My thoughts have been restless as well."
Irulan's eyebrows shot up at that. 'I hope that there's nothing to worry about' she thought. Exactly at that moment Boromir walked by them, rudely running into Legolas, but not stopping to excuse himself. Legolas looked behind him with disbelief, and then at Irulan. Irulan, though, held up her hand and followed the man.
He was carrying the equipment back to his boat and he looked like he did not get much sleep last night, either. Just when he reached the boat and began to put the bags in, Irulan arrived by his side. "Good morning Boromir" she said cautiously.
He halted in mid-action but did not turn around and soon afterwards continued with his job. 'Maybe he is grumpy in the mornings' she thought, but the idea was not something she would bet on. "How are you feeling?" she tried again.
"Like you care!" hissed Boromir and suddenly he looked at her with such hate that she felt something cold sliding down her spine. She bit her lower lip and thought about what to do. She could turn around and leave. 'Good idea' said the voice in her head. She could keep on pushing. 'I don't think so' replied the voice. "Of course I care" she heard herself saying softly before she even reached a decision. The voice in her head literally groaned.
Boromir cast another hateful glance at her direction and then continued almost punching the bags while placing them in the boat. Irulan took another step toward the boat. It was too late to turn around now. Better to get to the bottom of this, because she had never seen her brother in arms like this and felt very concerned for him now. "Boromir...please speak to me...." she began, but the man interrupted her rudely:
"Speak to you?! SPEAK to you?" he said, his voice ever so slightly rising, and then he very slowly walked towards her, jumped out of the boat and stood looking down at her. If Irulan had enough sense, she would step back and walk away, pretending this never happened. But as it was, she had no sense whatsoever. Or maybe she just had too much guts. In either case, she remained unaffected and calm. "But I can NOT speak to you, Lady Irulan" he said with a greasy voice, mimicking a bow, "I am not good enough for you."
"What the heck are you talking about?" she said, her own voice betraying her growing anger now.
"You know EXACTLY what I am talking about" he hissed once more, taking another quick step and standing right before her now, actually looming over her, because he was much bigger than Irulan. Irulan, though, only crossed her arms. She was not aware of it, but her Black Knight psyche was taking over bit by bit. Even though Irulan was a confused girl at times who flinched when it came to feelings, many (sometimes including herself) often forgot that she was yet also the Black Knight, who feared no physical attack.
"Boromir" she said, and this time she did sound like the Black Knight so much, that for a moment the man's face twisted with confusion and he felt unsure of himself. It was but only a moment. "I have no time for this stupidity. You have a problem with me, you tell me. You don't, then stop acting like a weakling!"
"I DO have a problem, alright!" he barked now. His face was darker than she ever remembered. He did not look angry, he looked...........'mad' whispered a voice in her head and Irulan again felt a cold liquid trickling down her spine. He grabbed her right arm and began to squeeze it, and although Irulan made no attempt to take it back, she also felt the pain there slowly finding its way to her brain. "My problem is that you are a lying, deceiving, treacherous........" -'Oh no, he does not dare' Irulan thought, but actually he did- "......whore!" he finished, looking very satisfied with himself.
'Very well' thought Irulan, 'for the next five minutes, this man is not my friend anymore and I can hurt him as much as I want', and she was about to start a very nasty argument when she heard Legolas right next to her: "You will take that back right now!" he said with a low voice and Irulan could not remember his voice ever being like that before. She turned her head slightly to see his face and he looked like the darkest thunderclouds right before the first drop fell. And that's when she suddenly lost the anger and calmness of the Black Knight and felt fear, because she realized where this was going and what severe consequences it might have for the fellowship. Under no circumstances could she let that happen. Besides, Aragorn would surely boot her out this time. She hastily looked around for the others and realized with disappointment that she was too late in worrying. Everybody was stock still, listening to the conversation. Aragorn and Gimli dropped the equipment and began walking up to them. Irulan turned to Boromir once more. He was still holding her arm and now twisting it slightly, and it began to burn with intensity.
"What if I don't?" he spat at Legolas, actually laughing a little, and that made him even scarier. "Why don't you make me.......Prince?" he added darkly.
Legolas gritted his teeth and Irulan quickly spoke up "Legolas, please let me handle this. This is between Boromir and me. Do not interrupt our conversation" she said, but Legolas did not move a hair. Actually, locked as he was to Boromir's eyes, she wondered if he actually had heard her. Irulan had never seen him like that before and she gulped audibly, looking from one mad man to the other. 'Aragorn is going to throw me out for sure' she thought, panic rising in her.
"You will take back what you said this instant" Legolas said again and she felt her heart growing gold at that tone, "and you will let her go right NOW" he added softly, never raising his voice, but having an even scarier effect on her than Boromir.
Aragorn and Gimli had arrived at the site and Gimli grabbed Legolas' arm while Aragorn put his hand on Boromir's shoulder. But to everyone's utter surprise Boromir shook Aragorn off with force and made him stagger back a few steps. "Don't touch me!" he screamed. "You just go back to your scheming and laughing behind my back!"
Gimli did not look to be doing a good job himself, for even though the elf made no attempt to move him away, he was also very much unaffected by the dwarf's attempt to shake him awake. Irulan tried to free her arm again but Boromir had a steely grip on her. Aragorn stepped up again and this time made no attempt to touch Boromir. He sounded very dangerous himself "Boromir, you will let go right now. You are not yourself" he said with a cool voice.
"I do what I WANT to do, Aragorn. I am tired of you running around and telling me what to do!" he said and stepped back, jerking Irulan with him. She was caught so off guard that her legs slammed into the boat behind her and she barely managed not to wince.
Legolas immediately made an attempt to jump towards them, but this time both Aragorn and Gimli had him in grip, knowing he would do that. After a few minutes of struggle Aragorn swiftly stepped in front of him, locking eyes with him. "Legolas" he said with a commanding tone, "step back!"
Legolas though did not show an indication that he heard him, trying to free his arm from Gimli to reach to his bow. Meanwhile Irulan struggled again to free her arm from Boromir, but he would not let go. She could hit him and free herself of course, but once this whole thing got physical, these men would probably kill each other while the atmosphere was as tense as it was at the moment. She saw the hobbits running towards them with the corner of her eye.
"Legolas!" said Aragorn with more fire in his voice and this time the elf actually heard him, "Stop right now!" Aragorn said and blocked his view again when he tried to look over to Irulan. "Legolas listen to him" said Irulan, trying to figure out how to get out of this mess. Legolas ever so slightly calmed down when he heard her voice and Aragorn placed his hands on his shoulders, once again locking eyes with him. "Stop my friend" he said with a low voice. The elf tried to look over the man's shoulder again, but failing to do so, stopped moving. Gimli patted his arm, still not letting go and he looked down at the dwarf.
"Boromir, you stupid ox, let go of me right now" she hissed, trying to lower her voice enough so that only he could hear it. Boromir instantly turned to her and his face so close that she could feel his breath on her face when he spoke: "Why Irulan? You prefer elves to touch you now?"
Her eyes widened at the remark. "Don't be stupid. Have you forgotten where you are? We are friends!" she said this time louder.
"Friends!" he yelled as the hobbits arrived and everybody, including Aragorn turned around to look at him, "We are no friends! You all betrayed me!" he screamed.
'He is mad' thought Irulan with astonishment. 'He has gone mad and none of us realized it happening'. The pain in her arm became unbearable, and she decided to stop struggling, since it hurt only more when she did.
"Are you insane?! What are you talking about?" she protested.
"I am not insane, Irulan. I just woke up from a dream" he hissed and then turning to the others, began to chuckle softly. Everyone seemed to be frozen in mid-action, looking at him, not knowing what to do. Everyone except Legolas, who was not looking at Boromir at all, but at her. Irulan had stopped squirming and she looked calmly back at him, silently trying to persuade him that she was fine. Only Legolas did not look convinced at all.
"Did you think I would not see?" he began a moment later, still laughing softly. "You all turning against me?" he tightened his grip on her arm and she swallowed hard, pushing back the tears of pain that threatened to crawl into her eyes now. "You all sitting around in the shadows, whispering, talking, making plans behind my back?" he yelled, looking at Aragorn and Gimli. He shook his head, chuckling again.
"Mister Boromir, please" sounded Sam's voice suddenly, "please........calm down"
Merry and Pippin took another step towards him. They were closer in their friendship to him than any of the others and they looked more worried for him at the moment than afraid or angry.
"No! You stay out of this!" Boromir yelled. "I know what I am saying" said Boromir with a growl and once again looked at Aragorn.
Aragorn took a small step towards them, holding out his hands, "Boromir, I apologize. There must be a misunderstanding" he said, his eyes wandering to Irulan. "Let us talk about it. Let her go and then let us sit down and resolve this" he said softly.
"I'd say it's a little late for that. I can see through you, Aragorn. You and your friends" -he literally spat the last word, looking towards Gimli and a still poised Legolas- "you are trying to get to it. You will take it and USE it!" Then he looked towards Frodo and the hobbit took two steps back, his blue eyes reflecting a fear that one feels when one confronts a madman.
Boromir growled and twisted her arm again and this time it hurt so much, her body reacted on its own. Irulan's elbow shot up and she hit Boromir on the nose. He cried out and his head fell back, and before she knew it, she hit him in the stomach, hard. He instantly let go of her arm and had a very confused look on his face when he bent forward and Irulan's free left arm shot out to grab the back of his tunic, pushing him even more forward and down with such force that he ended up turning and hitting the ground with the back of his head, then his body following and finally lying on his back, holding his stomach. Everything had happened so fast that Aragorn barely reacted and jumped towards them, but when he reached them, Boromir was already lying flat on his back. Aragorn stood and looked down at him. The spell was broken and everybody moved at once. Legolas shook Gimli finally off and sprinted over Boromir's body towards her while the Merry and Pippin knelt down beside Boromir, and Gimli walked up to Aragorn.
"Irulan!" said Legolas and softly reached for her arm. "Let me look"
"I'm alright, Legolas" she said but did not withdraw her arm, not wanting to act harshly towards anybody right now. Especially since she had just used physical force on one of the Fellowship. On her own friend and brother! 'Damn' she thought. 'Damn! Damn! Damn!' Aragorn looked up at her and she looked back, ashamed. He did not look angry, though. 'Yeah well, that doesn't mean he will not do the right thing and send me off.' She jerked up when Legolas finally managed to roll back the fabric of her tunic and reached the flesh underneath it. He gasped and she turned to look. 'That ox almost broke it!' she thought. Her arm was all blue-black where he had gripped it. It looked like the blood flow had stopped severely in some of the tissues and many were seriously damaged. Legolas looked up at her with disbelief. "What?" she said and actually managed a smile, "you don't like it?" His looks took a deadly glaze and he looked down to Boromir, who was now slowly getting to his feet.
Irulan immediately stepped away from Legolas and walked up to the man, knowing only too well what the elf was thinking. She held out her hand to Aragorn who attempted to come along. "Boromir" she said, and her voice came out strained but calm, "are you alright?" A long silence followed. The man did not look at her. He was looking down, massaging his face.
"Did I break anything?" she asked and took another step. She literally felt Legolas tense behind her, but he did not show up by her side, which meant that he probably remained behind. Only after a few moments had passed, Boromir slowly shook his head.
Irulan took another step and stood right in front of him. She slowly placed her hand on his shoulder, expecting a blow or a punch, but Boromir only stiffened and remained as he was. "I am so sorry" she whispered. "Please forgive me, my friend" she said. Everybody was frozen in confusion and silence, not moving a hair. Boromir finally looked up at her and she slowly sighed in relief. It was Boromir again. The man she knew. The man of honor, the man of trust. The man she had a common history with much longer than anyone else on the fellowship. She felt like she had betrayed him. Betrayed her own brother! He quickly looked around, not making eye contact with anyone, and then back down.
"I.......I....." he began but cut off, unable to find his voice. After a silence, he tried again. "I don't know.......what came over me...." his voice broke again, and he resumed massaging his face. She felt him shaking violently under her touch. 'What is becoming of us?' she thought with horror. 'He is better than this. I am better than this. What is going on?'
Irulan slowly squeezed his shoulder, not caring how much that act hurt with her damaged arm. "It's alright" she whispered and slowly put her hand to his face, lifting it up to lock eyes with him. He looked at her with obvious tears in his eyes, the eyes of a shaken and broken man and of a confused child. It's alright my friend" she whispered again. Boromir looked away again and she turned to cast a glance at Aragorn who immediately understood and walked up to the pair.
"Are you feeling better now?" he said to Boromir. Boromir only nodded. Aragorn turned to her then; "Let me take a look at that arm" he said, his eyes flashing with cold fire. Irulan gulped and turned around to walk towards the camp without a single word with Aragorn at her heels. She did not even look back to see how everyone else was doing.
They reached the remaining bags lying underneath the first line of trees and Aragorn cast another glance at the others before he took her arm and began inspecting it. He softly pressed the tender flesh around the wound, which looked and hurt even worse now. "Looks nasty" he said a moment later, looking up at her.
"Aragorn" said Irulan, and stopped to take a deep breath. "I will leave immediately" she said slowly, looking towards the forest. "We don't need to tell the others and cause commotion. I'll just talk to Legolas for a minute if you don't mind". She would not walk out on him again. The others...'It's for their own good' whispered an amused Hetaire in her head. Irulan felt frustration taking hold of her. EVERYTHING she did came out so wrong and distorted. Aragorn let go of her arm but did not move or say anything other than that. She waited a little longer, but then couldn't endure it any more and slowly looked up at him.
"What are you talking about?" he said slowly, his eyes boring into hers.
'So he wants to hear the whole apology' sighed Irulan. And who could blame him now? "Aragorn.......I remember very well that I said I would leave this circle on my own account when a reason presents itself. And to that I stand. As a matter of fact, the longer I stay, the more I understand how foolish it was of me to join this group from the beginning" she swallowed hard. "You all opposed then. You were right, I was wrong, end of story" she whispered.
Aragorn did not speak for a moment. Then he sighed softly and said "And how on earth am I supposed to find my way into Barad-dûr? I am not endowed with neither your........equipment nor...your talents". She looked up at him and he was looking back at her with......amusement?
"Well you'll find a way, I'm sure. I'll probably end up killing everyone before we get there anyway" she said, ever more nervous now.
She felt tears again, this time because of her shame and failure, and fought them back furiously. 'Enough crying!' she thought bitterly. Suddenly Aragorn chuckled lightly. "I swear I'll never understand women!" he mumbled. Irulan looked at him with pure confusion on her face. Aragorn laughed some more and then began softly examining her arm again. "You're not going anywhere, Irulan. Because then I will actually have to follow you. In which case I'm afraid the rest will come along as well. So let us take care of this business before you drag us all around Middle-Earth, alright?"
Irulan's mouth dropped open. She did not even feel the stabbing pain that erupted when Aragorn pressed on the blackened flesh for a moment. "Wh- Why.......why would you follow me?"
"Because we are a fellowship and friends, you wild woman" he said and looked into her eyes, "I am not leaving anyone behind. We are in this together".
"Aragorn" said Irulan, now desperate to make her point, "don't you see? People are constantly fighting or arguing because of me."
"That's their problem, as far as I'm concerned" he said calmly, still inspecting her arm.
"But......"
"No, Irulan. I need you. I trust you. WE need you. We can not do this without you or without each other" he said and suddenly Irulan understood why Arwen was in love with this man, ready to give up everything for him. She herself was ready to give up her life any moment he demanded it. 'I have found my king' she thought, utterly astonished by his strength and charisma.
"But Boromir?" she whispered slowly, unable to look away from this amazing person.
Aragorn sighed softly and looked again towards the rest of the group. Gimli was talking to Boromir now, along with Merry and Pippin. Sam was with Legolas who had not moved from his spot and obviously had not intention of making peace with the man. He was looking to the ground, his lips pursed and his eyebrows furrowed while Sam was talking slowly, trying to establish eye contact with the elf. "Boromir is a problem" Aragorn said finally. "He has been, from the beginning. The captain of Gondor is a good man" he said and he turned to her again, "but he is weak. Like you. Like me" he finished with a whisper. Irulan knew he meant the human race and nodded silently. Aragorn shared her feelings for her kind. He was raised by elves and he trusted them more than he did his fellow men. "His anger is not towards you any more than towards the rest of us. We had an argument with him yesterday after you left........." He hesitated a moment before he added ".......about the Ring."
Irulan held her breath. The Ring! She had almost forgotten that accursed thing in the midst of them. 'Could it be?' she thought and her heart took a leap at the possibility of that evil thing finally and deftly having found its way into their souls. She suddenly remembered what Boromir had said on their way to Lothlorien and gulped. "Aragorn" she said, "you have to be very careful. I'm afraid he is beginning to give in to his temptation". She looked back at Boromir for an instant and then reluctantly continued: "I was aware of his struggle concerning the Ring. But I never...suspected...that he was...losing the battle" she finished with a barely audible whisper, her face a mask of sadness. Aragorn looked at her for a long moment and then nodded softly.
"I want you to be with me on this quest, Irulan. We never had the chance to talk at length. But I want you to know that now I share the respect and admiration that Gandalf felt for you. He told me a lot about you" he said and softly touched her arm, "through the journey. I know now that he was being modest about it. There is much more to you than he was willing to give away". Irulan quickly looked down, because she did not know how else to react to this unbelievable compliment coming from one of the most marvelous people who had ever walked on this earth. "He is the perfect human being" she thought suddenly. "An idol for the rest of the race. I can only dream of becoming something like that".
"Are you alright Irulan?" boomed Gimli's voice next to her. She smiled up at him and Legolas, who gracefully knelt next to her and immediately began to check on her arm.
She opened her mouth to reply, but Aragorn was faster. "Irulan means to leave us my friends" he said, with the voice of a mother telling her husband at the dinner table about all the horrible things their children had done that day.
"What? Are you insane?!" yelped Gimli.
Legolas gasped and looked into her eyes, whispering "Is this true, Irulan?"
"Well........I thought......." she began, but Gimli was furious. "Stop thinking then!" he puffed with distaste.
"Oh be quiet! You men are driving me crazy!" she sighed.
"You can't leave Irulan" said Legolas with a harsh voice.
"Yes, yes.....first time I tried to join, everybody told me I can't come along. Now I want to leave and suddenly everybody tells me I can't walk away. You better make up your minds" she said, barely keeping herself from wincing from the continuously increasing pain emanating from her arm now.
"Well........back then we thought you were a woman" said Gimli. Irulan gasped with horror.
Aragorn chuckled softly. "After having seen that little demonstration" he said, "I must admit that we need a whole new description for you. No woman and very few man I know can do that". He chuckled again and stood up. "Legolas, we need to take care of that wound. Nothing too serious, but it might get painful if we don't increase the blood flow in that region" he said before he walked towards Boromir who was now leaning on his boat, looking towards the river with Merry and Pippin heartily talking to him in excitement. They seemed to be explaining something funny and Boromir had a smile on his face, but his eyes were distant; he was lost in thoughts.
Irulan groaned. 'It can get MORE painful?' she thought, suddenly feeling tired. "Maybe it is time for Irulan to die again" she mumbled. Legolas laughed softly at this comment and looked up at her with a sad smile.
"I don't think we would fall for that one again" said Gimli. "What do you think my friend?" he asked the elf. 'My friend?' thought Irulan with amazement. 'That I would live to hear that! This quest is becoming stranger by the day'.
"I seriously doubt it" Legolas sad softly, his blue eyes never leaving hers, a smile of amusement spreading across his lips. Irulan groaned again and rolled her eyes. 'At least now I know that I have the instincts of a woman' she thought bitterly. 'I knew something ugly was going to happen today'.
What she didn't know, though, was that her instincts were right, but her guess was very, very wrong - for the day had barely begun.
I know that each chapter that is supposed to be sweet and romantic has also a tinge of sadness to it. I assume that a love like this is eventually painful for both parties and that is the whole point - what the drag is all about. Poor Aragorn and Arwen. Even poorer Legolas and Irulan - at least the former ones have sense. (Actually, the more I write, the more I am thinking about writing an Eowyn-Legolas fic that lacks the action but is soaked with romanticism). And kiki, ha ha, you are so sweet! Bu I really could not make her half-elven or anything right now. Pain is good. Pain leaves a mark and makes a story unforgettable. And this brings us to our next chapter:
Alert my friends - I like Boromir myself, and it was never my intention of presenting him under a less than favorable light. He is a true hero who wants to do the right thing, but all the elements ironically end up working against him and he falters, as would anyone else in his position. Some parts seemed to be too strong and rough when I wrote them (and I have no idea how people in Middle Earth used to curse; so if anyone has a clue, let me know) but then I kept thinking back about Boromir's verbal and physical assault on Frodo and it did not seem too surreal after all - when he loses it, he loses it completely, I think. I just want you to imagine a man whose love for Irulan is 'rejected' for another (and an elf on top of that! We all know Boromir is not too fond of the other races), whose need for the Ring growing, Aragorn and Gimli obviously working against him and shutting him off, and who is feeling very alone. The result is natural. That is all I'm going to say about this chapter.
The next morning once again before dawn they were greeted with the blue mist. The fellowship slowly rose and prepared itself to face another tiring day, this time hoping to arrive to their goal, the Falls of Rauros. As Irulan woke up from dark and restless dreams once more, floating slowly towards reality, she felt a shadow descending on her and she knew that the day was pregnant with foul surprises. She unconsciously looked at Legolas, and the elf did not look too much better - although she was not sure whether it was because of their conversation yesterday, or the day ahead of them. She still had no idea why Legolas had reacted so drastically to her revelation concerning the Arwen and Aragorn matter.
It was normal for him to be embarrassed, since he had, after all, kissed her and showed interest in her. For him to go around talking about love between immortals and mortals like that........was a matter of shame. But then, now that she looked back, Irulan could see that she had been the usual, foolish, naive young princess herself. He had been kind and charming, but now she knew that it was just the way of the elves. He had spent a lot of time with her during his stay, but it was probably just mild interest in a mortal woman like her. And he had kissed her, but a kiss is a far cry from love. He probably felt intrigued to do it, that's all. She herself had read into his actions more than there was to it. She had actually fooled herself to believe that he had feelings for her while all the time he was just being an elf. Irulan sighed with discomfort. 'Well I have to grant Vessun this' she thought irritated, 'feelings DO distract you'.
Legolas realized her looking at him and walked over to her. "What is it, Irulan?" he said softly in the silence of the morning. She smiled back at him "Nothing.....I feel......odd" she said. She was expecting mocking, but Legolas took her very serious. "How do you mean?" he said.
"Ah it's nothing" she whispered. "I would say a woman's instincts, but I would have to be a woman for that, won't I?" She winked at him.
Legolas looked confused for a moment and then smiled again. He looked away, towards the direction they would be taking. "I know what you mean. My thoughts have been restless as well."
Irulan's eyebrows shot up at that. 'I hope that there's nothing to worry about' she thought. Exactly at that moment Boromir walked by them, rudely running into Legolas, but not stopping to excuse himself. Legolas looked behind him with disbelief, and then at Irulan. Irulan, though, held up her hand and followed the man.
He was carrying the equipment back to his boat and he looked like he did not get much sleep last night, either. Just when he reached the boat and began to put the bags in, Irulan arrived by his side. "Good morning Boromir" she said cautiously.
He halted in mid-action but did not turn around and soon afterwards continued with his job. 'Maybe he is grumpy in the mornings' she thought, but the idea was not something she would bet on. "How are you feeling?" she tried again.
"Like you care!" hissed Boromir and suddenly he looked at her with such hate that she felt something cold sliding down her spine. She bit her lower lip and thought about what to do. She could turn around and leave. 'Good idea' said the voice in her head. She could keep on pushing. 'I don't think so' replied the voice. "Of course I care" she heard herself saying softly before she even reached a decision. The voice in her head literally groaned.
Boromir cast another hateful glance at her direction and then continued almost punching the bags while placing them in the boat. Irulan took another step toward the boat. It was too late to turn around now. Better to get to the bottom of this, because she had never seen her brother in arms like this and felt very concerned for him now. "Boromir...please speak to me...." she began, but the man interrupted her rudely:
"Speak to you?! SPEAK to you?" he said, his voice ever so slightly rising, and then he very slowly walked towards her, jumped out of the boat and stood looking down at her. If Irulan had enough sense, she would step back and walk away, pretending this never happened. But as it was, she had no sense whatsoever. Or maybe she just had too much guts. In either case, she remained unaffected and calm. "But I can NOT speak to you, Lady Irulan" he said with a greasy voice, mimicking a bow, "I am not good enough for you."
"What the heck are you talking about?" she said, her own voice betraying her growing anger now.
"You know EXACTLY what I am talking about" he hissed once more, taking another quick step and standing right before her now, actually looming over her, because he was much bigger than Irulan. Irulan, though, only crossed her arms. She was not aware of it, but her Black Knight psyche was taking over bit by bit. Even though Irulan was a confused girl at times who flinched when it came to feelings, many (sometimes including herself) often forgot that she was yet also the Black Knight, who feared no physical attack.
"Boromir" she said, and this time she did sound like the Black Knight so much, that for a moment the man's face twisted with confusion and he felt unsure of himself. It was but only a moment. "I have no time for this stupidity. You have a problem with me, you tell me. You don't, then stop acting like a weakling!"
"I DO have a problem, alright!" he barked now. His face was darker than she ever remembered. He did not look angry, he looked...........'mad' whispered a voice in her head and Irulan again felt a cold liquid trickling down her spine. He grabbed her right arm and began to squeeze it, and although Irulan made no attempt to take it back, she also felt the pain there slowly finding its way to her brain. "My problem is that you are a lying, deceiving, treacherous........" -'Oh no, he does not dare' Irulan thought, but actually he did- "......whore!" he finished, looking very satisfied with himself.
'Very well' thought Irulan, 'for the next five minutes, this man is not my friend anymore and I can hurt him as much as I want', and she was about to start a very nasty argument when she heard Legolas right next to her: "You will take that back right now!" he said with a low voice and Irulan could not remember his voice ever being like that before. She turned her head slightly to see his face and he looked like the darkest thunderclouds right before the first drop fell. And that's when she suddenly lost the anger and calmness of the Black Knight and felt fear, because she realized where this was going and what severe consequences it might have for the fellowship. Under no circumstances could she let that happen. Besides, Aragorn would surely boot her out this time. She hastily looked around for the others and realized with disappointment that she was too late in worrying. Everybody was stock still, listening to the conversation. Aragorn and Gimli dropped the equipment and began walking up to them. Irulan turned to Boromir once more. He was still holding her arm and now twisting it slightly, and it began to burn with intensity.
"What if I don't?" he spat at Legolas, actually laughing a little, and that made him even scarier. "Why don't you make me.......Prince?" he added darkly.
Legolas gritted his teeth and Irulan quickly spoke up "Legolas, please let me handle this. This is between Boromir and me. Do not interrupt our conversation" she said, but Legolas did not move a hair. Actually, locked as he was to Boromir's eyes, she wondered if he actually had heard her. Irulan had never seen him like that before and she gulped audibly, looking from one mad man to the other. 'Aragorn is going to throw me out for sure' she thought, panic rising in her.
"You will take back what you said this instant" Legolas said again and she felt her heart growing gold at that tone, "and you will let her go right NOW" he added softly, never raising his voice, but having an even scarier effect on her than Boromir.
Aragorn and Gimli had arrived at the site and Gimli grabbed Legolas' arm while Aragorn put his hand on Boromir's shoulder. But to everyone's utter surprise Boromir shook Aragorn off with force and made him stagger back a few steps. "Don't touch me!" he screamed. "You just go back to your scheming and laughing behind my back!"
Gimli did not look to be doing a good job himself, for even though the elf made no attempt to move him away, he was also very much unaffected by the dwarf's attempt to shake him awake. Irulan tried to free her arm again but Boromir had a steely grip on her. Aragorn stepped up again and this time made no attempt to touch Boromir. He sounded very dangerous himself "Boromir, you will let go right now. You are not yourself" he said with a cool voice.
"I do what I WANT to do, Aragorn. I am tired of you running around and telling me what to do!" he said and stepped back, jerking Irulan with him. She was caught so off guard that her legs slammed into the boat behind her and she barely managed not to wince.
Legolas immediately made an attempt to jump towards them, but this time both Aragorn and Gimli had him in grip, knowing he would do that. After a few minutes of struggle Aragorn swiftly stepped in front of him, locking eyes with him. "Legolas" he said with a commanding tone, "step back!"
Legolas though did not show an indication that he heard him, trying to free his arm from Gimli to reach to his bow. Meanwhile Irulan struggled again to free her arm from Boromir, but he would not let go. She could hit him and free herself of course, but once this whole thing got physical, these men would probably kill each other while the atmosphere was as tense as it was at the moment. She saw the hobbits running towards them with the corner of her eye.
"Legolas!" said Aragorn with more fire in his voice and this time the elf actually heard him, "Stop right now!" Aragorn said and blocked his view again when he tried to look over to Irulan. "Legolas listen to him" said Irulan, trying to figure out how to get out of this mess. Legolas ever so slightly calmed down when he heard her voice and Aragorn placed his hands on his shoulders, once again locking eyes with him. "Stop my friend" he said with a low voice. The elf tried to look over the man's shoulder again, but failing to do so, stopped moving. Gimli patted his arm, still not letting go and he looked down at the dwarf.
"Boromir, you stupid ox, let go of me right now" she hissed, trying to lower her voice enough so that only he could hear it. Boromir instantly turned to her and his face so close that she could feel his breath on her face when he spoke: "Why Irulan? You prefer elves to touch you now?"
Her eyes widened at the remark. "Don't be stupid. Have you forgotten where you are? We are friends!" she said this time louder.
"Friends!" he yelled as the hobbits arrived and everybody, including Aragorn turned around to look at him, "We are no friends! You all betrayed me!" he screamed.
'He is mad' thought Irulan with astonishment. 'He has gone mad and none of us realized it happening'. The pain in her arm became unbearable, and she decided to stop struggling, since it hurt only more when she did.
"Are you insane?! What are you talking about?" she protested.
"I am not insane, Irulan. I just woke up from a dream" he hissed and then turning to the others, began to chuckle softly. Everyone seemed to be frozen in mid-action, looking at him, not knowing what to do. Everyone except Legolas, who was not looking at Boromir at all, but at her. Irulan had stopped squirming and she looked calmly back at him, silently trying to persuade him that she was fine. Only Legolas did not look convinced at all.
"Did you think I would not see?" he began a moment later, still laughing softly. "You all turning against me?" he tightened his grip on her arm and she swallowed hard, pushing back the tears of pain that threatened to crawl into her eyes now. "You all sitting around in the shadows, whispering, talking, making plans behind my back?" he yelled, looking at Aragorn and Gimli. He shook his head, chuckling again.
"Mister Boromir, please" sounded Sam's voice suddenly, "please........calm down"
Merry and Pippin took another step towards him. They were closer in their friendship to him than any of the others and they looked more worried for him at the moment than afraid or angry.
"No! You stay out of this!" Boromir yelled. "I know what I am saying" said Boromir with a growl and once again looked at Aragorn.
Aragorn took a small step towards them, holding out his hands, "Boromir, I apologize. There must be a misunderstanding" he said, his eyes wandering to Irulan. "Let us talk about it. Let her go and then let us sit down and resolve this" he said softly.
"I'd say it's a little late for that. I can see through you, Aragorn. You and your friends" -he literally spat the last word, looking towards Gimli and a still poised Legolas- "you are trying to get to it. You will take it and USE it!" Then he looked towards Frodo and the hobbit took two steps back, his blue eyes reflecting a fear that one feels when one confronts a madman.
Boromir growled and twisted her arm again and this time it hurt so much, her body reacted on its own. Irulan's elbow shot up and she hit Boromir on the nose. He cried out and his head fell back, and before she knew it, she hit him in the stomach, hard. He instantly let go of her arm and had a very confused look on his face when he bent forward and Irulan's free left arm shot out to grab the back of his tunic, pushing him even more forward and down with such force that he ended up turning and hitting the ground with the back of his head, then his body following and finally lying on his back, holding his stomach. Everything had happened so fast that Aragorn barely reacted and jumped towards them, but when he reached them, Boromir was already lying flat on his back. Aragorn stood and looked down at him. The spell was broken and everybody moved at once. Legolas shook Gimli finally off and sprinted over Boromir's body towards her while the Merry and Pippin knelt down beside Boromir, and Gimli walked up to Aragorn.
"Irulan!" said Legolas and softly reached for her arm. "Let me look"
"I'm alright, Legolas" she said but did not withdraw her arm, not wanting to act harshly towards anybody right now. Especially since she had just used physical force on one of the Fellowship. On her own friend and brother! 'Damn' she thought. 'Damn! Damn! Damn!' Aragorn looked up at her and she looked back, ashamed. He did not look angry, though. 'Yeah well, that doesn't mean he will not do the right thing and send me off.' She jerked up when Legolas finally managed to roll back the fabric of her tunic and reached the flesh underneath it. He gasped and she turned to look. 'That ox almost broke it!' she thought. Her arm was all blue-black where he had gripped it. It looked like the blood flow had stopped severely in some of the tissues and many were seriously damaged. Legolas looked up at her with disbelief. "What?" she said and actually managed a smile, "you don't like it?" His looks took a deadly glaze and he looked down to Boromir, who was now slowly getting to his feet.
Irulan immediately stepped away from Legolas and walked up to the man, knowing only too well what the elf was thinking. She held out her hand to Aragorn who attempted to come along. "Boromir" she said, and her voice came out strained but calm, "are you alright?" A long silence followed. The man did not look at her. He was looking down, massaging his face.
"Did I break anything?" she asked and took another step. She literally felt Legolas tense behind her, but he did not show up by her side, which meant that he probably remained behind. Only after a few moments had passed, Boromir slowly shook his head.
Irulan took another step and stood right in front of him. She slowly placed her hand on his shoulder, expecting a blow or a punch, but Boromir only stiffened and remained as he was. "I am so sorry" she whispered. "Please forgive me, my friend" she said. Everybody was frozen in confusion and silence, not moving a hair. Boromir finally looked up at her and she slowly sighed in relief. It was Boromir again. The man she knew. The man of honor, the man of trust. The man she had a common history with much longer than anyone else on the fellowship. She felt like she had betrayed him. Betrayed her own brother! He quickly looked around, not making eye contact with anyone, and then back down.
"I.......I....." he began but cut off, unable to find his voice. After a silence, he tried again. "I don't know.......what came over me...." his voice broke again, and he resumed massaging his face. She felt him shaking violently under her touch. 'What is becoming of us?' she thought with horror. 'He is better than this. I am better than this. What is going on?'
Irulan slowly squeezed his shoulder, not caring how much that act hurt with her damaged arm. "It's alright" she whispered and slowly put her hand to his face, lifting it up to lock eyes with him. He looked at her with obvious tears in his eyes, the eyes of a shaken and broken man and of a confused child. It's alright my friend" she whispered again. Boromir looked away again and she turned to cast a glance at Aragorn who immediately understood and walked up to the pair.
"Are you feeling better now?" he said to Boromir. Boromir only nodded. Aragorn turned to her then; "Let me take a look at that arm" he said, his eyes flashing with cold fire. Irulan gulped and turned around to walk towards the camp without a single word with Aragorn at her heels. She did not even look back to see how everyone else was doing.
They reached the remaining bags lying underneath the first line of trees and Aragorn cast another glance at the others before he took her arm and began inspecting it. He softly pressed the tender flesh around the wound, which looked and hurt even worse now. "Looks nasty" he said a moment later, looking up at her.
"Aragorn" said Irulan, and stopped to take a deep breath. "I will leave immediately" she said slowly, looking towards the forest. "We don't need to tell the others and cause commotion. I'll just talk to Legolas for a minute if you don't mind". She would not walk out on him again. The others...'It's for their own good' whispered an amused Hetaire in her head. Irulan felt frustration taking hold of her. EVERYTHING she did came out so wrong and distorted. Aragorn let go of her arm but did not move or say anything other than that. She waited a little longer, but then couldn't endure it any more and slowly looked up at him.
"What are you talking about?" he said slowly, his eyes boring into hers.
'So he wants to hear the whole apology' sighed Irulan. And who could blame him now? "Aragorn.......I remember very well that I said I would leave this circle on my own account when a reason presents itself. And to that I stand. As a matter of fact, the longer I stay, the more I understand how foolish it was of me to join this group from the beginning" she swallowed hard. "You all opposed then. You were right, I was wrong, end of story" she whispered.
Aragorn did not speak for a moment. Then he sighed softly and said "And how on earth am I supposed to find my way into Barad-dûr? I am not endowed with neither your........equipment nor...your talents". She looked up at him and he was looking back at her with......amusement?
"Well you'll find a way, I'm sure. I'll probably end up killing everyone before we get there anyway" she said, ever more nervous now.
She felt tears again, this time because of her shame and failure, and fought them back furiously. 'Enough crying!' she thought bitterly. Suddenly Aragorn chuckled lightly. "I swear I'll never understand women!" he mumbled. Irulan looked at him with pure confusion on her face. Aragorn laughed some more and then began softly examining her arm again. "You're not going anywhere, Irulan. Because then I will actually have to follow you. In which case I'm afraid the rest will come along as well. So let us take care of this business before you drag us all around Middle-Earth, alright?"
Irulan's mouth dropped open. She did not even feel the stabbing pain that erupted when Aragorn pressed on the blackened flesh for a moment. "Wh- Why.......why would you follow me?"
"Because we are a fellowship and friends, you wild woman" he said and looked into her eyes, "I am not leaving anyone behind. We are in this together".
"Aragorn" said Irulan, now desperate to make her point, "don't you see? People are constantly fighting or arguing because of me."
"That's their problem, as far as I'm concerned" he said calmly, still inspecting her arm.
"But......"
"No, Irulan. I need you. I trust you. WE need you. We can not do this without you or without each other" he said and suddenly Irulan understood why Arwen was in love with this man, ready to give up everything for him. She herself was ready to give up her life any moment he demanded it. 'I have found my king' she thought, utterly astonished by his strength and charisma.
"But Boromir?" she whispered slowly, unable to look away from this amazing person.
Aragorn sighed softly and looked again towards the rest of the group. Gimli was talking to Boromir now, along with Merry and Pippin. Sam was with Legolas who had not moved from his spot and obviously had not intention of making peace with the man. He was looking to the ground, his lips pursed and his eyebrows furrowed while Sam was talking slowly, trying to establish eye contact with the elf. "Boromir is a problem" Aragorn said finally. "He has been, from the beginning. The captain of Gondor is a good man" he said and he turned to her again, "but he is weak. Like you. Like me" he finished with a whisper. Irulan knew he meant the human race and nodded silently. Aragorn shared her feelings for her kind. He was raised by elves and he trusted them more than he did his fellow men. "His anger is not towards you any more than towards the rest of us. We had an argument with him yesterday after you left........." He hesitated a moment before he added ".......about the Ring."
Irulan held her breath. The Ring! She had almost forgotten that accursed thing in the midst of them. 'Could it be?' she thought and her heart took a leap at the possibility of that evil thing finally and deftly having found its way into their souls. She suddenly remembered what Boromir had said on their way to Lothlorien and gulped. "Aragorn" she said, "you have to be very careful. I'm afraid he is beginning to give in to his temptation". She looked back at Boromir for an instant and then reluctantly continued: "I was aware of his struggle concerning the Ring. But I never...suspected...that he was...losing the battle" she finished with a barely audible whisper, her face a mask of sadness. Aragorn looked at her for a long moment and then nodded softly.
"I want you to be with me on this quest, Irulan. We never had the chance to talk at length. But I want you to know that now I share the respect and admiration that Gandalf felt for you. He told me a lot about you" he said and softly touched her arm, "through the journey. I know now that he was being modest about it. There is much more to you than he was willing to give away". Irulan quickly looked down, because she did not know how else to react to this unbelievable compliment coming from one of the most marvelous people who had ever walked on this earth. "He is the perfect human being" she thought suddenly. "An idol for the rest of the race. I can only dream of becoming something like that".
"Are you alright Irulan?" boomed Gimli's voice next to her. She smiled up at him and Legolas, who gracefully knelt next to her and immediately began to check on her arm.
She opened her mouth to reply, but Aragorn was faster. "Irulan means to leave us my friends" he said, with the voice of a mother telling her husband at the dinner table about all the horrible things their children had done that day.
"What? Are you insane?!" yelped Gimli.
Legolas gasped and looked into her eyes, whispering "Is this true, Irulan?"
"Well........I thought......." she began, but Gimli was furious. "Stop thinking then!" he puffed with distaste.
"Oh be quiet! You men are driving me crazy!" she sighed.
"You can't leave Irulan" said Legolas with a harsh voice.
"Yes, yes.....first time I tried to join, everybody told me I can't come along. Now I want to leave and suddenly everybody tells me I can't walk away. You better make up your minds" she said, barely keeping herself from wincing from the continuously increasing pain emanating from her arm now.
"Well........back then we thought you were a woman" said Gimli. Irulan gasped with horror.
Aragorn chuckled softly. "After having seen that little demonstration" he said, "I must admit that we need a whole new description for you. No woman and very few man I know can do that". He chuckled again and stood up. "Legolas, we need to take care of that wound. Nothing too serious, but it might get painful if we don't increase the blood flow in that region" he said before he walked towards Boromir who was now leaning on his boat, looking towards the river with Merry and Pippin heartily talking to him in excitement. They seemed to be explaining something funny and Boromir had a smile on his face, but his eyes were distant; he was lost in thoughts.
Irulan groaned. 'It can get MORE painful?' she thought, suddenly feeling tired. "Maybe it is time for Irulan to die again" she mumbled. Legolas laughed softly at this comment and looked up at her with a sad smile.
"I don't think we would fall for that one again" said Gimli. "What do you think my friend?" he asked the elf. 'My friend?' thought Irulan with amazement. 'That I would live to hear that! This quest is becoming stranger by the day'.
"I seriously doubt it" Legolas sad softly, his blue eyes never leaving hers, a smile of amusement spreading across his lips. Irulan groaned again and rolled her eyes. 'At least now I know that I have the instincts of a woman' she thought bitterly. 'I knew something ugly was going to happen today'.
What she didn't know, though, was that her instincts were right, but her guess was very, very wrong - for the day had barely begun.