My beloved reviewers! Yet another chapter. Both your immense support as
well as your threats keep me going. I understand that some of you thought I
would end the story with the breaking of the Fellowship. Hmmmm...now that I
think of it..does not sound too bad. It would leave a lot to the
imagination! But....there is too much good stuff in the Two Towers.
My only concern: We have ETERNITY till the Return of the King! And I had plans for including Irulan in the events of that movie as well. Alas, I have no clue as to what to do! The only option would be to cut off once we get to that point and wait for the movie to come out. And hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks this is a terrible option.
Once again, thank you for MY reviewers (yes, some of you have been writing so frequently, you are MINE now) and also the surprisingly many who have read the story just recently for the first time and intend to do so further! And thank you for the helpful links (sunnygirl) and the grammar hints (Amsey-thank you so much! I knew something there did not ring right!).
As to the pace...I wish I could keep up, but as Irulan's interaction with the other characters increases, the writing becomes more torturous. We have brought her so far and we sure don't want her to be wasted now, do we? I am slowing down drastically and I am desperately trying to prevent that from reflecting on the updates. But I fear soon enough it will. So..bear with me, alright?
Note to the Story: No matter what Tolkien says about their heroic nature, I have serious doubts that Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli ran three straight days without rest or sleep. The same goes for the Uruk-hais. Besides, in the movie they were tired and wasted when they camped by Fangorn forest. Which means they DO get tired. So I took the freedom of making the party slow down and occasionally rest during those days.
Also, yes, it's true, the ash from wood was and is still used as a very strong detergent. I even made some research on the issue and discovered that you have to burn wood and you have to collect the white ash from it. It is said to be more powerful than soap and most other detergents. A good tip for those who camp occasionally.
"Ouch! That's enough! You're going to kill me!" she protested.
"Suits you right for not telling us that you were wounded!" boomed Gimli, who was standing behind Aragorn. Aragorn was kneeling by her side, fastening the bandages for her ankle. He tied one more knot and Irulan gritted her teeth.
"It is all swollen. You can not run any further," Aragorn murmured, "At least not for today."
"Then you will leave me behind and go," she said, trying to sit up properly again.
"Nonsense. Leave you out here alone? You must have hit your head during the fight, woman!" protested Gimli again. More and more he seemed to be the merciless critic, standing aside and objecting to everything. "How very Chemarit-like!" she thought bitterly. 'Soon enough I will be able to classify the men in my life into as few as three classes: the annoying, the more annoying and the most annoying.'
"We can not allow them to put a greater distance between us. They have Merry and Pippin!" sighed Irulan with frustration
"I told you I will leave none behind," said Aragorn, his voice slightly betraying the impatience he felt about having repeated this statement too many times today, "They obviously have not killed the hobbits yet, which means that Merry and Pippin are safe - at least until they reach their destination. There is nowhere a group of Uruk-hais could be going closer than a two days distance."
"Yes, yes," said Irulan again and once more waved the argument away, "I know already! But I don't think gaining on them once they have reached their destination is a very bright idea. We have to catch them BEFORE they get there and........."
"Irulan, my decision is final. We will rest today. We are all too tired to continue with this pace anyway," Aragorn said and stood up to leave.
Irulan pursed her lips and looked after him. 'Stubborn men!' she protested silently. Just at that moment Legolas returned to the camp. "They are slowing down," he announced, "they must be tired themselves."
"Aragorn........they might camp soon. A few more hours and we can catch them," she tried again but Aragorn turned to give her one of his icy stares.
"I thought you were going to the nearby stream to wash yourself," he said with a cold voice. Irulan slowly stood up and tried her ankle. It really felt awful, but she had had worse ankle problems in the past. It would probably swell for a day but the pain would be gone by tomorrow.
"Fine. I'm going to clean myself and wash my outer tunics. If something happens, you know where to find me," she said.
"Irulan......" said Gimli suddenly, "I was wondering.......if it's not too much trouble...could you possibly......well....."
"Say it already Gimli! I can hardly balance myself on one foot all night!"
"My shirt smells pretty bad, too," he said finally.
Irulan's eyebrows shut up. "And.........?" she said very slowly.
"I don't know how to get off the stains of that thing! I never did it before!"
"You actually want me to wash your clothes?!" gasped Irulan. "Why you......you........."
"Alright, alright! Feisty woman! Whatever happened to helping each other out?! Believe me I would do it myself if I knew how!" he mumbled and stomped towards the fire.
"Give it to me now or forget about it, you dwarf!" Irulan yelled behind him a moment later.
Gimli slowly turned to her with the expression of a little child. "You are an angel Irulan! Right away! Let me take of this vest," he said and began to unfasten his protective vest. Irulan rolled her eyes. 'I SHOULD have stayed in disguise' she thought again, but she felt no real anger. Gimli was right - this was helping each other out, not a matter of gender. These men had done so much more for her, she was not about to protest about something as insignificant as this.
She was still waiting for Gimli when she realized that Legolas and Aragorn were standing by the fire and staring at her. When their eyes met with hers, both swiftly looked away. Irulan bit her lower lip to keep from laughing out loud and cleared her throat a moment later. "Well?" she said barely keeping the amusement from her voice. Aragorn scratched his head and Legolas fidgeted with the hem of his tunic.
"Give it over already!" she almost yelled. "I'd rather wash your shirts than run around with you, smelling the stink of it!"
Both men hastily began to undress.
***
Irulan slowly and carefully walked up to the stream. It was dark after all and the boulders were slippery. No need to fall on your face and add another one to your injuries. Once she reached the water she began to walk a little further upstream to find a better and more secluded spot. Then she put the shirts on her arm carefully on the grass, for the one on the top had a pile of ash on it and she did not want to it scatter it in the dark. Ash was the only way to get the dirt and the stains off - not to mention that it was the only thing to come around in a place like this. Irulan undressed carefully, not wanting to hurt her arm or her ankle any more. She slowly checked on the cut on her side. It was already healing. She sighed and began the difficult process of washing clothes with ice cold water in the dark.
***
"How close do you think she got this time?"
"I don't know Aragorn. But she seemed VERY close. I have never seen her like that before," whispered Legolas back.
They were sitting in a small circle facing the fire with their trousers and the protective Elven cloaks draped around their naked torsos. Gimli had no elven cloak but he was wearing his vest and cape. They had built the fire among a circle of rather large boulders to prevent it to be seen from a far distance. The region was covered with deep valleys and steep, rocky hills anyway and the party ahead of them would not detect their presence in this terrain.
"It did not look good, my friend," the dwarf added, "not good at all. For a moment I thought........well I thought........." he said, and decided not to finish the sentence.
"She asked me in which direction the shore was. And her nose was bleeding.." said Legolas in frustration. "There were so many bodies there," he added with a low voice, "so MANY...in such a SHORT time!"
Aragorn was silent for a while. He was stirring the fire with a stick in his hand, lost in thought. Finally he looked from dwarf to elf and then back. "I don't know what do to," he said. Elf and dwarf exchanged irritated glances. They were hoping Aragorn to make a decision or to come to an answer for them.
"We can not let her fight," hissed Legolas. One more fight like this and she will lose her san-......" he stopped for a moment and then finished hastily ".....her control."
"And how to you propose to convince her not to fight, Legolas?" whispered Aragorn back slowly.
Legolas just looked at him and then, sighing, looked away. He knew as well as the others that nothing could keep Irulan from fighting for this cause. He also knew something even more dreadful: that they NEEDED her to fight. The enemy was too strong. Even more so now that they had parted and that Boromir and Gandalf were not with them any longer. There was no way they could handle another attack like that without Irulan. Yet, the idea of her being in danger burned in him like an imperishable flame. The three men remained silent for a long time, each desperately trying to think of a solution, and each knowing only too well that there was none.
Finally Gimli sighed. "Gandalf would know. If only he were here," he said gloomily.
"But he is not," said Aragorn dreamily. "And I'm afraid we all know what his answer to this situation would be." He looked up at the other two. Another silence set in. "You know what he told us on the mountain," Aragorn added very slowly, looking them in the eye.
"We can not kill her," said Legolas and his voice was a cold blade, his eyes daggers.
"Do you think I want to?!" Aragorn protested instantly, angry himself. Legolas did not answer but turned away, looking into the dark, trying to hide his fury. "Would you rather want her to end up dying in guilt and shame? Dying with the taint of having killed innocent, of having killed her OWN, Legolas?" Aragorn added bitterly and immediately stopped. 'I can't believe I just proposed that' he thought suddenly.
"We can NOT kill her," hissed Legolas again; "I will not allow it!"
"Then I assume you are planning to approach a Shifting Darma Druid, bind her hands and carry her away?" the man asked, anger still prevailing in his voice.
Legolas opened his mouth to reply and sure enough it was not going to be a very nice one when Gimli interfered: "Enough!" He looked from one to the other. Each stared back for a moment, then slowly turned away. Aragorn resumed stirring the fire and Legolas continued looking into the darkness.
"Maybe we should ask HER," said Gimli very slowly. Both men looked at him with astonishment and then at each other.
"Ask HER?" said Aragorn. "Ask her exactly what? Whether we should kill her or not when the need arises?"
"I can tell you easily enough what her answer to that will be," whispered Legolas bitterly.
"Irulan is a warrior. She deserves respect in a matter concerning her own end," said Gimli matter-of-factly. "Why, if she was a dwarven woman, not asking her would be the worst insult," he added a moment later. Elf and man continued to look at him with disbelief. Gimli shifted uncomfortably, then cleared his throat and looked defiantly back. "Besides......." he added a moment later, "asking is one thing, doing what she wants us to is another."
Aragorn and Legolas both looked at each other again and a relief, followed very slowly with a sly smirk washed over their features. "True," said Aragorn, almost grinning now.
"Also, she might feel relieved thinking we will heed her advice," added Legolas, smiling.
"And she might actually like us better for the asking," said Gimli.
"Cunning, Master Gimli," said Aragorn, his eyes twinkling.
"I have to admit, the fiercest elven warrior would not have come up with that idea," said Legolas with bemused admiration.
"Neither would have a dwarf, my friend!" boomed Gimli with pleasure. "I have perfected my lethal combat strategies by observing women! Alas, good thing they are not the enemy! I fear Sauron less than a cunning woman," he said, laughing now. Both men joined him, shaking their heads.
***
"Alright you lot! Move aside!" Irulan shouted as she approached them. They hastily prepared an empty spot for her. She lay the shirts on the boulders closest to the fire to dry and joined them, then sat down between Aragorn and Legolas facing the fire, with her own Elvish cloak draped around her armless shirt, and tried to stop shaking.
"I can't believe you washed yourself with that ice cold water - not to mention while the weather is as cold as right now!" said Aragorn, baffled.
"Well...I can't believe YOU didn't," replied Irulan. "You sure need to."
"I intend to live, thank you."
"And kill us with your stink, yeah, I noticed," she said, not missing a beat.
Aragorn laughed out loud and shook his head.
"I wonder how Legolas stands the filth of humans when even I am having a difficult time myself," said Irulan, grinning.
"It is not easy, I can tell you that," said the elf, sighing with sincere frustration and looking into the fire. They all stared at him for a moment with wide eyes and then thundered with laughter. Legolas looked startled for a moment, having drifted off in his own thoughts, but then joined them with his melodious voice.
"Why, that elf just insulted us, Aragorn!" said Irulan when she found her voice again.
"I'm too tired to take him out right now," the man said, waving his hand.
"At least that would have been a swift and valiant death!" smirked Legolas.
They all laughed again. Then another silence settled in. Irulan shifted uncomfortably in her cloak and inched closer to the fire. It was indeed very cold..especially without the protective tunics.
"I can't believe we brought nothing to eat with us!" protested Gimli with frustration. All that elvish bread that Lady Galadriel so kindly gave us...is rotting somewhere by the river now!"
"Well if the sprinting Ranger here had not dashed ahead like that," said Irulan, casting a sidelong look at Aragorn, "we would certainly be better off right now in many other ways as well."
Aragorn sighed. "I left my pipe back there. Which means I REALLY wasn't thinking," he said, shifting uncomfortably.
The idea of the camp naturally brought back the memories of not so merry things. Another silence settled in. Everyone was lost in their own world. "I will really miss him," said Irulan softly into the fire. "I mean, I will miss all of them," she added a moment later, waving her hand, "but...Boromir and I had a rather long history together," she finished.
"How long did you know him?" asked Legolas.
"Almost two years...though we were not always together during the whole time. The first time we met, he actually saved my life" said Irulan and looked up to meet their curious looks. "He killed an orc that approached me from behind. It was lying on the ground, pretending to be dead. A rather common orcish trick, as I would discover later...If it was not for Boromir, I would not be here today."
"He will always be remembered," said Aragorn. "I will make sure that everyone hears the courage of the captain of Gondor."
"Yes...a great man he was," said Gimli.
"He was a warrior of great honor," Legolas murmured softly.
"How many more?" said Irulan softly. They all looked at her, not blinking and she looked up a moment later. "How many more will we bid farewell to before this ends?" she said.
"As many as we need to," said Aragorn bitterly after a short silence and he looked like it literally pained him to say so.
"Yes, indeed," said Irulan and looked up at him. Aragorn did not reply but did not turn away either. They stared at each other for what seemed a long time until Aragorn picked up another stick to stir the fire again. "How do you feel, Irulan?" he asked, not looking at her.
"Most of all...I feel tired I guess," she said, looking into the fire as well.
Aragorn nodded as if he was expecting the answer.
"We wanted to....talk about it," said Legolas softly from beside her and deftly touched her arm.
"Oh?" said Irulan, a little surprised. 'Obviously I could have spared myself the last hour at that ice cold stream, thinking about how and what to say' she thought a little disappointed now that the first move came from them. "Alright....let's talk about it.." she said, not sure about how to tackle this situation. Another silence.
"What do you want us to do?" Gimli said suddenly. Irulan looked up surprised. 'Now this is unusual! They actually decided to ask ME? I thought they would give me orders and stuff. Well these men....respect me!' she thought amazed.
"I assume you know about Shifting and the Darma Druids?" she said, not sure how to begin, but thinking it would be safe to try the basics first.
"Gandalf told us the little he knew," said Aragorn.
"And he told us about.....this...Fever," said Legolas and spat the last word bitterly.
"I see," said Irulan and was quite for a while. Then she took a deep breath and continued softly: "Then he also told you that it is irreversible?"
None said anything. Only Gimli nodded gravely.
"Are you absolutely sure about that part?"
"Yes Aragorn....or rather, I have never heard otherwise."
"Then it is yet...possible?" said Legolas.
"Let's not count on it," replied Irulan and dared not to look at him, afraid of the hope in his face. She knew there was no hope but she was sure that Legolas would try to convince both himself and her that there could be. "I want you to know," she said, not blinking, "that I will fall."
All three looked up harshly with wide eyes. It lasted so long that she felt like grabbing Aragorn's stick and stirring the flames herself, for the sake of having something to do. "You can't possibly know that!" protested Aragorn finally.
Gimli squirmed to say something, but found nothing and finally only yelled "Ridiculous!"
Legolas turned away and remained silent, looking into the dark distance.
"I know it," she said very softly, looking into the flames, "I know, my friends." They were very quiet. She listened to the crackling fire for a while. "I almost fell today," she whispered and unconsciously touched the metal medallion around her neck.
"Then you shall not Shift as from now on," said Aragorn very slowly, his eyes boring into hers.
Irulan waved her hand. "I will not argue with you about what I will do or not do in the future, because we all know..." and this time she did look at the others, "....that I very much likely will have to again, in the future."
They looked down, except of Legolas who was still looking away towards the darkness. "The enemy is not getting weaker by the day," she said solemnly. "And we're not exactly getting stronger." A shadow passed over her face when she remembered Gandalf and Boromir. "We might not be going to Mordor for now, but Mordor seems to have crossed its borders a long time ago. Evil is running freely in the rest of Middle Earth. I assume we will yet have to fight even fiercer battles."
"You can fight without Shifting," said Legolas slowly, without turning to her.
"I can of course, but it might not be enough, Legolas. Honestly, I would much rather Shift and not risk a failure as long as I can."
"And risk your own life?" he said with a tinge of anger and turned towards her.
"Yes," she said and for the first time looked him in the eye. She could not endure his piercing gaze too long though, and soon turned towards the fire again.
"Anyway," she said, "I knew the risks when I joined this Fellowship. And I have not taken a greater risk that any of you have. Death is most probable for all of us. Mine might be a little.....different...that's all," she said, relieved to have said it. A long silence prevailed again and Irulan understood that none would speak up. She sighed again and said "If it happens...you must slay me before it's too late," very softly.
None made a sound. She was expecting a surprise, protesting....anything. But they were very quiet. 'Obviously they have come to the same conclusion themselves' she thought, and all of a sudden felt sorry for having to drag them through this. She looked up and they stared back at her with blank, unreadable faces. 'Very well....at least we have that part behind us' she thought.
"The problem is," she said and grinned nervously, hoping to revive the mood a little, "this might prove more difficult than it seems, for no one can kill a Shifting Darma Druid except maybe another Shifting Darma Druid. And I don't think I will be very helpful to you in the task." She thought about the incident earlier and barely kept herself from shuddering. 'You will be MAD, Irulan,' the voice hissed in her head, almost chuckling.
When none answered, she decided to go on: "The Darma Druids, having realized the catastrophic consequences of Shifting after their last battle, have found a solution...a weak spot in the dragon's scale, if you will. Fever is inevitable and irreversible after a certain point in Shifting. However, they have a process called Marking," she said and looked up at them. The men were was silent as statues, listening with utmost attention.
"Every Darma Druid ever since the last battle is Marked. That is, a couple of words -which we call the Code- are planted in every Sister's subconscious through a ritual - I will not elaborate this too much, it would be waste of time. These words, when spoken aloud to her, will pierce her concentration for a very short time -probably only seconds- and give the opportunity to slay her."
Irulan pulled her hands from underneath her cloak and held them towards the fire to warm them. She felt much more relieved now....as least it sounded more like a conversation about the Druids then herself. "It is the only opportunity you will get. You must say the words and slay the Druid. Some Sisters have reacted to the Code the second or even the third time, but some have shown only a reaction at the first time, so you don't want to take the chance. Obviously this was only tried in trainings and only during Shifting - not really during the Fever or in real combat situations. But I assume that it will work there as well."
Another short silence followed and Irulan almost wished for any of them to speak up now. But none made a sound and they continued looking at her with that odd expression on their faces....it looked like determination...or stubbornness. She took a deep breath. "By giving the Code to you I am breaking an ever greater oath than the one I have broken by joining this quest. Because.." and once again she looked up to meet their eyes, "... I am placing every Darma Druid's life into your hands. Therefore, you must NEVER give the Code to anyone else. Which means...one of you three will have to kill me, none other."
All three men exchanged glances then, but she still could not read their expressions. Irulan had often thought about that moment, when she would hear those only words that the Druid can hear through the void - the very words that would open one final fleeting window for her to the sane world. She had tried to imagine who it would be that she would face then, standing at the other side of that window. Whose face would she see as the last face? Would it be an axe...a sword....or an arrow? What would she feel? Anger? Hate? Regret? Deliverance?
'What if something goes wrong...and I don't hear the Code? Or I don't respond? Or I respond too late?' she had thought with growing desperation. What if I kill one of these men before it happens and the Heavens decide to torture my last moments by making me realize that? So many 'What 'if's.....so little time. Sitting here with them, Irulan once again painfully realized how much she loved these men - each in a different and immensely strong fashion. 'If we had met under different circumstances..well.....we would certainly have a great time,' she thought sadly. And yet, little or not, the time she was granted with the company of such adorable men was certainly a blessing.
"Bellen Atnuir Rasula," she said softly, almost not aware that she was still talking about the Code that would push aside the curtains of the dark Fever and -even though for an instant- let the sunlight in again. Death, hopefully, would immediately follow this short string of words. A moment later she gently shook herself out of her straying thoughts and added: "It is in the long forgotten secret language of the Druids. No one alive today knows it any longer. Only fragments have remained...single words or sentences."
"What does it mean, Irulan?" said Legolas, swallowing softly.
"Rest now, Sister," she whispered, and suddenly, with the sadness and tiredness in her soul dragging her down, that sentence seemed ironically alluring.
My only concern: We have ETERNITY till the Return of the King! And I had plans for including Irulan in the events of that movie as well. Alas, I have no clue as to what to do! The only option would be to cut off once we get to that point and wait for the movie to come out. And hopefully I'm not the only one who thinks this is a terrible option.
Once again, thank you for MY reviewers (yes, some of you have been writing so frequently, you are MINE now) and also the surprisingly many who have read the story just recently for the first time and intend to do so further! And thank you for the helpful links (sunnygirl) and the grammar hints (Amsey-thank you so much! I knew something there did not ring right!).
As to the pace...I wish I could keep up, but as Irulan's interaction with the other characters increases, the writing becomes more torturous. We have brought her so far and we sure don't want her to be wasted now, do we? I am slowing down drastically and I am desperately trying to prevent that from reflecting on the updates. But I fear soon enough it will. So..bear with me, alright?
Note to the Story: No matter what Tolkien says about their heroic nature, I have serious doubts that Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli ran three straight days without rest or sleep. The same goes for the Uruk-hais. Besides, in the movie they were tired and wasted when they camped by Fangorn forest. Which means they DO get tired. So I took the freedom of making the party slow down and occasionally rest during those days.
Also, yes, it's true, the ash from wood was and is still used as a very strong detergent. I even made some research on the issue and discovered that you have to burn wood and you have to collect the white ash from it. It is said to be more powerful than soap and most other detergents. A good tip for those who camp occasionally.
"Ouch! That's enough! You're going to kill me!" she protested.
"Suits you right for not telling us that you were wounded!" boomed Gimli, who was standing behind Aragorn. Aragorn was kneeling by her side, fastening the bandages for her ankle. He tied one more knot and Irulan gritted her teeth.
"It is all swollen. You can not run any further," Aragorn murmured, "At least not for today."
"Then you will leave me behind and go," she said, trying to sit up properly again.
"Nonsense. Leave you out here alone? You must have hit your head during the fight, woman!" protested Gimli again. More and more he seemed to be the merciless critic, standing aside and objecting to everything. "How very Chemarit-like!" she thought bitterly. 'Soon enough I will be able to classify the men in my life into as few as three classes: the annoying, the more annoying and the most annoying.'
"We can not allow them to put a greater distance between us. They have Merry and Pippin!" sighed Irulan with frustration
"I told you I will leave none behind," said Aragorn, his voice slightly betraying the impatience he felt about having repeated this statement too many times today, "They obviously have not killed the hobbits yet, which means that Merry and Pippin are safe - at least until they reach their destination. There is nowhere a group of Uruk-hais could be going closer than a two days distance."
"Yes, yes," said Irulan again and once more waved the argument away, "I know already! But I don't think gaining on them once they have reached their destination is a very bright idea. We have to catch them BEFORE they get there and........."
"Irulan, my decision is final. We will rest today. We are all too tired to continue with this pace anyway," Aragorn said and stood up to leave.
Irulan pursed her lips and looked after him. 'Stubborn men!' she protested silently. Just at that moment Legolas returned to the camp. "They are slowing down," he announced, "they must be tired themselves."
"Aragorn........they might camp soon. A few more hours and we can catch them," she tried again but Aragorn turned to give her one of his icy stares.
"I thought you were going to the nearby stream to wash yourself," he said with a cold voice. Irulan slowly stood up and tried her ankle. It really felt awful, but she had had worse ankle problems in the past. It would probably swell for a day but the pain would be gone by tomorrow.
"Fine. I'm going to clean myself and wash my outer tunics. If something happens, you know where to find me," she said.
"Irulan......" said Gimli suddenly, "I was wondering.......if it's not too much trouble...could you possibly......well....."
"Say it already Gimli! I can hardly balance myself on one foot all night!"
"My shirt smells pretty bad, too," he said finally.
Irulan's eyebrows shut up. "And.........?" she said very slowly.
"I don't know how to get off the stains of that thing! I never did it before!"
"You actually want me to wash your clothes?!" gasped Irulan. "Why you......you........."
"Alright, alright! Feisty woman! Whatever happened to helping each other out?! Believe me I would do it myself if I knew how!" he mumbled and stomped towards the fire.
"Give it to me now or forget about it, you dwarf!" Irulan yelled behind him a moment later.
Gimli slowly turned to her with the expression of a little child. "You are an angel Irulan! Right away! Let me take of this vest," he said and began to unfasten his protective vest. Irulan rolled her eyes. 'I SHOULD have stayed in disguise' she thought again, but she felt no real anger. Gimli was right - this was helping each other out, not a matter of gender. These men had done so much more for her, she was not about to protest about something as insignificant as this.
She was still waiting for Gimli when she realized that Legolas and Aragorn were standing by the fire and staring at her. When their eyes met with hers, both swiftly looked away. Irulan bit her lower lip to keep from laughing out loud and cleared her throat a moment later. "Well?" she said barely keeping the amusement from her voice. Aragorn scratched his head and Legolas fidgeted with the hem of his tunic.
"Give it over already!" she almost yelled. "I'd rather wash your shirts than run around with you, smelling the stink of it!"
Both men hastily began to undress.
***
Irulan slowly and carefully walked up to the stream. It was dark after all and the boulders were slippery. No need to fall on your face and add another one to your injuries. Once she reached the water she began to walk a little further upstream to find a better and more secluded spot. Then she put the shirts on her arm carefully on the grass, for the one on the top had a pile of ash on it and she did not want to it scatter it in the dark. Ash was the only way to get the dirt and the stains off - not to mention that it was the only thing to come around in a place like this. Irulan undressed carefully, not wanting to hurt her arm or her ankle any more. She slowly checked on the cut on her side. It was already healing. She sighed and began the difficult process of washing clothes with ice cold water in the dark.
***
"How close do you think she got this time?"
"I don't know Aragorn. But she seemed VERY close. I have never seen her like that before," whispered Legolas back.
They were sitting in a small circle facing the fire with their trousers and the protective Elven cloaks draped around their naked torsos. Gimli had no elven cloak but he was wearing his vest and cape. They had built the fire among a circle of rather large boulders to prevent it to be seen from a far distance. The region was covered with deep valleys and steep, rocky hills anyway and the party ahead of them would not detect their presence in this terrain.
"It did not look good, my friend," the dwarf added, "not good at all. For a moment I thought........well I thought........." he said, and decided not to finish the sentence.
"She asked me in which direction the shore was. And her nose was bleeding.." said Legolas in frustration. "There were so many bodies there," he added with a low voice, "so MANY...in such a SHORT time!"
Aragorn was silent for a while. He was stirring the fire with a stick in his hand, lost in thought. Finally he looked from dwarf to elf and then back. "I don't know what do to," he said. Elf and dwarf exchanged irritated glances. They were hoping Aragorn to make a decision or to come to an answer for them.
"We can not let her fight," hissed Legolas. One more fight like this and she will lose her san-......" he stopped for a moment and then finished hastily ".....her control."
"And how to you propose to convince her not to fight, Legolas?" whispered Aragorn back slowly.
Legolas just looked at him and then, sighing, looked away. He knew as well as the others that nothing could keep Irulan from fighting for this cause. He also knew something even more dreadful: that they NEEDED her to fight. The enemy was too strong. Even more so now that they had parted and that Boromir and Gandalf were not with them any longer. There was no way they could handle another attack like that without Irulan. Yet, the idea of her being in danger burned in him like an imperishable flame. The three men remained silent for a long time, each desperately trying to think of a solution, and each knowing only too well that there was none.
Finally Gimli sighed. "Gandalf would know. If only he were here," he said gloomily.
"But he is not," said Aragorn dreamily. "And I'm afraid we all know what his answer to this situation would be." He looked up at the other two. Another silence set in. "You know what he told us on the mountain," Aragorn added very slowly, looking them in the eye.
"We can not kill her," said Legolas and his voice was a cold blade, his eyes daggers.
"Do you think I want to?!" Aragorn protested instantly, angry himself. Legolas did not answer but turned away, looking into the dark, trying to hide his fury. "Would you rather want her to end up dying in guilt and shame? Dying with the taint of having killed innocent, of having killed her OWN, Legolas?" Aragorn added bitterly and immediately stopped. 'I can't believe I just proposed that' he thought suddenly.
"We can NOT kill her," hissed Legolas again; "I will not allow it!"
"Then I assume you are planning to approach a Shifting Darma Druid, bind her hands and carry her away?" the man asked, anger still prevailing in his voice.
Legolas opened his mouth to reply and sure enough it was not going to be a very nice one when Gimli interfered: "Enough!" He looked from one to the other. Each stared back for a moment, then slowly turned away. Aragorn resumed stirring the fire and Legolas continued looking into the darkness.
"Maybe we should ask HER," said Gimli very slowly. Both men looked at him with astonishment and then at each other.
"Ask HER?" said Aragorn. "Ask her exactly what? Whether we should kill her or not when the need arises?"
"I can tell you easily enough what her answer to that will be," whispered Legolas bitterly.
"Irulan is a warrior. She deserves respect in a matter concerning her own end," said Gimli matter-of-factly. "Why, if she was a dwarven woman, not asking her would be the worst insult," he added a moment later. Elf and man continued to look at him with disbelief. Gimli shifted uncomfortably, then cleared his throat and looked defiantly back. "Besides......." he added a moment later, "asking is one thing, doing what she wants us to is another."
Aragorn and Legolas both looked at each other again and a relief, followed very slowly with a sly smirk washed over their features. "True," said Aragorn, almost grinning now.
"Also, she might feel relieved thinking we will heed her advice," added Legolas, smiling.
"And she might actually like us better for the asking," said Gimli.
"Cunning, Master Gimli," said Aragorn, his eyes twinkling.
"I have to admit, the fiercest elven warrior would not have come up with that idea," said Legolas with bemused admiration.
"Neither would have a dwarf, my friend!" boomed Gimli with pleasure. "I have perfected my lethal combat strategies by observing women! Alas, good thing they are not the enemy! I fear Sauron less than a cunning woman," he said, laughing now. Both men joined him, shaking their heads.
***
"Alright you lot! Move aside!" Irulan shouted as she approached them. They hastily prepared an empty spot for her. She lay the shirts on the boulders closest to the fire to dry and joined them, then sat down between Aragorn and Legolas facing the fire, with her own Elvish cloak draped around her armless shirt, and tried to stop shaking.
"I can't believe you washed yourself with that ice cold water - not to mention while the weather is as cold as right now!" said Aragorn, baffled.
"Well...I can't believe YOU didn't," replied Irulan. "You sure need to."
"I intend to live, thank you."
"And kill us with your stink, yeah, I noticed," she said, not missing a beat.
Aragorn laughed out loud and shook his head.
"I wonder how Legolas stands the filth of humans when even I am having a difficult time myself," said Irulan, grinning.
"It is not easy, I can tell you that," said the elf, sighing with sincere frustration and looking into the fire. They all stared at him for a moment with wide eyes and then thundered with laughter. Legolas looked startled for a moment, having drifted off in his own thoughts, but then joined them with his melodious voice.
"Why, that elf just insulted us, Aragorn!" said Irulan when she found her voice again.
"I'm too tired to take him out right now," the man said, waving his hand.
"At least that would have been a swift and valiant death!" smirked Legolas.
They all laughed again. Then another silence settled in. Irulan shifted uncomfortably in her cloak and inched closer to the fire. It was indeed very cold..especially without the protective tunics.
"I can't believe we brought nothing to eat with us!" protested Gimli with frustration. All that elvish bread that Lady Galadriel so kindly gave us...is rotting somewhere by the river now!"
"Well if the sprinting Ranger here had not dashed ahead like that," said Irulan, casting a sidelong look at Aragorn, "we would certainly be better off right now in many other ways as well."
Aragorn sighed. "I left my pipe back there. Which means I REALLY wasn't thinking," he said, shifting uncomfortably.
The idea of the camp naturally brought back the memories of not so merry things. Another silence settled in. Everyone was lost in their own world. "I will really miss him," said Irulan softly into the fire. "I mean, I will miss all of them," she added a moment later, waving her hand, "but...Boromir and I had a rather long history together," she finished.
"How long did you know him?" asked Legolas.
"Almost two years...though we were not always together during the whole time. The first time we met, he actually saved my life" said Irulan and looked up to meet their curious looks. "He killed an orc that approached me from behind. It was lying on the ground, pretending to be dead. A rather common orcish trick, as I would discover later...If it was not for Boromir, I would not be here today."
"He will always be remembered," said Aragorn. "I will make sure that everyone hears the courage of the captain of Gondor."
"Yes...a great man he was," said Gimli.
"He was a warrior of great honor," Legolas murmured softly.
"How many more?" said Irulan softly. They all looked at her, not blinking and she looked up a moment later. "How many more will we bid farewell to before this ends?" she said.
"As many as we need to," said Aragorn bitterly after a short silence and he looked like it literally pained him to say so.
"Yes, indeed," said Irulan and looked up at him. Aragorn did not reply but did not turn away either. They stared at each other for what seemed a long time until Aragorn picked up another stick to stir the fire again. "How do you feel, Irulan?" he asked, not looking at her.
"Most of all...I feel tired I guess," she said, looking into the fire as well.
Aragorn nodded as if he was expecting the answer.
"We wanted to....talk about it," said Legolas softly from beside her and deftly touched her arm.
"Oh?" said Irulan, a little surprised. 'Obviously I could have spared myself the last hour at that ice cold stream, thinking about how and what to say' she thought a little disappointed now that the first move came from them. "Alright....let's talk about it.." she said, not sure about how to tackle this situation. Another silence.
"What do you want us to do?" Gimli said suddenly. Irulan looked up surprised. 'Now this is unusual! They actually decided to ask ME? I thought they would give me orders and stuff. Well these men....respect me!' she thought amazed.
"I assume you know about Shifting and the Darma Druids?" she said, not sure how to begin, but thinking it would be safe to try the basics first.
"Gandalf told us the little he knew," said Aragorn.
"And he told us about.....this...Fever," said Legolas and spat the last word bitterly.
"I see," said Irulan and was quite for a while. Then she took a deep breath and continued softly: "Then he also told you that it is irreversible?"
None said anything. Only Gimli nodded gravely.
"Are you absolutely sure about that part?"
"Yes Aragorn....or rather, I have never heard otherwise."
"Then it is yet...possible?" said Legolas.
"Let's not count on it," replied Irulan and dared not to look at him, afraid of the hope in his face. She knew there was no hope but she was sure that Legolas would try to convince both himself and her that there could be. "I want you to know," she said, not blinking, "that I will fall."
All three looked up harshly with wide eyes. It lasted so long that she felt like grabbing Aragorn's stick and stirring the flames herself, for the sake of having something to do. "You can't possibly know that!" protested Aragorn finally.
Gimli squirmed to say something, but found nothing and finally only yelled "Ridiculous!"
Legolas turned away and remained silent, looking into the dark distance.
"I know it," she said very softly, looking into the flames, "I know, my friends." They were very quiet. She listened to the crackling fire for a while. "I almost fell today," she whispered and unconsciously touched the metal medallion around her neck.
"Then you shall not Shift as from now on," said Aragorn very slowly, his eyes boring into hers.
Irulan waved her hand. "I will not argue with you about what I will do or not do in the future, because we all know..." and this time she did look at the others, "....that I very much likely will have to again, in the future."
They looked down, except of Legolas who was still looking away towards the darkness. "The enemy is not getting weaker by the day," she said solemnly. "And we're not exactly getting stronger." A shadow passed over her face when she remembered Gandalf and Boromir. "We might not be going to Mordor for now, but Mordor seems to have crossed its borders a long time ago. Evil is running freely in the rest of Middle Earth. I assume we will yet have to fight even fiercer battles."
"You can fight without Shifting," said Legolas slowly, without turning to her.
"I can of course, but it might not be enough, Legolas. Honestly, I would much rather Shift and not risk a failure as long as I can."
"And risk your own life?" he said with a tinge of anger and turned towards her.
"Yes," she said and for the first time looked him in the eye. She could not endure his piercing gaze too long though, and soon turned towards the fire again.
"Anyway," she said, "I knew the risks when I joined this Fellowship. And I have not taken a greater risk that any of you have. Death is most probable for all of us. Mine might be a little.....different...that's all," she said, relieved to have said it. A long silence prevailed again and Irulan understood that none would speak up. She sighed again and said "If it happens...you must slay me before it's too late," very softly.
None made a sound. She was expecting a surprise, protesting....anything. But they were very quiet. 'Obviously they have come to the same conclusion themselves' she thought, and all of a sudden felt sorry for having to drag them through this. She looked up and they stared back at her with blank, unreadable faces. 'Very well....at least we have that part behind us' she thought.
"The problem is," she said and grinned nervously, hoping to revive the mood a little, "this might prove more difficult than it seems, for no one can kill a Shifting Darma Druid except maybe another Shifting Darma Druid. And I don't think I will be very helpful to you in the task." She thought about the incident earlier and barely kept herself from shuddering. 'You will be MAD, Irulan,' the voice hissed in her head, almost chuckling.
When none answered, she decided to go on: "The Darma Druids, having realized the catastrophic consequences of Shifting after their last battle, have found a solution...a weak spot in the dragon's scale, if you will. Fever is inevitable and irreversible after a certain point in Shifting. However, they have a process called Marking," she said and looked up at them. The men were was silent as statues, listening with utmost attention.
"Every Darma Druid ever since the last battle is Marked. That is, a couple of words -which we call the Code- are planted in every Sister's subconscious through a ritual - I will not elaborate this too much, it would be waste of time. These words, when spoken aloud to her, will pierce her concentration for a very short time -probably only seconds- and give the opportunity to slay her."
Irulan pulled her hands from underneath her cloak and held them towards the fire to warm them. She felt much more relieved now....as least it sounded more like a conversation about the Druids then herself. "It is the only opportunity you will get. You must say the words and slay the Druid. Some Sisters have reacted to the Code the second or even the third time, but some have shown only a reaction at the first time, so you don't want to take the chance. Obviously this was only tried in trainings and only during Shifting - not really during the Fever or in real combat situations. But I assume that it will work there as well."
Another short silence followed and Irulan almost wished for any of them to speak up now. But none made a sound and they continued looking at her with that odd expression on their faces....it looked like determination...or stubbornness. She took a deep breath. "By giving the Code to you I am breaking an ever greater oath than the one I have broken by joining this quest. Because.." and once again she looked up to meet their eyes, "... I am placing every Darma Druid's life into your hands. Therefore, you must NEVER give the Code to anyone else. Which means...one of you three will have to kill me, none other."
All three men exchanged glances then, but she still could not read their expressions. Irulan had often thought about that moment, when she would hear those only words that the Druid can hear through the void - the very words that would open one final fleeting window for her to the sane world. She had tried to imagine who it would be that she would face then, standing at the other side of that window. Whose face would she see as the last face? Would it be an axe...a sword....or an arrow? What would she feel? Anger? Hate? Regret? Deliverance?
'What if something goes wrong...and I don't hear the Code? Or I don't respond? Or I respond too late?' she had thought with growing desperation. What if I kill one of these men before it happens and the Heavens decide to torture my last moments by making me realize that? So many 'What 'if's.....so little time. Sitting here with them, Irulan once again painfully realized how much she loved these men - each in a different and immensely strong fashion. 'If we had met under different circumstances..well.....we would certainly have a great time,' she thought sadly. And yet, little or not, the time she was granted with the company of such adorable men was certainly a blessing.
"Bellen Atnuir Rasula," she said softly, almost not aware that she was still talking about the Code that would push aside the curtains of the dark Fever and -even though for an instant- let the sunlight in again. Death, hopefully, would immediately follow this short string of words. A moment later she gently shook herself out of her straying thoughts and added: "It is in the long forgotten secret language of the Druids. No one alive today knows it any longer. Only fragments have remained...single words or sentences."
"What does it mean, Irulan?" said Legolas, swallowing softly.
"Rest now, Sister," she whispered, and suddenly, with the sadness and tiredness in her soul dragging her down, that sentence seemed ironically alluring.