Wow.......amazing, is it not? That we sit so far apart from each other,
looking at a screen, each of us a separate whirling universe on its own,
and we feel connected through consonants and vowels that tell of an
imaginary world? It stupefies me each time.
A lot of people ask me how I can add chapters so fast.........I guess there are various reasons. One of them being the fact that I have decided to take a break from many of my other daily habits. Secondly, as I have said before, I swear the reviews have an odd effect on me. They are like spells or something, making me continue even when I feel drained and fed up. Third, I feel the story flowing by itself more or less. There are difficult chapters to write, true, but most come out astonishingly easy.
Oh, thank you for the music recommendations. I download each and listen to them and you are right - the stories go well with many songs of which I was not even aware of. Let's continue this exchange! Oh, and please -I mean, if you don't mind- include your e-mail address when you write unsigned reviews. Sometimes I want to write back and reply, but..you guys think I'm a bloodhound or something? I can't track you down, you know, it's a big world.
As a matter of fact, dear Eddie (thank you so much for the compliment), English is not even my native tongue (hence the constant grammar mistakes). But I try to read as much as I can and I think that's the only trick that I have up on my sleeve!
One thing that begins to nag at me though is.........THE STORY IS TOO LONG! I mean, look at this mess! We are at chapter 35 and TTT has barely begun! I turned around and I realized that the last 5 chapters or so all concerned a single day - starting with Boromir's fury and extending to the kiss of Irulan and Legolas late in the night of the very same day. And yet, as I reread those chapters, I realized that I can not make them any shorter. What will become of us?
Irulan had lost track of time. By the ache of her muscles and her lungs, she was running for a long time now. And yet, the view never seemed to change - the rocky hills and the grassy patches in between seemed to go on forever. She did not care, though. Even if this landscape would end and trees would spring up around her, or suddenly lakes would reflect her running image or she would find herself leaving footprints in the snow, she wanted to go on running. Go on, until there was no strength left in her and until she would collapse and finally die. That would probably be the most useful thing she could do anyway. 'I should do Middle Earth a favor,' she thought ruefully 'and just rid it of myself!'
She glanced at Legolas, who was running ahead and another wave of fire hit her. 'Damn!' she thought, 'I can't even look at the elf without feeling awkward now!' She tried to think of something else, but she could think of nothing else today. So, once again, the memories of the morning swam back to her and once again she surrendered to their assault in desperation.....
***
To her utter dismay Irulan woke up at dawn and found herself curled up in Legolas' arms, still sitting at the edge. His own elven cloak along with hers was protectively draped around her and he was softly stroking her shoulder and hair as she returned to reality from a deep and dreamless sleep. It took her moments to understand where she was and what was going on and as soon as she did, she jumped up so fast, she almost knocked both of them down the cliff.
She awkwardly stood up hastily with her dreamy state still clouding her mind, and all the time tried to avoid looking into the abyss. Now that she could see the bottom again, the height would do funny things to her if she stared too long. She did not look up to his face, but saw Legolas standing across her as well, very silent and still. Irulan tried to force herself to look to him, but failed pathetically. A frustrating embarrassment would not let go of her. She felt so little and completely foolish, and had not idea why that was.
Finally, unable to do anything else, she slowly took off his elven cloak and, avoiding his eyes, offered it to him. "This........this.....is.......yours," she stammered like some fool, swallowing hard and blushing against all her best wishes. She could not remember the last time she had actually blushed. It seemed so long ago........almost in another life.
Legolas hesitated for a moment and then, to her utter demise, took a step closer (which was way too close for her comfort at the moment), and then slowly accepted the cloak from her. At least he had not forced her to look up this time. Irulan closed her eyes, hoping once more that she would die on the spot for a few seconds. Finally when the cloak had left her hand, she hastily clasped her hand behind her back, in fear that he might want to hold it again and crumble her last defenses. She stood there a moment longer, swallowing hard and not knowing what to do with herself, then turned to leave.
"I am sorry," Legolas whispered from behind her. Of course she had to stop then. But she refused to face him still. She remained with her back turned to him, then turning her head sideways and still not looking at him, managed a weak "Why?"
Legolas did not answer for another moment. Finally he sighed and said "For making you feel uncomfortable."
And to her own horror, Irulan felt her body making a slow turn and her eyes finding their way to his face. To her, it happened all in slow motion and she tried to avoid doing it with all her might during the process, but her body was like a machine set in motion - it would not listen! Legolas was looking back at her with something like admiration and tranquility on his face. Irulan did not know it yet, but she would see that gaze on his face ever more often in the upcoming days. He seemed more and more the person she had met five years ago. All of a sudden he was more elf than human, although she had believed the opposite to be true just days ago. His age and his maturity, along with a control and peace was emanating from him. From the very beginning of this journey Legolas had been confused, irritated, nervous, hasty, spiteful, angry and at times even cruel. And just when she had stopped being astonished and surprised by that, finally coming to terms with this odd elf, he had changed again in a matter of hours, and this time into something completely alien to her.
Irulan felt a sensation that she recognized immediately. All her life she had been surrounded by incredible people. Her father had been a powerful king; Gandalf had been a Wizard, Chemarit a fierce warrior, Boromir the captain of Gondor... Legolas was an elven prince, Aragorn was the king of kings, Haldir the captain guard of the Lorien elves.......so many, many more. But spending more and more time with these men, she had slowly forgotten their charisma and splendor and had begun to think of them as friends, brothers or relatives. She had played tricks on them, or belittled them, even yelled at them, or flirted occasionally for the fun of it. And in their warm acceptance, they had responded to that.........until Irulan had almost completely forgotten what they were. Then suddenly she had seen masses kneeling to her father, or Gandalf defeating a Balrog, or Aragorn leading her into battle and she had felt utterly stupefied by her blindness. These were not her brothers! These were not her friends! Yes, they were of course, but they were far beyond that and she had become completely blind to that fact! The revelation and remembering was always like a slap in the face.
As she stood that morning facing Legolas, she finally saw the truth she had failed to see throughout most of their relationship: Legolas was nothing like she had believed him to be all this time. Next to her, he was almost divine. He was of a completely different race, incomparable to her in his wisdom, grace and maturity. Her life was a fleeting and ironic moment compared to his long years in this world. Her ideas were all old and used up to his mind. Her perception was drastically narrow and shallow compared to his vision. No matter how many times he apologized to her or begged for forgiveness, his all being spoke of power and strength. No matter how willingly he reduced himself to her level, he would always remain a demigod to her.
"You don't make me uncomfortable," she said very slowly. And it was a lie. She wanted to tell him all that she saw when she looked at him - his glamour, his divinity, his radiance. She wanted to tell him that she was incapable of understanding and accepting being loved by a creature like that - very much less accepting any kind of relationship between them. That in truth he did indeed make her feel more uncomfortable than anyone had ever managed to; that his every look and every touch drove off all logic and reason and sense from her instantly. That she hated him for this burden he was putting on her while she had still so many other burdens to juggle; and yet, that she felt like Middle Earth itself would moan with grief and loss if he decided to vanish.
She realized that Legolas was still looking at her with that piercing gaze of his and lowered her head. "I.........I am only.......confused," she sighed finally in despair. At least it was not a lie. Only a huge understatement, that's all. Thankfully at that moment Gimli yelled a complaint about his empty stomach and thereby broke the spell. Irulan brought up her hand to her face, biting her lips. She had almost cried out in surprise. 'I have become so jumpy!' she thought with bitter amusement. Legolas chuckled lightly and they both walked up towards the camp with a comfortable distance between them......
***
She came back to the present and realized that neither the company nor the pace had changed. They were still running through the same accursed landscape. 'Gandalf died, and I went on with the journey,' she thought bitterly. 'Boromir died and I went on with the journey. Frodo and Sam left; Merry and Pippin were kidnapped by Uruk-hai, and yet the journey continues. But, alas, an elf kissed me and the journey has meaning no more! How is that POSSIBLE?!'
"I will run ahead a little," Legolas said suddenly to the party, "the hills are not too steep anymore. Maybe I can see them from this distance."
With that, he increased his pace and was already off a good distance in minutes. Irulan shook her head. 'He is completely beyond me in EVERYTHING,' she thought bitterly. The company of three kept on running silently for a while. And just when she was about to give in to another torment of her own crowded and sinister world of thoughts and memories, she heard Aragorn right beside her: "Irulan, are you alright?"
"Huh?..........oh...yes, sure," she said, surprised, "of course. I don't feel the pain in my ankle anymore."
He looked at her with blank eyes and then added "I did not mean your ankle."
Irulan glanced back at him and tried to read his expression, all the time trying not to step on something that would send her flying off on her face. "The effects of Shifting have vanished a long time ago, Aragorn. I am rested," she said finally.
Aragorn glanced ahead for a moment in silence, then turned back to her, "I did not mean that, either."
Irulan forgot to look ahead and stumbled on a piece of rock, then quickly gaining her balance, kept her pace. "Well, what DO you mean, then?" she said with impatience. But when Aragorn kept only looking at her without a word, it dawned on her: "Oh...Aragorn no, it's not what you think. We did not fight or anything. And no, I did not offend him, or break his heart or anything."
"But you did not mend it, either," he said slowly, still with that odd blank expression on his face.
Irulan stopped running. She could not help it. Aragorn ran ahead for a few steps, then stopped as well. Gimli, who was following from behind finally caught up to them as a bundle of sweat and effort. They did not see him though, because the man and the woman were too busy staring at each other with looks that would kill another being easily enough. Gimli realized the odd silence and stopped muttering, looking from one to the other.
Finally Irulan gave in. As insistent as she could be, she was no match for Aragorn. She slowly shook her head and continued to walk. Aragorn and Gimli looked at each other and began to walk as well. They had all reached the point of exertion anyway. Irulan glanced ahead but Legolas was nowhere to be seen. He might as well be off towards the right or the left, scanning the horizon over some boulders. They walked along for another short while, not speaking. Finally Aragorn broke the silence: "So he finally told you?"
Irulan almost missed another step again. She turned to the man, her face bearing an expression of utter shock and surprise. By some odd miracle her body kept walking without her being aware of it. "What?" she whispered. Aragorn, though, pretended not to hear her. "He FINALLY told me?" she said, this time a trifle louder. Her eyes widened even further when she saw Aragorn and Gimli exchange looks. She stared from one to the other and back. "You....you knew," she said with disbelief.
They looked at each other again and it looked very much like a painful debate as to who would die first. Finally Gimli decided to play the courageous one today. "EVERYBODY knew, Irulan."
This time Irulan actually stopped. The men realized that she was not walking next to them any longer and turned around. Irulan had remained behind, looking at the ground, but not seeing anything, lost in confusion. A moment later she realized what she was doing and dreamily began to walk again. She almost ran the last few steps towards them and both Aragorn and Gimli literally took a step back.
"What do you mean, 'everybody knew'?" she hissed at them.
The duo exchanged painful glances again. "Irulan, we all knew he was in love with you," said Aragorn finally with a very careful tone, his eyes never leaving hers.
Irulan's mouth dropped open. It just did not sink in. 'Everybody' as in the WHOLE Fellowship?! Oh no, that could not be true! "You mean...you mean he TOLD you?" she murmured a moment later, a part of her brain still racing through the voyage and each and every member and every single suspicious situation or conversation she had had with them. But in her confusion, she could not really focus on any one of those memories.
"No, he did not tell us," said Gimli with a sigh. "But it was kind of hard to miss!"
Irulan looked down to him with utter confusion that slowly turned into something like anger. "Hard to miss, was it?" she whispered slowly and both Aragorn and Gimli almost winced. Aragorn seriously considered kicking the dwarf, but another look at Irulan brought him back to reality.
He cleared his throat and began to walk again, beckoning her to follow. "It was rather obvious for us, Irulan," he said as soft as possible. "Because...well you see...first of all, you were the youngest on the Fellowship. Much younger than any of us." He almost exhaled with relief of having found a coherent reason. He glanced down at Gimli who had changed places with him, walking off to the very right and leaving Aragorn in the middle.
"Yes," the dwarf said, "true. Not to mention that you are a woman."
Aragorn's eyes widened with disbelief and he thought 'Oh this time you will be kicked for sure!' when the dwarf hastily added: "And a man's feelings are more obvious to men." Gimli closed his eyes in relief and held on to his axe stronger. Aragorn, too, felt like sighing with relief but controlled the urge and turned left to see how Irulan was feeling. She seemed to be convinced, for their statements had sent her to another state of confusion, her mind obviously racing through the past, her eyes dreamy and not seeing the present.
"Since when...?" she said suddenly and the anger in her voice had disappeared.
"Since the very beginning," said Aragorn, much more at ease now, "since you revealed your identity."
Irulan's head snapped up in surprise. "What?" She tried to remember Legolas' reaction to her revelation and tried to capture the day, but in her present state of mind it evaded her, skipping to and fro and easily dodging her grasp.
"But that's not important," said Aragorn hastily, not wanting her to stray too far and come to other silly conclusions. However, he was too late. Although at the moment Irulan's mind had difficulty with memories, her judgment and deduction capabilities were very much intact.
"And all this time...you....never told me," she said finally and looked up at them. She had such a dark look on her face, both Aragorn and Gimli diverted their looks and swallowed softly. 'Damn! She's too fast!' thought Aragorn with desperation. 'I should know better. After all those years with Arwen, it's plain stupidity to take them so lightly!'
"Irulan," said Gimli and broke his train of thoughts, "we could not tell you."
"Oh I see," she said sweetly and it sounded so very, very dangerous, "after all, you were MEN, am I right?" They both opened their mouths to protest, but Irulan was not about to give them the chance: "YOU were the Fellowship. I was never a part of it, was I? I was the silly little princess, the naïve, stupid girl who, by accident, decided to trail along!"
"Now really.." began Gimli, but Irulan raised her voice and continued: "But no, of course, I was more than that! Because I was also the source of your entertainment and fun! On a quest like this, with wicked hearts and bleak minds, what would you do if you had nothing to keep you busy?" Aragorn and Gimli paled and gulped.
"You pick someone amongst you -the weakest and youngest one is always a good pick- and you play little tricks on her! You pretend that she is one of you, but in reality you just come together and laugh behind her back while she is making a complete fool of herself!" she hissed.
"Irulan.." tried Aragon, now very nervous about where this conversation was leading, but Irulan was not going to let go that easily: "Friends! Friends indeed, Aragorn! 'We are a Fellowhip, Irulan'," she mimicked his voice, now anger taking an obvious hold on her, "..'I will leave none behind, Irulan!' Sure, especially the little source of public amusement should NEVER be left behind!" she said, and her voice was dangerously close to a snarl now.
"Listen you woman -......" said Gimli, but with no success.
"Listen to what, Gimli?!" she shouted back and Gimli DID wince this time. "Listen to you telling me how I can't leave? How you won't leave me behind? Listen to your sweet words of friendship that were nothing but a string of LIES?!" Okay, now she WAS shrieking.
The men almost jumped and increased their pace. 'If we can't stop her from exploding, we might as well run her out,' thought Aragorn and was about to increase his pace when he realized the sudden silence. He turned slowly to Irulan and she was staring back at him with confusion again. The anger and the dark look on her face had disappeared suddenly. And that was not good. Not good at ALL! He was about to turn to Gimli and whisper 'Run for your life!', when Irulan began to speak again softly, and he realized that their doom was sealed.
"Oh Heavens!......" she whispered, and Aragorn closed his eyes. "Oh Heavens....the whole..." He was watching her from the corner of his eye and saw her lifting her hand to trace one of the braids in her hair. Exactly at that moment Gimli grasped his arm. Aragorn looked down at him and felt like laughing out loud at his expression. He would have, too. If he was not about to die, that is.
The men walked a little ahead just to make sure to leave a comfortable distance between them. "The whole incident with...." Irulan looked up and she could swear that she saw both men shrink back slightly. "Tell me that you didn't," she said slowly with a very low voice. Dwarf and man looked at each other and then back at her. They remained silent, though.
"Tell me you didn't do it on purpose," said Irulan, never blinking and not moving a muscle. They remained like that for a long time. Irulan felt an immense anger along with a cruel disappointment taking hold of her. She was standing still, but inside she was shaking frantically. She felt so betrayed, so....used. She had trusted these men and they had played with her. Played with her feelings and her ignorance! She swallowed and blinked the tears away. Finally, knowing what the answer was only too well, she saw no point in standing there any longer. She turned around and walked by them. A moment later she was running again, not looking back. The sun had begun to set and she felt like it was bleeding along with her.
Aragorn and Gimli stood looking behind her back. "Damn!" whispered Aragorn, massaging his face, "Damn! We really messed up this time, Gimli."
"Ah please!" boomed the dwarf, but it sounded very hollow, "She'll forget it by tomorrow. The day after that we will be laughing about it!"
Aragorn removed his hand and looked down at him with anger seeping from his eyes. "Are you a fool or do you take me for one?" he said finally.
The dwarf shifted uneasily and began to walk for the sake of doing something. "Well...alright, alright...Maybe it'll take a little longer this time."
"Longer?!" erupted Aragorn with desperation, "Indeed! It'll take until the ends of eternity, Gimli! And if we are reborn again and meet in different bodies, she will most certainly remember and STILL not forgive!"
Gimli squirmed some more, but refused to give in. "She can't hold a grudge for that long!"
"She is a WOMAN, you dwarf! Obviously I was a fool to believe you knew them better than I do," Aragorn said with a low voice.
"Did I say I KNOW women?" boomed Gimli suddenly. "No! I said I OBSERVED them! OBSERVE, as in LOOK! NOBODY knows women!" he yelled.
"What is going on?" broke in Legolas suddenly and both men froze. They turned towards the voice. The elf was poised on a large rock a little to their left, looking down at them. He scanned right and left for a moment and added "Where is Irulan?"
Both men looked at each other and instead of answering, turned around and began to run with a slow pace. Legolas jumped gracefully from the boulder and joined them, looking from one to the other and every now and then around, in hope to see her. "She ran ahead," Aragorn said finally.
"Alone?" gasped Legolas and looked at them again, but none would meet his gaze. "I should join her then," he said a moment later, "she should not run alone."
"No, don't," said Gimli hastily. When Legolas pinned him with his gaze and did not look away for a while, he reluctantly added, "She might want to be alone for a while now."
A long silence set in during which only the footsteps and the harsh breathing of the dwarf and the man could be heard. "What has happened?" said Legolas finally with a serious voice and it was obvious that he either expected an answer or would run up to Irulan to get one from her.
Aragorn winced with that idea - it was more than suicidal at the moment. He sighed finally and said "We....we made a mistake." He turned to glance at Legolas and although the elf would look perfectly expressionless to many eyes at that moment, Aragorn was raised by elves and saw the worry blooming there. "And Gimli will explain to you exactly why," he added hastily, and knowing that Gimli could never catch up to him, ran as if the Dark Lord himself was after him, leaving elf and dwarf behind.
***
"Irulan, for the last time, stop you feisty woman!" yelled Aragorn, but Irulan seemed to run even faster at his shouting. He mumbled a curse and increased his pace to catch up with her. His lungs were burning, his muscles aching beyond anything, and yet, he had to stop her before Legolas came and she made another big mistake. Not to mention, a mistake because of HIM! Actually it was all Gimli's fault but nevertheless, he would take responsibility as well.
Lucky for him that Irulan's ankle was still not completely healed. Otherwise Aragorn could have run at top speed for hours and still not catch up to her. But with her swollen ankle, Irulan was still too slow. Finally he reached her side and began to run along. "Irulan," he tried again, but she did not respond or look. Women!
"Irulan, stop now!" he said and he said it as Aragorn, leader of the group, because he knew that it had an effect on her. Indeed, Irulan glanced at him and seeing his face serious as well, she very slowly relented and slowed down. It took them minutes to slow down completely and begin to walk again, but that was still better than Aragorn had hoped. Irulan would still not look at him, though. She was all red, wet and panting from the running and by the looks of it, that ankle must be hurting like hell, but she gave no indication of the pain.
"I'm sorry," he said finally and although Irulan was determined NEVER EVER to forgive him, hearing that word from Aragorn made funny things to her. 'Oh no!' she moaned silently, 'Don't you give in, girl!' She cast a sidelong glance at him and knew she could not win when he was looking at her like that. She quickly turned her head.
"Irulan," he said again and touched her arm, "I really am sorry. I was only trying to...to...." Aragorn battled with himself for a moment whether to say it or not, but eventually seeing that she would never relent if he did not, he decided to use his last chance. After all, after messing up this bad, he could not bring more harm than he already did. "..to save Legolas' life."
Irulan's head snapped around and she forgot all about the grudge for a moment. "What?"
Aragorn risked to slow their walking pace even further and lucky for him, Irulan unconsciously followed his lead. He looked at her then, "His life, Irulan," he said.
"I heard you!" she said a little angry now, but hastily continued, "What do you mean by that?"
Aragorn sighed. 'May Valar forgive me! I shall never stick my nose into somebody else's relationship again!' he vowed silently. "Legolas is dying, Irulan," he said finally.
"WHAT?!" Irulan stopped completely. She scanned his face, for the first time hoping that he was lying, but Aragorn -as always- was not lying. Something very funny happened to her heart - it stopped completely. She hastily walked up to the man and almost grabbed him by the shoulders. "What are you talking about?" she shouted.
Aragorn quickly looked in the direction they had come from and seeing that neither elf nor dwarf were in sight yet, took her arm and pulled her along for a swift walk again. He needed more time. Irulan, too, glanced back now, realizing his intention and began to keep pace with him.
"I did not want to tell you. It is not for me to tell," said Aragorn. 'Like a lot of things, actually' he thought bitterly and once more begged Valar's forgiveness silently. "I can see it in his eyes, Irulan. I think finally he realized it himself, too. That's why probably he has decided to tell you."
Irulan just kept looking at him with a very blank expression. Her mouth hung open, her eyes were glazed and expressionless. "Wh...Aragorn elves are immortal!" she said finally, saying the first thing that came to her mind, perfectly aware that Aragorn must know that detail!
"I know," said Aragorn and in his haste, did not linger on that rather stupid comment too long, "but they can die of a lethal wound or....of Grief."
"Grief.." whispered Irulan, still not understanding a single thing. She knew what Grief was, of course, but she no had idea what that had to do with Legolas. Her brows knotted slowly and she looked at Aragorn, who was still glancing over his shoulder for the approach of the duo. 'Legolas might actually kill the dwarf,' he thought suddenly, 'and why is that not a bad idea?'
"Why would Legolas feel Grief?" Irulan said and he broke his gaze to look at her.
"Irulan, I really don't have time for this. Use your brain, woman! The elf loves you."
"I know," said Irulan and threw him a sour look, "even though I am the last one to know, I know," she added bitterly.
"Irulan," said Aragorn suddenly and walked up to her. She had stopped and turned towards him as well and the ranger put his hands on her shoulders. He looked into her eyes and everything that Irulan had been feeling suddenly took flight. She was left with nothing but sincere fear. Aragorn was telling the truth! Legolas was dying! 'NO!' screamed her mind. 'NO! NO! NO!'
"You don't understand elves. They don't love like humans. He loves you more than you ever will be capable of loving anything in your entire life. Much more!" He waited a moment for his words to sink in. And suddenly the thought of Arwen hit him. 'I told her to take the ship to Valinor,' he thought slowly and his heart missed a beat. Could it be that Arwen too...could she feel... Aragorn swiftly stuffed away that thought. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to stop the world from spinning. When he looked up again, Irulan was staring back at him with perfect fear and horror.
"He thinks you will not return that love," he said, but his voice was failing him, for once more he thought about Arwen. "He...." he began again, and the pain swelled up in him, threatening to suffocate him. He swallowed hard and forced himself to go on, although his lungs refused to breathe now. "He thinks you will deny him a relationship." He looked up at Irulan and saw her tears rolling down, although she did not seem to be crying. And then he realized that she was reacting to his own tears rolling down his cheeks. He wanted to tell her that it was alright, that he was thinking of something else, but there was no way he could make an explanation like that at the moment.
Irulan had never been so afraid in her entire life. Aragorn was crying and every word, every tear made her fear into something bigger, until it enclosed her and blocked out the sun. A darkness descended on her, so fiercely that it brushed aside all memory of sunny days. Suddenly it felt like it had always been dark and it would always be, till eternity.
"And..." said Aragorn, now letting go of her shoulder and stepping back a little, wiping his tears. He swallowed again. "And..he does not want to live....anymore," he finished with a whisper. In his mind, Arwen was looking at him with such sadness in her eyes. He had betrayed her. He had left her to die!
"Aragorn, please don't cry," said Irulan and she sounded exactly seven years old. Aragorn waved his hand and took a deep breath. "No...I'm fine. It's just....Arwen too..." he said and this time could really not go on any further.
Irulan stepped up to him, her eyes pools of alarm and fear. "What? What happened to Arwen?" she whispered urgently.
"I told her it's over," he whispered back and against all odds, began to sob silently. Irulan looked at him for a long moment, then suddenly she understood what he was saying and unconsciously she clasped a hand over her mouth. Arwen would die because Aragorn had rejected her. Legolas was dying because she was rejecting him. 'Hetaire is wrong' she thought suddenly, as absurd and out of place that thought was at that moment. 'Love is real. It is so real, that it can be lethal. That stupid woman has no idea!'
Very slowly her hand went out and she touched Aragorn's head. His hand was covering his face and his head was tilted down, but she knew he was crying like herself. "Aragorn," she whispered, so much sadness in her voice that even she herself had a hard time recognizing it, "Aragorn, what have we done?" Aragorn did not look up but began to shake ever so slightly. She could not take it any longer; she went up to him and embraced him as if her life depended on it. She was so lost in her pain that she did not even feel him embrace her back.
And so it was that Legolas and Gimli found the pair of mighty warriors clutching at each other in the middle of nowhere, amongst ruins and rocks, under a setting twilight, crying as if the whole world was dying before their very eyes. And to them, it was.
A lot of people ask me how I can add chapters so fast.........I guess there are various reasons. One of them being the fact that I have decided to take a break from many of my other daily habits. Secondly, as I have said before, I swear the reviews have an odd effect on me. They are like spells or something, making me continue even when I feel drained and fed up. Third, I feel the story flowing by itself more or less. There are difficult chapters to write, true, but most come out astonishingly easy.
Oh, thank you for the music recommendations. I download each and listen to them and you are right - the stories go well with many songs of which I was not even aware of. Let's continue this exchange! Oh, and please -I mean, if you don't mind- include your e-mail address when you write unsigned reviews. Sometimes I want to write back and reply, but..you guys think I'm a bloodhound or something? I can't track you down, you know, it's a big world.
As a matter of fact, dear Eddie (thank you so much for the compliment), English is not even my native tongue (hence the constant grammar mistakes). But I try to read as much as I can and I think that's the only trick that I have up on my sleeve!
One thing that begins to nag at me though is.........THE STORY IS TOO LONG! I mean, look at this mess! We are at chapter 35 and TTT has barely begun! I turned around and I realized that the last 5 chapters or so all concerned a single day - starting with Boromir's fury and extending to the kiss of Irulan and Legolas late in the night of the very same day. And yet, as I reread those chapters, I realized that I can not make them any shorter. What will become of us?
Irulan had lost track of time. By the ache of her muscles and her lungs, she was running for a long time now. And yet, the view never seemed to change - the rocky hills and the grassy patches in between seemed to go on forever. She did not care, though. Even if this landscape would end and trees would spring up around her, or suddenly lakes would reflect her running image or she would find herself leaving footprints in the snow, she wanted to go on running. Go on, until there was no strength left in her and until she would collapse and finally die. That would probably be the most useful thing she could do anyway. 'I should do Middle Earth a favor,' she thought ruefully 'and just rid it of myself!'
She glanced at Legolas, who was running ahead and another wave of fire hit her. 'Damn!' she thought, 'I can't even look at the elf without feeling awkward now!' She tried to think of something else, but she could think of nothing else today. So, once again, the memories of the morning swam back to her and once again she surrendered to their assault in desperation.....
***
To her utter dismay Irulan woke up at dawn and found herself curled up in Legolas' arms, still sitting at the edge. His own elven cloak along with hers was protectively draped around her and he was softly stroking her shoulder and hair as she returned to reality from a deep and dreamless sleep. It took her moments to understand where she was and what was going on and as soon as she did, she jumped up so fast, she almost knocked both of them down the cliff.
She awkwardly stood up hastily with her dreamy state still clouding her mind, and all the time tried to avoid looking into the abyss. Now that she could see the bottom again, the height would do funny things to her if she stared too long. She did not look up to his face, but saw Legolas standing across her as well, very silent and still. Irulan tried to force herself to look to him, but failed pathetically. A frustrating embarrassment would not let go of her. She felt so little and completely foolish, and had not idea why that was.
Finally, unable to do anything else, she slowly took off his elven cloak and, avoiding his eyes, offered it to him. "This........this.....is.......yours," she stammered like some fool, swallowing hard and blushing against all her best wishes. She could not remember the last time she had actually blushed. It seemed so long ago........almost in another life.
Legolas hesitated for a moment and then, to her utter demise, took a step closer (which was way too close for her comfort at the moment), and then slowly accepted the cloak from her. At least he had not forced her to look up this time. Irulan closed her eyes, hoping once more that she would die on the spot for a few seconds. Finally when the cloak had left her hand, she hastily clasped her hand behind her back, in fear that he might want to hold it again and crumble her last defenses. She stood there a moment longer, swallowing hard and not knowing what to do with herself, then turned to leave.
"I am sorry," Legolas whispered from behind her. Of course she had to stop then. But she refused to face him still. She remained with her back turned to him, then turning her head sideways and still not looking at him, managed a weak "Why?"
Legolas did not answer for another moment. Finally he sighed and said "For making you feel uncomfortable."
And to her own horror, Irulan felt her body making a slow turn and her eyes finding their way to his face. To her, it happened all in slow motion and she tried to avoid doing it with all her might during the process, but her body was like a machine set in motion - it would not listen! Legolas was looking back at her with something like admiration and tranquility on his face. Irulan did not know it yet, but she would see that gaze on his face ever more often in the upcoming days. He seemed more and more the person she had met five years ago. All of a sudden he was more elf than human, although she had believed the opposite to be true just days ago. His age and his maturity, along with a control and peace was emanating from him. From the very beginning of this journey Legolas had been confused, irritated, nervous, hasty, spiteful, angry and at times even cruel. And just when she had stopped being astonished and surprised by that, finally coming to terms with this odd elf, he had changed again in a matter of hours, and this time into something completely alien to her.
Irulan felt a sensation that she recognized immediately. All her life she had been surrounded by incredible people. Her father had been a powerful king; Gandalf had been a Wizard, Chemarit a fierce warrior, Boromir the captain of Gondor... Legolas was an elven prince, Aragorn was the king of kings, Haldir the captain guard of the Lorien elves.......so many, many more. But spending more and more time with these men, she had slowly forgotten their charisma and splendor and had begun to think of them as friends, brothers or relatives. She had played tricks on them, or belittled them, even yelled at them, or flirted occasionally for the fun of it. And in their warm acceptance, they had responded to that.........until Irulan had almost completely forgotten what they were. Then suddenly she had seen masses kneeling to her father, or Gandalf defeating a Balrog, or Aragorn leading her into battle and she had felt utterly stupefied by her blindness. These were not her brothers! These were not her friends! Yes, they were of course, but they were far beyond that and she had become completely blind to that fact! The revelation and remembering was always like a slap in the face.
As she stood that morning facing Legolas, she finally saw the truth she had failed to see throughout most of their relationship: Legolas was nothing like she had believed him to be all this time. Next to her, he was almost divine. He was of a completely different race, incomparable to her in his wisdom, grace and maturity. Her life was a fleeting and ironic moment compared to his long years in this world. Her ideas were all old and used up to his mind. Her perception was drastically narrow and shallow compared to his vision. No matter how many times he apologized to her or begged for forgiveness, his all being spoke of power and strength. No matter how willingly he reduced himself to her level, he would always remain a demigod to her.
"You don't make me uncomfortable," she said very slowly. And it was a lie. She wanted to tell him all that she saw when she looked at him - his glamour, his divinity, his radiance. She wanted to tell him that she was incapable of understanding and accepting being loved by a creature like that - very much less accepting any kind of relationship between them. That in truth he did indeed make her feel more uncomfortable than anyone had ever managed to; that his every look and every touch drove off all logic and reason and sense from her instantly. That she hated him for this burden he was putting on her while she had still so many other burdens to juggle; and yet, that she felt like Middle Earth itself would moan with grief and loss if he decided to vanish.
She realized that Legolas was still looking at her with that piercing gaze of his and lowered her head. "I.........I am only.......confused," she sighed finally in despair. At least it was not a lie. Only a huge understatement, that's all. Thankfully at that moment Gimli yelled a complaint about his empty stomach and thereby broke the spell. Irulan brought up her hand to her face, biting her lips. She had almost cried out in surprise. 'I have become so jumpy!' she thought with bitter amusement. Legolas chuckled lightly and they both walked up towards the camp with a comfortable distance between them......
***
She came back to the present and realized that neither the company nor the pace had changed. They were still running through the same accursed landscape. 'Gandalf died, and I went on with the journey,' she thought bitterly. 'Boromir died and I went on with the journey. Frodo and Sam left; Merry and Pippin were kidnapped by Uruk-hai, and yet the journey continues. But, alas, an elf kissed me and the journey has meaning no more! How is that POSSIBLE?!'
"I will run ahead a little," Legolas said suddenly to the party, "the hills are not too steep anymore. Maybe I can see them from this distance."
With that, he increased his pace and was already off a good distance in minutes. Irulan shook her head. 'He is completely beyond me in EVERYTHING,' she thought bitterly. The company of three kept on running silently for a while. And just when she was about to give in to another torment of her own crowded and sinister world of thoughts and memories, she heard Aragorn right beside her: "Irulan, are you alright?"
"Huh?..........oh...yes, sure," she said, surprised, "of course. I don't feel the pain in my ankle anymore."
He looked at her with blank eyes and then added "I did not mean your ankle."
Irulan glanced back at him and tried to read his expression, all the time trying not to step on something that would send her flying off on her face. "The effects of Shifting have vanished a long time ago, Aragorn. I am rested," she said finally.
Aragorn glanced ahead for a moment in silence, then turned back to her, "I did not mean that, either."
Irulan forgot to look ahead and stumbled on a piece of rock, then quickly gaining her balance, kept her pace. "Well, what DO you mean, then?" she said with impatience. But when Aragorn kept only looking at her without a word, it dawned on her: "Oh...Aragorn no, it's not what you think. We did not fight or anything. And no, I did not offend him, or break his heart or anything."
"But you did not mend it, either," he said slowly, still with that odd blank expression on his face.
Irulan stopped running. She could not help it. Aragorn ran ahead for a few steps, then stopped as well. Gimli, who was following from behind finally caught up to them as a bundle of sweat and effort. They did not see him though, because the man and the woman were too busy staring at each other with looks that would kill another being easily enough. Gimli realized the odd silence and stopped muttering, looking from one to the other.
Finally Irulan gave in. As insistent as she could be, she was no match for Aragorn. She slowly shook her head and continued to walk. Aragorn and Gimli looked at each other and began to walk as well. They had all reached the point of exertion anyway. Irulan glanced ahead but Legolas was nowhere to be seen. He might as well be off towards the right or the left, scanning the horizon over some boulders. They walked along for another short while, not speaking. Finally Aragorn broke the silence: "So he finally told you?"
Irulan almost missed another step again. She turned to the man, her face bearing an expression of utter shock and surprise. By some odd miracle her body kept walking without her being aware of it. "What?" she whispered. Aragorn, though, pretended not to hear her. "He FINALLY told me?" she said, this time a trifle louder. Her eyes widened even further when she saw Aragorn and Gimli exchange looks. She stared from one to the other and back. "You....you knew," she said with disbelief.
They looked at each other again and it looked very much like a painful debate as to who would die first. Finally Gimli decided to play the courageous one today. "EVERYBODY knew, Irulan."
This time Irulan actually stopped. The men realized that she was not walking next to them any longer and turned around. Irulan had remained behind, looking at the ground, but not seeing anything, lost in confusion. A moment later she realized what she was doing and dreamily began to walk again. She almost ran the last few steps towards them and both Aragorn and Gimli literally took a step back.
"What do you mean, 'everybody knew'?" she hissed at them.
The duo exchanged painful glances again. "Irulan, we all knew he was in love with you," said Aragorn finally with a very careful tone, his eyes never leaving hers.
Irulan's mouth dropped open. It just did not sink in. 'Everybody' as in the WHOLE Fellowship?! Oh no, that could not be true! "You mean...you mean he TOLD you?" she murmured a moment later, a part of her brain still racing through the voyage and each and every member and every single suspicious situation or conversation she had had with them. But in her confusion, she could not really focus on any one of those memories.
"No, he did not tell us," said Gimli with a sigh. "But it was kind of hard to miss!"
Irulan looked down to him with utter confusion that slowly turned into something like anger. "Hard to miss, was it?" she whispered slowly and both Aragorn and Gimli almost winced. Aragorn seriously considered kicking the dwarf, but another look at Irulan brought him back to reality.
He cleared his throat and began to walk again, beckoning her to follow. "It was rather obvious for us, Irulan," he said as soft as possible. "Because...well you see...first of all, you were the youngest on the Fellowship. Much younger than any of us." He almost exhaled with relief of having found a coherent reason. He glanced down at Gimli who had changed places with him, walking off to the very right and leaving Aragorn in the middle.
"Yes," the dwarf said, "true. Not to mention that you are a woman."
Aragorn's eyes widened with disbelief and he thought 'Oh this time you will be kicked for sure!' when the dwarf hastily added: "And a man's feelings are more obvious to men." Gimli closed his eyes in relief and held on to his axe stronger. Aragorn, too, felt like sighing with relief but controlled the urge and turned left to see how Irulan was feeling. She seemed to be convinced, for their statements had sent her to another state of confusion, her mind obviously racing through the past, her eyes dreamy and not seeing the present.
"Since when...?" she said suddenly and the anger in her voice had disappeared.
"Since the very beginning," said Aragorn, much more at ease now, "since you revealed your identity."
Irulan's head snapped up in surprise. "What?" She tried to remember Legolas' reaction to her revelation and tried to capture the day, but in her present state of mind it evaded her, skipping to and fro and easily dodging her grasp.
"But that's not important," said Aragorn hastily, not wanting her to stray too far and come to other silly conclusions. However, he was too late. Although at the moment Irulan's mind had difficulty with memories, her judgment and deduction capabilities were very much intact.
"And all this time...you....never told me," she said finally and looked up at them. She had such a dark look on her face, both Aragorn and Gimli diverted their looks and swallowed softly. 'Damn! She's too fast!' thought Aragorn with desperation. 'I should know better. After all those years with Arwen, it's plain stupidity to take them so lightly!'
"Irulan," said Gimli and broke his train of thoughts, "we could not tell you."
"Oh I see," she said sweetly and it sounded so very, very dangerous, "after all, you were MEN, am I right?" They both opened their mouths to protest, but Irulan was not about to give them the chance: "YOU were the Fellowship. I was never a part of it, was I? I was the silly little princess, the naïve, stupid girl who, by accident, decided to trail along!"
"Now really.." began Gimli, but Irulan raised her voice and continued: "But no, of course, I was more than that! Because I was also the source of your entertainment and fun! On a quest like this, with wicked hearts and bleak minds, what would you do if you had nothing to keep you busy?" Aragorn and Gimli paled and gulped.
"You pick someone amongst you -the weakest and youngest one is always a good pick- and you play little tricks on her! You pretend that she is one of you, but in reality you just come together and laugh behind her back while she is making a complete fool of herself!" she hissed.
"Irulan.." tried Aragon, now very nervous about where this conversation was leading, but Irulan was not going to let go that easily: "Friends! Friends indeed, Aragorn! 'We are a Fellowhip, Irulan'," she mimicked his voice, now anger taking an obvious hold on her, "..'I will leave none behind, Irulan!' Sure, especially the little source of public amusement should NEVER be left behind!" she said, and her voice was dangerously close to a snarl now.
"Listen you woman -......" said Gimli, but with no success.
"Listen to what, Gimli?!" she shouted back and Gimli DID wince this time. "Listen to you telling me how I can't leave? How you won't leave me behind? Listen to your sweet words of friendship that were nothing but a string of LIES?!" Okay, now she WAS shrieking.
The men almost jumped and increased their pace. 'If we can't stop her from exploding, we might as well run her out,' thought Aragorn and was about to increase his pace when he realized the sudden silence. He turned slowly to Irulan and she was staring back at him with confusion again. The anger and the dark look on her face had disappeared suddenly. And that was not good. Not good at ALL! He was about to turn to Gimli and whisper 'Run for your life!', when Irulan began to speak again softly, and he realized that their doom was sealed.
"Oh Heavens!......" she whispered, and Aragorn closed his eyes. "Oh Heavens....the whole..." He was watching her from the corner of his eye and saw her lifting her hand to trace one of the braids in her hair. Exactly at that moment Gimli grasped his arm. Aragorn looked down at him and felt like laughing out loud at his expression. He would have, too. If he was not about to die, that is.
The men walked a little ahead just to make sure to leave a comfortable distance between them. "The whole incident with...." Irulan looked up and she could swear that she saw both men shrink back slightly. "Tell me that you didn't," she said slowly with a very low voice. Dwarf and man looked at each other and then back at her. They remained silent, though.
"Tell me you didn't do it on purpose," said Irulan, never blinking and not moving a muscle. They remained like that for a long time. Irulan felt an immense anger along with a cruel disappointment taking hold of her. She was standing still, but inside she was shaking frantically. She felt so betrayed, so....used. She had trusted these men and they had played with her. Played with her feelings and her ignorance! She swallowed and blinked the tears away. Finally, knowing what the answer was only too well, she saw no point in standing there any longer. She turned around and walked by them. A moment later she was running again, not looking back. The sun had begun to set and she felt like it was bleeding along with her.
Aragorn and Gimli stood looking behind her back. "Damn!" whispered Aragorn, massaging his face, "Damn! We really messed up this time, Gimli."
"Ah please!" boomed the dwarf, but it sounded very hollow, "She'll forget it by tomorrow. The day after that we will be laughing about it!"
Aragorn removed his hand and looked down at him with anger seeping from his eyes. "Are you a fool or do you take me for one?" he said finally.
The dwarf shifted uneasily and began to walk for the sake of doing something. "Well...alright, alright...Maybe it'll take a little longer this time."
"Longer?!" erupted Aragorn with desperation, "Indeed! It'll take until the ends of eternity, Gimli! And if we are reborn again and meet in different bodies, she will most certainly remember and STILL not forgive!"
Gimli squirmed some more, but refused to give in. "She can't hold a grudge for that long!"
"She is a WOMAN, you dwarf! Obviously I was a fool to believe you knew them better than I do," Aragorn said with a low voice.
"Did I say I KNOW women?" boomed Gimli suddenly. "No! I said I OBSERVED them! OBSERVE, as in LOOK! NOBODY knows women!" he yelled.
"What is going on?" broke in Legolas suddenly and both men froze. They turned towards the voice. The elf was poised on a large rock a little to their left, looking down at them. He scanned right and left for a moment and added "Where is Irulan?"
Both men looked at each other and instead of answering, turned around and began to run with a slow pace. Legolas jumped gracefully from the boulder and joined them, looking from one to the other and every now and then around, in hope to see her. "She ran ahead," Aragorn said finally.
"Alone?" gasped Legolas and looked at them again, but none would meet his gaze. "I should join her then," he said a moment later, "she should not run alone."
"No, don't," said Gimli hastily. When Legolas pinned him with his gaze and did not look away for a while, he reluctantly added, "She might want to be alone for a while now."
A long silence set in during which only the footsteps and the harsh breathing of the dwarf and the man could be heard. "What has happened?" said Legolas finally with a serious voice and it was obvious that he either expected an answer or would run up to Irulan to get one from her.
Aragorn winced with that idea - it was more than suicidal at the moment. He sighed finally and said "We....we made a mistake." He turned to glance at Legolas and although the elf would look perfectly expressionless to many eyes at that moment, Aragorn was raised by elves and saw the worry blooming there. "And Gimli will explain to you exactly why," he added hastily, and knowing that Gimli could never catch up to him, ran as if the Dark Lord himself was after him, leaving elf and dwarf behind.
***
"Irulan, for the last time, stop you feisty woman!" yelled Aragorn, but Irulan seemed to run even faster at his shouting. He mumbled a curse and increased his pace to catch up with her. His lungs were burning, his muscles aching beyond anything, and yet, he had to stop her before Legolas came and she made another big mistake. Not to mention, a mistake because of HIM! Actually it was all Gimli's fault but nevertheless, he would take responsibility as well.
Lucky for him that Irulan's ankle was still not completely healed. Otherwise Aragorn could have run at top speed for hours and still not catch up to her. But with her swollen ankle, Irulan was still too slow. Finally he reached her side and began to run along. "Irulan," he tried again, but she did not respond or look. Women!
"Irulan, stop now!" he said and he said it as Aragorn, leader of the group, because he knew that it had an effect on her. Indeed, Irulan glanced at him and seeing his face serious as well, she very slowly relented and slowed down. It took them minutes to slow down completely and begin to walk again, but that was still better than Aragorn had hoped. Irulan would still not look at him, though. She was all red, wet and panting from the running and by the looks of it, that ankle must be hurting like hell, but she gave no indication of the pain.
"I'm sorry," he said finally and although Irulan was determined NEVER EVER to forgive him, hearing that word from Aragorn made funny things to her. 'Oh no!' she moaned silently, 'Don't you give in, girl!' She cast a sidelong glance at him and knew she could not win when he was looking at her like that. She quickly turned her head.
"Irulan," he said again and touched her arm, "I really am sorry. I was only trying to...to...." Aragorn battled with himself for a moment whether to say it or not, but eventually seeing that she would never relent if he did not, he decided to use his last chance. After all, after messing up this bad, he could not bring more harm than he already did. "..to save Legolas' life."
Irulan's head snapped around and she forgot all about the grudge for a moment. "What?"
Aragorn risked to slow their walking pace even further and lucky for him, Irulan unconsciously followed his lead. He looked at her then, "His life, Irulan," he said.
"I heard you!" she said a little angry now, but hastily continued, "What do you mean by that?"
Aragorn sighed. 'May Valar forgive me! I shall never stick my nose into somebody else's relationship again!' he vowed silently. "Legolas is dying, Irulan," he said finally.
"WHAT?!" Irulan stopped completely. She scanned his face, for the first time hoping that he was lying, but Aragorn -as always- was not lying. Something very funny happened to her heart - it stopped completely. She hastily walked up to the man and almost grabbed him by the shoulders. "What are you talking about?" she shouted.
Aragorn quickly looked in the direction they had come from and seeing that neither elf nor dwarf were in sight yet, took her arm and pulled her along for a swift walk again. He needed more time. Irulan, too, glanced back now, realizing his intention and began to keep pace with him.
"I did not want to tell you. It is not for me to tell," said Aragorn. 'Like a lot of things, actually' he thought bitterly and once more begged Valar's forgiveness silently. "I can see it in his eyes, Irulan. I think finally he realized it himself, too. That's why probably he has decided to tell you."
Irulan just kept looking at him with a very blank expression. Her mouth hung open, her eyes were glazed and expressionless. "Wh...Aragorn elves are immortal!" she said finally, saying the first thing that came to her mind, perfectly aware that Aragorn must know that detail!
"I know," said Aragorn and in his haste, did not linger on that rather stupid comment too long, "but they can die of a lethal wound or....of Grief."
"Grief.." whispered Irulan, still not understanding a single thing. She knew what Grief was, of course, but she no had idea what that had to do with Legolas. Her brows knotted slowly and she looked at Aragorn, who was still glancing over his shoulder for the approach of the duo. 'Legolas might actually kill the dwarf,' he thought suddenly, 'and why is that not a bad idea?'
"Why would Legolas feel Grief?" Irulan said and he broke his gaze to look at her.
"Irulan, I really don't have time for this. Use your brain, woman! The elf loves you."
"I know," said Irulan and threw him a sour look, "even though I am the last one to know, I know," she added bitterly.
"Irulan," said Aragorn suddenly and walked up to her. She had stopped and turned towards him as well and the ranger put his hands on her shoulders. He looked into her eyes and everything that Irulan had been feeling suddenly took flight. She was left with nothing but sincere fear. Aragorn was telling the truth! Legolas was dying! 'NO!' screamed her mind. 'NO! NO! NO!'
"You don't understand elves. They don't love like humans. He loves you more than you ever will be capable of loving anything in your entire life. Much more!" He waited a moment for his words to sink in. And suddenly the thought of Arwen hit him. 'I told her to take the ship to Valinor,' he thought slowly and his heart missed a beat. Could it be that Arwen too...could she feel... Aragorn swiftly stuffed away that thought. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to stop the world from spinning. When he looked up again, Irulan was staring back at him with perfect fear and horror.
"He thinks you will not return that love," he said, but his voice was failing him, for once more he thought about Arwen. "He...." he began again, and the pain swelled up in him, threatening to suffocate him. He swallowed hard and forced himself to go on, although his lungs refused to breathe now. "He thinks you will deny him a relationship." He looked up at Irulan and saw her tears rolling down, although she did not seem to be crying. And then he realized that she was reacting to his own tears rolling down his cheeks. He wanted to tell her that it was alright, that he was thinking of something else, but there was no way he could make an explanation like that at the moment.
Irulan had never been so afraid in her entire life. Aragorn was crying and every word, every tear made her fear into something bigger, until it enclosed her and blocked out the sun. A darkness descended on her, so fiercely that it brushed aside all memory of sunny days. Suddenly it felt like it had always been dark and it would always be, till eternity.
"And..." said Aragorn, now letting go of her shoulder and stepping back a little, wiping his tears. He swallowed again. "And..he does not want to live....anymore," he finished with a whisper. In his mind, Arwen was looking at him with such sadness in her eyes. He had betrayed her. He had left her to die!
"Aragorn, please don't cry," said Irulan and she sounded exactly seven years old. Aragorn waved his hand and took a deep breath. "No...I'm fine. It's just....Arwen too..." he said and this time could really not go on any further.
Irulan stepped up to him, her eyes pools of alarm and fear. "What? What happened to Arwen?" she whispered urgently.
"I told her it's over," he whispered back and against all odds, began to sob silently. Irulan looked at him for a long moment, then suddenly she understood what he was saying and unconsciously she clasped a hand over her mouth. Arwen would die because Aragorn had rejected her. Legolas was dying because she was rejecting him. 'Hetaire is wrong' she thought suddenly, as absurd and out of place that thought was at that moment. 'Love is real. It is so real, that it can be lethal. That stupid woman has no idea!'
Very slowly her hand went out and she touched Aragorn's head. His hand was covering his face and his head was tilted down, but she knew he was crying like herself. "Aragorn," she whispered, so much sadness in her voice that even she herself had a hard time recognizing it, "Aragorn, what have we done?" Aragorn did not look up but began to shake ever so slightly. She could not take it any longer; she went up to him and embraced him as if her life depended on it. She was so lost in her pain that she did not even feel him embrace her back.
And so it was that Legolas and Gimli found the pair of mighty warriors clutching at each other in the middle of nowhere, amongst ruins and rocks, under a setting twilight, crying as if the whole world was dying before their very eyes. And to them, it was.