I am blessed with the best reviewers and readers in the entire world! Your
kindness pulls me through this! TTT was a movie with very little
interaction between the characters. I changed that in my work. Besides,
this is sort of a spin-off of the movie, so I don't feel like I have to
follow it exactly. The whole point is to write something different, after
all. So as we delve deeper into the world and relationships between the
characters, the story of the Ring might fall further back to the background
sometimes. It is inevitable, really. Besides, everyone knows that story.
The world needs to know Irulan's story! :)
Surprising that many thought the recent chapter was so sad. It was, true, but I was aiming to write something more hilarious and uplifting...looks like everything I do tends to come out sad lately :) But then, it's understandable. After all, it is a sad tale. Thank you Spencer, I fixed the Uruk-hai thing. Thanks Basil and keep warning me.
Ha ha....and so many exhaled in relief with that first...err..actually second kiss! I know, I know...34 chapters! That's A LOT. But would it be so deliciously overwhelming if it had not taken this long? Ha ha...alright...another interpretation is that I'm cruel. Sigh...what can I do?
This chapter was written once again to the theme of A Beautiful Mind, "All Love Can Be", sung by Charlotte Church. Especially the second half of it. And both the music and the lyrics go immensely well with it. Download and listen if you can, I'm sure you'll agree. Dear evenstar, the poems or haikus or excerpts added to the chapters are simply amazing stuff I happen to stumble upon during my reading adventures. I do not know of a site or book I can direct you to.
The camp was so silent that the crackling fire seemed to be too loud. Aragorn had gone hunting and had brought back a deer, but the only one really eating was Gimli. Aragorn had finally said that he will take a walk and left the camp. Gimli was so busy eating his meal; he was no good company for anyone. Irulan looked horrible and excused herself, walking towards the opposite direction the ranger had disappeared to. Legolas had watched her leave, unable to stop her and again unable to ask her if he could join. He was not expecting Irulan to return the feelings he was feeling for her. He also knew that at this moment she probably hated him for putting her through even more than she was already going through. And yet, he had silently and secretly hoped that, although she felt nothing for him, she would at least let him be close to her, let him walk along with her for the remaining part of the journey. Legolas sighed with sadness and sat back, facing the fire.
Suddenly he heard Irulan come stumbling back from the darkness and he jumped up to his feet with concern.
"Legolas!" she said and walked up to him, stopping at a comfortable distance. He was already on his feet and took a step towards her, but then hesitated and stopped.
"Yes, Irulan? Is something wrong?" he asked with mild worry.
"Oh.......no," she said and looked nervously around for a moment. "I was only......I meant to ask you......if you want to come along." Legolas stared back at her with such disbelief that she felt like she had to say something else as well: "It is rather dark out there........and I don't want to break my ankle." Then she almost moaned and hastily added: "Not that I want to use you solely for that purpose or anything.........but........ah whatever!" she said finally and prepared to leave. 'Stupid woman! Why don't you think before you do something?'
But Legolas was already by her side, smiling down at her. "Of course! It is a pleasure," he said softly.
"Alright," she said slowly and tucked at the hem of her tunic, threw a last look at Gimli, but the dwarf was not even aware of their presence, then she turned around and began walking. It was not a lie - it was quite dark where she intented to walk, for it led in some sort of narrow valley with high rocks around it, blocking the moonlight. Not that she was really watching where she was going, anyway. Her mind was too occupied for that. Besides, asking Legolas was a good idea, but having him with her here was definitely a bad one. She felt incredibly nervous. And of course she stumbled. Thankfully Legolas was quick enough and caught her elbow before she could fall.
"Irulan be careful," he said softly and let go of her elbow. They stood like that for a moment, not knowing what to do, when Legolas finally said "Maybe I should lead?"
"Yes, please," whispered Irulan slowly.
"Would you hold my hand?"
Irulan took his extended hand, not having much of an option. True, she could always say 'No Legolas, I don't want to touch your damn hand!', but she thought it might not be a bright idea right now. Why did she come out here anyway? They could barely walk on this horrible terrain and it was not helping to ease her mind as it was supposed to.
Legolas, on the other hand, could not remember the last time he had felt such utter happiness. Irulan had actually asked him to come along! And she had asked him to lead! And she had taken his hand willingly! He felt like the whole universe exploded in him, over and over again. He might die tomorrow but he would not regret it, for he was walking with her now hand in hand. And what a relief that was! He felt life draining from him with every minute he could not feel her skin, only to be restored with a simple touch.
Legolas, like all elves, had been much more reserved, especially when it came to physical contact. He had even gone as far as complaining about and smirking at the human habit of touching. He had said that it was discomforting and actually a threat to health, since humans -unlike elves- were prey to diseases. But then Irulan had embraced him by the river Anduin and his whole world had changed. 'Maybe my whole life will be a story of punishment for the things I have belittled and disapproved,' he thought suddenly, but his present mood and condition made that comment look very far from bad. 'Maybe I will become completely human by the end of this quest,' he thought and chuckled lightly at the thought.
"What's so funny?" Irulan said from behind him.
"Nothing," said Legolas, still smiling, "me," he added a moment later. Just a few days ago he had felt all happiness leave him and he had believed that he would never feel it again. He had laughed along with the others, but in his heart, joy had begun to die - although it had taken him longer than usual to realize it. If his thoughts were not distracted, he would have realized the matter much earlier. But after such sadness, once again he was feeling peace and enjoyment. All because a very curious young mortal was holding his hand and had asked him for guidance. He shook his head very slightly. 'I am a stranger to myself,' he thought in amazement. After three thousand years, he discovered he was nothing like the elf he thought he was.
"Legolas?" Irulan asked from behind him, "do you ever feel tired?"
He turned around in astonishment. "Oh, forgive me Irulan," he said suddenly, "I am dragging you along without thought. You must be exhausted from all the running." He kept forgetting that mortals tired far earlier and needed much more rest than elves - even though he had been with them for such a long time now.
"No, no," she said and waved her hand, "that's not what I meant." She looked up at him and although it was dark, he could see her beautiful smile clearly and his heart took a leap. "I meant.........tired," she said, emphasizing the word.
He thought for a moment (although it was beyond difficult to do so when she was so close to him) and said "You mean......tired in the soul?"
"Yes," said Irulan and beckoned him to walk on.
"There are times when my soul seems very heavy," he said slowly as he resumed his walk, "and when the light of life seems to be diminished."
"Oh," she said, and it made her very nervous.
"I feel very tired, too," she said finally, and immediately clasped her hand on her mouth. She had been so focused on understanding what he was going through, she had given away something she had not really meant to. He turned back to look at her and she swiftly removed her hand, trying to look as expressionless as possible. Although he could probably read her like a book, even in this darkness. A long moment passed and finally Irulan shrugged and smiled nervously. "Can we move on?"
Legolas did not move for another moment but then reluctantly turned around and once again began to gently pull her along. Irulan felt relief and tried to calm herself. A silence set in. "Why?" he said suddenly, this time his voice filled with much more emotion than it had been a moment ago.
Irulan rolled her eyes. 'Suits you right!' she thought with frustration. 'Now you'll NEVER be able to stop his ranting. And if you do, it'll just keep on eating him up inside and he'll feel............anyway,' she finished hastily. 'I wonder if I can lie to him?' she thought suddenly. But something in her gave off a very sharp pain at that thought and Irulan stopped in amazement. 'What is that pain? Why is that?' she thought in confusion. Legolas stopped immediately too, of course and was watching her features. She was obviously lost in thought and he did not feel like disturbing her. Eventually Irulan looked up him, startled to see him standing there, and quickly resumed the difficult process of walking in the dark again. Legolas, naturally, turned around and began to lead her out into the light. They were very close to a rather good spot where they could lean on some smaller boulders and watch the sky.
"Irulan........I worry for you," he said solemnly.
'Yeah, I noticed,' she thought bitterly. 'That is the WHOLE PROBLEM, you elf!' They had reached the clearing and Irulan found herself suddenly washed over with bluish white light. She looked around her, stupefied by the effect. It was the perfect spot. They were standing on a hill that was overlooking the valley and stood in the light because it was higher than the rest. Legolas gently led her towards a group of boulders and she sat down with him, resting her back on them.
"What are you so afraid of?" he said when they had settled down and Irulan could not help herself turning around and staring at him. He was sitting very close to her, to her right, his back resting on the rock beside her, one leg outstretched, the other bent and his arm resting on it, his body slightly turned towards her with that movement, another one of those intense looks on his face.
"Afraid?" she said slowly.
"I can see it in your eyes," Legolas said slowly.
"Legolas, that's rude, you know," she said finally. He seemed taken aback by it.
"What is?"
"Always asking questions like that," she said and felt amusement at his darkening features.
"Oh," he said and looked away.
"Unless you are willing to answer some yourself," she said, barely holding back a grin now.
He looked back at her in surprise but unfortunately caught her grin. "I see," he said softly. "Then I shall oblige. Only it is my turn to ask."
"Huh? Why's that?" protested Irulan.
"Because you just asked me if I ever felt tired and I answered. And yet, you did not answer my question as to why YOU felt tired."
"Oh......" said Irulan. 'Darn elves! Don't they ever get confused?' Legolas watched her features twist with displeasure. It was such a wonderful sight to see her face change like that!
"Tell me about your years with the Darma Druids," he said finally, not wishing to torture her any longer.
"The Darma Druids?" she said with surprise.
"Yes," he said softly, "I know so little about your life. I wish to hear more."
Irulan looked at him with annoyance. That was not a question! Not one that she could answer with a simple yes or no anyway. But she had promised herself to make things easier on Legolas as much as she could. He could not die! Especially because of her! Not that she had the slightest idea how she could possibly fix something like that, but she still wanted to ease his mind as much as she could. "Alright," she said and slightly leaned back to make herself comfortable. "What do you want to know?"
"How was daily life for you?" he said and glided down until he was lying beside her, propped up on his elbow, looking up at her. 'Obviously he is going to make this a VERY detailed explanation,' she thought with annoyance.
"Well......it was alright.....Ah what the heck, I hated the whole cleaning thing! Cooking was not so bad, but the cleaning! The endless dusting and swiping and washing!......" she rolled her eyes and Legolas laughed softly.
"Why would you do that?" he asked with a childish curiosity, "Was it a part of the training?"
She looked down at him bitterly. "Stop it, Legolas! What training? It's what you do as a housewife, that's why!"
"A housewife?" he said with utter surprise and a grin spread on his beautiful lips, "I really can not imagine you in that state!"
"Well I did not look much like one, as much as I tried, anyway. As a matter of fact, I am surprised Hasmir never suspected anything." She instantly stopped and gulped. "Anyway, so the whole daily life thing........"
"Wait a minute," said Legolas to her demise, "who was Hasmir?"
"Someone," she said idly but it sounded very forced even to her own ears. "I was talking about the........"
"Someone like who?" said Legolas. She looked down at him with irritation and he was looking up at her with a strange expression.
"One question at a time, Legolas. I can hardly talk when you keep interrupting me," she said slowly, trying to sound very neutral, but sounding nervous nevertheless.
Legolas slowly sat up and he was so close, looking into her eyes, she quickly looked away. "Why won't you answer?" he said slowly.
"I am answering," she said defiantly. It was so uncomfortably hot suddenly. Irulan took another deep breath and resisting the urge to rip off some grass (that would seal all suspicion for sure), looked at the sky.
"Alright then," Legolas said very slowly, "who was Hasmir?"
Irulan grinded her teeth and exhaled softly. She thought again about lying, but soon dispensed that idea, because that odd pain was still shrieking with the thought. "He was someone I lived with, for a while," she said with a low voice, not looking at him. And Irulan realized that Hasmir was pretty much that. She almost shuddered at the thought of having to share a lifetime with someone like that - no matter how nice a person he had been. A tense silence settled in and she hastily went on: "Anyway, about the Druids..........."
"He was your lover," Legolas said, and his tone of voice was so strange that she turned around to look. He was sitting in indian style now, and not leaning back on the boulders next to her, but facing her. Worse, he was looking at her with a blue fire in his eyes that made all the hair on Irulan's arms stand up softly. Why, he almost looked........angry. 'Isn't that too typical human?' she thought suddenly. 'Elves are supposed to be........finer.......or not?'
Irulan swallowed softly and looked away again. "I guess........I guess you could say that," she said and was surprised that she did not die during the process. She took a deep breath and went on: "Alright. There were three Druids in the town I was staying........"
"Was he your lover or not?" Legolas said with that odd tone again.
Irulan rolled her eyes. 'This is not going well at all! I was supposed to make him feel better, not get rolled over by his strange attitude and pushed into corners!' She cast a sidelong glance at Legolas and sighed unconsciously. 'He can DIE Irulan, so stop with the stupidity!' she thought with frustration. "He was my lover," she said as soft as she could, but it sounded edgy nevertheless. She could swear that she saw the fire in Legolas' eyes light up even brighter - if such a thing was even possible. "Can I continue now?" she said, nervous, although there was absolutely no reason to be so.
"No. Did you love him?" Legolas said. And he absolutely looked nothing like the kind and gentle elf who had led her here. Irulan knew that he would never harm or hurt her in any way, but she suddenly felt oddly nervous to be sitting here with him in such a desolated place. 'I guess it's a good thing we are on the same side in this war,' she thought.
"Legolas, what kind of a question is that?" she said with exasperation.
"It is a very simple question," he said, his eyes never leaving hers.
"I do not wish to answer it," she said with a tinge of anger.
"Why not?"
"Because I do not wish to," she said, hoping to end the discussion. When he became unnaturally silent, she turned to look at him and he was still looking at her with that ghastly look, not blinking and not moving a hair. 'Stupid elf!' she thought, angry now. 'He is dying and he all he cares about is whether I loved Hasmir or not. Why are men the way they are!?' Legolas looked away then, but his tenseness prevailed. Irulan almost moaned with desperation. She sat up a little and took his hand into hers. That always seemed to make him feel better. Legolas was surprised to feel her touch and looked at her with mild astonishment.
"Legolas, I did love him," she said slowly, her eyes not leaving his and she felt his hand become as rigid as a stone, "the way I love a friend." Legolas looked at her with such intensity that she found it hard not to look away. But she kept responding to his gaze, hoping that he would see the sincerity of her words. Very slowly he relaxed and then slightly nodded. He did not let go of her hand, though. 'I very much thought so,' she said to herself.
"Then why did you live with him?" he said this time, not as fierce as before, but nevertheless soaked with warm anger.
"Well.......it was.......he was chosen by the Sisters," she stammered.
"Chosen for what?"
'I REALLY have to pick out my words more carefully!' she thought bitterly. 'But the damn effect he is having on me makes it difficult!'
"You know........" she said and softly pulled her hand, but Legolas pretended not to feel it and did not let go. She finally gave up, very close to desperation now, and blurted "For marriage!"
Legolas squeezed her hand so hard, it actually hurt. She looked up at him and he looked completely terrified. "You........married him?" he said with perfect horror.
"No!" she said quickly and tried to ignore the pain in her hand, "No. They meant us to, but I did not wish to." She tried softly to pull out of his grip again and that's when he became aware of her hand and gasped with disbelief and immediately released the pressure.
"Oh no!" he said, and it sounded like that world had come to an end, "Oh no.......Irulan, forgive me!"
"Legolas, don't be ridiculous, it's alright, really....." she meant to go on but her sentence was cut off abruptly by the feeling of his lips on her palm. She felt a wave of heat hitting her again and jumped up with the effect. Legolas though was too busy kissing her hand to notice. And it was having such an unbelievable effect on her, she felt like she would explode any moment. She tried to take away her hand again, and finally failing again, gasped "Don't.......please."
He reluctantly stopped and looked up at her. There was such a fire in his eyes, Irulan felt like he could ignite her just by looking. "I hurt you," he said, but he sounded oddly distant.
"No you didn't," whispered Irulan, unable to look away herself. 'Whatever happened to friendship?' she thought with frustration. 'It was so easy with him.......now try as I might, I can not go back to it. The intimacy is too strong!'
"Yes I did," he whispered and Irulan had no idea how he had moved so close so fast. In an instant his face was right before hers, his blue eyes covered the whole sky. "You must despise me," he said, with that distant voice again, not moving at all.
"I........I don't despise you, Legolas," she stammered and tried to sound calm. 'When did he become so bold?' she thought despite herself. 'He used to be shy. Or was that my imagination?'
"Irulan....." he said softly, but she interrupted him, "No Legolas. No apologies."
"I'm afraid you will never trust me again," he said finally. "I can not control myself when I am with you."
Irulan almost laughed out loud at that. 'That I -ME- would have that effect like this on an elf! On Legolas himself!' She thought with astonishment. 'The world is such a mysterious place!'
"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back, "I trust you more than anyone in my entire life!" And after saying that, she realized that it was true. 'That's really odd' she thought. But then.........not too odd. After all, in her eyes, Legolas was a perfect being in every way.
He slightly moved back then and looked at her. Thankfully that blue fire was gone, though the intensity remained. "Is that true?" he whispered.
"You think I would lie about something like that?"
He smiled a genuine smile and another wave of admiration covered his face. "You trust me more than........Hasmir?" he said suddenly, knowing how stupid that sounded, but unable to keep himself from asking anyway.
Irulan's eyes widened. She hit him softly on the shoulder. "What's wrong with you?!" she said, both laughing and mocking anger.
"I am in love," he said, and he said it with such intensity, Irulan felt another warmness blooming up inside her. She quickly looked away, not wishing to meet his gaze now. Legolas smiled and gracefully moved back to his former spot again. It literally hurt to lose the touch, but he was afraid that he would make her feel uncomfortable and she would wish to leave.
Suddenly Irulan murmured "Love does not exist," and she whispered it so softly, Legolas barely picked it up. He looked up at her with shock, but she was not looking at him. She was looking into the dark distance, lost in thought.
"Why do you say such things?" he said softly with disbelief; unable to hold himself back. Love was the true center of life - all elves knew that. It was in every life-form, it was what life was built on. To deny that was like a curse to nature and life itself.
Irulan snapped out of her trance and looked at him. "Oh........" she stammered, "it's........forget I said it." And the way she said that made Legolas absolutely sure that he had found something of grave importance about her. He did not know what it was, but he was so intensely focused on her, he easily perceived her every movement and feature, and Irulan was astonishingly disturbed by the present issue. Even more than that......Hasmir......matter. He quickly brushed that aside, lest it might cloud his mind again.
"No, tell me," he said softly.
She turned away and began to rip grass, which he had learned to be an expression of her discomfort and frustration. "Irulan," he said and softly touched her leg, "tell me."
"Legolas, I'd really rather......"
"Tell me or I shall kiss you again," he said and Irulan froze. Legolas almost smiled at her panic, but hid his amusement.
"You possibly can NOT........"
He swiftly sat up again and moved close. "You were saying?" he whispered and Irulan almost jumped back an arm length.
"Legolas! That's not funny!" she said, very disturbed now, but he suspected that it was more due to her embarrassment about her drastic jump a moment ago rather than real anger.
"I am not laughing," he said and smiled a sinister smile.
"Alright, alright!" she said quickly and he waited a moment longer before he leaned back and assumed his former position, not looking away for a moment.
Irulan swallowed hard and inched herself back to where she was sitting a moment ago again, all the time feeling terribly vulnerable. When she was finally sitting with her back to the boulder again, her legs stretched out before her, he leaned further back to grant her a comfortable distance and kept on looking at her with expectance.
"It is something that Darma Druids say," she said finally and she looked almost in pain saying it.
Legolas gasped. "How can they say that?" he protested softly.
"Because.....it's distracting," she said and could only guess how stupid that must sound to an elf. Legolas just kept looking at her without blinking. Irulan sighed softly and began ripping grass again. "It is......forbidden in the guild."
"Forbidden?" Legolas whispered with utter horror.
"Well........not really forbidden maybe, but.......discouraged anyway." Actually it was much more than discouraged, but she did not want to make a big scene out of it right now. Legolas was already more than terrified by the idea. "You see....when you Shift," she said, looking up at the sky, "you don't feel or think or hear anything in the void. There is nothing. It is only a dance of cause and effect, of action and reaction."
"But that is battle," he said, sounding a little confused.
"Yes, battle."
"But.......life is not just battle."
Irulan slowly turned to look at him. 'This is exactly why elves can never become Darma Druids,' she thought with admiration. It was against their very nature. "I know. But........feelings also cloud your mind," she said and cast a sidelong glance at him.
Legolas was thinking about his reaction moments ago. Indeed, feelings did cloud your mind. He could understand the discomfort of the Druids. And yet....it was the sign of life, was it not? Everything felt even before it thought - and sometimes only felt and never thought. Why, plants and some animals lived many years without a single thought but nevertheless feeling and thriving with the connection they had with the life around them. He had often touched the bark of a tree and felt it softly responding with pleasure to his touch.
"Legolas.......like when you said......that you would not......kill me," she said and looked at him, but he did not react at all, only kept looking at her. "A Sister would say that your feelings for me are preventing you from doing the right thing." It sounded really stupid when she said it, probably because she did not believe in it too much herself. Hetaire would probably make more sense. Although.......she had failed to persuade Irulan....so........
"Irulan," said Legolas softly and sat up again, holding her hand, "why didn't you tell me before?"
"Tell you what?"
"About this. These.........Druids," he said and the last word came out with open distaste. She opened her mouth to continue, but he stopped her, "They have tainted you."
"Tainted me?" she said, baffled at that remark.
Legolas nodded gravely. "They have cast a dark shadow on the light of your heart," and he softly touched her chest where her heart was, but it was a touch of utter gentleness and completely devoid of passion. "Now I know what is haunting your soul."
"Legolas," began Irulan, thinking he was clearly overreacting now, and not to mention, reverting to a form a speech that sounded very strange to her; but Legolas hushed her with a simple gesture of his hand and continued:
"You must believe me when I say this," he said and he looked very serious. Irulan could only nod under such a gaze.
"How long have you lived with them?"
"About three years......a little longer," she said. He pursed his lips in anger and looked away, grinding his teeth. He looked so concerned, she felt like she had to be, too.
Finally Legolas looked back up at her and touched her cheek with a gentle care, as if he would touch a child. "All that time........you never felt love?" It was such an odd and unexpected question, Irulan really had no answer for it. She looked at him completely stupefied and he just looked back. Finally he seemed to take that as the very answer he was looking for and went on: "Why did you leave?"
Irulan was still busy thinking about the former question. For a moment Hasmir sprang up in her mind.......but the more she thought about him, the more she discovered that she had not really loved him, but sought refuge in his gentleness from the coldness around her. He was warm and kind......and she had confused the gratitude she had felt for him with love. She had loved him......but not really.....not deeply. Not like Gandalf. Not like Eprim. Not like Boromir.
Legolas touched her cheek again and she came back to the present. "Why did you leave?" he said again.
"Well....." said Irulan, very confused about the whole thing now, "I just.......I just......." and suddenly she remembered her first night in Lothlorien. It came so abruptly, she answered before she thought about what she was saying: "........failed to change my heart," she finished, repeating what Galadriel had said to her. It had meant nothing at that moment, but now..............Legolas nodded and smiled up to her with such a warm expression, she felt really lost. 'What is going on?' she thought stupefied.
"You chose love," he said and before she could tell him that she had not been really thinking in that line when she broke her oath to the Sisters, he swiftly moved up and placed a gentle kiss her on the lips. Irulan was so amazed by the whole thing; she did not even realize what was going on until he moved back again.
"Legolas.........what is going on?" she said, trying hard to suppress the tumult he had caused inside her just a moment ago.
"Irulan, I understand so much now," he said. "I should have asked earlier. Forgive me.........I was so caught up with myself, my own worries!" Irulan just kept on looking at him with amazement. She had lost all understanding about the issue a while ago and decided to let go of it altogether. If Legolas said so....it was probably true. She felt oddly relieved by that thought.
"I shall heal you!" he said suddenly and pulled himself up to her again. Irulan tilted back slightly, to keep the comfortable distance between them.
"Heal me?" she said with amusement, "Am I ill?"
"Yes, you are," he said and nodded gravely, clasping her hand with both hands now. "And it might take many days or weeks, for you have remained with them too long. But fear not, I shall do everything in my power to release this pain from you." Legolas moved even closer to her and reached out to touch her face again, only this time it was not as innocent as it was a moment ago.
"Fear not, for I am with you," he whispered, and something very odd happened. A heaviness lifted up from her chest and gently flew up and away. Irulan's eyes slightly widened at that feeling. She felt something flowing out and the coolness of the night flowing in there. She could not divert her eyes from Legolas, but she was absolutely sure that if she could, she would see something flying off from her, leaving her body. The feeling was so real that she gasped with surprise and slowly brought up her free hand to her heart. She was still looking at Legolas, but her mind was trying to understand what was going on inside her.
Legolas smiled with utmost sincerity. "I have found my reason," he said softly, moving back slightly, "I will remain for you." Irulan was still thinking about what just had happened when she realized that he was talking about his Grief. And indeed, there was an odd aura around him. Irulan could not help herself staring at his illuminating radiance - she not only saw a strange light to him, but also FELT it emanating from him. Very much like she had seen/felt it while facing Lady Galadriel. It was such an amazing sight, she instantly pitied all that would never see it; all who were spared from this sight forever.
"Legolas, you are so bright," she whispered, unable to resist the urge to say something, even though it sounded stupid to the last word.
"I am but only bathed in your light," he said softly and leaned down to kiss her again.
"The reduction of the universe to a single being,
the expansion of a single being even to God, this is love."
Victor Hugo
Surprising that many thought the recent chapter was so sad. It was, true, but I was aiming to write something more hilarious and uplifting...looks like everything I do tends to come out sad lately :) But then, it's understandable. After all, it is a sad tale. Thank you Spencer, I fixed the Uruk-hai thing. Thanks Basil and keep warning me.
Ha ha....and so many exhaled in relief with that first...err..actually second kiss! I know, I know...34 chapters! That's A LOT. But would it be so deliciously overwhelming if it had not taken this long? Ha ha...alright...another interpretation is that I'm cruel. Sigh...what can I do?
This chapter was written once again to the theme of A Beautiful Mind, "All Love Can Be", sung by Charlotte Church. Especially the second half of it. And both the music and the lyrics go immensely well with it. Download and listen if you can, I'm sure you'll agree. Dear evenstar, the poems or haikus or excerpts added to the chapters are simply amazing stuff I happen to stumble upon during my reading adventures. I do not know of a site or book I can direct you to.
The camp was so silent that the crackling fire seemed to be too loud. Aragorn had gone hunting and had brought back a deer, but the only one really eating was Gimli. Aragorn had finally said that he will take a walk and left the camp. Gimli was so busy eating his meal; he was no good company for anyone. Irulan looked horrible and excused herself, walking towards the opposite direction the ranger had disappeared to. Legolas had watched her leave, unable to stop her and again unable to ask her if he could join. He was not expecting Irulan to return the feelings he was feeling for her. He also knew that at this moment she probably hated him for putting her through even more than she was already going through. And yet, he had silently and secretly hoped that, although she felt nothing for him, she would at least let him be close to her, let him walk along with her for the remaining part of the journey. Legolas sighed with sadness and sat back, facing the fire.
Suddenly he heard Irulan come stumbling back from the darkness and he jumped up to his feet with concern.
"Legolas!" she said and walked up to him, stopping at a comfortable distance. He was already on his feet and took a step towards her, but then hesitated and stopped.
"Yes, Irulan? Is something wrong?" he asked with mild worry.
"Oh.......no," she said and looked nervously around for a moment. "I was only......I meant to ask you......if you want to come along." Legolas stared back at her with such disbelief that she felt like she had to say something else as well: "It is rather dark out there........and I don't want to break my ankle." Then she almost moaned and hastily added: "Not that I want to use you solely for that purpose or anything.........but........ah whatever!" she said finally and prepared to leave. 'Stupid woman! Why don't you think before you do something?'
But Legolas was already by her side, smiling down at her. "Of course! It is a pleasure," he said softly.
"Alright," she said slowly and tucked at the hem of her tunic, threw a last look at Gimli, but the dwarf was not even aware of their presence, then she turned around and began walking. It was not a lie - it was quite dark where she intented to walk, for it led in some sort of narrow valley with high rocks around it, blocking the moonlight. Not that she was really watching where she was going, anyway. Her mind was too occupied for that. Besides, asking Legolas was a good idea, but having him with her here was definitely a bad one. She felt incredibly nervous. And of course she stumbled. Thankfully Legolas was quick enough and caught her elbow before she could fall.
"Irulan be careful," he said softly and let go of her elbow. They stood like that for a moment, not knowing what to do, when Legolas finally said "Maybe I should lead?"
"Yes, please," whispered Irulan slowly.
"Would you hold my hand?"
Irulan took his extended hand, not having much of an option. True, she could always say 'No Legolas, I don't want to touch your damn hand!', but she thought it might not be a bright idea right now. Why did she come out here anyway? They could barely walk on this horrible terrain and it was not helping to ease her mind as it was supposed to.
Legolas, on the other hand, could not remember the last time he had felt such utter happiness. Irulan had actually asked him to come along! And she had asked him to lead! And she had taken his hand willingly! He felt like the whole universe exploded in him, over and over again. He might die tomorrow but he would not regret it, for he was walking with her now hand in hand. And what a relief that was! He felt life draining from him with every minute he could not feel her skin, only to be restored with a simple touch.
Legolas, like all elves, had been much more reserved, especially when it came to physical contact. He had even gone as far as complaining about and smirking at the human habit of touching. He had said that it was discomforting and actually a threat to health, since humans -unlike elves- were prey to diseases. But then Irulan had embraced him by the river Anduin and his whole world had changed. 'Maybe my whole life will be a story of punishment for the things I have belittled and disapproved,' he thought suddenly, but his present mood and condition made that comment look very far from bad. 'Maybe I will become completely human by the end of this quest,' he thought and chuckled lightly at the thought.
"What's so funny?" Irulan said from behind him.
"Nothing," said Legolas, still smiling, "me," he added a moment later. Just a few days ago he had felt all happiness leave him and he had believed that he would never feel it again. He had laughed along with the others, but in his heart, joy had begun to die - although it had taken him longer than usual to realize it. If his thoughts were not distracted, he would have realized the matter much earlier. But after such sadness, once again he was feeling peace and enjoyment. All because a very curious young mortal was holding his hand and had asked him for guidance. He shook his head very slightly. 'I am a stranger to myself,' he thought in amazement. After three thousand years, he discovered he was nothing like the elf he thought he was.
"Legolas?" Irulan asked from behind him, "do you ever feel tired?"
He turned around in astonishment. "Oh, forgive me Irulan," he said suddenly, "I am dragging you along without thought. You must be exhausted from all the running." He kept forgetting that mortals tired far earlier and needed much more rest than elves - even though he had been with them for such a long time now.
"No, no," she said and waved her hand, "that's not what I meant." She looked up at him and although it was dark, he could see her beautiful smile clearly and his heart took a leap. "I meant.........tired," she said, emphasizing the word.
He thought for a moment (although it was beyond difficult to do so when she was so close to him) and said "You mean......tired in the soul?"
"Yes," said Irulan and beckoned him to walk on.
"There are times when my soul seems very heavy," he said slowly as he resumed his walk, "and when the light of life seems to be diminished."
"Oh," she said, and it made her very nervous.
"I feel very tired, too," she said finally, and immediately clasped her hand on her mouth. She had been so focused on understanding what he was going through, she had given away something she had not really meant to. He turned back to look at her and she swiftly removed her hand, trying to look as expressionless as possible. Although he could probably read her like a book, even in this darkness. A long moment passed and finally Irulan shrugged and smiled nervously. "Can we move on?"
Legolas did not move for another moment but then reluctantly turned around and once again began to gently pull her along. Irulan felt relief and tried to calm herself. A silence set in. "Why?" he said suddenly, this time his voice filled with much more emotion than it had been a moment ago.
Irulan rolled her eyes. 'Suits you right!' she thought with frustration. 'Now you'll NEVER be able to stop his ranting. And if you do, it'll just keep on eating him up inside and he'll feel............anyway,' she finished hastily. 'I wonder if I can lie to him?' she thought suddenly. But something in her gave off a very sharp pain at that thought and Irulan stopped in amazement. 'What is that pain? Why is that?' she thought in confusion. Legolas stopped immediately too, of course and was watching her features. She was obviously lost in thought and he did not feel like disturbing her. Eventually Irulan looked up him, startled to see him standing there, and quickly resumed the difficult process of walking in the dark again. Legolas, naturally, turned around and began to lead her out into the light. They were very close to a rather good spot where they could lean on some smaller boulders and watch the sky.
"Irulan........I worry for you," he said solemnly.
'Yeah, I noticed,' she thought bitterly. 'That is the WHOLE PROBLEM, you elf!' They had reached the clearing and Irulan found herself suddenly washed over with bluish white light. She looked around her, stupefied by the effect. It was the perfect spot. They were standing on a hill that was overlooking the valley and stood in the light because it was higher than the rest. Legolas gently led her towards a group of boulders and she sat down with him, resting her back on them.
"What are you so afraid of?" he said when they had settled down and Irulan could not help herself turning around and staring at him. He was sitting very close to her, to her right, his back resting on the rock beside her, one leg outstretched, the other bent and his arm resting on it, his body slightly turned towards her with that movement, another one of those intense looks on his face.
"Afraid?" she said slowly.
"I can see it in your eyes," Legolas said slowly.
"Legolas, that's rude, you know," she said finally. He seemed taken aback by it.
"What is?"
"Always asking questions like that," she said and felt amusement at his darkening features.
"Oh," he said and looked away.
"Unless you are willing to answer some yourself," she said, barely holding back a grin now.
He looked back at her in surprise but unfortunately caught her grin. "I see," he said softly. "Then I shall oblige. Only it is my turn to ask."
"Huh? Why's that?" protested Irulan.
"Because you just asked me if I ever felt tired and I answered. And yet, you did not answer my question as to why YOU felt tired."
"Oh......" said Irulan. 'Darn elves! Don't they ever get confused?' Legolas watched her features twist with displeasure. It was such a wonderful sight to see her face change like that!
"Tell me about your years with the Darma Druids," he said finally, not wishing to torture her any longer.
"The Darma Druids?" she said with surprise.
"Yes," he said softly, "I know so little about your life. I wish to hear more."
Irulan looked at him with annoyance. That was not a question! Not one that she could answer with a simple yes or no anyway. But she had promised herself to make things easier on Legolas as much as she could. He could not die! Especially because of her! Not that she had the slightest idea how she could possibly fix something like that, but she still wanted to ease his mind as much as she could. "Alright," she said and slightly leaned back to make herself comfortable. "What do you want to know?"
"How was daily life for you?" he said and glided down until he was lying beside her, propped up on his elbow, looking up at her. 'Obviously he is going to make this a VERY detailed explanation,' she thought with annoyance.
"Well......it was alright.....Ah what the heck, I hated the whole cleaning thing! Cooking was not so bad, but the cleaning! The endless dusting and swiping and washing!......" she rolled her eyes and Legolas laughed softly.
"Why would you do that?" he asked with a childish curiosity, "Was it a part of the training?"
She looked down at him bitterly. "Stop it, Legolas! What training? It's what you do as a housewife, that's why!"
"A housewife?" he said with utter surprise and a grin spread on his beautiful lips, "I really can not imagine you in that state!"
"Well I did not look much like one, as much as I tried, anyway. As a matter of fact, I am surprised Hasmir never suspected anything." She instantly stopped and gulped. "Anyway, so the whole daily life thing........"
"Wait a minute," said Legolas to her demise, "who was Hasmir?"
"Someone," she said idly but it sounded very forced even to her own ears. "I was talking about the........"
"Someone like who?" said Legolas. She looked down at him with irritation and he was looking up at her with a strange expression.
"One question at a time, Legolas. I can hardly talk when you keep interrupting me," she said slowly, trying to sound very neutral, but sounding nervous nevertheless.
Legolas slowly sat up and he was so close, looking into her eyes, she quickly looked away. "Why won't you answer?" he said slowly.
"I am answering," she said defiantly. It was so uncomfortably hot suddenly. Irulan took another deep breath and resisting the urge to rip off some grass (that would seal all suspicion for sure), looked at the sky.
"Alright then," Legolas said very slowly, "who was Hasmir?"
Irulan grinded her teeth and exhaled softly. She thought again about lying, but soon dispensed that idea, because that odd pain was still shrieking with the thought. "He was someone I lived with, for a while," she said with a low voice, not looking at him. And Irulan realized that Hasmir was pretty much that. She almost shuddered at the thought of having to share a lifetime with someone like that - no matter how nice a person he had been. A tense silence settled in and she hastily went on: "Anyway, about the Druids..........."
"He was your lover," Legolas said, and his tone of voice was so strange that she turned around to look. He was sitting in indian style now, and not leaning back on the boulders next to her, but facing her. Worse, he was looking at her with a blue fire in his eyes that made all the hair on Irulan's arms stand up softly. Why, he almost looked........angry. 'Isn't that too typical human?' she thought suddenly. 'Elves are supposed to be........finer.......or not?'
Irulan swallowed softly and looked away again. "I guess........I guess you could say that," she said and was surprised that she did not die during the process. She took a deep breath and went on: "Alright. There were three Druids in the town I was staying........"
"Was he your lover or not?" Legolas said with that odd tone again.
Irulan rolled her eyes. 'This is not going well at all! I was supposed to make him feel better, not get rolled over by his strange attitude and pushed into corners!' She cast a sidelong glance at Legolas and sighed unconsciously. 'He can DIE Irulan, so stop with the stupidity!' she thought with frustration. "He was my lover," she said as soft as she could, but it sounded edgy nevertheless. She could swear that she saw the fire in Legolas' eyes light up even brighter - if such a thing was even possible. "Can I continue now?" she said, nervous, although there was absolutely no reason to be so.
"No. Did you love him?" Legolas said. And he absolutely looked nothing like the kind and gentle elf who had led her here. Irulan knew that he would never harm or hurt her in any way, but she suddenly felt oddly nervous to be sitting here with him in such a desolated place. 'I guess it's a good thing we are on the same side in this war,' she thought.
"Legolas, what kind of a question is that?" she said with exasperation.
"It is a very simple question," he said, his eyes never leaving hers.
"I do not wish to answer it," she said with a tinge of anger.
"Why not?"
"Because I do not wish to," she said, hoping to end the discussion. When he became unnaturally silent, she turned to look at him and he was still looking at her with that ghastly look, not blinking and not moving a hair. 'Stupid elf!' she thought, angry now. 'He is dying and he all he cares about is whether I loved Hasmir or not. Why are men the way they are!?' Legolas looked away then, but his tenseness prevailed. Irulan almost moaned with desperation. She sat up a little and took his hand into hers. That always seemed to make him feel better. Legolas was surprised to feel her touch and looked at her with mild astonishment.
"Legolas, I did love him," she said slowly, her eyes not leaving his and she felt his hand become as rigid as a stone, "the way I love a friend." Legolas looked at her with such intensity that she found it hard not to look away. But she kept responding to his gaze, hoping that he would see the sincerity of her words. Very slowly he relaxed and then slightly nodded. He did not let go of her hand, though. 'I very much thought so,' she said to herself.
"Then why did you live with him?" he said this time, not as fierce as before, but nevertheless soaked with warm anger.
"Well.......it was.......he was chosen by the Sisters," she stammered.
"Chosen for what?"
'I REALLY have to pick out my words more carefully!' she thought bitterly. 'But the damn effect he is having on me makes it difficult!'
"You know........" she said and softly pulled her hand, but Legolas pretended not to feel it and did not let go. She finally gave up, very close to desperation now, and blurted "For marriage!"
Legolas squeezed her hand so hard, it actually hurt. She looked up at him and he looked completely terrified. "You........married him?" he said with perfect horror.
"No!" she said quickly and tried to ignore the pain in her hand, "No. They meant us to, but I did not wish to." She tried softly to pull out of his grip again and that's when he became aware of her hand and gasped with disbelief and immediately released the pressure.
"Oh no!" he said, and it sounded like that world had come to an end, "Oh no.......Irulan, forgive me!"
"Legolas, don't be ridiculous, it's alright, really....." she meant to go on but her sentence was cut off abruptly by the feeling of his lips on her palm. She felt a wave of heat hitting her again and jumped up with the effect. Legolas though was too busy kissing her hand to notice. And it was having such an unbelievable effect on her, she felt like she would explode any moment. She tried to take away her hand again, and finally failing again, gasped "Don't.......please."
He reluctantly stopped and looked up at her. There was such a fire in his eyes, Irulan felt like he could ignite her just by looking. "I hurt you," he said, but he sounded oddly distant.
"No you didn't," whispered Irulan, unable to look away herself. 'Whatever happened to friendship?' she thought with frustration. 'It was so easy with him.......now try as I might, I can not go back to it. The intimacy is too strong!'
"Yes I did," he whispered and Irulan had no idea how he had moved so close so fast. In an instant his face was right before hers, his blue eyes covered the whole sky. "You must despise me," he said, with that distant voice again, not moving at all.
"I........I don't despise you, Legolas," she stammered and tried to sound calm. 'When did he become so bold?' she thought despite herself. 'He used to be shy. Or was that my imagination?'
"Irulan....." he said softly, but she interrupted him, "No Legolas. No apologies."
"I'm afraid you will never trust me again," he said finally. "I can not control myself when I am with you."
Irulan almost laughed out loud at that. 'That I -ME- would have that effect like this on an elf! On Legolas himself!' She thought with astonishment. 'The world is such a mysterious place!'
"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back, "I trust you more than anyone in my entire life!" And after saying that, she realized that it was true. 'That's really odd' she thought. But then.........not too odd. After all, in her eyes, Legolas was a perfect being in every way.
He slightly moved back then and looked at her. Thankfully that blue fire was gone, though the intensity remained. "Is that true?" he whispered.
"You think I would lie about something like that?"
He smiled a genuine smile and another wave of admiration covered his face. "You trust me more than........Hasmir?" he said suddenly, knowing how stupid that sounded, but unable to keep himself from asking anyway.
Irulan's eyes widened. She hit him softly on the shoulder. "What's wrong with you?!" she said, both laughing and mocking anger.
"I am in love," he said, and he said it with such intensity, Irulan felt another warmness blooming up inside her. She quickly looked away, not wishing to meet his gaze now. Legolas smiled and gracefully moved back to his former spot again. It literally hurt to lose the touch, but he was afraid that he would make her feel uncomfortable and she would wish to leave.
Suddenly Irulan murmured "Love does not exist," and she whispered it so softly, Legolas barely picked it up. He looked up at her with shock, but she was not looking at him. She was looking into the dark distance, lost in thought.
"Why do you say such things?" he said softly with disbelief; unable to hold himself back. Love was the true center of life - all elves knew that. It was in every life-form, it was what life was built on. To deny that was like a curse to nature and life itself.
Irulan snapped out of her trance and looked at him. "Oh........" she stammered, "it's........forget I said it." And the way she said that made Legolas absolutely sure that he had found something of grave importance about her. He did not know what it was, but he was so intensely focused on her, he easily perceived her every movement and feature, and Irulan was astonishingly disturbed by the present issue. Even more than that......Hasmir......matter. He quickly brushed that aside, lest it might cloud his mind again.
"No, tell me," he said softly.
She turned away and began to rip grass, which he had learned to be an expression of her discomfort and frustration. "Irulan," he said and softly touched her leg, "tell me."
"Legolas, I'd really rather......"
"Tell me or I shall kiss you again," he said and Irulan froze. Legolas almost smiled at her panic, but hid his amusement.
"You possibly can NOT........"
He swiftly sat up again and moved close. "You were saying?" he whispered and Irulan almost jumped back an arm length.
"Legolas! That's not funny!" she said, very disturbed now, but he suspected that it was more due to her embarrassment about her drastic jump a moment ago rather than real anger.
"I am not laughing," he said and smiled a sinister smile.
"Alright, alright!" she said quickly and he waited a moment longer before he leaned back and assumed his former position, not looking away for a moment.
Irulan swallowed hard and inched herself back to where she was sitting a moment ago again, all the time feeling terribly vulnerable. When she was finally sitting with her back to the boulder again, her legs stretched out before her, he leaned further back to grant her a comfortable distance and kept on looking at her with expectance.
"It is something that Darma Druids say," she said finally and she looked almost in pain saying it.
Legolas gasped. "How can they say that?" he protested softly.
"Because.....it's distracting," she said and could only guess how stupid that must sound to an elf. Legolas just kept looking at her without blinking. Irulan sighed softly and began ripping grass again. "It is......forbidden in the guild."
"Forbidden?" Legolas whispered with utter horror.
"Well........not really forbidden maybe, but.......discouraged anyway." Actually it was much more than discouraged, but she did not want to make a big scene out of it right now. Legolas was already more than terrified by the idea. "You see....when you Shift," she said, looking up at the sky, "you don't feel or think or hear anything in the void. There is nothing. It is only a dance of cause and effect, of action and reaction."
"But that is battle," he said, sounding a little confused.
"Yes, battle."
"But.......life is not just battle."
Irulan slowly turned to look at him. 'This is exactly why elves can never become Darma Druids,' she thought with admiration. It was against their very nature. "I know. But........feelings also cloud your mind," she said and cast a sidelong glance at him.
Legolas was thinking about his reaction moments ago. Indeed, feelings did cloud your mind. He could understand the discomfort of the Druids. And yet....it was the sign of life, was it not? Everything felt even before it thought - and sometimes only felt and never thought. Why, plants and some animals lived many years without a single thought but nevertheless feeling and thriving with the connection they had with the life around them. He had often touched the bark of a tree and felt it softly responding with pleasure to his touch.
"Legolas.......like when you said......that you would not......kill me," she said and looked at him, but he did not react at all, only kept looking at her. "A Sister would say that your feelings for me are preventing you from doing the right thing." It sounded really stupid when she said it, probably because she did not believe in it too much herself. Hetaire would probably make more sense. Although.......she had failed to persuade Irulan....so........
"Irulan," said Legolas softly and sat up again, holding her hand, "why didn't you tell me before?"
"Tell you what?"
"About this. These.........Druids," he said and the last word came out with open distaste. She opened her mouth to continue, but he stopped her, "They have tainted you."
"Tainted me?" she said, baffled at that remark.
Legolas nodded gravely. "They have cast a dark shadow on the light of your heart," and he softly touched her chest where her heart was, but it was a touch of utter gentleness and completely devoid of passion. "Now I know what is haunting your soul."
"Legolas," began Irulan, thinking he was clearly overreacting now, and not to mention, reverting to a form a speech that sounded very strange to her; but Legolas hushed her with a simple gesture of his hand and continued:
"You must believe me when I say this," he said and he looked very serious. Irulan could only nod under such a gaze.
"How long have you lived with them?"
"About three years......a little longer," she said. He pursed his lips in anger and looked away, grinding his teeth. He looked so concerned, she felt like she had to be, too.
Finally Legolas looked back up at her and touched her cheek with a gentle care, as if he would touch a child. "All that time........you never felt love?" It was such an odd and unexpected question, Irulan really had no answer for it. She looked at him completely stupefied and he just looked back. Finally he seemed to take that as the very answer he was looking for and went on: "Why did you leave?"
Irulan was still busy thinking about the former question. For a moment Hasmir sprang up in her mind.......but the more she thought about him, the more she discovered that she had not really loved him, but sought refuge in his gentleness from the coldness around her. He was warm and kind......and she had confused the gratitude she had felt for him with love. She had loved him......but not really.....not deeply. Not like Gandalf. Not like Eprim. Not like Boromir.
Legolas touched her cheek again and she came back to the present. "Why did you leave?" he said again.
"Well....." said Irulan, very confused about the whole thing now, "I just.......I just......." and suddenly she remembered her first night in Lothlorien. It came so abruptly, she answered before she thought about what she was saying: "........failed to change my heart," she finished, repeating what Galadriel had said to her. It had meant nothing at that moment, but now..............Legolas nodded and smiled up to her with such a warm expression, she felt really lost. 'What is going on?' she thought stupefied.
"You chose love," he said and before she could tell him that she had not been really thinking in that line when she broke her oath to the Sisters, he swiftly moved up and placed a gentle kiss her on the lips. Irulan was so amazed by the whole thing; she did not even realize what was going on until he moved back again.
"Legolas.........what is going on?" she said, trying hard to suppress the tumult he had caused inside her just a moment ago.
"Irulan, I understand so much now," he said. "I should have asked earlier. Forgive me.........I was so caught up with myself, my own worries!" Irulan just kept on looking at him with amazement. She had lost all understanding about the issue a while ago and decided to let go of it altogether. If Legolas said so....it was probably true. She felt oddly relieved by that thought.
"I shall heal you!" he said suddenly and pulled himself up to her again. Irulan tilted back slightly, to keep the comfortable distance between them.
"Heal me?" she said with amusement, "Am I ill?"
"Yes, you are," he said and nodded gravely, clasping her hand with both hands now. "And it might take many days or weeks, for you have remained with them too long. But fear not, I shall do everything in my power to release this pain from you." Legolas moved even closer to her and reached out to touch her face again, only this time it was not as innocent as it was a moment ago.
"Fear not, for I am with you," he whispered, and something very odd happened. A heaviness lifted up from her chest and gently flew up and away. Irulan's eyes slightly widened at that feeling. She felt something flowing out and the coolness of the night flowing in there. She could not divert her eyes from Legolas, but she was absolutely sure that if she could, she would see something flying off from her, leaving her body. The feeling was so real that she gasped with surprise and slowly brought up her free hand to her heart. She was still looking at Legolas, but her mind was trying to understand what was going on inside her.
Legolas smiled with utmost sincerity. "I have found my reason," he said softly, moving back slightly, "I will remain for you." Irulan was still thinking about what just had happened when she realized that he was talking about his Grief. And indeed, there was an odd aura around him. Irulan could not help herself staring at his illuminating radiance - she not only saw a strange light to him, but also FELT it emanating from him. Very much like she had seen/felt it while facing Lady Galadriel. It was such an amazing sight, she instantly pitied all that would never see it; all who were spared from this sight forever.
"Legolas, you are so bright," she whispered, unable to resist the urge to say something, even though it sounded stupid to the last word.
"I am but only bathed in your light," he said softly and leaned down to kiss her again.
"The reduction of the universe to a single being,
the expansion of a single being even to God, this is love."
Victor Hugo