Another epilogue. Sort of a window to the past and future, a pause, to
bring clarity to some issues. The support I'm receiving on this fanfic is
incredible. I really feel connected to you all. After all, scratch out the
names of the hero and heroine, it is a tale about love. And like I have
tried to 'hint' in the story, I really do believe that love is essentially
engraved in all our souls. Maybe we are even made of love. So taking a
minute to read a story about it and to remember our ancient roots makes me
feel connected to others who do the same thing. It is like listening to the
same song in a concert - separate yet united.
Some say the story is dragging now, that I should speed up, and yet others say I should go on forever. Ha ha..I'm afraid I'm incapable of neither. However, I would remind you guys that we are still on schedule. Our company is about to arrive to Rohan on their third day after the breaking. I stayed true to that.
Elf Ears, I am considering your idea of starting an Irulan II and carrying some of this stuff over there. Good idea. Egyptian Queen, you are really cute, and don't worry, I don't intend to kill neither Legolas nor Irulan - until I have tortured them enough, that is. Thank you syrenwytch, Sharon, Satori, flipped, kirjava (for the hint, too), Kiya, and thank you Mae Noelle for the gorgeous mails. The rest, you know who you are. I would say my personal thanks for each and every one of you here, but that would delay us from the story, would it not? :)
For those who guessed some other drama and cruelties ahead - you are right. But it is never eternal winter, is it? The seasons shift. So after the time of painful realizations comes a gentler and more uplifting time. At least for the couple - for the world is following its own fate, oblivious to them. This part was written to Roxette's Almost Unreal and Westlife's If I Let You Go, upon which I accidentally stumbled heeding the song advice of Carrie (thanks for the other song hint, too).
EPILOGUE II
"For one human being to love another:
that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks;
the ultimate, the last test and proof,
the work for which all other work is but preparation."
Rainer Maria Rilke
And so it was that the very difficult and strange process of Irulan's healing began. How can you heal a soul? By touching it. How can you touch a soul? By peeling away all the layers that cover and hide it. Very few humans possess that skill, even though most elves do. Maybe because it is about empathy and patience. It is about sincerity and courage. It is about giving without taking - giving everything as if there is no tomorrow. It is about being pushed back, being shut out, being ignored and yet getting up, dusting off and continuing the approach. It is also about being unafraid about one's feelings and their expression. It is most definitely about loving. Loving someone to the point that she or he becomes everything that there is to love and everything is reflected in her. Or rather, loving everything else because she is touched by it or she has touched it. Legolas was the perfect force to unveil Irulan. He loved her beyond anything any mortal or even most elves could comprehend. He was persistent and stubborn. He was gentle and understanding. He was fearless and resilient.
And he was too much of each of those things! Irulan was having the hardest time of her entire life. It was frustrating beyond anything and she felt immensely uncomfortable! Legolas was always around her, always in her perimeter. She looked up and he was looking at her. She turned around and he was waiting for her. She called for him and he was there before she said his name. He touched her and it made her flinch every time, for she could not remember ever being touched like that. He spoke her name and she could not remember anybody speaking her name like that. It was devastating, although she had no idea why. She felt constantly embarrassed and frustrated and did not know what to do with herself.
To understand her annoyance, one would have to understand her past. Irulan grew up in a castle filled with people who constantly tried to change her. She had had no real friends. Eowyn had been a good friend, but Rohan was far away and they met only occasionally for short periods. Eprim was another one, but their backgrounds made it hard to develop the friendship to a large degree. Until she met Chemarit, she was always hushed, pushed, dragged away, yelled at, punished, patiently ignored. After Chemarit, it only got worse, of course, but yet, his friendship and the sudden fact that she could tell her mind and someone would listen without prejudice, had helped her ignore all that outer pressure.
After Chemarit, everything went downhill for a while. The world collapsed on her and she stood utterly alone under that crash, with nobody to help her lift up the debris. Then her adventures begun and Irulan breathed once more. Only because of the nature of her adventures, she was always either alone or disguised. So once again, she had no real friends. Her adventures did not last too long either - her father stopped sending her out after too many incidents pointed to a seemingly innocent looking princess. And she was too old to go out to the city and make new friends other than Eprim and a couple of others who were her childhood friends, because everyone recognized her as Princess Irulan now and felt intimidated by her title.
After she ran off and began to roam Middle Earth, it was the same story again - always drifting from place to place disguised as a man......no one knew her soul. The Darma Druids made it possible for her to join the Fellowship that eventually turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to her, for it led her to the people whom she would cherish till the end of her life. And yet (although Irulan still did not suspect the full effect of it) Legolas was right - the very same Darma Druids also had added to her loneliness and shut her off even further from the world. And certainly her years as the Black Knight off in some battle with the warriors of Gondor had not been the ideal environment for her to develop feelings, either.
Eventually she came to join the Fellowship as skillful as it gets in the arts of war and combat, and yet utterly ignorant and naive in matters of the heart. Her intimate and sincere moments with this or that person were very few. She had had relationships, true, the longest and most intimate one of which had been Hasmir, but those had no real impression on her soul. The truth was, she had never really been loved. And most certainly not with a love like the one Legolas felt for her. And she had never been treated the way he treated her. And therefore, she feared Legolas more than she had feared anyone else in her life. For she knew that he was both the omen and the tool that would bring the downfall of Irulan as we know her.
So Irulan ran and Legolas followed. Irulan hid and Legolas uncovered. Irulan pushed and Legolas pulled. It was difficult beyond any task for each of them, for breaking the shell of a soul is painful. The shell has a nasty habit of growing on people and becoming one with the person. In time it consumes a person and refuses to be parted ever again. And Irulan had a very, very thick shell. Not to mention that the timing was terrible as well. Because she had never really loved someone with intensity, she lacked the experience or the clarity of mind to analyze her feelings. Without doubt she knew she felt a lot for Legolas, and yet, it would take time for her to dig any deeper to see whether it was something beyond compassion, concern, awe, friendship and trust.
Legolas, on the other, had it a lot easier than her. For he had accepted his feelings and his mind was not murky like hers - it was clear. He knew what he wanted and he knew what to do. He would heal her heart. Nothing else mattered. Nothing would stop him, including Irulan herself. What he did not know, though, was that in his overwhelming efforts for her, he had begun to heal himself. He felt life flowing in his veins again, of course, but his mind was so occupied by her, that he really did not indulge too much on that idea. He forgot his own existence and replaced himself with Irulan. Everything he did, he did for her; and in his sacrifice, he did not stop to see what it gave back to him - and it was something that nobody else had given before; something that no other would ever be able to give him again.
Many wondered why someone like Legolas fell for Irulan in the first place. And who would know the answer to something like that? All who wondered obviously had never been touched by love so true. They saw only a three thousand years old dashing elven prince and a twenty five years old tomboy with no dashing beauty to equal his (to tell the truth, very few human women would have the looks to parallel Legolas' beauty that was no doubt a combination of both his physical and his spiritual qualities, but that is beyond the point). They saw only shells. But true love penetrates the shell and looks the spirit in the eye. And Legolas and Irulan had succeeded in finding each other in such a large and confused world and had actually looked each other in the eye. Their spirits were connected, their destinies entwined.
Legolas had seen this much earlier, for he was of elven nature and he had considerably more experience. Irulan would come to realize it soon enough as well, but her battles were fiercer, for she was human and too young, and very confused. And while her battle raged, she many times regretted the day she surrendered to Legolas' wish to heal her. For after that "permission" -although she could not really remember giving him permission for anything, but Legolas seemed to think so- she slowly understood that nothing, NOTHING she would do now would shake off Legolas from her.
And she tried many things, mind you. She pushed him, she evaded him, ignored him, yelled at him, insulted him, hurt him, but Legolas took it like the world takes the showers in autumn or the ice storms in winter - naturally and with unparalleled patience. She tried to put distance between them, but Legolas gracefully leapt over all her barricades and ended up embracing her. She snatched back her hand, only to be kissed on the lips. She turned her face away, only to be caught by the hand. She actually even tried to use physical force on him when everything else failed, but naturally Legolas very easily avoided her punches and kicks and she ended up being carried away where 'she could curl in his lap and calm down'!
If not for the quest, Irulan would have run away a long time ago. Or at least, she would have tried, although she certainly stood no chance of disappearing from a skillful tracker like Legolas. She ended up being incredibly sour to everyone in the beginning and both Gimli and Aragorn tried very hard to avoid her stormy and edgy nature, but paid dearly for all their 'past sins' anyway. They even sometimes debated on whether they should unite with Irulan in their common goal to stop Legolas in this 'mission', but of course not only was that impossible, it was also not their true wish. So Irulan blew like a cold northern wind on them, rustling and shaking their branches and breaking some, threatening to rip off their roots. Yet love is a miraculous thing, for all three men found the strength and the vigor to survive her.
And even Irulan is only human after all. Her shell cracked. Then it cracked some more, and then started to crumble. She felt naked and exposed and hastily tried to paste back the fallen pieces, but Legolas was too clever and ruthless. His merciless assault knew no break. So she crumbled some more and some more. Until one day......
Yet......all this was still ahead of them. For now, Irulan was only running, and Legolas chasing - and the whole world around them was going to war.
Some say the story is dragging now, that I should speed up, and yet others say I should go on forever. Ha ha..I'm afraid I'm incapable of neither. However, I would remind you guys that we are still on schedule. Our company is about to arrive to Rohan on their third day after the breaking. I stayed true to that.
Elf Ears, I am considering your idea of starting an Irulan II and carrying some of this stuff over there. Good idea. Egyptian Queen, you are really cute, and don't worry, I don't intend to kill neither Legolas nor Irulan - until I have tortured them enough, that is. Thank you syrenwytch, Sharon, Satori, flipped, kirjava (for the hint, too), Kiya, and thank you Mae Noelle for the gorgeous mails. The rest, you know who you are. I would say my personal thanks for each and every one of you here, but that would delay us from the story, would it not? :)
For those who guessed some other drama and cruelties ahead - you are right. But it is never eternal winter, is it? The seasons shift. So after the time of painful realizations comes a gentler and more uplifting time. At least for the couple - for the world is following its own fate, oblivious to them. This part was written to Roxette's Almost Unreal and Westlife's If I Let You Go, upon which I accidentally stumbled heeding the song advice of Carrie (thanks for the other song hint, too).
EPILOGUE II
"For one human being to love another:
that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks;
the ultimate, the last test and proof,
the work for which all other work is but preparation."
Rainer Maria Rilke
And so it was that the very difficult and strange process of Irulan's healing began. How can you heal a soul? By touching it. How can you touch a soul? By peeling away all the layers that cover and hide it. Very few humans possess that skill, even though most elves do. Maybe because it is about empathy and patience. It is about sincerity and courage. It is about giving without taking - giving everything as if there is no tomorrow. It is about being pushed back, being shut out, being ignored and yet getting up, dusting off and continuing the approach. It is also about being unafraid about one's feelings and their expression. It is most definitely about loving. Loving someone to the point that she or he becomes everything that there is to love and everything is reflected in her. Or rather, loving everything else because she is touched by it or she has touched it. Legolas was the perfect force to unveil Irulan. He loved her beyond anything any mortal or even most elves could comprehend. He was persistent and stubborn. He was gentle and understanding. He was fearless and resilient.
And he was too much of each of those things! Irulan was having the hardest time of her entire life. It was frustrating beyond anything and she felt immensely uncomfortable! Legolas was always around her, always in her perimeter. She looked up and he was looking at her. She turned around and he was waiting for her. She called for him and he was there before she said his name. He touched her and it made her flinch every time, for she could not remember ever being touched like that. He spoke her name and she could not remember anybody speaking her name like that. It was devastating, although she had no idea why. She felt constantly embarrassed and frustrated and did not know what to do with herself.
To understand her annoyance, one would have to understand her past. Irulan grew up in a castle filled with people who constantly tried to change her. She had had no real friends. Eowyn had been a good friend, but Rohan was far away and they met only occasionally for short periods. Eprim was another one, but their backgrounds made it hard to develop the friendship to a large degree. Until she met Chemarit, she was always hushed, pushed, dragged away, yelled at, punished, patiently ignored. After Chemarit, it only got worse, of course, but yet, his friendship and the sudden fact that she could tell her mind and someone would listen without prejudice, had helped her ignore all that outer pressure.
After Chemarit, everything went downhill for a while. The world collapsed on her and she stood utterly alone under that crash, with nobody to help her lift up the debris. Then her adventures begun and Irulan breathed once more. Only because of the nature of her adventures, she was always either alone or disguised. So once again, she had no real friends. Her adventures did not last too long either - her father stopped sending her out after too many incidents pointed to a seemingly innocent looking princess. And she was too old to go out to the city and make new friends other than Eprim and a couple of others who were her childhood friends, because everyone recognized her as Princess Irulan now and felt intimidated by her title.
After she ran off and began to roam Middle Earth, it was the same story again - always drifting from place to place disguised as a man......no one knew her soul. The Darma Druids made it possible for her to join the Fellowship that eventually turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to her, for it led her to the people whom she would cherish till the end of her life. And yet (although Irulan still did not suspect the full effect of it) Legolas was right - the very same Darma Druids also had added to her loneliness and shut her off even further from the world. And certainly her years as the Black Knight off in some battle with the warriors of Gondor had not been the ideal environment for her to develop feelings, either.
Eventually she came to join the Fellowship as skillful as it gets in the arts of war and combat, and yet utterly ignorant and naive in matters of the heart. Her intimate and sincere moments with this or that person were very few. She had had relationships, true, the longest and most intimate one of which had been Hasmir, but those had no real impression on her soul. The truth was, she had never really been loved. And most certainly not with a love like the one Legolas felt for her. And she had never been treated the way he treated her. And therefore, she feared Legolas more than she had feared anyone else in her life. For she knew that he was both the omen and the tool that would bring the downfall of Irulan as we know her.
So Irulan ran and Legolas followed. Irulan hid and Legolas uncovered. Irulan pushed and Legolas pulled. It was difficult beyond any task for each of them, for breaking the shell of a soul is painful. The shell has a nasty habit of growing on people and becoming one with the person. In time it consumes a person and refuses to be parted ever again. And Irulan had a very, very thick shell. Not to mention that the timing was terrible as well. Because she had never really loved someone with intensity, she lacked the experience or the clarity of mind to analyze her feelings. Without doubt she knew she felt a lot for Legolas, and yet, it would take time for her to dig any deeper to see whether it was something beyond compassion, concern, awe, friendship and trust.
Legolas, on the other, had it a lot easier than her. For he had accepted his feelings and his mind was not murky like hers - it was clear. He knew what he wanted and he knew what to do. He would heal her heart. Nothing else mattered. Nothing would stop him, including Irulan herself. What he did not know, though, was that in his overwhelming efforts for her, he had begun to heal himself. He felt life flowing in his veins again, of course, but his mind was so occupied by her, that he really did not indulge too much on that idea. He forgot his own existence and replaced himself with Irulan. Everything he did, he did for her; and in his sacrifice, he did not stop to see what it gave back to him - and it was something that nobody else had given before; something that no other would ever be able to give him again.
Many wondered why someone like Legolas fell for Irulan in the first place. And who would know the answer to something like that? All who wondered obviously had never been touched by love so true. They saw only a three thousand years old dashing elven prince and a twenty five years old tomboy with no dashing beauty to equal his (to tell the truth, very few human women would have the looks to parallel Legolas' beauty that was no doubt a combination of both his physical and his spiritual qualities, but that is beyond the point). They saw only shells. But true love penetrates the shell and looks the spirit in the eye. And Legolas and Irulan had succeeded in finding each other in such a large and confused world and had actually looked each other in the eye. Their spirits were connected, their destinies entwined.
Legolas had seen this much earlier, for he was of elven nature and he had considerably more experience. Irulan would come to realize it soon enough as well, but her battles were fiercer, for she was human and too young, and very confused. And while her battle raged, she many times regretted the day she surrendered to Legolas' wish to heal her. For after that "permission" -although she could not really remember giving him permission for anything, but Legolas seemed to think so- she slowly understood that nothing, NOTHING she would do now would shake off Legolas from her.
And she tried many things, mind you. She pushed him, she evaded him, ignored him, yelled at him, insulted him, hurt him, but Legolas took it like the world takes the showers in autumn or the ice storms in winter - naturally and with unparalleled patience. She tried to put distance between them, but Legolas gracefully leapt over all her barricades and ended up embracing her. She snatched back her hand, only to be kissed on the lips. She turned her face away, only to be caught by the hand. She actually even tried to use physical force on him when everything else failed, but naturally Legolas very easily avoided her punches and kicks and she ended up being carried away where 'she could curl in his lap and calm down'!
If not for the quest, Irulan would have run away a long time ago. Or at least, she would have tried, although she certainly stood no chance of disappearing from a skillful tracker like Legolas. She ended up being incredibly sour to everyone in the beginning and both Gimli and Aragorn tried very hard to avoid her stormy and edgy nature, but paid dearly for all their 'past sins' anyway. They even sometimes debated on whether they should unite with Irulan in their common goal to stop Legolas in this 'mission', but of course not only was that impossible, it was also not their true wish. So Irulan blew like a cold northern wind on them, rustling and shaking their branches and breaking some, threatening to rip off their roots. Yet love is a miraculous thing, for all three men found the strength and the vigor to survive her.
And even Irulan is only human after all. Her shell cracked. Then it cracked some more, and then started to crumble. She felt naked and exposed and hastily tried to paste back the fallen pieces, but Legolas was too clever and ruthless. His merciless assault knew no break. So she crumbled some more and some more. Until one day......
Yet......all this was still ahead of them. For now, Irulan was only running, and Legolas chasing - and the whole world around them was going to war.