Author: CJSpooks
E-mail: CJSpooks@aol.com
Spoilers: Only little ones possibly…You'll barely notice any…I promise…
Rated: PG
Category: Humor (I think), Parody (they are a little weird in this one…not like themselves…)
Sub-Category: Smelly Bathroom Fic/ Bad Fic (this sucks…)
Summary: How each of the main characters (and memorable reoccurring characters) reacts on first coming into the same smelly bathroom…and who they automatically blame. Note: This is a really weird and silly Fic in which all the characters act out of character…so beware.
Author's Notes: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE WEIRD AND SOMEWHAT FUNNY STORIES THAT INVOLVE THE CREW NOT ACTING LIKE THEMSELVES, DO NOT READ FURTHER! This story contains many characters acting extremely off character.
I dedicate this story and all of its contents to anyone who has ever gone into a smelly bathroom and has suffered intense trauma from the experience…
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I'm borrowing them for no reason at all except my pleasure and to please my fantastic audience. I just wish Malcolm were mine. If he were mine, he'd have more screen time and more episodes centered on him. Also, If Malcolm and Hoshi were mine, they'd be together already…and very happy. Please, don't sue. I don't own much stuff. I only have a TV, VCR, CD player, some crappy CDs, way too much X-Files, Enterprise, and Star Wars merchandise, lots of marble composition notebooks full of writing, a collection of Snapple bottle caps, and a bunch of crazy crap on the walls.
NOW ON TO THE STORY!
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"Everything weird happens in the bathroom." –Anonymous
"Bathrooms are evil." –Unknown
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The Bathroom
By CJSpooks
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Chapter 1: Archer Has To Go Potty
Some Innocent Unisex Bathroom on Enterprise
Captain Jonathan Archer (Johnny or Archie as his friends called him) walked through the corridor (NOT hallway, stupid!) hurriedly. He was in search of the nearest bathroom and he REALLY had to go. His face was bright red and he was grabbing his crotch (ew…I don't even want to think about it…gross, bad mental picture…now I won't be able to sleep tonight.) If the captain didn't relieve himself soon, he was going to EXPLODE! Lucky and unlucky for him, there was no one in the corridor (NOT hallway, stupid!) to see him and laugh or help. Though Archer had been on this ship for almost a year, he still did not know his way around.
'Damn ship is too big! They should cut it in half or something…Where's the bathroom? Next time I venture away from the group…I mean other actors…no, I mean other characters…no, I mean the other bridge crew members…I write up a map with all of the ship's bathrooms on it. Wait, I'm the captain…I can order someone else to do it…I'll get Mr. Reed to do it for me…he's smart…' –the captain thought smiling.
He kept walking until he made it to the nearest bathroom. However, when Archer was relieving himself at the urinal, he took a sniff at the air. He frowned.
"Ew…yuck! It really stinks here…who did this? Trip! Did he do this? I think he had way too many catfish and pecan pie pieces yesterday…I shouldn't have let him eat that much! But you can't say no to that face…he's so cute!" –Archer said rather loudly.
Just then, an innocent unnamed enlisted crewmember (say THAT three times fast!) comes out of a stall. He looks at the captain questionably and he leaves.
In his defense, the captain says yelling after the crewman, "What? Trip is cute! And this bathroom is really smelly! Hey, I don't have to explain myself to you! I'm the Captain of this ship! You should love me and fear my wrath! Fear me! Love me! Please?"
Archer zips up and then looks both ways and signals right before entering the corridor (NOT hallway, stupid!). (Also note: the captain is looking both ways because he's scared of incoming traffic…or is he looking for incoming traffic?) Anyway, the captain goes toward the bridge in search of the cute engineer named Trip with who he will have a long talk about overeating.
To be continued in next installment…
Stay tuned for next chapter…
PLEASE REVIEW! NO FLAMES! (Me hate fire! Fire scares me!) Is this story funny or just plain stupid? Tell me in a review or e-mail/IM me at CJSpooks@aol.com.
Coming soon (Will definitely be posted in near future):
Chapter 2: T'Pol shows emotion
Chapter 3: Trip flushes the toilet with interesting results
Chapter 4: Malcolm…just goes
Chapter 5: Hoshi attacks the toilet and it attacks back!
Chapter 6: Travis' odd bathroom habit
Chapter 7: Dr. Phlox babbles about what comes out the other end
Chapter 8: And who really did it?
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Extra chapters for fun (may be written later):
Chapter 9: Ensign Cutler toilet fishes
Chapter 10: Crewman Daniels reveals what role toilets play in Temporal Cold War
Chapter 11: Silik has WAY too much time on his hands
Chapter 12: That Vulcan Ambassador that I hate so much but I can't remember his name blames humans for everything
Chapter 13: Admiral Forrest comes for a visit