Author's Notes: Hey, I'm Back! Did you miss me? (Only snores are heard…) Anyway, here's the next installment of the stupid fic, "The Bathroom". Thanks to all those who gave awesome encouraging reviews (at least someone is reading this crap!). I just hope this is better than the first chapter (I know it was twisted). Okay, now put your feet up and put the remote in the dishwasher (huh? Who in their right mind would put the remote in the dishwasher…oh crap!). DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!

Disclaimer and other information: In first chapter (Go check if you don't believe me!)

Note: This is the result of way too much sugar and bean burritos…do not try this at home…(okay, fine, sure you can! I really don't care if you do!) Don't mind my crapped up grammar…I know it sucks…I'm stupid!

NOW ON TO THE STORY!

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"Who cut the cheese?"

"Don't call me stupid, stupid!"

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The Bathroom

By CJSpooks

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Chapter 2: T'Pol shows emotion

Situation Room, Bridge, Enterprise

T'Pol (Poley, T'Pointy, Ice Queen, Booby, or "Dinners" to her fans and flamers alike) stood with her crewmates (see? Not friends, crewmates, stupid!) Around the (what IS that anyway?) visual monitor on the middle table.

Trip was on her right, sniffing her in an odd matter. Archer was on her left, eyeing her from head to toe (focusing on her you know what's), licking his lips. Mayweather was (not dead…not yet, anyway) suspiciously smiling at her and nodding like a bobble head doll. Hoshi, on Mayweather's right, giggled softly and was batting her long eyelashes at the Sub-Commander.

T'Pol's eyebrow went up faster than the speed of light. Reed, on the other hand, was babbling on and on about some kind of weapon of mass destruction. The senior staff had been standing there for about five hours already and Reed did not show any signs of stopping.

"With the installation of these new mega destructo bazooka action model type infinity seven hundred series (whew! That's a mouthful!) Phase modulated energy weapons (Or as I like to call them, "Malcolm's Boom toys"), it would make Enterprise look really cool like a lethal warship and then finally stage one of my plan to kill you all and take over the ship would be complete…did I say that last part out loud?" –Malcolm blushed.

All he heard were snores and loud groans in response.

"Anyway,"- Reed continued, "Now that you're all asleep and numb, I'm going back to my station to start on stage two of my plan because you all bore me and YOU ALL SUCK!"

Reed giggled like a girl and he skipped (Yes, skipped) back to his station (of terror).

T'Pol's eyebrow shot up again questionably. She then turned to Archer, "Captain, I believe Lieutenant Reed has been sniffing valve sealant again or he's high on air."

"Sure, fine, whatever, T'Pol." –Archer replied as he yawned. Archer looked at the rest of his senior staff.

Trip was asleep…well, standing in an upright position. He was apparently having a nightmare. "Oh…no, mommy. Please, don't make me wear the boxers. I wanna wear the tightie whities with the Teletubbies on them. I don't wanna wear the Starfleet T-shirt. I wanna wear the red Power Ranger T-shirt. It's my favorite. And I don't wanna wear my cargo pants…I wanna wear my tight spandex pants. They're so cool!"

T'Pol raised her eyebrow (which will soon become her trademark or it will probably fall off in a freak accident) again, this time it scored an 8.7 with all the Vulcan judges! She said, "Captain, I believe Commander Tucker is having some sort of repressed memory that would explain his odd demeanor."

Archer laughed and said, "Good old Trip. Sure, fine, whatever, T'Pol."

Mayweather collapsed and he hit his head pretty badly on his way down to the floor. No one seemed to care.

T'Pol spoke up, "I believe Ensign Mayweather has a concussion."

Archer stared blankly at the science officer. "May who? Anyway, Sure, fine, whatever, T'Pol?"

Hoshi woke up suddenly and she started screaming. Before T'Pol could say anything, Archer mouthed, "Sure…Fine…Whatever…T'Pol."

Just then, T'Pol grasped as she had an odd feeling. She grabbed her crotch. This would mean one of two things: 1) She had to go to the bathroom or 2)…actually, I'm not going to mention it…this fic is only rated PG…

T'Pol turns to the captain one last time, "Captain, May I please be excused? I have to use the facilities."

Archer giggles merrily and says, "Dear T'Pol, NO NO NO NO NO! Ha Ha! I don't like you. You suck…Just kidding! I think you're hot. Stop by my quarters after shift is over. Trip is cute. Sure, fine, whatever, T'Pol. Malcolm is macho. Hoshi is short. May who? Love you like crazy, Johnny."

Archer smiles and winks at T'Pol. She frowns. "Let's get back to work, people! We have to look like we're smart and that we're actually doing something!"

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An hour later, Bridge

T'Pol was still holding it in…she snapped her fingers to get the Captain's attention. She had to work fast since Archer had the attention span of a five-year-old.

"Captain?"

"Yes, lovely?"

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Cause I said so! Ha!"

(Five minutes later)

"Please!"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty pretty please with sugar on top?"

"Are there sprinkles?"

"Sure, if you want."

"How about a cherry?"

"Sure."

"No."

(Five minutes after that)

"Come on, Captain. I'll do anything!"

"Anything?"

"Yes."

"Go out with me?"

"…"

"T'Pol?"

"Fine."

"Get naked?"

"When?"

"Now."

"…"

"T'Pol?"

"I will not do that."

"You know what my favorite place to visit is? Niagara Falls! It's so beautiful there with all the water flowing…flowing…FLOWING!"

At that moment, T'Pol couldn't take it anymore! She screamed wildly and then jumped out of her chair. She sprang on top of the Captain's chair. Everyone gasped as T'Pol hissed and grabbed Archer by the throat.

Then she said in a sexy cat woman whisper, "I love to hate you, Archer. Damn you, I have to pee. If you don't let me go to the bathroom right now, human, I will surely kick your * BEEP *. (Oo…T'Pol has a potty mouth! She should wash her mouth out with soap!)

Archer, in the manliest act of his pathetic life, breaks out crying for his mommy and daddy. T'Pol rushes off the Bridge to the bathroom.

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Some Innocent Unisex Bathroom on Enterprise (same one Archer went to in first chapter)

When she enters she sniffs the air. "What the * BEEP * is that? I bet it was that * BEEP * hole Archer. She shrugs and she enters the first stall. And…she goes.

To be continued in next installment…

Stay tuned for next chapter…

PLEASE REVIEW! NO FLAMES! (Me hate fire! Fire scares the * BEEP * outta me!) Is this story funny or just plain stupid? Tell me in a review of email/ IM me at CJSpooks@aol.com.

Next Chapter: Chapter 3: Trip flushes the toilet with interesting results.