Author's Notes: Halo! Guess what? (Chicken butt) I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack! Aren't you glad? Anyway, here's the next installment of the stupid fic, "The Bathroom". Thanks to all those who gave me great feedback of the last chapter (I can't believe anyone would enjoy reading this crap!). I just hope this is at least a little better than the first two chapters (I know they were weird). Okay, now sit back and put your tray tables in the upright position. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!

Disclaimer and other information: In first chapter (Go check if you don't believe me!)

Note: This is the result of sniffing way too many rotten bananas…damn monkeys! Don't mind my crapped up grammar…I know it sucks…I'm stupid!

NOW ON TO THE STORY!

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"Toilets are the best at keeping secrets…" –Toilet lover

"Do you know of any words that rhyme with toilet?"- Toilet poet

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The Bathroom

By CJSpooks

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Chapter 3: Trip flushes the toilet with interesting results

Some crappy corridor (not hallway, stupid!) on Enterprise

Commander Charles Tucker III, the Chief Engineer (Called "Trip" by his adoring fans, "Charlie" by Archer, "Commander" by Malcolm, "Big Sexy Macho Man with a small *BEEP*" to T'Pol and everyone else who has seen him in his skivvies or much less) walked towards the bridge. He was smiling like George W. Bush in front of the media (in other words, he looked like a plain idiot with nothing to do…poor guy). The few crewmen that passed him either growled or laughed as he passed.

Anyway, Trip was on his merry little way until he heard some sounds coming from the nearest bathroom. Trip ran quickly down the corridor (not hallway, stupid!) until he saw Malcolm standing outside the bathroom with Travis and Hoshi. Trip smiles and greeted them,

"Hey, guys. What're you doing?"

Travis, Hoshi, and Malcolm did not respond. Instead, they just screamed "Fire in the hole!" and the three bolted down the corridor (not hallway, stupid!) in a hurry.

"What's their beef?"-Trip said in confusion

But then, Trip's eyes widened in realization and terror. He tried to run, but he was too late. The bathroom door opened and a giant wave of water flowed out the door and onto Trip.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

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About twenty minutes later

Trip jerked awake on the toilet. "What the…? How'd I get in here?"

"You were dreaming my love." –answered a voice.

"Oh." –Trip sighed, "My dream felt so real."

"It's okay…are you going now?"

"Going?"

"You know…to the bathroom?"

"I thought I was in the bathroom."

"You are…I mean…are you going to use me?"

"Yeah…hold on, darlin."

Trip unzips his pants and…

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ATTENTION! BEFORE WE CONTINUE WITH THIS CRAP…I MEAN STORY, I MUST INTERRUPT WITH AN IMPORTANT ADVERTISEMENT FOR A NEW MEN'S BODY SPRAY, FAD…(Fragrance Against Dirt)

Voiceover: It's a hot Saturday night in July at 10:30

(Jim pulls up in a BMW with CJ)

Jim: (yawns and puts arm around CJ smoothly) Nice night, isn't it?

CJ: Yeah

(Voiceover man walks by with a "30 minutes later" sign)

(Jim and CJ go in for a kiss)

CJ: OH MY GOD! You stink!

Jim: No, I don't!

(Both of them freeze)

Voiceover: Has this ever happened to you? I mean, it's happened to all of us. Hey, do you remember when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake went out? Well, at first Justin was also quite the rotten apple, so he started to use FAD, our latest product in Men's cologne. Now let's see what happens when our friend over here starts using FAD.

(Voiceover man walks over to the car window. He knocks.)

Jim: Hold on…yeah?

Voiceover man: Take this as a blessing. (He sprays FAD into the car)

Jim: Ahhh! My eyes!

CJ: What's that great smell?"

Jim: It must be that new Fragrance Against Dirt…FAD!

CJ: Ah…

(Voiceover man comes in between them.)

CJ: If you smell bad…

Jim: Hey, (shrugs)

Voiceover man: Just get FAD! (Holds up can) It's on sale for only $24.95 at your local Macy's department store.

(Jim holds up a plus tax sign. He then crumples it and throws it over his shoulder.)

(CJ, Voiceover man, and Jim then turn around and it spells FAD.)

(CJ- "F"

Voiceover man- "A"

Jim-"D")

End of Commercial

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO THIS STUPID INTERRUPTION…NOW BACK TO THE STORY!

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(Where we left off)

…He goes to the bathroom. He flushes.

"I love you, Trip." –says the Toilet (the voice)

"I love you too."-Trip says as he washes his hands. He sniffs the air…

"Ew! Yuck! What the hell is that?"

" I don't know. I don't have a nose." –replies the toilet AKA Trip's lover.

"Oh…um…it's the smell…"

"Who do you think it was?"

"Probably that dang Brit, Malcolm. He may have had too much pineapple, if you catch my drift."

The toilet laughs

"What are we going to do about that awful smell?"

The Voiceover man from the FAD commercial comes into the bathroom.

"Who're you?"-Asked Trip

"Didn't you watch the commercial?" –the toilet asked Trip

"No…I dozed off, sorry."

"Anyway," –Voiceover man started to say, "Here…you need this."

Voiceover man whips out a bottle of FAD. "FAD! It's a new product in men's cologne. Try it."

Trip does.

"Mm…what's that nice smell?" –the toilet said

"Wait…I thought you said you can't smell." –Trip said

"I can't…it's on the script."

"Oh."

Trip, the toilet, and Voiceover man stand in silence…they have no idea what to do next.

Trip then does what any normal guy would do in this situation. He grabs Voiceover man's head and pushes it into the toilet bowl. He flushes.

"Ah…a swirly…I feel better."

End scene…end chapter…

Voiceover man's screams are heard…"HELP! My head is stuck in the damn toilet!"

To be continued in next installment…

Stay tuned for next chapter…

PLEASE REVIEW! NO FLAMES! (Me hate fire! Fire scares the * BEEP * outta me!) Is this story funny or just plain stupid? Tell me in a review of email/ IM me at CJSpooks@aol.com.

Next Chapter: Chapter 4: Malcolm…just goes