Author's Notes: Halo! There's nothing to say, really so:
ON TO THE STORY!
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"Toilets and paparazzi don't mix." –Anonymous Urinal Guy
"Neither does bean dip and a keg of beer" –His friend
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The Stinky Bathroom
By CJSpooks
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Chapter 4: Malcolm just…goes
(Some corridor on Enterprise…near "the Bathroom"…yes, it's the same one used in all the other chapters…don't they have more than one bathroom?)
Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, armory officer aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise NX-01, walked down the corridor to the "bathroom from hell". He wasn't even worried about how it got that name…but he had heard stories…Malcolm just really had to go to the bathroom.
'If anyone gets in my way, I'll shoot them.' –Malcolm thought happily.
The other crewmembers who saw him walking through the corridor (not hallway, stupid!) either chose to scamper away in fear or fainted, terrified. Did I mention that he was carrying a phase rifle?
Anyway, by the time he got there, no one was even in a one-kilometer radius of his current position.
'Oh poo…I got a big gun and no one to shoot.' Malcolm pouted.
Malcolm walked to the urinal, unzipped his pants and…
"Hey! Hold it right there! Stop stalking me! I don't want anyone staring at my 'little fellow', all right? I have enough rumors circulating about me. People think I'm gay, insane, etc. I don't need any talk about my…blushes and then whispers penis too."
Okay, at this time, everyone in the camera crew stepped out (mostly in fear of being shot my Malcolm…though he has really bad aim, anyway) to give Malcolm his privacy.
(Eight minutes later)
Malcolm came out of the bathroom. And a barrage of paparazzi greeted him. They flashed many pictures and asked many questions… Malcolm answered in his normal manner:
Reporter: Malcolm, how long is your 'little fellow'?
Malcolm: Longer than yours the crowd laughs
Reporter (that looks at lot like Trip): Malcolm, do you think Trip…I mean, Commander Tucker is cute?
Malcolm: I'm not gay…Trip, is that you?
Reporter: Are you involved with Hoshi Sato?
Malcolm: Yes…we were married in a fan fiction entitled, "The Relationship" by CJSpooks. Go read it!
Reporter: Are you on any medication?
Malcolm: Only because of temporary flatulence.
Reporter: Are you insane, Lieutenant Reed?
Malcolm: Maybe…want to see my gun?
Malcolm runs into the bathroom to evade anymore questions. The Reporters continue to harass Malcolm. They try to push in the door. Malcolm locks it tightly.
He then sniffs the air. "Ew…what the hell is that smell? I guess it was that boomer kid Travis…he always eats beans…or was it me?"
Anyway, Malcolm takes a bomb from a hidden compartment in the floor. 'I was saving this for Archer…but I guess it would suffice for now.'
He turns it on and throws it outside the door. Malcolm makes a heroic jump for cover as…
BOOM!
Malcolm steps out of the bathroom. All the reporters have melted into goo, except Trip.
"Ew…I didn't know that extras can melt…this is gross, Mal." –Trip said
"Don't call me that or I'll shoot you with my phase rifle." –Malcolm said as he kisses his phase rifle.
Malcolm and Trip walk away.
"Cleanup in corridor (not hallway, stupid!) 156!"
"Damn…Malcolm ruins all the nice sets…I mean corridors. That's why we can't have nice things…"
End of Chapter 4
To be continued in next installment…
Stay tuned for next chapter…
PLEASE REVIEW! NO FLAMES! (Me hate fire! Fire scares the * BEEP * outta me!) Is this story funny or just plain stupid? Tell me in a review of email/ IM me at CJSpooks@aol.com.
Next Chapter: Chapter 5: Hoshi attacks the toilet and it attacks back!