Disclaimer: See part 1
Part 2: Friendship.
That was the day I accepted Harm as more than a partner-he was my friend. I suppose some would argue and say that our friendship started earlier. I would counter that by saying that friendship cannot exist without trust. That is one of the things my relationship with Harm has taught me.
All the ups and downs of our friendship have stemmed from similar changes in the amount of trust we had in each other, or from moments when it seemed that trust had been betrayed. The best example is the downward spiral that began with my trial.
As I mentioned earlier, John was not the first person I wanted to go to after Chris approached me. My instincts told me to go to Harm, but he was. "otherwise occupied." I suppose I'd already come to think of him as mine in some ways, because that certainly hurt. What hurt more though was the fact that he couldn't be bothered to come help me when I needed him.
That tiny little dent in my trust for him affected our friendship for the next several months. Oh, you couldn't tell at first. it was just something I could feel deep in my heart-a knowledge that something wasn't right. I guess the best explanation is that it was a seed of doubt and hurt that took a while to germinate into full-blown resentment.
It did though; oh, did it ever! Four years later, and I still can't believe we were stupid enough to get caught fighting in the middle of the office like a couple of polecats. The admiral was well within his rights to send us under the sea. Heck, he'd have been well within his rights to send us packing to Iceland! Under the polar icecap with the man, sleeping in the bunk under him, and we still couldn't get along. That little bit of mistrust had exploded in our faces.
But then Holst came after us. You know what they say-there's nothing like a life or death experience to cement a friendship. Well, it worked for us the first time, and it worked again the second time. How could I not trust this man who had been my eyes?
If only the story ended there. Unfortunately, Harm's desire to get back in the air came between us. That's partly my fault, I can see that now. I should have trusted him enough to still be my friend even if he had his beloved F-14 back on a day to day basis. But somehow when he told me he was leaving, I could feel nothing but betrayal. I'd thought I'd found a man who wouldn't leave at the first opportunity, and yet here he was going. I was even more sure that our friendship meant nothing to him when he displayed less emotion than I thought appropriate before he left. I know now that for Harm, that was equivalent to buckets of tears.
If I'd known that then, I would have taken more effort to keep in touch. Now I'm not taking the full responsibility for that-he could have picked up a pen or a phone as easily as I. However, if his friendship mattered to me as much as I thought it did, I should have taken the first step. I certainly should have told him about something as momentous as my promotion. Looking back, I realize that was the start of our problems when he came back.
Part 2: Friendship.
That was the day I accepted Harm as more than a partner-he was my friend. I suppose some would argue and say that our friendship started earlier. I would counter that by saying that friendship cannot exist without trust. That is one of the things my relationship with Harm has taught me.
All the ups and downs of our friendship have stemmed from similar changes in the amount of trust we had in each other, or from moments when it seemed that trust had been betrayed. The best example is the downward spiral that began with my trial.
As I mentioned earlier, John was not the first person I wanted to go to after Chris approached me. My instincts told me to go to Harm, but he was. "otherwise occupied." I suppose I'd already come to think of him as mine in some ways, because that certainly hurt. What hurt more though was the fact that he couldn't be bothered to come help me when I needed him.
That tiny little dent in my trust for him affected our friendship for the next several months. Oh, you couldn't tell at first. it was just something I could feel deep in my heart-a knowledge that something wasn't right. I guess the best explanation is that it was a seed of doubt and hurt that took a while to germinate into full-blown resentment.
It did though; oh, did it ever! Four years later, and I still can't believe we were stupid enough to get caught fighting in the middle of the office like a couple of polecats. The admiral was well within his rights to send us under the sea. Heck, he'd have been well within his rights to send us packing to Iceland! Under the polar icecap with the man, sleeping in the bunk under him, and we still couldn't get along. That little bit of mistrust had exploded in our faces.
But then Holst came after us. You know what they say-there's nothing like a life or death experience to cement a friendship. Well, it worked for us the first time, and it worked again the second time. How could I not trust this man who had been my eyes?
If only the story ended there. Unfortunately, Harm's desire to get back in the air came between us. That's partly my fault, I can see that now. I should have trusted him enough to still be my friend even if he had his beloved F-14 back on a day to day basis. But somehow when he told me he was leaving, I could feel nothing but betrayal. I'd thought I'd found a man who wouldn't leave at the first opportunity, and yet here he was going. I was even more sure that our friendship meant nothing to him when he displayed less emotion than I thought appropriate before he left. I know now that for Harm, that was equivalent to buckets of tears.
If I'd known that then, I would have taken more effort to keep in touch. Now I'm not taking the full responsibility for that-he could have picked up a pen or a phone as easily as I. However, if his friendship mattered to me as much as I thought it did, I should have taken the first step. I certainly should have told him about something as momentous as my promotion. Looking back, I realize that was the start of our problems when he came back.