Alone
By LuvsRimmer
October 2002
Author's note/Disclaimer: Rimmer and Lister belong to Grant Naylor (and in some parallel universes to each other) not to me. Inspired by Miss Felis singing "Crazy on You" in a chat. "Alone" belongs to Heart.
You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone
~
Rimmer lay alone on his bunk, staring sightlessly up at the underside of Lister's and mentally kicking himself. He'd done it again. Chickened out again when he had the chance to tell Lister how he felt. Just like a million other missed opportunities.
The evening had started like so many evenings did aboard Starbug. After a dinner of better-off-not-asking the four of them had sat down to play poker. They'd drunk themselves silly on frozen margaritas made with the last of the tequila. Eventually the Cat passed out and Lister could no longer hold his cards.
Kryten had left to help the Cat to bed and left Rimmer to cope with a very pissed and melancholy Lister.
"Why'd she have to dump me? Why?" he'd whined pitifully. As Rimmer helped him unsteadily to his feet he'd swayed against the taller man. They had stumbled back to their quarters where Lister flopped down onto Rimmer's bunk. "You don't know what it's like, to love someone the way I love Krissie, to worship them and have them stomp yer heart into bits."
Ah but that was where Lister was wrong. How he'd longed to tell him right then and there, to let him know that he too could be worshipped (and not just as Cloister, the God of the Cat race). But of course he hadn't. The paralyzing fear of how Lister would react had bound his vocal cords like chains. So He'd helped Lister into his own bunk, where the younger man had cried himself to sleep.
And now Rimmer was wide awake. Wishing he could relive that moment and do things differently. He'd had enough, he decided. Now was the time to stop being a mouse and be a man. To crawl out from under the scanner table and admit his desires to Lister.
Determined, he stood up and shook the arm of his softly snoring bunkmate. "Listy? Listy, wake up."
Groggy and still drunk, Lister sluggishly opened his eyes. "What is it Rimmer? Whaddya want?"
This was it! Now or Never! Taking a deep breath, Rimmer squeaked out a reply. "You."
"Huh? What about me? Make sense or let me go back to sleep ya smeghead."
"You," he repeated, in a less squeaky voice, "I want you, Listy."
"What the smeg are y...." But Lister never finished his sentence, cut off mid-word by Rimmer's lips pressed clumsily against his.
Rimmer pulled back and bit his lower lip nervously. What would he do if Lister rejected him? The thought of turning himself off crossed his mind.
Lister's mouth hung open in shock. That kiss, clumsy and awkward as it was, had sobered him up completely. He stared silently at Rimmer, his brain going a million miles an hour.
"You deserve to be loved Listy, to be appreciated, to be worshipped the way you worshipped Kochanski. Won't you.... won't you give me that chance?"
"But... But Rimmer, you can't stand me, we fight all the time..."
"Think back Listy, we haven't been fighting nearly as much as we used to. And until you got blind stinking drunk tonight you haven't mentioned Kochanski in ages."
"I don't know what to say man, I'm completely gobsmacked here."
A small smile crept onto Rimmer's face. "You don't have to say anything Listy, just think about it, all right?"
Lister nodded and Rimmer lay back down on his own bunk. He's done it! He'd told him how he felt! Now he just had to lie here and suffer the agony of waiting for Lister's answer.
As luck would have it, he wouldn't have to wait for very long. A short time later Lister clambered down from his bunk.
"Rimmer? You awake?" he said softly.
The hologram sat up. "I'm awake." he nervously replied.
Lister sat down on the edge of the bunk. "I'm still not quite sure how I feel about all this... but I think I'd like to try."
"You mean it?" breathed Rimmer.
Lister nodded.
"Oh Listy!" Rimmer exclaimed with joy and hugged the younger man tightly.
~
You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight...