Disclaimer: See part 1
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Lost. That's what I am. I'm wandering aimlessly with no one to tell where I am supposed to go. My sister is gone. She was always the leader. I would tag along behind and do what was expected of me. But now I am the oldest, the one who has to take charge. God, why did it have to be her?! Why wasn't it me?! What will we do without her? The pain in my heart is too powerful, too overwhelming. I shout to the high heavens to give her back. To send my sister back to me. But she isn't coming back.
I walk into her room. No one knows, but I do it often. Just to feel her presence. Just to feel like everything is like it was just last week. I wonder why she left me. Why she abandoned me. She took care of Phoebe and me our entire lives. It was never about her. Only us. She was there. Always there. When Mom died, she never let herself break down in front of me. She would tell me that it was ok to cry, but never let herself do it. She was the one who helped me with my homework and who would take me to school. She'd comfort me when I was upset or calm me down whenever I got angry. Well, where is she now? She was there for me all that time, through so much. But now, when I need her most, she isn't there. She is gone forever and nothing will be alright again.
I know that Phoebe is trying to be strong for me. She doesn't know that it is ok for her to cry. But I don't know how to tell her that it is. If Prue were here, she'd know what to do. That thought is going to haunt me everyday for the rest of my life. Paige needs someone to tell her how the witch thing goes. How to deal with everything that comes along with our powers. Only problem there is, I can't deal with it myself. How am I going to lead if I can't even control myself? All I want is for things to be normal again. To wake up and go downstairs and see Prue with her newspaper and coffee, camera bags slung over shoulder, running out the door to a photo shoot. To step in as a mediator during one of her and Phoebe's sisterly squabbles. To see her protecting us from the evil of the week. Protection. That was the thing that killed her. She died protecting an innocent. Ironically, he didn't fair much better.
My feelings consume me. I feel like a part of me has died along with Prue. And I know that something has. That is what our family does best. Die. Now I always wonder what would have happened if Leo could have saved both of us. Would we have found Paige? And I wonder what Prue thought about after receiving the deathblow that took her from me. Did she think about me and Phoebe? Worrying about us until the very end. Was she in pain? Deep in my heart, I know that Prue realized that she'd never grow old.. She realized that way back, when we fought the water demon that killed our mother. Why hadn't we been more careful? We had already lost so many people in our family. But what has happened is done now. Prue is gone and there is nothing I can do to change that. All that remains is pain, anger and loss.
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Lost. That's what I am. I'm wandering aimlessly with no one to tell where I am supposed to go. My sister is gone. She was always the leader. I would tag along behind and do what was expected of me. But now I am the oldest, the one who has to take charge. God, why did it have to be her?! Why wasn't it me?! What will we do without her? The pain in my heart is too powerful, too overwhelming. I shout to the high heavens to give her back. To send my sister back to me. But she isn't coming back.
I walk into her room. No one knows, but I do it often. Just to feel her presence. Just to feel like everything is like it was just last week. I wonder why she left me. Why she abandoned me. She took care of Phoebe and me our entire lives. It was never about her. Only us. She was there. Always there. When Mom died, she never let herself break down in front of me. She would tell me that it was ok to cry, but never let herself do it. She was the one who helped me with my homework and who would take me to school. She'd comfort me when I was upset or calm me down whenever I got angry. Well, where is she now? She was there for me all that time, through so much. But now, when I need her most, she isn't there. She is gone forever and nothing will be alright again.
I know that Phoebe is trying to be strong for me. She doesn't know that it is ok for her to cry. But I don't know how to tell her that it is. If Prue were here, she'd know what to do. That thought is going to haunt me everyday for the rest of my life. Paige needs someone to tell her how the witch thing goes. How to deal with everything that comes along with our powers. Only problem there is, I can't deal with it myself. How am I going to lead if I can't even control myself? All I want is for things to be normal again. To wake up and go downstairs and see Prue with her newspaper and coffee, camera bags slung over shoulder, running out the door to a photo shoot. To step in as a mediator during one of her and Phoebe's sisterly squabbles. To see her protecting us from the evil of the week. Protection. That was the thing that killed her. She died protecting an innocent. Ironically, he didn't fair much better.
My feelings consume me. I feel like a part of me has died along with Prue. And I know that something has. That is what our family does best. Die. Now I always wonder what would have happened if Leo could have saved both of us. Would we have found Paige? And I wonder what Prue thought about after receiving the deathblow that took her from me. Did she think about me and Phoebe? Worrying about us until the very end. Was she in pain? Deep in my heart, I know that Prue realized that she'd never grow old.. She realized that way back, when we fought the water demon that killed our mother. Why hadn't we been more careful? We had already lost so many people in our family. But what has happened is done now. Prue is gone and there is nothing I can do to change that. All that remains is pain, anger and loss.