AN: Lando's first quote from this part is a take-off of "That's no moon…it's a space station!" - Ben in ANH.

Part Ten

INT. DEATH STAR – HANGAR

The nine ships enter the hangar and land. Ramps are lowered and canopies are pushed up, and our heroes emerge from them and survey the mess that they fell that they've landed themselves in.

CHEWIE

~Soon you'll be able to enjoy the hospitality of the Wookiees, Han. Red meat, straight off the bone, you know, stuff like that…this is my dad Attichicuk's home. And they call it…a battle station. A battle station! ~

Lando's gaze drifts over to a clutter of bones, sprawled on the ground in the corner.

LANDO

That's no battle station…it's a tomb!

Everyone notices a lot more of the Wookiee skeletons that lay around them than before.

CHEWIE

~NO! ~

Han marches over to one of the skeletons and points out the blast marks all over it.

HAN

Bloody stormtroopers!

LANDO

See? Told you we should have took for the Tingel Arm! Let's get out of here!

Too late. Luke has already found a grate, opened it and crawled into it.

LANDO

…Damn, we've gotta protect the kid. I'm coming, Luke! (Runs after him)

EVERYONE

We're coming too! (Follows Lando)

They jump into the grate.

INT. DEATH STAR - GARBAGE CRUSHER

One by one, they all land on top of a large, smelly pile of garbage, moving away before the next one lands on them.

HAN

Oh, man, for this I sure am glad that this thing's now derelict! (Ducks Chewie's swinging fist) Sorry, I meant no offence! I meant that because this thing's now derelict, we wouldn't get crushed!

One of the garbage piles shifts. Everyone eyes it uneasily.

LUKE

There's something alive in here!

LANDO

That's just your imagination, Luke…

Luke jumps as something moves past him.

LUKE

Hey, look, did you see that? Something just moved past my leg!

THREEPIO

I have a bad feeling about this. The water in here is beginning to fry my circuits!

ARTOO

*Alright, let's just get out of here…*

DETOO

*As in right -*

Suddenly, a slimy tentacle fastens itself around Luke's leg and drags him into the depths.

LUKE

ARR – (glug, glug)!

EVERYONE ELSE

Luke! LUKE!!!

The owner of the slimy tentacle, the Dianoga, surfaces and shows its' big, ugly head, waving Luke around in one of its' tentacles. Chewie roars in anger, charging at it.

HAN

Whoa, holy –

LANDO, THREEPIO, ARTOO AND DETOO

Luke! LUKE!!!!!

YODA

USE THE FORCE, YOU MUST, LUKE!

LUKE

(Wails as he is being flung around)

HO-O-O-O-W???

BEN

Trust your instincts!

LUKE

A-A-L-R-I-I-GHT, I WI-I-ILL!!! SOMEONE SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT!!! MY LIGHTSABRE'S FRIED!

HAN AND LANDO

WHERE?

LUKE

ANYWHERE!!!

Han takes a random shot at the Dianoga and shoots it in the eye, leaving a single, smouldering eyestalk. The Dianoga still isn't dead.

EVERYONE, EXCL. LUKE

(Winces)

Ouch!

LUKE

HE-LLOOOO??? IT'S NOT DEAD YET!!! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!

Everyone else pauses for a moment, before they begin to charge (or wade) at the Dianoga.

EVERYONE

YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yoda gets to the Dianoga first and begins to whack it with his gimer stick.

YODA

YAH! YAH! BAD DIANOGA, BAD DIANOGA!

He beats the Dianoga into submission and it lets go of Luke. Luke drops onto a pile of garbage and stumbles to his feet, thoroughly stunned.

LUKE

%^&*, I thought that thing was going to be the end of me! Now, how do we open the door?

YODA

Leave that to me, you should.

Everyone stares at Yoda, confused, as Yoda clears his throat.

YODA

(In a high-pitched, very bad Bee Gees impersonation)

DANCING, YOU SHOULD BE, YEAAAAH!!!

Everyone plugs their ears, wincing as the horrible shrieking breaks metal garbage crusher door. Yoda stops, before bowing proudly.

YODA

Thank you very much, I do.

LANDO

Are you finished yet?

YODA

Finished, I am. Hm!

He hobbles through the door.

Letting out sighs of relief, everyone else uncovers their ears and follows.

INT. DEATH STAR - CORRIDOR OUTSIDE GARBAGE CRUSHER

Everyone who has hair tries to shake the water out of it as they stumble out of the garbage crusher.

YODA

Have but one choice, we now do. Be on alert, we all must…for many fouler things than Dianogas and dead Wookiees, there are. Quieten down, we must, so that remain unnoticed, we can.

HAN

Great, how long does it take to get out of here?

Artoo is busy accessing the Death Star's information network, Detoo matching from behind him.

ARTOO

*Four days.*

EVERYONE ELSE EXCL. YODA

FOUR DAYS!?

YODA

(Presses finger to his lips)

Shh! Unnoticed, I said!

They sulkily follow Yoda along the corridor, until they approach a fork which splits the corridor into three. Yoda stops.

LANDO

We're lost…we're gonna die…

BEN

Shut up. Master Yoda, where do we go now? That one (points to the left corridor), that one (points to the middle one), or that one (points to the corridor on the right)?

YODA

Remember this place, I do not!

THREEPIO

Oh, Captain Lando was right! We are lost!

DETOO

*No, Threepio, we are not lost.*

ARTOO

*But I think we're lost, too!*

LUKE

Ben?

BEN

What?

LUKE

(Shyly)

I'm busting to go to the –

BEN

OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE DONE YOUR BUSINESS ALL OVER THE DIANOGA, BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE SAVED US A WHOLE LOT OF

HAN

Ben? Shut. Up.

Ben goes silent.

LUKE

But hey, people, I also think there's something back in the garbage crusher –

BEN

Oh never mind, he just wants to go to the –

YODA

Palpatine, it is.

LUKE

Palpatine?

HAN

Palpatine?

BEN

Palpatine?

LANDO

Palpatine?

ARTOO AND DETOO

*Palpatine?*

CHEWIE

~Palpatine?~

THREEPIO

Oh, my goodness!

YODA

Tracking us, he has been.

LUKE

So you mean he broke through Kessel's shields?

YODA

Set loose, maybe. Both hates and loves the Gem, he does, as hates and loves himself, he does. Rid of his addiction, he will never be.

LUKE

Man, now I feel so sorry that Uncle Owen didn't blast him.

YODA

Sorry, you say, hmm? Spared Palpatine, your uncle did, because felt sorry, he did! Kill so easily, you must not, young Skywalker, for a major part in the future, that being may play. Too cloudy the Dark Side is, for me to learn much more. But in the end, youngling, rule the fates of many, Uncle Owen's sorry feelings may.

LUKE

(Clutches the small pouch with the Gem inside)

I wish Bilbo never picked up this damn thing. Then it would never have been passed on to me. I wish none of this had happened.

YODA

Also wish it, many who see such things do. Yet decide it, they do not. What to focus on, is what to do about it. Other forces working, there are, young Skywalker, other than the Dark Side. Meant to find the Gem, Owen was, therefore meant to have it, you were…. Artoo, where to go are we?

ARTOO

*Well, according to the map on the computer, I think we should take the right one. I'll give us a lovely little shortcut.*

EVERYONE ELSE

(Whispers)

Yippee.

They follow Yoda down the corridor on the right.