Be Careful What You Wish For
By Steph (or as I'm known on f4f, Reeka)
A/N--This is a short piece poking fun (or satirizing) at the whole Rory/Jess/Dean situation (a.k.a. "The Love Triangle From Hell") that I'm not fond of. This is not a direct jab at a certain shipper group and was only written for fun.
A/N #2--This was originally written for a few friends of mine. Thank you to the two who encouraged me to post this on ff.net.
A small crowd had gathered outside Miss Patty's studio. The time had come. It was time for her to make a decision. Everybody in Stars Hollow seemed to stop what they were doing; in fact time itself seemed to stand still. Everyone was silent.
Rory Gilmore was going to choose a man.
There were three contenders.
The first one was Dean. Loyal, gentlemanly Dean with his slightly possessive qualities and occasional monkey face. He had several things going in his favor--he was tall for one thing, and he had been with Rory for two years. Plus he made her a car. Many people had in fact betted in his favor. But there was a downside to Dean.
He had Farrah Fawcett hair and an annoying sister. Did I mention the hair? That was really bad.
The next contender was Jess. He had the whole reading thing going for him and was moody, smirky and sneery. Jess was nice to Rory, but not to Lorelai. He also wasn't very nice to his uncle, the man who was feeding him, housing him and probably buying him his hair gel. He was a rebel, misunderstood, who just needed the love of a good woman to straighten him out. Many people thought that Rory would be that woman. There was a smaller, but no less passionate, group of people who thought that Jess would be better suited to someone with an actual personality, such as Paris, but that's another story.
The third contestant had flown in from military school just for the occasion. His name was Tristan (who will now be referred to simply as HA) and he had many things going for him as well. Besides the aforementioned HA, he had fondle-me-hair. And sometimes that was all a girl needed. Even a girl like Rory. But the HA had some negative qualities as well. (I won't get into them because the three people who are reading this are all Trories and would probably hunt me down).
Some might say it was an even match between the three guys.
Some might say that Rory was taking too damn long with this decision. Several people did say this, yelled loudly which only flustered Rory more. She looked in the crowd, hoping to find a sympathetic face.
The trouble was everyone looked the same. They were all too interested in her love life.
Rory scanned the crowd and looked at the three guys again. They all puffed up their chests, each one sure they were the ones that should be chosen. Would be chosen.
But she didn't really want to be with any of the three of them. But she had to be with someone. She couldn't be single.
She found Kirk in the among the crowd. He was dressed in his frilly bakery apron and the left side of his face was scratched, probably from an encounter from the deranged CatKirk. He looked so sad, so uncocky (Rory knew that wasn't a real word. Like "bloaty" But she wanted to use it anyway) He was so unlike the three guys waiting for her to choose them. And she felt her heart skip a beat.
She had turned eighteen three days ago so she was legal. And Kirk was only in his mid-twenties so there wasn't that much of an age difference. Sure he was weird, but weird could be good. Could be interesting.
And he was kind of cute. Sure, not cute in the conventional way. More like cute in the way an orphaned kitten found abandoned near the train tracks, half-starved and pathetic and maybe lacking its shots, was cute.
No one would expect her to choose Kirk, which was why she was tempted to do it.
She took a deep breath. She was really going to do this.
The Princess of Stars Hollow had finally found her prince.
Or, at the very least, her royal jester.
She looked one more time at her three hopeful suitors. Huey, Dewey and Louie.
And Kirk.
She had made her decision and was at least 35% confident about it.
She walked past Dean, Jess and the HA and walked over to Kirk.
"Hi," she said.
He looked startled. "What?"
"Just wanted to say hi."
He narrowed his eyes. "Why?"
"Because," she said, trying to find what she wanted to say. She couldn't think of anything so she grabbed him and kissed him.
You could hear a pin drop. Three people fainted in shock. Mothers had to cover their children's eyes. Dogs started barking and howling. The sky darkened as if God himself was a Narco, a Lit or a Trory and disapproved of the match.
But they kept kissing.
Lorelai could hear people talking around her. Familiar voices. Arguing in whispers over the size of some vegetables. Sookie and Jackson.
So this whole Rory kissing Kirk thing must have been a dream. Thank god. But if it was a dream and she was now in the process of waking up, why were Sookie and Jackson there?
"Sookie, I think she's waking up," she heard Jackson whisper.
"Honey?" Sookie's reassuring voice asked her. "Can you hear me?"
Lorelai opened her eyes. "Where am I?"
"You're in Miss Patty's studio. You fainted. Remember."
"What happened?" she asked confused.
Sookie and Jackson met each other's eyes. "Sweetie, um, Rory and….uh…Kirk."
Damn, so it wasn't a dream. "Oh," she said. "Where is Rory now?"
"She went off with Kirk. They're double dating tonight with Lane and Dave."
Lorelai closed her eyes again. This was horrible. She needed something stable, something calming.
Coffee. And lots of it. She stood up, thanked Sookie and Jackson and shakily walked to Luke's.
"What's with you?" Luke charmingly asked.
"You haven't heard?" she asked shocked. She was so sure that the whole country had heard by now.
"Is it about Nate and Jamie?" he asked.
"Who?" she asked confused.
He pointed out an older couple at the table near the window. "That's Nate and Jamie. They're in the middle of an argument. He wants to go to Paris, but she says that they don't have the money. He says that he's always wanted to see Paris. She says that all he talks about is Paris. He says that maybe he'd want to stay home if she ever wanted to do anything. He says that all she does is sit on the balcony. It went back and forth. Paris, balcony, balcony, Paris. The argument's been going on for half an hour and I'm afraid one of them is going to throw something."
She smiled. "Have you heard any other news? I mean besides Nate and Jamie's vacation fight?"
"Like what?" he asked.
"About Rory?"
"No," he said. "Is everything okay?"
She laughed humorlessly. "No. She's going out with Kirk now. I'm surprised you haven't heard."
"What?" Luke asked shocked. "Oh ha ha, I get it. It's a joke. See how gullible Luke is."
"I wish," she said.
Just then a town mob led by Miss Patty burst into the diner. "What's going on, Lorelai? Your daughter and Kirk? Kissing? You do know he's not quite right in the head, right?"
Lorelai put her head on the counter. Please, she prayed, please God, let something happen to take everyone's attention off of me and Rory and Kirk. If that happens, I'll be nicer to my mother. I'll call her right now and apologize for everything I've ever done.
She raised her head. Everyone was still looking at her expectantly when a woman and a little girl walked into the diner. The woman made her way through the crowd and walked up to the counter near Lorelai. The mystery woman smiled at Luke. "Hi, Luke, remember me?"
He stared at her for a second and then nodded. "Mandy? Mandy Cox?"
"Yes," she said. The little girl began pulling on her and she turned to her. "Iris, settle down for a second, sweetie."
"Wow," Luke said shaking his head. "I haven't seen you in 25 years."
"Since the morning after we slept together," Mandy said.
Everyone suddenly forgot about Rory and Kirk. Lorelai looked up at the ceiling and then her purse. She was relieved, but knew what she had to do. She pulled out her cell.
"Mom?"
The End (of this part anyway)