Part Thirteen

AN: The "instant holodisc" part is fro Spaceballs, which belongs to a genius by the name of Mel Brooks.

INT. DEATH STAR – HANGAR

Ben charges into the hangar, where most of our heroes are leaning against their ships, stunned by grief and sudden vulnerability. Threepio is babbling words of grief in six million different languages, while Chewie howls with anger.

BEN

Han, power up and the X-Wings will dock with you just outside, okay?

LANDO

Give us a moment! I gotta go –

BEN

Not now, Lando. This place is going to be crawling with Stormtroopers if we stay her any longer! We have to get to Naboo, and the sooner the better. Come on, all of you! Luke…Luke?

Luke stands apart from the others, moping. He then turns around and climbs into his X-Wing, as everyone else powers up. He pulls down the canopy and the X-Wings, the Lady Luck and the Millennium Falcon soar out of the hangar.

EXT. SPACE – NABOO

The Millennium Falcon, with the X-Wings aboard, and the Lady Luck drop out of hyperspace before the lush green planet.

INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON – COCKPIT

Ben, Luke, Threepio, Artoo and Detoo run into the cockpit, Han at the controls and Chewie in the copilot's seat.

CHEWIE

~Keep your eyes and ears open, all of you. You know, I've heard that a female version Yoda lives on this planet. Who knows, it could even be his twin sister or his clone. Anyone who spends the night under her hospitality…~

YADDLE

(Voice)

Luke.

CHEWIE

(Cont'd)

~…never leave her place again.~

YADDLE

(Voice)

Proceeds doom, your arrival here at Naboo does, Gem-carrier.

THREEPIO

Master Luke, are you alright?

LUKE

(Blinks)

I'm fine, Threepio.

CHEWIE

(Cont'd)

~Well, this chick isn't going to drag me into the party so easily! I have the attention span of a moth!~

HAN

Stop it, Chewie.

CHEWIE

~Hey, look! That star over there looks more blue than white!~

EXT. SPACE – NABOO

Suddenly, the Millennium Falcon and the Lady Luck are flanked by Naboo Starfighters, their laser cannons pointed at them.

INT. CAPTAIN PANAKA'S STARFIGHTER – COCKPIT

Captain Panaka smirks.

CAPTAIN PANAKA

These guys show up so easily on the radar that we could have shot them down with our cloaking shields still up!

INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON – COCKPIT

Han opens the comm channel.

HAN

Hey, look, pal. I have a valid landing permit.

INT. PANAKA'S STARFIGHTER – COCKPIT

PANAKA

Oh. Okay. Just remember that you can't go back, because I think the Lady is waiting.

INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - COCKPIT

HAN

Thank you!

Han shuts off the comm channel.

CHEWIE

~I told you we shouldn't come here!~

BEN

No, you never said anything to us, Chewie.

CHEWIE

~Aggh, whatever.~

EXT. SPACE – NABOO

The Falcon and the Lady Luck follow the starfighters down to the surface.

EXT. NABOO – GUNGAN SACRED MEETING PLACE

Yaddle and Boss Nass walk, hand in hand, out of the cluster of trees and into the small clearing. Yaddle is trying hard not to make a face.

BOSS NASS

There-sa was nine of yousa coming here from Alderaan. Wheresa Yoda? Meesa would much like to speaken with him.

YADDLE

(eyes closed, solemn) Fallen, he has, into the chasm of the Death Star, yes. Very much upon the edge of a vibroblade, this quest stands. Hm. Lean to one side and fall off, you all will. Yet remains, hope does, while true, this company remains. (Coughs) Heh. Let your hearts be troubled, you must not. Go, you must. Arrange accommodation for you, I already have, yes. Weary you are, full of sorrow, toil and vulnerability. Rest now, you all must, heh. Good, sleep is.

(V.O.) Welcome, Young Skywalker, who has seen the SHADOW!

Luke jumps back, shaken.

INT. NABOO – OTOH GUNGA (GUNGAN UNDERWATER CITY) – SPECIAL QUARTERS

Our heroes sit around a table, moping. There is the sound of someone singing very off-key in the background.

HAN

A tribute to Yoda.

BEN

What are they saying?

HAN

Dunno. Haven't been listening, and I'm glad.

BEN

(To Lando)

Come on, Lando take a rest. You look exhausted!

LANDO

(Whines)

I can't sleep! I heard her voice in my head! She said something about the fall of Corellia…She said there was still hope, but I just can't see any! There hasn't been any hope for yonks! I mean, the Diktat, Hal Horn, never really had any control over the planet…and I don't think anyone really has any faith in him. I try my best to try and to the right thing, just to see that Corellians have their pride back. You remember that taste of Corellian brandy…it's great to come home to.

BEN

I've tried it before.

LANDO

When we get there, they're gonna serve heaps of it, and everyone's going to get smashed…

INT. LUKE'S QUARTERS

Everyone else is asleep in their own rooms, and it is pitch black. The lights slowly come on, and Luke stirs. He wakes up, throws back the covers and opens the door, before walking out of the room, barefoot. He follows Yaddle as she passes, to a small room with a holoprojector set into the wall.

Yaddle picks up a huge holodisc case and flips through it before she comes to the right one.

YADDLE

Ah-hah! Jewel Wars, Fellowship of the Whingers, the Movie, this is.

LUKE

How could there be a holodisc of this movie? We're still in the middle of making it!

YADDLE

True, that is, young Skywalker. Yet a breakthrough in home holodisc marketing, there has been!

LUKE

There has?

YADDLE

Yes, young Skywalker. Hm. Instant holodiscs. Out in stores, they are, before finished, the movie is!

She takes it out of it's cover and slips it into the holoprojector. She presses a button and a hologram appears before Luke. The disc starts up, fast forwards, then stops at "now" in the movie.

LUKE

What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?

YADDLE

Now! Looking at now, you are, Luke! Happening now, everything that happens now is!

LUKE

What happened to then?

YADDLE

Passed then, we did!

LUKE

When?

YADDLE

Just now. At now, we are now!

LUKE

Go back to then!

YADDLE

When?

LUKE

Now!

YADDLE

Now?

LUKE

Now!

YADDLE

I cannot!

LUKE

Why?

YADDLE

Missed it, we did!

LUKE

When?

YADDLE

Just now.

LUKE

When will then be now?

Yaddle fast forwards the holodisc a little, to a scene back at the moisture farming region of Tatooine.

LUKE

What the hell am I looking at now?

YADDLE

Your imagination, this is. Very real, it might become,

The image changes to Tatooine being blown up from space, then an image of Threepio slaving away in the mines of Kessel. Then there are images of the rest of the fellowship pulling faces at the holocam. Suddenly Luke feels like throwing the Gem at them. He takes out the little pouch and takes aim, but thinks better of it.

YADDLE

What will come to pass, this is, if you do not succeed. Breaking already, this Fellowship is. Try to steal the Gem from you, he will. Know who I am talking about, you do. Destroy them all, it will, one at a time.

Luke holds the pouch out to her.

LUKE

You take it, then!

Yaddle smiles evilly.

YADDLE

Offering it to me, you are…

LUKE

(Looking at her stupidly)

Well, yeah!

YADDLE

Deny that I have wanted this, I cannot. In place of a Dark Lord, a clown as a ruler, you shall have!

Her Jedi robes turn into a circus clown costume, and clown makeup appears on her face.

YADDLE

(Cont'd)

Hilarious, yet terrible as Yoda's singing! Wearing fake hair and scary as the powder on my face, I shall be! Laugh at me and hate my bad jokes, all shall!

Clown Yaddle turns back into a rather shaken Normal Yaddle.

YADDLE

Passed the test, I have! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

She runs around, cheering at the top of her lungs.

LUKE

(Mutters)

Hell, you don't even need the Gem to become a clown…I can't trust this person, I'd rather do this by myself!