Chapter TWO!

That night was one of the warmest they had and therefor gave Frodo no reason to snuggle up to Sam, except if he was scared. He was very good at playing scared, but no. He couldn't say that his 'Little Hobbit' needed anopther check-up.. or could he?

Aragorn ignored Sam's cries of "Mr. Frodo, your Little Hobbit was fine all three times you had me check it today, I really think it's going to be okay!", and tried to talk to Arwen, who was acting like a spoiled child.

"Arwen, forgive me?"

"No. Don't wanna."

"Why not?"

"Cause."

"Cause why?"

"You know why! Cause of that tramp, Boromir!"

"But, but Arwen!" He called as she stormed off. "But Arwen, he swallows!"

Aragorn was disheartened by this whole ordeal and strode off to find Boromir to see if he wanted to conjure up spirits with him.

They were making their way to Mordor and on the way they decided to stay for a couple of nights at Lothlorien, at Legolas' request. He really wanted to get his health checked and he knew just the one to do it.

Just as the elf expected, Haldir was more than happy to oblige. They tried to not be botehred by the sound of the bitchfight next door as they, er.. Checked one another's.. Health.

Arwen decided to the best way to to get even with Aragorn, she was still angry at him, was to sleep with someone -he- didn't like, but who? She knew the perfect person - Samwise Gamgee.

"But Miss Arwen, Mr Frodo already checked my little hobbit - and it was fine, all four times today!"

"Yes, Sam, but he doesn't have a woman's touch, now does he?"

The modest Samwise blushed at those last words.

"Well, Miss Arwen, to be honest.. he does, a bit."

Arwen was very taken aback, her suduction tactics didn't seem to work on hobbits like they did on men. She needed a new strategy.

She stroked his hair gently, she didn't love him, she wanted revenge, but as he gave in she realised, revenge in sweet. Especially with a hobbit.

Just as planned, Frodo walked in to, once again, check sam's health and was shocked to find that his gardener had had an afair, and with an elf, he didn't think that Sam would sink that low.

His yelling was heard by Aragorn, who came running in, and was horrified to see Frodo yelling at both Arwen and Samwise - Arwen looking like she had just been dancing around a fire to conjure spirits, and Sam busy trying to pull his pants up and zip his fly as quickly as possible.

The room was in shocked silence. Before all four began yelling at one another.

They would ahve continued yelling for hours, had not someone (With a decidedly elvish voice) banged on the wall, telling them to shut the hell up. They could hear in the backgroud "Haldir, sweetie, come back to bed!"

The four angry people stared at each other for a few seconds, before departing. Arwen didn't leave before whispering "See ya later, hon", to a certain Samwise Gamgee.

Sam smiled and walked out after Arwen and looking her in the eye, she carried him away.

Merry and Pippin broke their embrace. "This is wrong, Merry."

Merry sighed. "It isn't wrong, it can't be! It feels too right!"

"No, Merry, it's wrong! Galadriel and Boromir would be shocked if they knew we were spying on them!"

Evil grins broke out onto their faces.

Sighs and grunts came from the background and as they turned Back an intersting site greeted their willing eyes.

"Oh, Boromir!" Grunted Galadriel. "Yes! Yes! YES!"

Boromir said something along the lines of "Oh god, yes, Aragorn!"

Galadriel stopped her advances. "Excuse me? Did you just call me Aragorn?"

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean.. Celeborn, I'm so sorry!"

Galadriel shrieked in frustration and pulled away from the Man.

"Every elf in Lorien mistakes me for my man! I'm sick of it!"

"Oh! Haldir, I didn't mean it, I was kidding!"

Galadirel stormed off, turning a strange shade of green.

".. Haldir? Babe? Gorgeous? I'm so sorry!"

In the meantime, Merry and Pippin had found a wonderfully private bush all of their own and they were now, um, discussing politics..