Searching
AN: Hey ya'll I'm back! I really love writing song fics I'm sorry if you hate them..but so many ideas just come to me when I hear a song..I love music! Anyway you probably don't really give so I don't own Cowboy Bebop or it's fine Spike, and I don't own Somewhere Out There by Our Lady Peace. I heard the purple hair part and the theme of the song and BINGO! After the 26th session. Classic Faye searching for her love I'm not sure if it'll have a happy ending. The song story will kinda skip around so //song lyrics// 'thoughts' I'll label the *flashbacks*
Faye's POV
*Flashback*
//Last time I talked to you, you were lonely and out of place.//
"Look at these eyes. One of them is a fake, because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have been seeing the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I had believed that what I saw was not all of reality...." I stared into his miss-matched eyes not knowing how to stop him from leaving me. He always left when things got complicated; he left Julia, now he was leaving me.
//You were looking down on me, lost out in space.//
He looked down at my eyes with a cold gaze. I tried, I tried to stop him but I knew he had to do this. So I let him, I let him walk out on us, on me. I heard him leave the ship. I had lost him.
*End Flashback*
I looked around the small steamy bathroom I stood in. I clutched the fuzzy towel that had been his to my wet form. I hadn't dared to use it before, I had believed he was coming back, but after two months of depression and false hope I gave in. I held it to my nose breathing his sent in deeply. 'Spike what have you done to me.' I put the towel over my head and put my clothes on. I was dressing the way he would have wanted me to. I pulled the pale blue turtle next over my shoulder and tugged it down to my waist. I hated blue, but ever since he had left all I wore was blue and black. The few times I ventured out of the safe recesses of my room Jet would say I was in a state of mourning. I would glare at him and run back to my room. I've cried too many nights alone without him. I had made my choice. 'There was no point to a life without the one I loved so no matter what it takes I'll find him. I'll find him if he's dead or alive I'll find him.' I thought forlornly as I pulled my dark blue jeans on over my hips and buttoned them.
I clung to that hope I had given up on only yesterday. It was a strange feeling, some part of me knew he was dead but I didn't care. As long as I had a purpose in life for the time being I was eerily content.
//Laid underneath the stars, strung out and feeling brave.//
The Bebop was over the blood red planet Mars where he had left me to die. I looked out the windows from his room at the desolate planet I hated so much. 'He's probably down there lookin' up at the stars cocky as ever.' I though smiling, but it wasn't a true smile just a halfhearted sorrowful smile that I would always wear when I though of him.
//Watch the riddles glow, watch them float away.//
I left his room leaving nothing but my light footprints in the soft carpet. I walked quietly to the ship hanger and took off into the silent night. I left no sign that Faye Valentine had ever lived there on that metal hunk of junk.
//Down here in the atmosphere,//
The Red Tail glided over the synthetic atmosphere that had been created so the planet could be inhabited. I would try and search for him above the streets and fields.
//garbage and city lights,//
I searched for hours looking for any sign of him. I had completely given in to my hope. 'You are alive I know it Spike, I know it.' I had become delusional.
//you gotta save your tired soul,//
'You have to be okay.'
//you gotta save our lives.//
'You have to be alive!'
//Turn on the radio, to find you on satellite,//
I flipped on the radio in my ship searching all the channels for anything. "Spike where are you!" I screamed kicking the inside of my ship knocking wires loose. Salty tears flew from my eyes as the Red Tail sputtered and started to free fall from the sky.
//I'm waiting for the sky to fall,/
/
I watched the world around me accelerate as I fell to Mars. I was waiting for my world to fall, for my hope to crash in on me. Kill me.
//I'm waiting for a sign.//
I hit the street. My head collided with the top glass of the cockpit. The glass shattered and so did any hope of an aerial search for him. I sat there blocking traffic just crying, blood from my head mingling with my tears. No one could move me. People came and towed my zip craft. I stood on the sidewalk holding myself, no one there to comfort me. I looked at my feet, as they started moving on their own accord. I didn't know where I was going but I was moving, I was doing something other then just crying.
//All we are is all so far.
You're falling back to me, the star that I can't see.//
I looked up at the stars. They were so bright. One caught my eye; it flickered in the inky black sky. It was such a pretty start. Like a single diamond in the sky just for me.
//I know you're out there, somewhere out there.//
'I know you're out there Spike! Somewhere out there!' I watched the star.
//You're falling out of reach, defying gravity;
I know you're out there, somewhere out there.//
He had to be alive.
//Hope you remember me,//
'What if he's forgotten me.' I had turned down an alley finally taking my gaze off the star. The brick walls that created the alley were grimy and caked in hundreds of layers of dirt.
//when you're homesick and need a change.//
'Come back to me Spike...come back home.' I saw a large field that was fenced in with chain link. I walked to a rusted gate that led inside the field. It was a cemetery. I looked over the thousands of gravestones as I walked around.
//I miss your purple hair;
I miss the way you taste.//
"Do you even miss me Spike?" I whispered pulling the sweater I wore tighter to myself.
//I know you'll come back someday,//
I had to hold onto my false hope. I had to believe, it was the only thing that kept me going. 'You will come back some day! I know it......'
//on a bed of nails awake.
I'm praying that you don't burn out, or fade away.//
'You can't just die Spike, you can't.' I looked around the cold uneven grounds as a strange mist crept around my ankles. I saw a beautiful tombstone and walked over to it. 'Julia.' I couldn't help the tears that slowly trickled down my cheeks. I wiped them away with the fresh blood that was dripping from the cut on my head. "You!" I screamed at the dead woman's grave.
//All we are is all so far.
You're falling back to me,//
'If only I could be you. Have him love me as much as he loved you.' I wanted to die, just lay down right there and die. It would be heaven compared to the hell his absence was putting me through. I let myself fall back onto her grave with a soft thud. I didn't care about the pain that was now burning in my head. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to die. I lay with my back on the ground over her grave.
//the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there, somewhere out there.//
I stared up at the elegant stars. I watched three that were so close together. 'Orion's Belt.' Two of the stars were close together. The one on the end in the 'pair' flickered and went out. I sat up amazed. The one it left behind flickered several times and then started moving closer to the other one.
//You're falling out of reach, defying gravity;//
I didn't know stars could do that, go out, move, flicker. It was strange, but yet it seemed natural to me. I laid back down not caring about the sounds that clicked in my ears.
//I know you're out there, somewhere out there.//
I closed my eyes as a cold shadow crept over me. "I know you're out there.." tears threatened to fall from my eyes but I wouldn't let them.
//You're falling back to me, the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there, oh. You're falling out of reach, defying gravity....//
He was always just out of reach. His heart would never be mine, that would always belong to her. The woman who I whished I was. I wanted to fall into her grave, take her place among the dead just so I could be closer to him.
//I know you're out there, somewhere out there.//
'He can't be dead, he's out there I know it!'
//You're falling back to me, the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there, somewhere out there.//
The shadow kept moving it was never constant it kept wavering. It wasn't in my heart it was outside my body. I didn't know what it wanted with me. I opened my eyes wearily.
//You're falling out of reach, defying gravity;
I know you're out there, somewhere out there.//
It was him..I stood up quickly. I didn't dare blink for fear he would disappear. I though I would hate him when I saw him..
//You're falling back to me.//
All I did was fall right back in love with him.
//Well I know, I know.//
"I knew you were out there." I spoke those first words. He looked at me smiling. He moved closer to my body not touching me.
//You're falling out of reach.//
I reached up to his face. I placed my fingers on his cheek. I held my breath not wanting him to just be an illusion of my depression. My fingers hit skin, real skin, human flesh. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world; well I thought so at that moment.
//I know...//
I looked at his handsome face tears blurring my vision. The two stars were now touching, both shinning bright. Those stars were together now.
He grinned his cocky smile. "I knew you were out there, somewhere out there. I knew it...." I felt his hands cover my clammy ones warming them. He looked into my eyes like he had looked into hers. He moved closer to my face. He wrapped his arms around my waist. We stood before her grave. I felt his lips brush sweetly against mine. I was wrong before, this was the most wonderful feeling in the world....
His lips
His hands
His arms
His love..
****************************************************************************
AN: I hope ya'll liked it, I thought it sucked I don't know why but I just do. Yeah I like this version better! Ya'll would have cried if you had read the original, I feel happy today so I have to have a happy ending! I think he probably excepted that Julia is dead and the whole star thing I like but yeah ok please read and review ya'll I LOVE HEARIN' FROM PEOPLE I SIMPLY MAKES MY DAY!!!!
