Wow, thank you guys so much for all the wonderful reviews! I love you guys SOOOO Much!!! I know that I'm not the fastest at updating, but "what do you want speed or accuracy?" (That's a line from a movie, by the way, whoever can tell me which movie gets ten points.) Comedy may come naturally to me, but even the best comedian needs to spend time perfecting her jokes, so I hope you all understand why I can't update once every three days. "If you rush a miracle you get rotten miracles." (Also a movie line.) Anyway, I'd like to thank you all personally to show you how much you all mean to me. I have no friends outside of my reviewers, so you are all my best friends.

Hana-Chan: Thank you, I love thinking of you laughing out loud at my story! Courteney: I'm so glad you were able to find my story again. I'm very flattered that you put me on your favorites list! Mark182: OKAY OKAY! I wrote more!! Don't have a heart attack! Amarantha Liriel: Well I do rather try to be random, being the same as everyone else is boring! Slashybubble: Wow, thanks for the gushing fan scene! Yes, Ron and Hermione will eventually find out, and hopefully in a rather unorthadox manner. ; ) Black Night: I'm sorry for making you wait more than two days, I hope you managed successfully to not wet your pants, though. Fang: thanks, not a lot of people call this story beautiful, so that was rather nice. At least people stopped calling it desturbing. It is nice to know that I can write humor that can also be touching, though, so thanks. Shades: you are more than welcome to keep Honey!Harry to yourself, though Draco just may want to share. The sandwich discussion was supposed to be silly, that was part of the joke. They're taking eachother very seriously over a very silly subject, that's why it's funny! *feels personally silly for having to explain her jokes* Thanks for trademarking Draco's Voices, by the way, very flattering! Remmy: Thanks for supporting me and thanks for the hugs : ) FW Viper: Wow! You're still reading my story? I feel so special! *gushes* Everyone go read his stuff! I personally think that he's absolutley marvelous! *would be licking FW Viper's ass but he's gay and I'm a lesbian and it really wouldn't work out* DancingRain: I'm glad I can be here to fill your need for humorous fluff. I find it interesting that you didn't like the Voices, so many other people did, but personally, they weren't my fave part, but I kept them in because of the favorable reviews of them. TheBloodDoll: You would think of Dumbledore's sandwich comment as perverted wouldn't you? I put in a little bit about that in this chapter just for you! And by the way, if you're ever in Portland, I'd be more than willing to make a sandwich for you! Stewart: The funniest? Really? Gosh, thanks! Nagini: Thanks for the hugs, much needed at all times. A Big sign That Says FLAME ME!: Messed up? What do you mean messed up? *Looks confused* I thought everyone fell in love over sandwiches! I'm glad you agree with my dream issue, it's a very odd thing, but it is true! Oili: Okay, here's the next chapter, keep your pants on! Margaret: I heartally agree with you, FF.N is being silly, but that's the way of the world. C'est la vie. Ruz: Thanks, you're very kind : ) Rose Madder: Heh heh, no evidentily you weren't the only one who thought that Dumbledore line was perverted. I swear to God, though, that it was completely unintentional! It nice to think that you were fretting over not getting an update, but never fear, I wouldn't leave you guys in the lurch like that, I'm having way too much fun writing this story! Random Slytherin 1: I must admit that I'm also relieved to not be the only lesbian with an unhealthy interest in Draco. I have been a bit worried, but dammit, he's just too pretty! I do hope, though, that I'm not going to hell in a handbasket because of it! Thankfully in my own version of Christianity, one does not go to hell for being a lesbian who writes about Draco being shagged in a dress! Nameless: Well, I'm not sure whether the stinky Cheese Man rules or not (that was one helluva terrifying dream about him wanting to kill me!) But I'm very glad that you think my story is great! Caffinated Michelle: No, I'm sure you're not. I actually reread my story from time to time for reference, and everytime I reread the sandwich section, I just can't help it, I get all randy and have to rush out and by myself some more turkey. By the way, if anyone's interested, I believe that Michelle here is one of the few writers that has written a story more disturbing than mine! You know, michelle, there's a passage in a book called "Queer Thirteen" about two boys getting randy in a dumpster! I read that and I laughed because I couldn't help but thinking about your story! Magick: Thanks for commending my guts. I'm usually not a brave person, though, I'm just rather underhanded. That's why I'd be a Slytherin rather than a Griffindor. Ru Av Natten: Thanks hon! I rather liked Draco's rant myself, not a lot of people comment on it, but I loved writing that. It actually was the reason I took so long to update, that scene took quite a while for me to get perfect. By the way, when are you going to update Summertime Singularity? I miss it! Lux Murci: Thanks, I love getting your reviews, you're so enthusiastic. I know it would have been nice if they were naked, but I loved the thought of them in Christmas colored pajamas! Don't worry, though, They'll get naked again, I promise you. It's all about timing, though. Melanie: I'm glad you love my story : ) Icegem: SO happy that you loved that chapter, I worked rather hard on it. I'm working on getting them laid, though I don't think it happens per se in this chapter, there is a rather interesting bit of sexual interaction that I invented just for Draco and Harry. I hope you like it. HoshiShoujoKageShinigamiBUNNYB: uh, yeah, do you think your name is long enough? I mean, It would be a crying shame for you to realize one day that it was just a tad too short. Just kidding, sorry. Yes, well anyway…I'm very glad myself that they finally got together. They're quite thick headed little boys, it took a great deal of persuasion on my part to make them see my way. I'll see what I can do, by the way to create a lion and dragon centerpiece for you that actually will attempt to get it on during supper. It may take some time, though, my initial attempts at the design have been unsuccessful. Mandraco: A heckuvun interesting story eh? Yes, I rather thought so myself. Well we do try don't we? Franthephoenix: Thanks for putting me in your faves! I'm honoured! But don't you know anything? It's all about the mayonnaise! It brings out the flavor of the turkey! ~Mary~: Drool, huh? Very flattering, it's not every day one gets drooled on! I'm so glad that you've been enjoying my story, though! Lilah Morgan: Holy fuck! You sure do know how to flatter a girl! Terry Pratchette? Really? God, you have no idea what that means to me. Well, you probably do know considering that he's your fave author. He's my absolute fave author as well. The funny thing is that it had been a year since I last read anything of his, so when I read your review, I went to my shelf and picked up one of his books and you're right! I do write kind of like him! I'm quite surprised! I'd always wanted to be like him, but I never assumed that it would come naturally! I actually met him once, it was the greatest moment of my life! I do hope to publish a novel of my own, and I do have original writing that I work on, but I'm never sure what would be appropriate subject matter for publishing, or what people would want to read. I want to write books for young adults that deal with being a sexual minority, but problems arise in that 1. I still haven't come out to my family and if I wrote something like that, the subject would be forced to come up and I'm a big coward 2. I know that I write comedy really well, but I don't know if it would be appropriate to write about serious subjects in a jovial tone. I sometimes thing about writing something that's just silly fun, but then I think that I'm wasting my ideas. So many problems that I have no idea how to deal with them, so that's why I write fan fiction. Thank you so much for your confidence in me, though, and if I do manage to publish something, I'll let you know personally. Browneyescat: Yes yes, don't wet yourself, I've updated! Yes, Dumbledore is indeed a crack fiend, (which would be an interesting story, wouldn't it?) I do have plans for making him involved in their relationship in a rather amusing way in later chapters. Don't worry about rambling to me, I'm a classic rambler. I love the fact that you can find comparisons between my story and your own life. I'd like to think that as well as making people laugh, that I'm also making them think. It really is fascinating to me that I am indeed not the only person who has had dreams like that, because I've never talked to anyone about it before. It was funny, though, cause I did tell a friend once about it, and how I felt it meant that I way gay, and she pointed out the fact that many years before (long before I realized I way gay) that I'd told her about a dream about a guy I'd kind of had a crush on ( I don't remember this dream at all, but apparently she does) but Evidently I'd dreamt that this guy turned into a girl, and at the time she thought it was rather odd, but said it made sence when I told her about my later dreams . So you see, even though I didn't intellectually know at the time that I way gay, my subconscious was trying to tell me! There see, I ramble too. Cornsilk: Thank you, I shall take all of your ideas into consideration. Definitely I will try to get some more honey action, as well as some exabitionist table action. Harry won't be getting anywhere near as many voices as Draco, though, because, face it, Draco is fucked up in the head. Harry does get a new voice, though, well, really it's more of one of his appendages offering him a bit of advice, you'll see. Lina Inverse the Dramata: get control over yourself, girl! Breath, BREATH! Better now? Should I perhaps put up a warning label? WARNING: Pregnant women and people with heart conditions should not read this story! *Sniggers* You reviewers crack me up! J_J: I'm so happy you're so happy! I just hope that I can continue to make those of you looking for an NC-17 story satisfied, I'm trying to be creative, though. I actually think I made up a new sexual position for this chapter, actually, so that will be fun, wont it? Forgotten Loss: Really? If you fell off a cliff? Well that is a compliment isn't it? I didn't think the chapter was that good! Hmm, maybe I should put up another warning. WARNING: Reading this story while walking near cliffs may be hazardous to your health! Artemisia: Oh dear, I'm corrupting minors. This can't be good. Bad girl! What was I doing when I was fourteen? I don't remember, too long ago. I don't seem to remember any gay kiddy porn, though. No…you're definitely too young. But, I can't stop you, and I like the reviews. My sister, though, was having sex fantasies since she was 10, and she thinks that I was sexually repressed, so maybe you're a normal healthy girl and I was the messed up one. Actually, I think I was twenty when I really started thinking about sex. Maybe that's cause I hadn't heard of lesbian porn before then….hmmm…. Ky Lupin: What!? I only get fake tears? That's gratitude for you! No, really, thanks, It's nice to know that I make you happy. Night Spirit: Gosh, I'm so happy that you think my story's brilliant! I try hard, really I do. I hope I don't disappoint. TanisaFyre: So, did you put honey on the sandwich? I'm waiting to here from someone who's tried it. It honestly is good! Jyllury: I'm glad you think I rock. I'm sorry I don't update my website all that often, I think I've updated the chapters to this story, I'm working on adding more stories and pictures and stuff, but what can I say, I'm lazy. Sorry. SpoilAPrincess: I'll try to get drunk more often when I write, but most of the time I write during my lunch break at work or school, and well, there are rules…. Morien Alexander: Hmm. You know, I think I read something of yours recently that I really liked, I just can't remember what it was. Whatever it was, though, rest assured that I really enjoyed it. That's a really weird complement isn't it? I think I'll have to go and find your story again and give you a proper review. I'm so glad that you seem to think that I've kept Draco at least partially in character, because, lord knows I've taken liberties! Tracev: Wow, I'm really flattered that you enjoyed my story even though you don't read H/D stories usually. That's quite the complement! Lise: hee hee, I'm glad you think my storie's insane. Have you tried a turkey sandwich with honey, though? It honestly is extremely good! Violet Rose: Glad you thought it was fabulous. Yes, Dumbledore is nutty like that isn't he? BUG: Gosh, thanks! It really does still amaze me people like you really do find my story that funny. I mean, I know I try, but it still comes as a surprise! I like the "dastardly plan to take over the world" part too. It's always fun when reviewers pick out parts that I especially love myself!

Wow, that took a long time! But you guys are all worth it! And since I can't very well exchange sexual favors for reviews, the least I can to for you wonderful people is to let you all know how much I love you so very dearly! *Attempts to lick all your guys' asses but manages to only get her computer monitor wet, and shrugs, cause it needed cleaning anyway*

SO On to Chapter 8!!!!

A Rather Interesting Date

"Oh. Holy. Jesus."

It occurred to Harry for the first time, that the sweet stuttering boy with the pajamas and the bed head and that adorable blush who had asked him out that very same morning was not the boy whom he would consequently end up dating.

"Well Harry, are you going to get dressed or not? 'Cause I'm all ready to go." Draco spoke with an astounding level of casualty considering his current state of dress.

"Draco, are you really going to wear…that?" Harry wasn't perhaps the most eloquent nor articulate wizard, but his current inability to find even a single word to describe his boyfriend's current state of dress was not at all to be held against him due to lack of effort.

"You don't like it?" Draco looked down at his offending outfit with a touch of sadness. "I thought that you of all people would understand."

"Why should I understand any more than the next guy?"

"Well, you know, given the nature of our…erm…courtship…. I really assumed that you'd like it." Draco looked as though he were about to cry.

"Oh don't be like that, please Draco! You'll smear your…. Eyeliner?" Harry let out a sigh and crossed the room to hold his boyfriend in what he hoped was a comforting much rather than patronizing manner. "I guess I just assumed that you had been wearing that dress that morning because you'd been drunk. I never dreamed that it was an habitual thing. I mean, is this honestly how you dress up when you go out?"

"Well not really. I always figured that no one would understand, so I only dressed like this in private. I was really excited to be able to dress up like this for you. If it disturbs you, though, I'll understand if you want to leave me."

"Draco, I'm not going to dump you after only forty-five minutes because of this! Besides, when I agreed to go out with you, you were wearing wrinkly pajamas with egg stains on the bottom and you had bed head! So obviously I didn't agree solely based on the state of your attire! I…I like you, Draco; I like being with you. Most people get quite boring after you've known them a while, but I have a feeling that being with you is never going to get boring."

"Is that a good thing then?"

Harry couldn't help but laugh. He pushed Draco away so he was at arms length and gave him a thorough look over. Draco was wearing a black leather miniskirt and a ribbed turtleneck jumper with knee high lace up boots. His hair fell loose around his face, framing his gorgeous eyes which were accentuated perfectly with heavy black eye makeup. All around Harry was surprised to find that he was without a doubt the most stunning thing he'd ever laid eyes upon, regardless of the unconventionality of the ensemble.

"I think, Draco, that it will be a very good thing."

"And you aren't going to be ashamed of being seen with me like this?"

"If you can handle it, I'm sure I can as well. I think one would be mad to not want to be known as your boyfriend."

Draco's face lit up with relief and, to Harry's great dismay, mischief.

"Now I know I promised already not to put you in a dress and I fully intend to keep that promise! But I think you would look gorgeous beyond words wearing this!"

Harry tried in vain to suppress a groan when Draco came out of the closet holding an outfit that Harry knew he would end up wearing one way or another.

So it came to pass that after a fair bit of arguing, a few feigned tears, some light snogging, a great deal of struggling on Harry's part, and a lot of persistence, brute force, and a well timed hand job on Draco's part, Harry Potter got dressed.

"Draco, I feel silly," Harry complained as they made their way out of the castle.

"Shut up. You do not look silly. Quite frankly, you look so hot that I'm very seriously contemplating coming in my pants right about now."

"You're not wearing any pants."

"My point exactly! You must be spectacularly gorgeous to induce me to contemplate coming in my pants despite my blatant lack of the aforementioned items. Don't you agree Professor?"

"Oh God." Harry had really hoped that they could have escaped from the castle without detection. It was, as with most things in Harry Potter's life, too much to hope for, as he now stood face to face with Professor Snape who was eyeing both of them in an appraising manner.

"I must admit, Mr. Potter, that though I have no taste for the fashion myself, I do find that it is infinitely preferable to you walking about as god intended. For though I'm sure God put a great deal of forethought into creating that particular ensemble, I find that the moment of drunkenness that induced this poor excuse for an outfit should be marked down in history as a momentous occasion that saved me from having to look once again at your sorry self in a state of being 'in the pink' as it were. And Mr. Malfoy I must commend you as well, blue gingham doesn't appear to suit you half as well as black leather. I take it based on your apparel that you are headed for church?"

Harry blushed deeply, but Draco merely grinned and answered, "No, Sir, I'm taking Potter's skirt out for a drink!"

It was at that moment Draco Malfoy's and Severus Snape's utter delight to see Harry Potter's face attempt to simultaneously turn bright red and white as a sheet.

"YOU SAID IT WASN'T A BLOODY SKIRT!!!!"

If it weren't for his many years at perfecting a straight face, there would have been little possibility of Draco restraining his laughter at that given moment.

"I assure you, Mr. Potter, that is no skirt!" came a familiar Scottish accent from behind them. "We prefer to call it a kilt."

McGonagall now rounded to face them, trying to suppress her utter joy at seeing Harry Potter in a kilt and leather jacket.

"That," she exclaimed, pointing to Draco's lower half, "is a skirt."

"Hey! This isn't just a freaking skirt!" Draco protested indignantly. "This is a Paris Original!"

Words completely failed even the most eloquent of the party, who merely chose to give Draco his best "are you on crack?" look. (A/N: For visual reference for said look, check out the movie. At the end of the troll scene, when Hermione says that it was her fault, Snape gives her the greatest "are you on crack?" look, I always crack up at that!)

"Okay, Draco, whatever you say." Interestingly enough the only one present who didn't catch the strong patronizing overtones in Harry's comment was Draco. "I think," Harry continued, now addressing the two professors, "that we'll be going now."

It was with that said that Harry managed to extricate themselves from further conversation which would have promised no less than utmost degradation and quite possibly a month of detentions if Draco were truly determined to give the two professors lectures on what constitutes a good sense of fashion and why, exactly, they would continue to fall miserably short.

Thus they left behind two professors who, besides being far more amused than they would care to admit, were also far more turned on than they would ever admit even upon pain of death. This was, naturally, only to be expected from Professor McGonagall, who was, after all, a lifetime subscriber to "Wizards in Kilts," a fine bit of monthly literature that had the integrity to leave out most of the interfering lengthy articles that tended to get in the way of a witches enjoyment of kilted Wizards. Severus Snape, on the other hand, would be damned to hell before he ever admitted that boys in black leather miniskirts did anything to encourage his much neglected libido.

"God help us."

"Oh, oh, yes indeed…." McGonagall was deeply lost in thought, contemplating whether "Wizards in Kilts" would be interested in a centerfold of The-Boy-Who-Lived.

*****

"Oh shit Draco! You can't do that here, this is a public place!"

"No one's watching."

"Still, I did not agree to wearing this kilt just so that you could feel me up every free chance you got! And…when did you take off your shoe?"

Draco just grinned lasciviously and continued his ministrations.

"You like it, you know you do. And I like seeing you squirm."

"If I'm squirming it's because I'm rather unused to receiving…god, I don't even think there's a word for it…. Foot job?"

Draco snorted loudly, bringing for the first time, a few curious glances in their direction. Harry did his best to look casual and as if he under no circumstances had Draco's long toes wrapped around his cock. Fortunately for him, the only sort of people who come into the Three Broomsticks on a Christmas Eve aren't the type to care whether or not there's a boy in a skirt giving a foot job to The-Boy-Who-Lived. When the curious eyes abated, Harry addressed his boyfriend once again.

"What had gotten into you, Draco? Since when had Mr. 'I'm not gay' become the boy who couldn't keep his hands, or his feet, off of my dick?"

Much to Harry's barely veiled disappointment, Draco's foot was suddenly no where near the vicinity of between his thighs.

"As a rule, Potter, I prefer to act completely irrationally and never choose to account for my behavior. If you don't like me touching you, though, you only had to say so."

Harry pondered for a moment whether this manic side to Draco was a side effect of his medications, or whether it was why he was on medications in the first place.

"I'm sorry," Harry automatically offered, though he wasn't entirely sure what it was that he was supposed to be sorry for. Harry was a fortunate sort of youth in that, despite the fact that he thought with his dick like all other boys his age, he had been blessed with a dick that had and amazing grasp of logic, and therefore, knew exactly what would increase it's chances of having intimate relations with Draco Malfoy's toes.

Draco grinned sweetly, pleased to have won that argument so quickly. When he felt Harry's foot hook hesitantly behind his ankle, he conceded to the silent request and lifted his foot back up to be placed once again most lovingly on his boyfriend's bare balls, this time adding his second foot as well.

"You do realize that I'm not wearing any shorts either," Draco suddenly stated much as one would if one were commenting on the weather or the state of the roads.

"And…your point would be?" Harry himself was extremely proud of his calm demeanor; only the slightest hitch in his voice betraying the fact that, given not even another minute of Draco's pedicular attentions, he would be coming all over his kilt.

"You're going to come soon, aren't you? Should I stop?"

"Yes…I think that you may prefer not to have to send a come covered kilt to the cleaners."

"Nice alliteration," Draco said with a smile, giving no indication of stopping.

"Draco…I…told you…"

Draco sniggered quietly as he noticed Harry's knuckles turning white as he gripped the table even harder, desperately trying to keep his orgasm at bay. There is that point, though, when even visions of Dumbledore and Dobby will not save a normal healthy young wizard from coming hard all over Draco's perfectly pedicured feet.

"Shit Draco," Harry exclaimed in as subtle a whisper as possible considering he was rather out of breath from having not yet recovered from having orgasmed as a result of Draco's almost impossibly talented feet. "why didn't you stop? I said I was going to come!" Walking into a pub wearing a kilt had been degrading enough for Harry, but he didn't even dare think of the humiliation involved in leaving the self same pub with a come covered kilt

"Relax you silly Gryffindor! You'd think that The Savior Of The Wizarding World of all people would be able to remember that he's a wizard!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

With a swish and a flick and a couple of choice words, Harry's kilt as well as Draco's feet were cleared of all incriminating evidence that would ever suggest that Harry Potter had just become The-Boy-Who-Came-In-Public.

"All better?" Draco asked as he wiggled his way back into his boots. "I can safely assume that you're not bored yet."

"No," Harry admitted with his patent pending 'long suffering sigh' which really would have been more convincing if he weren't still dazed by his first foray into the world of public sex. "I'm definitely not bored."

And nor did it seem that Harry would have the chance to be bored any time in the near future.

"'scuse me," came and unsteady and definitely drunk voice from over their shoulders. "I wonder if I might persuade the beautiful blond to join me on the dance floor."

"What!?"

"He said," replied Harry trying to hide a smirk, "that he wants to dance with you."

"Dance with me? Not bloody likely!"

"Come on honey, it'll be fun." The drunk Wizard grabbed hold of Draco's arm and started pulling him up out of his seat.

"Hey, I don't know who you think you are," Harry said in his best intimidating stance which usually would have done the trick (him being the savior of the Wizarding world and all) but in this instance it fell a little short of his expectations as it only managed to draw attention to the fact that he was wearing what really did look considerably like a schoolgirl's uniform skirt. "But we happen to be on a date!" Harry gestured between himself and Draco.

Immediately the Wizard's face soured and he threw Draco roughly back down in his seat.

"What are you two? A couple of dykes?"

"Mister Birchman!" Suddenly a very lived Madam Rosmerta appeared beside their table. "I have told you time and again that if you cannot be more polite to my lady customers then I will have to ask you to leave!" She shoved the wizard out of the door and returned promptly back at the boy's table.

"I am so very sorry about that, Ladies." Madam Rosmerta spoke in soft apologetic tones to the boys, mistaking their shocked faces to be the result of their ill treatment by Mr. Birchman. "I understand how difficult it must be for young witches of your persuasion to find a welcoming and understanding place free of the violence that so often gets directed at lesbian witches these days. I hope you do realize that the disgusting sentiments of that rude wizard are by no means shared by this establishment. And I truly hope that you will not let this incident affect you opinion of us, nor cause you to discontinue your patronage altogether!"

"Rosmerta, I think you've misunderstood somewhat…" Harry began.

"Oh no! I understand completely, I assure you! I was much like yourself once. Never able to bring my girlfriends home, yet never able to take them out in public either. It's a very trying time in your life, I know, and the least I can offer you is a safe haven from the world that is so often reluctant to accept those like you and me."

"No, you really don't understand, we're not lesbians!"

"Oh bless your heart, you're still in that stage are you? Yes I remember that dreaded denial stage. You know if you like, I know of a very good support group for questioning and queer witches. And there are plenty of witches from Hogwarts who attend regularly. I know there's Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bludstrode, Ginny Weasley…."

"Okay, Millicent I can totally understand," Draco admitted, "but Pansy and Weasley?"

"Oh yes, they're the cutest couple, you know, they're practically leading the group! Real inspiration for the younger witches!"

For a moment both boys were too stunned to remember that there was still a very important matter to be cleared up regarding their masculinity.

Shaking his head a little as if trying to dispel the image of Ginny Weasley giving Pansy Parkinson head, Harry finally continued. "But you see the thing is, Rosmerta, that I'm Harry Potter!"

After a great deal of what Draco considered to be an unnecessary amount of gesturing to his scar, Harry finally managed to convince the barmaid not only of his own gender, but of the fact that his was supposed to be the most well known face in the wizarding world.

"Good heavens Harry! You should have stopped me long before I made such a fool of myself, I do hope that you'll forgive the mistake. Perhaps a couple of free butter beers for you and your girlfriend?"

Harry merely smiled and said, "I'm sure that she and I would appreciate that very much."

"Now hang on one bloody second!" Draco jumped up from his seat, slamming his fist down on the table. "What has a bloke got to do to prove his own fucking masculinity around here?"

Harry was sorely tempted to prolong the joke a bit longer, but it didn't take long for his ever so logical dick to pop up and remind him that the chances of him getting a piece of Draco's ass were positively nil if he continued to make a wasteland of Draco's already dubious masculinity.

"Madame Rosmerta,, this is Draco Malfoy, my boyfriend."

Draco himself was very pleased with the impressed reaction that his name incited in the barmaid.

"Draco Malfoy? Oh! Well that certainly explains a lot! I've heard so much about you, I must say that it's fabulous to finally see you in person. It really does clear up quite a few questions I've had."

"I'm sorry. Clears what up exactly?"

"It explains why Pansy Parkinson dated you for so long, of course! You really are the prettiest boy I've ever seen. I mean, I've heard the rumors, naturally, but I had quite a bit of difficulty in believing that Pansy 'the pussy loving' Parkinson could find any boy who was girly enough to please her! But as I said before, it's all perfectly clear. I mean, quite frankly, I'm reluctant even with the word of Harry Potter to believe that you really are a boy at all!"

That clinched it. Harry knew that the only way he would get a piece of Draco's ass would be if Draco were completely unconscious at the time, but even then, Harry wouldn't put it past Draco to put wards up around his ass.

The look of anger on Draco's face was now nearing dangerously high levels. It had definitely reached the "murder twelve people with one spell" level if not the "drop your skirt to prove your manhood" level, and Harry decided that getting Draco out of everyone's way would be most beneficial thing to do at that current moment. Fortunately Harry managed to Drag Draco out of the pub even before his zipper got all the way down.

"What are you doing? Let me go! They think I'm a girl!"

"No, you're overreacting and we are going home," Harry said forcibly as he yanked Draco's zip back up where it belonged (or at least where he preferred it to be when in public). "Now you and I both know you're a boy, and we both know that you've even been well endowed, but I'd prefer it if Madam Rosmerta and the dozen men back in the pub continued to take it on faith. You have to face the facts, though, Draco, you are wearing a skirt and have makeup on and you are…well…rather pretty."

"You think I look like a girl too!?"

"No, Draco, I didn't say that, I merely implied that you are….an exceptionally gorgeous guy, and most people just aren't used to seeing guys as hot as you, so perhaps they assumed that you were a girl because of wishful thinking!" Harry was desperately trying to keep up with his dick which was thinking as fast as possible in order to give him even a chance in hell of getting another shot at Draco's ass, which was currently far more than he could reasonably dream of having.

"Wishful thinking?"

"Yes! You see both that man and Madam Rosmeta probably wanted to get into your pants, but neither of them date boys, so they wishfully imagined that you were a girl! Doesn't that make sense?"

Draco wasn't too sure about Harry's line of reasoning. He was used to logic that, by definition, was completely illogical, but faced with the rational thinking of Harry Potter's dick, Draco was somewhat overwhelmed.

"I…I think that makes sense…"

Harry started to breath a sigh of relief.

"…But I'm still going to kill them. No one questions Draco Malfoy's manhood and gets away with it!"

And so Draco sat down and started to plan the elaborate deaths of at least half a dozen people while Harry's dick had a good hard think about what it preferred to call "Operation Fuck Draco."

******************

A/N: Okay, I hope this chapter pleased you! No fucking per se, but there was a hand job and a foot job And we did see the return of Drag!Draco! Next chapter we'll see how Harry's dick is coming along with "Operation Fuck Draco" It may not be as easy as it sounds! But don't worry, one way or another, someone's going to get a Good Old Fashioned Christmas Fuck!

By the way, there are way too may ways to make bad puns regarding Harry's dick. Can you find them or do I need to point them out for you? There are three purely coincidental puns contained in this chapter, well, actually one is in the note section, in the above paragraph, as a matter of fact!

No voices in this chapter, but we did have the introduction of Harry's Dick. I think that Harry's Dick may become my new favorite character! I'll try and bring him up a bit more in the next chapter. Shit, there's another one! I'll try to stay away from bad puns in the future.