TITLE: What a Week!
AUTHOR: Jolinar of Malkshur
EMAIL: bec_sg1@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Humour
PAIRING: Slightly hinted Sam/Jack, but could be taken any way it's wanted...only a couple of comments here and there that could be shippy or not.
SPOILERS: None, but a small mention from Message in a Bottle. So tiny that it doesn't even count, really.
SEASON: Season 4-ish.
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Only SG-1 can get into as much trouble at home as off-world.
STATUS: In progress.
ARCHIVE: fanfiction.net, Heliopolis, any others, just ask.
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
A/N: Hehehe, I wrote A/U there first. Oops. Anyway, this is my first posted SG fic *gulp* so please tell me how I'm going and how I could improve. In other words, please review!
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DAY ONE: MONDAY
'Ah,' General Hammond sighed, sitting back in his chair. He could breathe easily. SG-1 was back home after yet another ending in disaster mission. Now they were home for a week before going off-world again. Plus, they'd come home in one piece. Well, except for Daniel's badly sprained ankle. And the scratches they had all received from running through a forest with deadly bees chasing them. And the bad gash in Major Carter's arm...but apart from that, they seemed to be intact. 'I can finally relax,' General Hammond said to himself, resting for a couple more moments before sitting forward and starting to do his paperwork calmly. 'This should be a good week.'
***
Monday morning, Daniel thought to himself, has to be one of the most terrible times that God ever created. I mean, Monday mornings are fine as long as you're at home sleeping in, or waking up at a dig site. But when you're...
'Argh!' His solitary crutch caught on a plant and Daniel nearly pitched headfirst into a bush. Steadying himself, Daniel pushed his glasses up his nose and glared at his surroundings. He could see the entrance to Cheyenne Mountain up ahead, but at the rate he was going, he'd break his leg getting there. Daniel winced at the thought. The last thing he needed was a broken leg. Especially when he only had one crutch. The other one was sitting in his office. Since he'd been helped home by Sam and Jack the night before, he hadn't bothered with the crutches, as they had supported him the whole way. But the airman who was supposed to grab them had only grabbed one, and so now, when Daniel didn't have Sam and Jack's support, he was in a spot of trouble.
Finally hobbling up to the entrance, he showed his ID card and was allowed through.
'Do you need any help, doctor?' the airman asked, concerned, but Daniel just waved his hand, wobbling as he did so. Grabbing onto the crutch, Daniel steadied himself and shook his head.
'No, but thank you, anyway.' He gave a weak smile and hobbled off to the elevator, trying to restrain from making a sound at the pain in his ankle. How was he supposed to know it would swell up overnight? 'I'm not a freaking doctor...okay, well, maybe I am, but not in a medical sense.' Pushing the button for the elevator, Daniel waited impatiently. He just hoped that Jack was already in the mountain. The last thing he needed was for...
Ting!
The elevator opened, and, grumbling, Daniel got inside, cheering up slightly when he thought of the translations that awaited him. SG-3, it seemed, had brought back lots for SG-1 to think about. The little machine that no one could figure out had been handed over to Sam to find its function. Teal'c had been asked to explain the Goa'uld hierarchy to the young lieutenant in SG-3, who did not fully understand it yet. Daniel had been given several artifacts to translate and study, and Jack...Daniel grinned to himself. Jack had lots of paperwork to do, as he was getting behind in mission reports. When SG-3 had returned, and the mission report on General Hammond's desk the next day, he had pounced on Jack, demanding that he do the required paperwork as he would not be going off-world until he did. Daniel laughed to himself as he remembered the scene. Jack had gone to argue, and then Sam had finally snapped, 'Just do the damn paperwork and you won't have anything else to worry about!' That had silenced Jack's protests, as he was too shocked to continue.
Daniel was so deep in thought that he didn't realise he had reached his level until the elevator doors whooshed open.
'Daniel! You're late and...why do you have only one crutch?' Daniel groaned inwardly as he saw Jack standing in the hallway.
'The airman only grabbed one, and...' He tipped dangerously to one side, and Jack stepped forward to steady him.
'You look like the leaning tower of Pisa,' Jack told him, taking his arm and helping him down the hallway.
'Thanks,' Daniel muttered. 'And I'm not that late, thank you very much.'
'Well, there's lots of rocks for you to study,' Jack said cheerfully.
'Artifacts, Jack, artifacts...'
'Yeah, whatever.' They finally reached Daniel's 'lab' and he headed inside, sinking down gratefully into his chair.
'Need anything?' Jack asked, hovering in the doorway.
'No, I'm fine, thanks.' Daniel looked up at him. 'Don't you have damn paperwork to do?' he asked, fighting a smile as he saw the annoyance and resignation in Jack's face.
'I should have her court martialled,' he muttered as he left Daniel's 'lab'. Daniel turned to look at the first of several artifacts, smiling to himself.
***
'Okay, I'm not getting very high energy readings, so...' Sam studied her equipment carefully, puzzling over the machine that had been put in her care. Lieutenant Simmons had been assigned to help her, but for the most part, all he'd really been doing was fidgeting around for the last couple of hours. 'Can you find me the EM readings from the third test?' she asked him.
'I don't think so,' Lieutenant Simmons said quietly, not meeting her eye. Sam paused in her work, then turned to face him.
'Why not?' Still fidgeting, he walked over to where she was standing, staying a few feet away.
'I just...are they new earrings?' Sam only just managed to contain her surprise.
'I'm not wearing any earrings,' she pointed out, putting her hand up to her ear just to make sure. Lieutenant Simmons wasn't even looking at her, so even if she was wearing earrings, he wouldn't even be able to see.
'Okay, so why can't you get the EM readings from...'
'Have you dyed your hair? It looks really nice.' He continued to fidget, and Sam got increasingly confused. Ignoring what Daniel had once said to her concerning Lieutenant Simmons, she asked him what was wrong as he turned and sat back down.
'Are you okay, Lieutenant?'
'I'm fine...' His fidgeting soon grew unbearable, and Sam had difficulty controlling her temper.
'Okay, well, are you able to help me or do you need to go get a drink or something?'
'You'd like to have a drink with me?' he asked, looking up hopefully.
'Ah, no, I actually meant that you should go get a drink while I continue to work on this,' Sam corrected him, trying to control her embarrassment. This was really strange. Really, really strange, and she didn't like it one bit.
'No, I'll be alright. I want to help you.' He looked so eager that Sam didn't have the heart to tell him to go away.
'Okay, well, you'll need to start helping, then,' she told him.
'Sure, any way I can!' Sam bit back a grin as she turned away from him and looked at the device. It was an interesting looking device. It basically consisted of a small cube with lots of framework around it. There were a couple of buttons, that released a small EM field when pressed, but other than that, it didn't seem to feel like sharing its function. Sam suddenly noticed a small flashing light on one side of the cube, the side facing Lieutenant Simmons. Shooting a sharp look at him, she looked closer at the light and saw a small hole above it.
'Lieutenant, can you come over here a minute?' Sam called to him, beckoning to the device. 'Have a look at that for me.' As the lieutenant walked over, the small light started to flash.
'Is that a new jacket?' he asked her, and Sam stood up suddenly, backing away from the device and the lieutenant, getting a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.
What if the device released something...something to make the lieutenant act strangely?
'Carter?' Panic!
'Don't come in!' Sam shouted, racing to the door and stopping Jack in the doorway.
'Carter? I just came to ask you about...what's with him?' He looked over her shoulder, and Sam turned to see the lieutenant smoothing his hair back and looking at his reflection in a piece of equipment.
'Well, ah, the device seems to be releasing something...that's just a guess, but if it is, it's making the lieutenant act...'
'You really do look lovely today.'
'Like that,' Sam finished, turning to face Jack again. 'And it is really really annoying.' She could tell he was trying not to laugh.
'Well, I think you should get loverboy out of your lab. and to the infirmary,' Jack told her, obviously trying not to laugh. 'I'll get a team to come in and get rid of that device.'
'It could prove...' Sam stopped at the look on his face. 'Yeah, okay.' She didn't move.
'Well?'
'I just...don't want...' Jack understood her.
'I don't think he'll think a trip to the infirmary is a hot and heavy date, Carter.' Sam glared at him. 'Besides, I am not going in there. God knows what would happen.' Sam decided to ignore that, although she could feel herself going slightly red.
'Okay, okay, point made. You get the team, and I'll get Lieutenant Simmons out of there.' Sam looked decidedly unhappy, but Jack just grinned at her and clapped her on the back.
'Piece of cake, hey, Carter?' Sam headed inside her laboratory.
'Lieutenant?' she said carefully. 'Lieutenant, we need to head to the infirmary. Come on.'
'Samantha?'
'That's Major to you,' she said immediately, stepping forward and taking his arm. He put his other hand over hers. Sam resigned herself and started pulling him towards the door. He walked willingly, talking all the while about how lovely she looked that day...and every day, as a matter of fact! Sam sighed, resisting the urge to smack him over the head to get him to shut up. Her only consolation, she thought to herself, was that the Colonel wasn't there to hear it. She'd never hear the end of it if he was.
***
CRASH!
'Godda...JACK!' Daniel stared at the piles of paper on the floor, and felt like kicking the whole compound down. All his carefully recorded files, all alphabetically and numerically ordered were now covering the floor because some dumbass young sergeant didn't know how to move a crutch properly. The sergeant was there 'helping' Daniel with sorting out a few files, apparently appointed by Jack, and had, in the process of moving one of Daniel's crutches out of the way, pushed months worth of work onto the floor.
'I'm sorry, Dr Jackson. Would you like me to...'
'Get Jack! Now!' Daniel was beside himself with anger, and was having difficulty containing it. All his files...his precious files...all over the floor... 'What are you doing? Go get Colonel O'Neill! Now!'
'Dr Jackson.' Daniel looked over and saw Teal'c standing on the doorway. 'I was on my way to complete my Kel'nor'reem when I heard you yell. Do you need assistance?' Daniel pursed his lips, and stared around the room.
'No, Teal'c, I'll be fine. But if you could get Jack for me, I'd really appreciate it.'
'Do you need...'
'You've helped enough, thank you.' Daniel's voice was cold, and the sergeant wasted no time leaving the room, much to Daniel's relief.
'This will take some time to clean up,' Teal'c observed. 'I am able to offer my assistance, should you require it.' Daniel smiled gratefully at Teal'c.
'No thank you, but I really do appreciate the offer. You go complete your Kel'nor'reem.' Teal'c bowed his head.
'Very well. I shall visit you again later, to make sure everything is in order.' Teal'c left the doorway, and Daniel smiled to himself. Teal'c had to have the best manners of anyone he knew. It sure was a change from Jack's sarcastic comments.
Swiveling around in his chair, Daniel stared at all the papers on the floor, trying hard to control his emotions. Anger, sadness...an almost uncontrollable urge to knock the sergeant unconscious...he must have been sitting there for some time, because suddenly the sergeant was back, staring at him.
'Dr Jackson, Colonel O'Neill is extremely busy at the moment.'
'If it's his damn paperwork, I don't care!'
'No, it's a...an interesting operation, involving some device in Major Carter's laboratory.'
'Trust her to be more important!' Daniel slammed a fist on the desk, then realised he was out of line. He looked up sheepishly. The sergeant was staring at him with a puzzled look on his face. 'Nevermind, sergeant, does he know I want to talk to him?'
'Yes, he said he'd be down as soon as possible. May I leave?' It was amusing, Daniel thought, a military man asking him permission to leave. But that was the affect he got, being on SG-1.
'Yes, certainly, go. Please.' The sergeant paused.
'I really am sorry. I would like to help you.'
'Forget it,' Daniel told him. 'Just forget it, really. I'll sort it out.' The sergeant nodded and left, a disappointed expression on his face. 'Well, I'd better start sorting these out.' Daniel got slowly to his feet, then settled himself on the floor, surrounding by papers and translations and drawings of missions past. He picked one up. 'The language of the Ancients...'
***
Dr Fraiser had a hard time controlling her smile, Sam noted, when she took Lieutenant Simmons to the infirmary. By that stage the affects of the device were waning, but he still felt the need to tell her how wonderful she looked and how much he'd like to have a drink with her. As the affects lessened, he seemed to be getting bolder. It was extremely confusing, and while Sam hated it, everyone around her was having trouble controlling their laughter.
'The affects are lessening,' Sam told Janet.
'Yes...yes, they are.' She bit her lip, studying her clipboard. 'Well, I think our friend here...well, your friend...was exposed to an excess of a certain hormone. This hormone made him act...well, like he's been acting.' She looked at Sam. 'No one else was exposed to this, were they?'
'The people moving the device were going to be fully geared up, so no,' Sam said. 'The only other person who's been around it, apart from myself, is Colonel O'Neill.' Sam didn't miss the way Janet's eyebrows went up. 'But he didn't enter the laboratory or go anywhere near the device. It was about that stage I realised what it must have been doing, so he stayed out.' Janet didn't say anything but made a note of it.
'Alright, I'll check him over anyway...speak of the devil,' she muttered. Sam turned and saw Jack heading towards them.
'What's this I hear about Shakespeare?' he asked, eyes twinkling. Sam was not impressed.
'I don't know, sir,' she said shortly. 'What have you heard?'
'Something about a balcony scene?' He looked so innocent, but Sam knew better. She hadn't worked with him for four years without learning something.
'Why don't you want to have a drink with me, Samantha? You offered, remember? Right after you complimented me on my hair. You have lovely, hair. Did you brush it or something?' Jack didn't even try and hide the grin that appeared on his face, and Sam felt herself going red again.
'Yes, I think they were spot on when they said balcony scene,' he commented. 'Got yourself a not-so-secret admirer, there, Carter.' Trying to overcome her embarrassment, she changed the subject somewhat.
'Is the device out of my laboratory?' she asked. 'And back on that damn planet where it belongs?'
'No...yes to the first, no to the last. They've got it in quarantine, so to speak. A couple of scientists are studying it now, and since they're not confessing their dying love for one another, it seems to be okay.' He ignored the withering look Sam sent him and studied Lieutenant Simmons, who was lying on the hospital bed, his eyes half closed.
'Would you like to lie...'
'Well, I have a lot of work to get back to,' Sam said brightly, cutting off the lieutenant's comment, much to Jack's amusement. 'I'll come back later.'
'I've got to head to Daniel's office,' Jack said as they turned and walked towards the entrance of the infirmary. 'Apparently he was extremely angry and shouting for me.'
'What have you done now, sir?'
'Me? I haven't done anything! The sergeant looked terrified out of his mind, so I'm guessing he did something wrong and Daniel wants someone to take it out on.'
'Colonel O'Neill?' It was the sergeant again, looking decidedly nervous. 'Dr Jackson really would like to see you as soon as possible.' He shot a strange look at Sam, then turned back to Jack. 'You should go see him immediately.'
'Thank you, sergeant,' Jack said, starting to head down the hall. 'Come on, Carter, we've got to go save Daniel from himself.' Sam grinned and started to follow him.
'Yes sir.'
***
'...so that goes there,' Daniel muttered to himself. It had been hours, and still Jack hadn't turned up. He was getting increasingly annoyed, and started to take his anger out on Sam. 'If she could just take care of a simple device, then Jack wouldn't have to go off and play hero. Then maybe he could help people other than her for a moment...'
'Daniel, you rang?'
'Three hours ago!' Jack walked jovially into Daniel's office, stopping short when he saw the mess. 'What on earth happened?'
'Oh, some sergeant decided to knock everything off my walls,' Daniel informed him, suddenly noticing Sam at the door. 'How's the device going?' Jack shot her an amused look.
'Great,' Sam said, sounding sarcastic, which was unlike her. 'Just fantastic. What do you want me to help with?' Daniel smiled thankfully, some of his good humour returning.
'Ah...I guess to just pick up the piles of papers I've already sorted and leave them on my desk,' he told her. 'Jack...you can provide support. I know you get catatonic within an inch of my paperwork.'
'Or any paperwork,' Sam muttered to herself.
'Excuse me?' Jack didn't know who to turn to, so he just helped pick up the piles of paper. 'How's the ankle going?'
'Yeah, alright,' Daniel replied absently. 'I have to head back to the infirmary this evening, so...' Sam coughed into her hand, and Daniel looked up to see Jack looking decidedly happy and Sam with an unreadable expression on her face. 'What? What did I say?'
'Oh, nothing...just nothing,' Sam said, shuffling the papers she held.
'While in the infirmary, visit Lieutenant Simmons,' Jack told him, grinning impishly. 'Tell him Carter misses his company in her laboratory.'
'Don't, Daniel,' Sam threatened. 'Just don't. Colonel, with all due respect, shut up.'
'Shut up?'
'Lieutenant Simmons?' Daniel said at the same time Jack spoke. 'What's up with Lieutenant Simmons?' He hid a smile. 'Don't tell me. He's still got a cr...' Sam slammed the papers on the desk as Jack grinned even broader.
'Oh, it's better than that, Daniel,' Jack informed him. 'He got infected with some hormone, so now he's confessing he's undying love for her.'
'He is not!' Sam argued. 'He just keeps complimenting and all that...it's nothing, Janet said the affects will go away soon.'
'Sooner rather than later, eh?' Jack said, placing another pile of papers on Daniel's desk. 'Where did you get all this paper?'
'Well, over the years, paper seems to accumulate...be careful of that, Jack,' Daniel warned as Jack picked up an interesting looking pot.
'That's strange,' he said.
'It's a pot,' Sam pointed out after a pause, brushing her hair back. It was short, but it was still able to annoy her. Continually. 'Since when are you interested in that kind of stuff?'
'Oh, come on, I'm not that single minded...' He stopped when he saw both Sam and Daniel staring at him in shock. 'Okay, nevermind.'
'So tell me more about Lieutenant Simmons,' Daniel prompted. 'I swear, when you get stuck in your office, you miss all the fun stuff.'
'It's not fun,' Sam told him. 'It's downright embarrassing...not to mention unprofessional.'
'Here we go,' Jack groaned.
'I'm serious, he keeps calling me Samantha. That is wrong on two levels. One, I'm his superior, and two, I prefer being called Sam. Samantha is just a waste of time and energy.' Sam didn't look happy. 'And we are not discussing this any further.'
'Carter...'
'I mean it, sir. I do not wish to talk about this any longer.'
'Daniel brought it up.'
'Oh, I did not!'
'Did too.'
'Did not.'
'Did too.'
'Good to see we're nice and professional,' a voice from the doorway said, and the three immediately turned around. 'At ease, people.'
'General?' Sam's voice expressed what they were all thinking. What on earth are you doing here? 'Is there something we can help you with?'
'I think you need to come to the infirmary, Major,' General Hammond told her. 'Colonel, Dr Jackson, you should come too.' They all looked at each other.
'Yes sir,' Sam muttered, waiting for Jack and Daniel before walking out the door.
***
'I hate crutches. I really hate crutches. Not only have I been without one and nearly tripped over, I've had my entire office knocked down around my ears because of them,' Daniel grumbled, trying to keep up a good pace so Sam and Jack didn't have to walk too slowly.
'Relax, Daniel, we're in no hurry,' Sam reminded him.
'If it was urgent, General Hammond would have paged us to get our asses in gear,' Jack added.
'Don't say...'
'SG-1, please report to the infirmary immediately!'
'What did you say that for?' Daniel complained as Sam and Jack hurried him along. 'The minute you said that, of course they were going to page us!'
'We're nearly there, anyway,' Sam said, leading the way down the corridor.
'Where are you going, Janet?'
'Come back!'
'Doctor, I need another check-up!' Janet practically ran from the infirmary and nearly crashed into Sam.
'Whoa, what's going on?' Jack asked, sounding amused. Janet glared at him. Of course he'd find this funny. It was just the sort of thing the Colonel thought was hilarious. And because it was aimed at Sam and now Janet, it was doubly hilarious. Well, she hoped die laughing. Literally. Because she couldn't take much more humiliation.
'Tell me again why they put you in charge of the most important team,' Janet snapped at him. He just raised his eyebrows and mouthed, 'touché!'
'What's going on?' Sam said, echoing Jack as she peered around the corner of the infirmary.
'All the men that moved the device and studied it got infected by the...hormone or whatever it is,' Janet told her. 'Now they're wolf-whistling at anything in a skirt or that looks remotely female.' Her mouth twitched. 'Maybe you shouldn't go in there, Colonel.' Jack glared at her as Sam hid her smile and Daniel openly grinned.
'Is it to any particular person or just whoever happens to be there?' Sam asked.
'I'm not sure. It seems to be to everyone, but at the same time they target me when I'm there,' Janet told her.
'That's odd,' Sam commented.
'How does that work?' Daniel asked, confused.
'Well, if I'm in the room with a couple of the nurses, all the comments are directed at me,' Janet told him. 'But if just the nurses are there, they settle for them.'
'What about Simmons?' Jack asked.
'Simmons is asleep,' Janet informed him. 'So he hasn't really done anything for a couple of hours.' Sam took a deep breath.
'Why did General Hammond demand we come here?' she asked.
'We need to figure this out, and I want to use you guys as test subjects,' Janet told them. 'Sorry Colonel,' she said at the look on his face. 'I really need to figure this out somehow, and it seems to be the only way. I couldn't think of any other teams who would be willing to volunteer.'
'Dr Fraiser.' It was Teal'c, making his way down the hallway. 'Our presence was requested.'
'Yes, Teal'c,' she said, then explained again what she had just told Sam, Jack and Daniel. 'What do you think of that?'
'I would be willing to assist in any way,' he told her. 'However, I do not see how I will be able to help.'
'Just work with me, Teal'c,' Janet said calmly. 'Alright, Sam, you come inside with me. The rest of you, stay out here.' Sam looked decidedly unenthusiastic. 'Don't worry,' Janet assured her. 'I'm pretty sure the loss of affects will also mean memory loss of the events. And we all know they're under the influence of an alien technology.' Sam nodded and headed inside. There were five men in infirmary beds, all staring as she and Janet headed inside.
'Janet, I love your hair today.'
'Are they new earrings, Janet?'
'You look gorgeous.'
'Who's the chick with you?' Sam and Janet exchanged a glance.
'You go visit Simmons,' Janet instructed, and Sam headed over to the end bed, which had a curtain around it, fully aware that Daniel and Jack would be laughing themselves silly at that very moment.
As she reached his bed, she saw he was half awake.
'Who's there?' he asked drowsily.
'Major Carter,' she told him. 'You've had a long sleep.'
'Am I in the infirmary?' She nodded, then realised he still didn't have his eyes properly open.
'Yes, you're in the infirmary,' she told him.
'Why am I here?' He tried to sit up as his eyes opened, and Sam pushed him back down gently.
'Don't sit up yet, you need to rest. Can you remember anything of the past twelve or so hours?'
'I can remember looking at that device,' Lieutenant Simmons told her.
'And after that?'
'I...I can't remember anything!' He was reasonably distressed, and Sam called for Janet, who came immediately.
'What's happened?' Janet asked, checking his vitals.
'I can't remember anything! What's happened?'
'Ssh, stay calm,' Janet told him, and Sam could hear catcalls from through the curtain, and she made a face. Honestly.
Lieutenant Simmons refused to stay calm, and Janet was forced to give him a sedative.
'When he wakes up again, what do we tell him?' she asked Sam. Sam shrugged.
'I don't know, I haven't thought of a reasonable story yet,' she replied, not sounding happy. 'I hate this. Where's the device now?'
'Still in the quarantine area. It's sealed off, and no one's to go in there. I think someone zatted it, but we're not taking any chances.' Sam nodded.
'It's only slightly embarrassing.'
'Okay, Colonel!' Janet called, walking out from the curtain, followed by Sam, then closing the curtain behind her. 'Can you come in here a moment?' Jack walked in, looking around, then headed over to Janet and Sam.
'What are you doing here?'
'Get out of here! Get away from her!'
'This is only slightly strange,' Jack commented, as the insults and shouts of 'get away from her!' continued, filling the infirmary with noise.
'Okay, be quiet!' Janet called, trying to raise her voice above everyone else's. It had an instantaneous effect; everyone stopped talking and stared at her. 'Okay, Daniel!' Daniel got the same reception as Jack, and it was Janet again who had to get them to be quiet.
'Teal'c!' Sam called, and he walked in, looking at the men in the beds with a careful eye.
'If you are to insult me or my friends, I would not be happy with you,' he told them as the insults started. 'I may even have to hurt you.'
'Teal'c,' Janet said warningly. 'They're not well. Be quiet!' she shouted at them, then faced SG-1 again. 'Thanks for your help, this clears something up.'
'Do you need us for anything else, doctor?' Jack asked.
'No, you can go now, thank you.' She smiled at them, then headed back to her small office. Jack tapped his hand lightly on Sam's shoulder.
'Let's head back to Daniel's office,' he said.
'Get your hand off her!'
'He's mauling her!'
'Oh, for crying out loud,' Jack muttered, tapping Daniel on the shoulder. 'Danny? Aren't you coming?'
'What? Oh, yeah, sure.'
'Teal'c!'
'O'Neill.'
'Come help us with Daniel's office,' Jack said to him. 'It'll be great. The four of us and a pile of papers.'
'What about your damn paperwork?' Daniel asked him as they headed out of the infirmary, grinning as they heard Janet's, 'Be quiet!'
'I have all week, Daniel, your paperwork comes first today,' Jack told him. 'This is certainly an interesting day. Considering we're not off-world.'
***
General Hammond stared at the medical reports in front of him, and the complaint reports beside those. He may as well face it. It wasn't going to be smooth sailing. The strange medical condition of the men in the infirmary had one bright spot in a pretty dark, but quite humorous, sky. The complaint reports were something else. Daniel Jackson, who had obviously been furious, was complaining about Sergeant Roberts' behaviour and disorganisation, and the fact he had cost him about ten days worth of filing, not stopping to translate anything SG-3 had brought back.
In an effort to get Colonel O'Neill to do his paperwork, he had instructed an airman to report every couple of hours. Drastic measures, but necessary ones. He had considered getting Major Carter to check on him every couple of hours, but he knew better than that. She'd cover for him. She wouldn't be able to help herself. Same with Daniel Jackson...although because he was in such a bad mood he probably wouldn't.
That was another thing. Major Carter was also in quite a bad mood. Which wasn't surprising, considering she'd had to put up with Lieutenant Simmons' comments all morning. Which put most of SG-1 in a bad mood. Okay, half. Colonel O'Neill had seemed decidedly happy and amused by everything, and Teal'c was impassive.
But then, the General mused, they had seemed quite happy in...his hand was on the phone and dialing before he could stop himself.
'Yes?'
'Is Colonel O'Neill there?' General Hammond asked. Stupid question. It was his office he'd rung.
'No sir, I just came by to check and he isn't here. I was just about to report, sir.'
'Thank you.' The General hung up the phone. Colonel O'Neill had been in Daniel Jackson's office, helping him sort it out. He was probably back there. Picking up the phone again, Hammond dialed.
'Hello?'
'This is General Hammond. Is Major Carter there?'
'Yes, sir, here she is.' There was a pause.
'Sir?'
'Major, do you know if Colonel O'Neill is doing his paperwork?' There was a pause.
'I'm not sure, sir,' she told him.
'More directly, is Colonel O'Neill in the room with you?'
'Ah, no sir, he's not,' Major Carter told him. 'He's not in this room.'
'Would you know his exact location?' General Hammond asked. He was trying to ask her direct questions that she couldn't get out of.
'No, actually, sir,' she told him. 'Would you like me to look for him?'
'No,' General Hammond said, hiding a sigh. 'That's fine, thank you.' He hung up the phone and shook his head.
Definitely not smooth sailing.
***
'Don't you ever make me do that again,' Sam fumed after she'd hung up the phone. Jack stepped back into the room.
'What?'
'Lie to the General!'
'Carter, you didn't lie,' Jack told her. 'You bought me enough time to get to my office and immerse myself in paperwork.'
'I did lie!' Sam was shocked with herself.
'What did he ask you?' Jack asked.
'He asked me if you were doing your paperwork,' Sam told him. 'I said I wasn't sure. Which isn't true. I was definitely sure you weren't doing your paperwork.'
'Okay, skip that. Next question?'
'If you were in the room...'
'Which I wasn't, I stepped out into the hall and up a few steps.'
'Then he asked your exact location...'
'Which you didn't know because you couldn't see me.' Jack grinned triumphantly. 'Well done, Carter. I like your style. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get to my office. Later, Danny-boy.'
'Bye Jack,' Daniel said absent-mindedly. 'And don't worry, Sam, technically you're in the clear.'
'It's all a matter of precision,' she pointed out glumly. 'Let's just hope he doesn't check me up on it.'
'He wouldn't,' Daniel assured her. 'Stop fretting. Anyway, would you feel better knowing you got Jack in trouble with Hammond?' Sam bit her lip.
'No, not really,' she told him. 'What else would you like me to do?'
'Oh, that's it for now, thanks.' Daniel smiled at her. 'You can head off and do whatever you need to do.'
'You sure?' she asked worriedly. 'I don't want to leave you while you've got so much work to...'
'No, only I can really do most of this.'
'Okay.' Sam headed for the door.
'Thank you,' Daniel called quietly, already immersed in more of his papers. Shaking her head, Sam left his office, heading towards the elevator.
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Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be up soon...I hope.
This is for all those people that still can't understand why I love Stargate so much...especially Steph, Laura, Aimme and Missa, who are more...vocal in their confusion.
Cheers and chocolate chip cookies! (hehehe...chocolate chip cookies...)
Jolinar of Malkshur