Chapter 3 - An Unladed Swallow's Flight Away.
[Xander's apartment]
Buffy: So how is my favourite patient doing today?
Xander: I don't know but I'm doing fine.
Buffy: You need me to get you anything?
Xander: Yeah.
Buffy: What?
Xander: My pants.
Buffy: Okay. Wait a minute; you're not wearing your pants?
Xander: That would be the logical conclusion.
Buffy: If you're not wearing your pants, what are you wearing?
Xander didn't say anything.
Buffy: Oh my God!
Xander: It was really hot last night.
Buffy: If it was hot, you open a window.
Xander: But what about the bugs?
Buffy: What bugs?
Xander: The bugs that fly into your room during the night when you leave your window open.
Buffy: What are you talking?
Xander: You know the bugs that crawl all over your body when you are asleep.
Buffy: Okay, there is something seriously wrong with you.
[Enter Willow]
Willow: What is seriously wrong with Xander? And why are you holding his pants? Why isn't he wearing his pants? Oh my God! How could you Xander?
Xander: It was hot last night.
Willow: Oh.
Buffy: What do you mean, oh? He could have opened a window if he was hot.
Willow: And risk the bugs?
Xander: You see.
Buffy: Okay can someone please explain to me why you two are psychotic maniacs.
Willow: Well when we were younger.
[Phone rings]
Willow: I'll get it.
[Willow exits]
Buffy: When you were younger.
Xander: When we were younger we went on a camping trip. Well I say camping trip but really we spend a night in a tent in my backyard.
Buffy: You two spent a night together in a tent?
Xander: Yes.nothing happened.
Buffy: Sure.
Xander: No, really. We were young.
Buffy: Of course.
Xander: Very young.
Buffy: I understand.
[Willow enters]
Willow: That was your work.
Xander: They okay my sick leave?
Willow: Yep. And someone named Alyssa said get well soon.
Buffy: Who's Alyssa?
Xander: Just someone from work.
Willow: A female someone?
Xander: Will, how many men are called Alyssa?
Willow: Point taken.
Buffy: So who is she?
Xander: Whom.
Buffy: Whom is she?
Xander: Who.
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: Okay, Alyssa is one of the secretaries at our head office.
Willow: Do you like her?
Xander: She's okay.
Buffy: Why don't men ever admit that they like a woman?
Willow: Yeah. And why don't they ever leave the toilet seat down?
Buffy: And why do they think burping is funny?
Willow: And why.
Xander: Enough! I think I have to stop you two there. We men may have our faults but you women have just as many.
Buffy: Like what?
Xander: You are obsessed with shoes. It takes you hours to get ready. You never say what you want and then complain when we don't know. You.
Buffy: Okay, you made your point.
Xander: That's two points today. That's like a record for me.
Buffy: Are you going to gloat about it?
Xander: Just a little.
[Xander' gloats]
[Xander stops gloating]
Buffy: You done?
Xander: Yes.
[Willow looks at her watch]
Willow: Hey Buffy we should get going if you want to catch the previews.
Xander: Going?
Willow: Yeah we are having a girl's day out.
Xander: Does that mean I can't come?
Buffy: Unless you are planning on having some radical reconstructive surgery.
Willow: Anyway you have got to get your rest.
Xander: All I had is rest.
Buffy: Rest and television.
Xander: Yes but you can't at enough television. Well except that channel devoted to women, what a load of. [Xander looks at Buffy and Willow].I really need some male friends.
Willow: Well the doctor said you need rest and rest is what you are going to get whether you like it or not.
Xander: Yes, mam.
Buffy: Besides I don't think you would enjoy girl's day out. There is going to be a lot of shopping involved.
Xander: The kind of shopping that takes hours to buy one piece of clothing.
Buffy: Yep.
Xander: Okay, maybe I don't want to go.
Willow: Buffy. [Willow points to her watch]
Buffy: You know Willow we can miss the previews.
Willow: But they're the best part.
Buffy: Alright fine. Let's get going.
Willow: See you later.
Xander: Have fun.
Buffy: You too.
[Willow and Buffy exit]
Xander: Hmm.I wonder what's on the telly.
[Xander turns on the television and the all-female channel comes on]
Television: And that is how you get an ordinary pair of shoes to look like the latest fashion.
Xander: Oh, man this is boring.
[Xander reaches for the remote control]
Television: And next we are going to show you how make sure your bra is the correct size.
[Xander's hand moves away from the remote]
[Xander's apartment]
Buffy: So how is my favourite patient doing today?
Xander: I don't know but I'm doing fine.
Buffy: You need me to get you anything?
Xander: Yeah.
Buffy: What?
Xander: My pants.
Buffy: Okay. Wait a minute; you're not wearing your pants?
Xander: That would be the logical conclusion.
Buffy: If you're not wearing your pants, what are you wearing?
Xander didn't say anything.
Buffy: Oh my God!
Xander: It was really hot last night.
Buffy: If it was hot, you open a window.
Xander: But what about the bugs?
Buffy: What bugs?
Xander: The bugs that fly into your room during the night when you leave your window open.
Buffy: What are you talking?
Xander: You know the bugs that crawl all over your body when you are asleep.
Buffy: Okay, there is something seriously wrong with you.
[Enter Willow]
Willow: What is seriously wrong with Xander? And why are you holding his pants? Why isn't he wearing his pants? Oh my God! How could you Xander?
Xander: It was hot last night.
Willow: Oh.
Buffy: What do you mean, oh? He could have opened a window if he was hot.
Willow: And risk the bugs?
Xander: You see.
Buffy: Okay can someone please explain to me why you two are psychotic maniacs.
Willow: Well when we were younger.
[Phone rings]
Willow: I'll get it.
[Willow exits]
Buffy: When you were younger.
Xander: When we were younger we went on a camping trip. Well I say camping trip but really we spend a night in a tent in my backyard.
Buffy: You two spent a night together in a tent?
Xander: Yes.nothing happened.
Buffy: Sure.
Xander: No, really. We were young.
Buffy: Of course.
Xander: Very young.
Buffy: I understand.
[Willow enters]
Willow: That was your work.
Xander: They okay my sick leave?
Willow: Yep. And someone named Alyssa said get well soon.
Buffy: Who's Alyssa?
Xander: Just someone from work.
Willow: A female someone?
Xander: Will, how many men are called Alyssa?
Willow: Point taken.
Buffy: So who is she?
Xander: Whom.
Buffy: Whom is she?
Xander: Who.
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: Okay, Alyssa is one of the secretaries at our head office.
Willow: Do you like her?
Xander: She's okay.
Buffy: Why don't men ever admit that they like a woman?
Willow: Yeah. And why don't they ever leave the toilet seat down?
Buffy: And why do they think burping is funny?
Willow: And why.
Xander: Enough! I think I have to stop you two there. We men may have our faults but you women have just as many.
Buffy: Like what?
Xander: You are obsessed with shoes. It takes you hours to get ready. You never say what you want and then complain when we don't know. You.
Buffy: Okay, you made your point.
Xander: That's two points today. That's like a record for me.
Buffy: Are you going to gloat about it?
Xander: Just a little.
[Xander' gloats]
[Xander stops gloating]
Buffy: You done?
Xander: Yes.
[Willow looks at her watch]
Willow: Hey Buffy we should get going if you want to catch the previews.
Xander: Going?
Willow: Yeah we are having a girl's day out.
Xander: Does that mean I can't come?
Buffy: Unless you are planning on having some radical reconstructive surgery.
Willow: Anyway you have got to get your rest.
Xander: All I had is rest.
Buffy: Rest and television.
Xander: Yes but you can't at enough television. Well except that channel devoted to women, what a load of. [Xander looks at Buffy and Willow].I really need some male friends.
Willow: Well the doctor said you need rest and rest is what you are going to get whether you like it or not.
Xander: Yes, mam.
Buffy: Besides I don't think you would enjoy girl's day out. There is going to be a lot of shopping involved.
Xander: The kind of shopping that takes hours to buy one piece of clothing.
Buffy: Yep.
Xander: Okay, maybe I don't want to go.
Willow: Buffy. [Willow points to her watch]
Buffy: You know Willow we can miss the previews.
Willow: But they're the best part.
Buffy: Alright fine. Let's get going.
Willow: See you later.
Xander: Have fun.
Buffy: You too.
[Willow and Buffy exit]
Xander: Hmm.I wonder what's on the telly.
[Xander turns on the television and the all-female channel comes on]
Television: And that is how you get an ordinary pair of shoes to look like the latest fashion.
Xander: Oh, man this is boring.
[Xander reaches for the remote control]
Television: And next we are going to show you how make sure your bra is the correct size.
[Xander's hand moves away from the remote]