Chapter 5 – Disney Is Evil.

[Xander's apartment]

Buffy: You know Dawn told me something interesting.

Xander: She did?

Buffy: Yeah, very interesting.

Xander: This wouldn't involve me would it?

Buffy: That's a little egocentric.

Xander: I see that college education wasn't wasted.

Buffy: I also know the literacy impact of the French revolution.

Xander: Always a useful piece of knowledge.

Buffy: Yeah, it's especially useful when working in fast food.

Xander: I often want to discuss the French revolution while waiting for my Big Mac to arrive.

Buffy: Maybe we should create a new type of fast food restaurant. You have intellectual debates while you wait for your food to arrive.

Xander: McDebates.

Buffy: Although the whole point of fast food is that you don't wait long for your food.

Xander: That's the theory anyway. I suppose the debates would have to be really short.

Buffy: That may be a good thing considering that must people don't know much about the French revolution.

Xander: Maybe we should teach them instead of debating.

Buffy: Yeah and we could name the food after subjects. Like the radical nature of the American Revolution burger.

Xander: With the cultural importance of comics in modern society fries.

Buffy: I didn't think comics had any cultural importance.

Xander: Excuse me?

Buffy: And by that I mean that comics do have cultural importance.

Xander: Damn straight.

Buffy: But then again people don't want to learn when they are eating fast food.

Xander: People don't want to learn period.

Buffy: Another good idea hits the dust.

Xander: I still reckon my squirrel circus idea could have worked.

Buffy: We talked about this. The animal rights people would be all over you, especially the whole canon firing trick.

Xander: I suppose.

[Xander opens a cupboard in the kitchen]

Xander: Hey, do you want some cereal?

Buffy: Cereal? It's one o'clock.

Xander: Yeah?

Buffy: Isn't cereal a breakfast kind of food?

Xander: And…

Buffy: And isn't one o'clock a little late for breakfast.

Xander: That's the beauty of breakfast. It has no set time limit. As soon as you wake up it's breakfast.

Buffy: Then why does McDonalds have a 10:30 time limit on breakfast items.

Xander: Because they are evil.

Buffy: McDonalds is evil?

Xander: Yep.

Buffy: You're basing this solely on the breakfast time limit.

Xander: Nope, I am also basing it on their BigMac.

Buffy: Any other symbol of America that you think is evil?

Xander: Disney.

Buffy: Disney?

Xander: Disney.

Buffy: And what exactly is evil about Disney.

Xander: Pretty much everything.

Buffy: Everything?

Xander: Well apart from Dumbo, of course.

Buffy: Why not Dumbo?

Xander: Have you seen Dumbo? How could a baby elephant with huge ears be evil?

Buffy: I suppose. But how could Bambi be evil?

Xander: She could have eaten a squirrel.

Buffy: What is it with you and squirrels?

Xander: What? Squirrels are great.

Buffy: They're just rats with good PR.

Xander: Like that's unusual. Whales are just fish with good PR.

Buffy: Whales aren't fish.

Xander: They aren't, then what the hell are they?

Buffy: Mammals.

Xander: Like us.

Buffy: Yep.

Xander: Never.

Buffy: It's true.

Xander: How do you know?

Buffy: Coz…err…everyone knows they're mammals.

Xander: I few hundred years ago everyone knew that the earth was the centre of the universe.

Buffy: How do you know that it isn't?

Xander: Star Trek.

Buffy: And you believe everything Star Trek says?

Xander: Everything except the whole Prime Directive thing.

Buffy: What's that?

Xander: Basically it says that we shouldn't interfere with primitive life forms.

Buffy: Oh yeah like that is going to work.

Xander: Exactly. Discover a valuable mineral on a planet and the Prime Directive would be out of the window.

Buffy: Yeah.

[No one says anything for a minute]

Buffy: What were we talking about?

Xander: I don't know. It probably wasn't that important.

Buffy: Yeah, probably.

Music starts to play

Credits begin to roll

Buffy: Oh I know.

Screen goes blank.